


My World Torn Apart

by CTI_Jenn



Category: Flashpoint
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-14 03:57:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 109,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CTI_Jenn/pseuds/CTI_Jenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A hot call goes horribly wrong and may cost Sam and Team One more than they can handle losing. ** Takes place about a month after the team gathers together at the station at the end of Keep the Peace, Part 2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam Braddock had lost control. He wasn’t sure how it had happened; the subject had de-escalated and had agreed to release his hostages. The situation was going to be contained and Sam couldn’t remember any other hot call where a successful conclusion was going to be as welcome. 

The door to the Timmy’s opened. Sam trusted that his Sierra was looking for the subject in case he re-escalated but Sam was sure he wouldn’t show himself until he absolutely had to. Sam’s own eyes were on every face that left the coffee shop, searching for the three faces he would recognize, two of which he needed to see with every fiber in his body. 

Shots rang out from several different directions but none that came from where he knew his Sierra to be. Bodies of the hostages emerging from the coffee shop thinking the nightmare was over collapsed on the sidewalk, dead before they ever hit the ground. Suddenly Sam was glad he hadn’t seen who he was looking for. 

“Status! Where are those shots coming from?” Sam yelled into his headset, hoping his personal panic didn’t bleed through.

“We think there were snipers on several of the rooftops. We’re heading there now.” 

Sam looked back to the coffee shop and the fallen victims just steps away from safety. The danger inside the coffee shop had been real. A man with a gun and a bomb set to go over in less than ten minutes. Instead they were cut down by unseen sniper fire. Unsuspectingly led to their deaths like lambs to the slaughter. How fair was that?

Reaching once more for his cell phone, Sam redialed the number to the shop. The phone just rang without any sign of anyone answering. Sam swore under his breath and terminated the call. “What’s the status on the shooters?”

“No Joy.” 

“No Joy.”

“No Joy.”

“Sam, I don’t have visuals on the shooters but I can see the glint of the sun on at least three muzzles coming from the east, south, and west buildings. They’re still in position. The situation is not contained. I repeat it is not contained.”

“Copy that.” Sam acknowledged. “Hold Sierra position in case our subject inside the coffee shop emerges. The rest of you, proceed with caution but with haste. We’re running out of time on that bomb. We don’t know how many are still in that shop with the subject.” He didn’t know how many were still inside but he knew how important at least three of the hostages were. 

He tried the phone again but still received no answer. He wanted to growl in frustration. Negotiations had never been his strong point but as the new Team Leader he sometimes had no choice. In this case, he just couldn’t trust anyone else to handle such an important negotiation. No one else had as much to lose.

“Shooters in custody.” 

The words were music to Sam’s ears. That would free him up to approach the shop and try to resolve things. He had to get inside, had to free the rest of the hostages. He’d barely taken two steps when an explosion rocked the coffee shop. The glass windows along the front of the building as well as on the door burst out and then the whole building just seemed to cave in on itself. 

Sam sank to his knees as a scream tore from his throat. Nothing anyone around him was doing registered with him. It was as if everything ceased to exist except for the rubble that had once been a Tim Hortons. A hand gripped his shoulder and a familiar voice called his name, trying to bring him back to reality. Only dimly did he realize that Team One had arrived on scene to back up his team. It was Ed’s hand on his shoulder but he had a feeling the rest of the team wasn’t far away. He couldn’t answer Ed though. Couldn’t even hear what his former teammate was saying. All he could focus on was what it seemed like he’d lost.

Tears streamed down his face. Strong arms tried to pull him to his feet, tried to pull him away from the sight before him but he couldn’t allow that to happen. If he looked away, if he moved, he might miss something important, something vital. He couldn’t move until he knew for sure that his world was intact and that he hadn’t lost everything that was important to him.

“Jules…Sadie…Please, no.”


	2. Chapter 2

_Three hours earlier_

Greg Parker sipped his coffee and contemplated his life. He couldn’t deny that there were decisions or choices he’d made in his adult life that he regretted. He wished he could turn back the hands of time and stop himself from spiraling out of control, letting the booze take over his life and drive away his wife and son. He regretted letting years and years pass without making more than a token attempt at reconnecting with Dean. He regretted letting his own doubts and fears overwhelm him to the point that he’d almost walked away from the family who had never deserted him when they had needed him the most. Most days lately he truly regretted having to give up the career he loved almost more than anything else even though it wasn‘t a decision or choice he‘d willingly made.

Almost as if thinking about it forced it to happen, his leg gave a twinge of pain. The doctors had assured him that it was completely healed or as healed as much as he could hope for. Most of the pains he felt now, especially at times like this when he wasn’t exerting himself, were what he called ghost pains. Memories of the agony he’d gone through rather than actual discomfort. Real or imagined, it was enough to make him feel old and washed up.

The bell above the coffee shop door chimed, pulling Greg from his dark thoughts. He smiled as the petite brunette maneuvered the jogging stroller through the door. He waved at her as her eyes swept the room looking for him. Her answering smile was bigger than what would seem possible for such a small woman. Jules Callaghan Braddock made her way over to his table pushing the stroller in front of her. 

Greg stood, using the cane that had become an almost permanent fixture for him to help support the weight of his bad leg. He offered her a one-armed hug which she enthusiastically returned. Then she took a seat on the opposite side of the table. As Greg sat down, he leaned over to get a better look at the stroller’s occupant. She was dressed in a cute little bright yellow sundress with matching lacy socks, one of which was halfway off her right foot. A white hat covered her head as protection from the sun. The pointer finger of her left hand was in her mouth and she grinned at him revealing just the briefest hint of something white starting to protrude from her lower gum. 

He looked back at Jules, shaking his head. “I think she gets more beautiful every time I see her. And so do you. Motherhood definitely agrees with you.”

Jules flushed and reached over to adjust Sadie’s sock so that it was back on her foot properly. Then she removed Sadie‘s hat. “It’s definitely an adventure each day. She’s her father’s child. She’d go around barefooted all the time if we let her. I don’t know how many socks either singularly or as a pair have been lost because she managed to pull them off while we’re out in the stroller and I didn’t notice she’d dropped it.”

She straightened up in her seat and studied Greg carefully. “How about you? Are you whipping the newbies at the academy into shape, molding them to be future SRU material?”

Greg chuckled. “Definitely an adventure every day as well. It’s a difficult task at times. Not quite as difficult as keeping you and the rest of Team 1 in line but challenging nevertheless. Want me to order for you?” He started to rise again but Jules shook her head. 

“Don’t you dare. It’s supposed to be my turn to buy anyway. Just keep an eye on Sadie for me. Feel free to rescue her from the stroller when she starts to protest. She’s perfectly content being strapped in for hours at a time as long as it’s in motion but let me stop for more than a couple of minutes and she acts like she’s being tortured. Be right back.”

As she made her way to the counter, Greg turned his attention back to the seven month old. He didn’t move to unbuckle her; he would if she started to cry but all those clips were a little daunting given how petite the baby was. He could face armed subjects without blinking and eye but he had to admit that a less than twenty pound baby scared him. 

“You don’t give Mommy a hard time do you, Sadie Grace?”

Her nose wrinkled as her grin widened. She pulled the finger from her mouth and held it out to him as if offering him a taste. He pretended to eat her finger up and received an actual laugh from the daughter of his two former teammates. 

“That’s a really good finger, Sadie. Mommy said you were a daddy’s girl about those socks but I bet you take after her in a love for chocolate. What do you think? Should we get you a chocolate donut to teethe on?”

“Don’t even think about it, Boss.” Jules warned good naturedly as she returned to her seat. She set her order number on the table so the person who delivered the food could find her when it was ready. “I’ve already caught Sam letting her lick his chocolate covered finger a time or two so she definitely has a fondness for it.”

Sadie’s lower lip poked out and began to quiver. Her eyes watered and she looked like she was about to protest loudly. Greg was glad she’d waited until Jules was back before melting down. Without the least little sign of being flustered, Jules pulled the stroller a little closer and quickly released the different straps securing Sadie in the stroller. As soon as she was free from her confines and sitting in her mother’s lap, the melt down ended and instantly her face brightened back into the grin Greg was used to seeing. He shook his head.

“That’s amazing. And to think you worried about being a good mother.” 

Jules remembered the day the doctor had confirmed her pregnancy. As much as she wanted the baby she was carrying, she couldn’t help but feel scared at the same time. Worrying about losing Sam on the same day hadn’t helped. She could still remember her tentative questions to Greg without revealing why she was asking. “If I remember correctly, what I questioned was whether I could be both a cop and a mother. Jury’s still out on that one.”

The maternity leave for female officers with the Toronto Metropolitan Police was one year. Jules had been forced to start her leave two months before Sadie was born so she was now on the ninth month of her leave. The department took into account that it took a woman some time after giving birth to safely be able to work out at the level required to pass the check offs to return to work. Not that Greg though Jules had anything to worry about in that regard. If she could come back from being shot and pass at one hundred percent, returning from giving birth would be no trouble. “I’m not worried. If anything being a wife and mother is going to make you an even better officer, certainly a better profiler.”

“If I am, it’s because I learned from the best. It’s going to be hard though. Before I went on maternity leave, I tried to convince myself your absence was just going to be temporary. Now that you’ve officially retired from SRU, I don’t have that luxury. I’ve never had to really do this job without you. It’s a little scary.”

“The Jules Callaghan Braddock I know doesn’t scare easily. Even if I’m not there, I still have your back. You know that.”

Jules nodded. Her order was delivered and Greg wasn’t surprised to see that on top of her bagel sandwich and double double, she’d also ordered him his favorite sandwich and another coffee. Before picking up his food, Greg looked over at the sweet picture of mother and daughter sitting on the other side of the table. 

“How’s Sam handling being Team Leader for Team Three?”

Jules took a bite of her sandwich and returned it to her plate. As she chewed she reached into Sadie’s large diaper bag to give the little girl a teething ring to chew on since she was reaching for the sandwich she couldn‘t have. When she swallowed, she answered. “It’s been a challenge. As much he loves knowing he’s got his own team to lead, it hasn’t always been easy. The dynamics are different from Team One. He says he makes plans thinking about how we would handle a situation and even though his team is just as qualified, they don’t do things the way we did so he has to make adjustments. They’ve had to get used to him as well. He doesn’t do things necessarily the same way Donna did. Even though Holleran waited awhile before officially promoting him to the position to give some time for the team to properly mourn, it took them awhile to accept him. I think he’s starting to settle in more now.”

“From what I’ve heard from the brass, everyone’s really impressed with him. I’m not surprised. I knew he was capable of being a great leader from early on. I’m so proud of both of you. The two of you have made your relationship not only work but look effortless. And look at her, Sadie is just perfect.”

Jules watched him for a moment, a slow smile crossing her lips. “You’ve barely taken your eyes off her since I got here. Do you want to hold her?”

For a moment, Greg looked like she’d asked him to hold a lit stick of dynamite. “I don’t… I mean, she’s happy…I’m not sure…” Then he nodded, and with an uncertainty that was so uncommon for him, “If you don’t think I’d hurt her.”

“I know you won’t.” Jules rose and crossed over to him. She placed Sadie in his lap. The baby looked up at the new person who was holding her and flashed him a grin, kicking her feet happily before returning to chew on her teether. Jules returned to her seat, amused at the difference between her happily content daughter and the almost panicked stricken look on her mentor’s face. You would think the man had never held a baby from the way he looked like he was afraid he was going to drop or break her. “You need the practice anyway.”

Greg’s eyes left the small bundle sitting in his lap to stare at Jules. His eyes had taken a distinctive deer in the headlights look. For a man who had made his living finding the words to reach troubled subjects, he suddenly seemed speechless. “What? How?”

Jules laughed. “I saw Marina coming out of the doctor’s office a couple of days ago as I was taking Sadie to her check up with the pediatrician. The offices are right next door to each other. She had that tell-tale black and white photo in her hand and that same stunned look on her face that I had after my first sonogram. Even though I knew I was pregnant, it became even more real once I saw the baby on that screen. Marina was looking at that photo like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. I don’t think she even noticed me. So how far along is she?”

“Four months. And she probably couldn’t believe what she was seeing. That’s the day she found out she was pregnant. I know, we’re a little late in the game figuring things out. Neither one of us thought it was possible so we kind of overlooked some of the noticeable signs. She went to the doctor expecting him to tell her one thing and then got the surprise of her life. I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet, even with the photographic evidence. I mean, how does something like this happen?”

Jules hid her amusement as she took another bite of her sandwich. She remembered the day that Marina had shown up at the station with the cupcakes for everyone and an invite for Greg. He really hadn’t been able to see how Marina could be attracted to him. She wiped her mouth and took a swallow of her coffee. “Well Boss, when two people love each other and they’re getting a little something something, then sometimes miracles happen. You’re holding proof of it there.”

Greg rolled his eyes. “You really talk like that in front of your daughter?”

Jules laughed, “Only while she’s still too young to understand it. Seriously Boss, you know how it happened. That’s not what’s throwing you for a loop. Spill.”

“I don’t know if I can do this again. I made so many mistakes with Dean…” He remembered a few years earlier when he’d discovered that Ed and Sophie were expecting Izzy. While he’d been happy for his friend, he couldn’t deny that a small part of him had been a little jealous that Ed was getting a second chance at fatherhood. Now that it was happening to him, he was scared to death. 

“You were a different person when Dean was a baby. Marina isn’t your ex-wife. Besides, whatever mistakes you made, you’ve made up for them in recent years. Dean obviously worships the ground you walk on. He’s forgiven you; maybe it’s time you forgave yourself.”

Greg wasn’t as sure. “I’m too old to be a father again.”

Jules snorted. “Obviously not since Marina is pregnant. Seriously, your baby is going to be lucky to have you as a father. Besides, Uncle Ed, Uncle Spike, we’ll all have the kid’s back.” She was parroting the words he’d told her the day she found out she was expecting Sadie back at him. She could see tell he wasn’t as convinced. She caught him glancing at his cane and knew what he was thinking. “Sarge, maybe you can’t do all the things that you used to be able to do before you got hurt. It’s not going to matter to your son or daughter though. I could go out to that obstacle course at any point and run it perfectly and maybe even break a record but it’s not going to impress Sadie in the least. What she wants and needs is to be loved, to know that no matter what happens, Sam and I are going to be there for her and provide her with what she needs. It’ll be the same for your child. You can do that even if you do have to walk with that cane now. Look at Sadie, she seems perfectly happy in your arms even if you do look like she’d going to break into a thousand pieces at any minute.”

He looked down at Sadie who once again grinned at him and offered him her wet finger. He hadn’t even noticed that she’d switched from the teething ring back to her finger, though she had a tight grip on the red bunny shaped ring. He kissed the tip and then looked back at Jules. “Thanks. I didn’t mean to unload all this on you. It’s not something I can talk to Marina about; I don’t want her to think I’m not thrilled about the baby.”

“I’ll listen whenever you need to talk. You know that. Don’t sell Marina short though. She might understand more than you think. God knows the number of fears that went through my head while I was pregnant and sometimes still haunt me. If I hadn’t had Sam to confide in, I don’t think I would have survived the pregnancy. You are both in this together. Yeah, there are going to be times when you think there’s no way you’ll ever be ready. Then you’ll hold your baby and all those fears will just disappear. New ones might take their place but that‘s a conversation for another day.”

Greg looked away, not wanting Jules to see he was tearing up. He nodded toward her, pride obvious in his voice. “You should be a profiler, Mrs. Braddock. You’ve certainly got the skills.”

Jules chuckled realizing her words had gotten through. “I’ll keep that in mind. Greg, we’re all going to be happy for you and Marina, whenever you decide to tell everyone about the baby. They won’t hear about it from me though. I haven’t even said anything to Sam about it yet. I figured it wasn’t my place to spill the beans.”

The fact that she was willing to keep silent meant everything to him. He knew she and Sam didn’t keep secrets from each other. He didn’t want to be the cause of that changing. “It’s okay if you tell him. I would like to be able to tell everyone else though. The team picnic is coming up; that would be a good time to tell everyone since we’ll all be together.”

“Does Dean know?”

Greg nodded. “Yeah, he’s home for the summer break and we told him the night we found out. He’s pretty excited about being a big brother. Knowing him, he’s probably already told Clark so it’s possible that Ed already knows anyway. I think Dean’s trying to figure out a way to transfer to a university closer to home so he’ll around once the baby‘s born.”

Jules finished her coffee. She knew the rounds father and son had made over Dean going to college. Dean was determined to follow in his father’s footsteps and had wanted to go straight to the police academy. Greg, not as opposed to his becoming a cop as he’d first been, still had wanted Dean to go to college. He’d finally convinced Dean that a degree in Criminal Justice with a minor in Psychology would only make him a better cop once he did go through the academy. “You okay with that?”

Greg nodded. “Yeah, at least he’s talking transfer instead of quitting. I guess it doesn’t matter where he gets his degree so long as he gets it.”

“And you questioned whether you would be a good father.” She glanced at her watch. She hadn’t realized they’d been talking for a full hour. She almost hated to take her daughter away from Greg; he’d relaxed while talking to her and now looked completely comfortable holding Sadie. However, it was close to Sadie’s nap time, and she didn’t want her daughter getting cranky while Greg was holding her. Didn’t want to spook him by reminding him of the not as fun moments of parenthood. As it was, Sadie would probably fall asleep on the way home. “Sadie and I should get home. Someone will need a nap.”

Greg nodded but didn’t make a move to give her Sadie back. “Want me to help you out to your jeep?”

Jules shook her head. “Thanks but I didn’t drive. Being on maternity leave doesn’t leave much time for those two hour workouts I’m used to so I walk or run as much as I can. Sadie loves the ride so long as we’re moving. No telling how many hundreds of miles we’ve logged with that thing since she was born. Look Sarge, I’m really happy for you and Marina. Your baby is going to be lucky to have you as a father. If you start freaking out about it though, you know I’m only a phone call away just like you’ve always been there for me.”

Greg nodded. “Thanks, Jules.” 

Just as Jules was reaching for Sadie, a man in brown pants and a brown shirt entered the coffee shop pushing a large box on a dolly. The store manager started toward him, complaining loudly that all deliveries were supposed to be made in the rear. Jules and Greg couldn’t help but watch the display, as did pretty much everyone else in the coffee shop. The delivery man pried open the top of the box. Jules gasped when the man picked up a small automatic submachine gun. He fired several rounds into the ceiling as several people inside the shop screamed.

“Nobody move. I will shoot you.”

Jules and Greg exchanged looks. They had recognized what else was in the box besides the gun. Not only did they have an armed gunman to deal with but he’d also brought with him an armed bomb as well. Neither could see how much time was on the timer but they could tell it was slowly counting down.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn’t the first time Jules had found herself in a hostage situation, just as she knew it wasn’t Greg’s. However, it was the first time her daughter had been in danger and that in itself was enough to make her want to forget her training. The mother in her wanted to cradle Sadie protectively against her and make a run for it, damn anyone else. Submachine guns and bombs might be apart of her work world but she’d never expected them to be apart of Sadie’s, especially not at such an early age.

Despite that protective instinct to save her daughter at the expense of anything else or maybe because of it, Jules knew she had to rely on her training now more than ever. She studied the subject carefully. The gun she knew wouldn’t have been easy for him to get his hands on and from what she could see of the bomb still in the box, it didn’t look like it was of simple construction either. The brown clothes he was wearing were meant to give the illusion of a regular delivery man but they weren’t a part of any real uniform. He didn’t have that cold calculated look of a professional killer but he also didn’t look nervous or upset either. 

She scanned the rest of the room. Besides herself, Greg, and Sadie, there were about a dozen other patrons, two baristas behind the counter and the manager. Panic was starting to set in among the civilians which wouldn’t be good. She knew the shots that had been fired would have been heard in the neighboring businesses. By now, it would have been called in and SRU would be en-route. SRU would mean Team 3. Team 3 would mean Sam. 

As subtly as she could, she reached for her purse hanging on the back of Sadie’s stroller with her diaper bag. She pulled out her phone and tapped the number for Sam on speed dial. She couldn’t afford to say anything but she hoped the open line would give Sam the inside information he needed to bring a successful conclusion to the situation. She set the phone in the plastic tray near the handle. She hoped that there it wouldn’t be as noticeable. 

Then she raised her voice. “Sir, can you tell me what this is about?”

He looked to where she was standing and narrowed his eyes. He didn’t seem outraged by the question but really considering it. The silence from the man stretched out while the other patrons murmured uneasily, some crying. Finally he sighed. “This is nothing, nothing you need to know about. No. I just… look everyone take it easy; no one has to get hurt if everyone just cooperates. Okay?”

Jules didn‘t rush to answer him earlier. She was trying to get a feel for him. She could almost feel Sarge‘s hand on her back slowing her down, calming her down. She knew it was only in her head though, he was still on the other side of the table protectively cradling Sadie against him. “There’s got to be a reason why you’ve got that so mean looking gun. Nobody wants to get hurt. How about you just put it away?”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
“Winnie, I need any information you can get me about that Tim Horton’s. Who the manager is, if there have been any complaints, anything that could explain who’s responsible and why.” Sam commanded through his headset.

_“Copy that. Stand by.”_

His cell phone rang and he recognized Jules’s ring tone. Briefly he considered letting it go to voice mail but then he thought twice about it. Jules wouldn’t call him at work unless it was really important. Otherwise, she’d send him a text and let him call her back when he could. He accepted the call putting the phone to his ear. “Hey Sweetheart, what’s up?”

There was no answering reply but he could hear sounds in the background. Had she accidentally butt dialed him? Had Sadie somehow gotten a hold of Jules’s phone and figured out how to punch the buttons? He shook his head. He would argue anyone down who tried to claim he didn’t have a smart daughter but that was probably advanced stuff even for her. He was about to end the call knowing he’d have something to tease Jules about when he got off shift. He stopped when he suddenly heard Jules’s voice, clear and distinct with just a hint of an edge to it. 

_“There’s got to be a reason why you’ve got that so mean looking gun. Nobody wants to get hurt. How about you just put it away?”_

Mean looking gun? Hurt? What the hell? Jules knew guns well enough that she wouldn’t describe any weapon in such generic terms so she must be trying to conceal her knowledge. His heart began to pound as he thought about what plans Jules had for the day. The only thing he could remember was that she was meeting Sarge for a late breakfast. He closed his eyes, glad that someone else was driving. The two had been sharing coffee mornings for years now and had continued even though Sarge was retired and she was on maternity leave. If anything, they were even more important to them now. Wasn’t their favorite spot Timmy’s? Didn’t mean it was the same one though; the one he was currently heading to was about two miles from their home but even further from Greg’s. What were the odds they’d picked this particular one for their breakfast? What were the odds that two Tim Horton’s were suddenly being threatened at the same time? Could it be the same?

“Winnie,” was his voice actually squeaking? “Run a trace on Jules’s cell phone. I need the GPS location right away.”

The dispatcher acknowledged his request without asking for an explanation though he was sure she was probably curious. Robbie, Team 3’s other newest member hired to fill the spot left by Jimmy’s death, glanced over from the driver’s seat. “Something wrong, Boss?”

“It’s Jules; either she’s in the middle of the hot call we’re responding to or one we haven’t received notice of.” _Hang on, Baby, I’ll find you._ He promised silently. 

_“Sam,”_ Winnie’s voice sounded strained. _“I have a location for you. There’s no easy way to tell you this. Her cell phone is currently at the Tim Horton’s you are en-route to. Sam, can you handle this? Do I need to recall another team?”_

There was no way in hell that he was turning his wife and daughter’s safety over to anyone else, not even Team 1. “I can handle this. Look, I’ve got an open line into the coffee shop; Jules and probably Sarge are in there. Jules called my cell and left the line open. She’s feeding us information. I need you to patch the call into the headset on channel 4 with our side muted and record it.”

_“Copy that Sam. Routing it to the headsets now. My search on the manager and the store didn‘t reveal anything to suggest a motive.”_

_“Sam, what information have you gotten so far?”_ Tom’s voice filled his ear and Sam had to push back his annoyance. He knew the rest of the team had to communicate with him through the head sets as well. The team was on channel 3 and wouldn’t interfere with the recording of the feed from Jules’s cell phone. And since he had Winnie mute their side of the feed, he didn’t have to worry about anything they said being picked up by Jules’s phone and alerting the subject or subjects to its presence. Still, he didn’t want to miss anything even if Winnie could relay it back to him if needed.

“Not much, she says there’s a ‘so mean looking gun.’ Knowing Jules, she’s trying to let us know that it’s not a regular handgun. I’m thinking some sort of automatic.”

Robbie pulled up in front of coffee shop. “So mean, could she be trying to clue you in to the fact that it’s a submachine gun?”

Sam nodded. It sounded like something Jules would do. “Yeah, probably.” 

The team gathered at Sam’s SUV for a quick strategic planning session. They trusted Sam to do the job but they knew the knowledge that his wife and child were inside would only make the stress of the situation harder. They would have his back all the way. Sam looked at his men. “Tom, we need a Sierra position. Suggestions?”

The veteran from Team 3 scanned the nearby buildings. He pointed to a one story directly across the street. “That roof. It’ll give me a good advantage point but keep me close enough to give me maximum control of any possible shot I might have to take. I might can even get a good look inside from there.”

Sam nodded, his attention torn between his team and the feed from inside the store. Jules was talking to the subject, trying to draw out information but the subject didn‘t seem to be giving her much to work with. He‘d only heard one voice of a subject so he hoped that meant it was an isolated incident. “Do it. Robbie, I want you to find the back entrance and maintain surveillance on it. I don’t want someone slipping out the back without our knowledge.”

_“Sir, what’s in that box? I see flashing numbers.”_

“Shit, I think there’s a bomb inside. John, we need eyes in. Check to see if there are cameras you can patch into. We need to know what we’re dealing with.”

John nodded. The command truck was just pulling on scene but instead of moving toward it to carry out Sam’s orders, John paused. “Sam, you know the first thing I need to do if there’s a bomb is jam all frequencies. We can’t take a chance of remote detonation through a cell signal.”

Sam frowned. He knew John was right. Ordinarily he’d have issued the order automatically. However in this case, jamming the frequencies would mean cutting off the feed Jules was giving them. It wasn’t just that he wanted to be able to hear her voice, know that she was okay, but having someone on the inside feeding them information could be invaluable in situations such as this. “Let’s hold off on that for now. Jules didn’t trigger an explosion when she called us so it’s not an immediate threat. Let’s wait until we have more information about what kind of bomb we might be dealing with.”

Sam grabbed another cell phone since his was locked into the call from Jules. “Winnie, you got me a number to the landline into the coffee shop?” As the dispatcher rattled off the number, Sam dialed it in. It rang repeatedly. Through the patched in feed he could hear it ringing in the headset as well. Then he heard Jules’s voice, calm and steady encouraging the subject to answer the phone. He was glad that the hint of panic he’d heard earlier had disappeared.

_“That’s probably the police. You should talk to them. Tell them what you want.”_

_“What makes you think I want anything they can give me? I don’t want to listen to anything they have to say. They certainly don’t want to listen to me.”_

Sam frowned. It certainly sounded like the subject had a beef with the police. Until they had a name though, they couldn’t capitalize on that nugget of information. He took a steadying breath. _Give her time, Sam. Jules will get you the information if she can._

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
_Find out his name; give Sam more information to work with._ Jules told herself. Behind her she could hear Sadie starting to get fretful even though she wasn’t actually crying. In seven months she’d come to learn her daughter very well. She knew which cries meant Sadie was hungry, the ones that meant she was sleepy, and the ones that simply signaled that her daughter wanted attention. The fussing she was currently doing in Greg’s arms meant she was sleepy but determined to fight it for all it was worth. It was only a matter of time before the quiet whimpers because a full out cry.

She looked back, gauging whether she needed to intervene before that happened. Greg shook his head subtly, indicating he had it under control for the time being. Even though he was officially retired, he could still handle a negotiation if he had to. However, Jules had already started trying to connect with the subject, and he didn’t want to have to switch and take over unless he had to. 

“Sir, even if you don’t want to listen to them, you could at least let them know we’re all okay. I’m sure someone reported those gun shots earlier and they’re probably worried that someone could be in here injured. It would probably make them less likely to come rushing in here on you if they knew no one was hurt. That’s a really great thing you know. Eighteen innocent people in here and you didn’t hurt any of us.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
“Braddock, what’s the status?” Commander Holleran demanded as he approached. He’d been alerted to the fact that two of his people were in the hostage situation. He didn’t currently have any plans on making Sam step down from the call, but he wanted to be on hand in case it became necessary.

_“Who says they’re all innocent?”_

Sam sucked in a breath as he heard the subject’s response. He looked at Holleran who was waiting for an answer. “18 civilians inside -- I’m including Jules and the Boss as civilians. No one was hurt in the initial gunfire. Sounds like the subject might have a grudge against one or more of the hostages. He’s not responsive to my attempts to contact him but he’s communicating with Jules. I don’t think he’s realized her cell phone is active.”

_“Sam, Sierra One in position. I’ve got a good view into the coffee shop. I have a visual on the subject but no solution. Can‘t get a clear view of the weapon yet.”_

“Copy that. Let me know if that changes.” Sam acknowledged. He was a little surprised that the subject hadn’t closed the blinds, cutting off their view inside. A submachine gun and a bomb suggested someone with experience but his other actions and words suggested that it wasn’t well-planned and might be personal. It just didn’t make sense to him. “Sir, from what Jules has been able to feed us, we think the subject has a submachine gun and a bomb. We have no ID on the subject or a motive for today’s actions.”

Holleran nodded. “Keep trying to make contact and until you do, rely on the information Jules gives us. Sam, is there a possibility that either Jules or Parker is the intended target? Someone they put away?”

I>“It doesn’t sound like they are going to give up trying to get you to answer the phone. Wouldn’t it be better to just see what they want?” Jules was trying to get the subject to answer the phone as well. It didn’t surprise him; Jules knew the job better than just about anyone. 

_“I know what they want. They want me to give up. They want me to put down my gun and let you all go. I can’t do that. Can’t you see that? I don’t need to talk to them to know that. Just shut up, okay? Quit talking to me about talking to them. I told you; it’s all going to be over soon. Innocent people aren’t going to be hurt.”_

“Sam? Targets? Could Jules or Parker be the target?” Holleran continued when Sam didn’t answer him.

Sam shook his head. “I don’t know. He clearly has a target that he doesn’t consider to be innocent but he hasn’t given any indication of knowing either Jules or Sarge. I don’t think he even knows they’re cops. I can’t be sure just based on listening in on the conversation though. Damn, I wish he’d answer the phone.” He took several deep calming breaths. He was worried about Jules and Sadie -- and Sarge too, of course, but if he didn’t keep it together Holleran would pull him from the call. He was a little surprised he hadn’t already, claiming he was too personally involved. He looked toward the command truck. He could hear Sadie crying in the background and frowned. He knew that cry although he wasn’t as good at recognize the why of them as well as Jules could. He did know that when she got started like that, she wasn’t easily pacified. He heard Jules ask permission to cross the counter to get water for a bottle. He was surprised to hear that. Jules always insisted on packing the diaper bag like she was going to be gone for weeks rather than hours, and that included several bottles of water for mixing Sadie’s formula. Why was she going for tap now? “John, you got me eyes in yet?”

_“Negative Sam. The store has a CCTV system but it’s down. I can’t get anything.”_

“Keep trying. I need a look at that bomb.”

_“You say you don’t want to hurt anyone but you come in here shooting up the place and that bomb looks scary real. How are you going to get what you want and get us out of here before it goes off if you don’t talk to the officers outside? I’m sure there’s like 98 cops out there just waiting to work this out without everything blowing up in everyone’s face.”_

Sam couldn’t help but smile in pride. 98 couldn’t have been some random number she’d pulled out of her head. She must have used getting water for the bottle as an excuse to get a closer look at the bomb. He bet her last statement was her way of letting them know how much time was on the timer. Little more than an hour and a half to figure out what the subject wanted and to resolve the situation without that bomb going off. He had to do it though. His wife and daughter were counting on him.

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
“Jules, I don‘t think she likes me anymore.” Greg suggested, sounding more panicked than he ever had in the years she’d worked with him.

She couldn’t really blame him. Sadie had a healthy set of lungs and she wasn’t afraid of using them when she was upset. She poured the water she’d gotten from the faucet out of the bottle into her coffee cup. It had been a good excuse to get closer to the bomb but she’d never planned on using tap water for a bottle. Instead, she fished into the diaper bag and pulled out a small bottle of apple juice. She pour it into the now empty bottle and tightened the nipple back on. She set it on the table and turned to Greg. 

“She loves her Uncle Greg, she just doesn’t like having her nap postponed. Let me see her.” She gathered Sadie in her arms and began jiggling her in her arms as she picked the bottle back up. She began teasing the seven-month-old’s lips with the nipple. Sadie wasn’t satisfied with the nipple or with being back in her mother’s arms. Once she got this tired and cranky, there was no satisfying her until she finally gave in to sleep. 

“Can’t you shut it up?” The subject demanded. 

Greg bristled, rising to his feet and leaning on his cane. “She’s just a baby. She doesn’t know any better.”

“I know what she is.” The subject crossed the room toward their table. For a moment it looked like he was going to hit Greg but he stopped at the last moment. He looked over at Jules and the unhappy baby. His features gentled and he reached out to gently wipe away a fat tear that was lingering on Sadie’s cheek before caressing her silky smooth skin. “So small and so sweet. Is she okay? Why is she crying?”

There was something soft and almost tender in his voice, so different from just moments earlier. It galled Jules to let him touch her child. She wanted to slap his hand away but something stilled her reaction. A huge part of a successful negotiation was humanizing the victim and it certainly appeared that he was getting a hefty dose of humanity in the form of her daughter. 

“She’s fine. She’s just overly tired. All the noise and nervous energy in the room isn’t helping.” 

“It’s okay, Baby. I promise it’s going to be okay.” He almost whispered the words to Sadie whose lower lip was jutted out in a pout as she continued to cry. “She’s so beautiful. Sweet and innocent. Perfect even. If I answer the phone, stop it from ringing, would that help?”

“Yeah, I think it will. Thank you.”

Still he stayed by her side just staring at Sadie. Then with a nod, he walked away form their table and back toward the counter. Greg gave Jules’s arm a squeeze, giving her a wink as if to say good job. 

The subject picked up the phone, immediately putting a stop to the insistent clamor that had filled the coffee shop since it first started to ring. He glanced back to see if the sudden quiet had eased the baby’s distress. He frowned when he saw she was still crying even if it wasn’t quite as loudly as before. 

“Hello?”


	4. Chapter 4

_“Hello?”_

If Sam hadn’t heard the subject more or less promise Jules he was going to answer, he would have more than likely dropped the phone in surprised that he’d finally picked up. When he’d first heard the subject snap about Sadie’s crying and especially when he heard him refer to her as an it, he’d been ready to burst into the coffee shop with guns blazing. He could usually curb his over protective nature when it came to Jules, knowing that if he went too far, he’d make her mad. Sadie however was a different story. Sam would fight the devil himself if he had to in order to protect his daughter. 

“Thank you for picking up. I’m Sam Braddock with the Police Strategic Response Unit. Who am I speaking with?”

_“I don’t want to talk to you. I only picked up because you were disturbing the baby with the constant ringing.”_

“I’m glad you did pick up. Sounds like you are concerned about the baby. I’m concerned about everyone in the coffee shop with you, including yourself. We can work together to make sure everyone gets out of there safely. Is that what you want?”

_“It’s not that easy. It’s never that easy. You don’t care; you’re just saying that because you think it’s what you think I want to hear. Placate me until I get tired and give up. I’m just an annoying gnat you want to swat so I don’t keep aggravating you. Well, I’m not giving up this time. Not when I’m this close. So you might as well just pack up all your people and go away.”_

“I can’t do that. Have my people pull back, that is. Not until everyone in there is out safely. You want us to leave then you’re going to have to release your hostages. We were told shots were fired in the coffee shop earlier. Does anyone need medical attention?” He temporarily muted the call. “Winnie…”

_“Already on it, Sam. Running a list of all unresolved complaints in the last three months but that’s going to be a really long list. It would help if I had some way to narrow things down.”_

“Copy that. I’ll work on it.” Sam felt better that Winnie was at the dispatch desk. SRU only hired the best dispatchers but Winnie was definitely the best of the best. She’d worked with them enough to anticipate their needs before they even asked. They never gave her enough credit for it either. “Thanks, Winnie.” He took the mute off the cell phone. “Come on, surely you can tell me if anyone’s hurt?”

_“No, no one’s hurt and they won’t be either. This will all be over soon, okay? Don’t try to come in here because if you do people will get hurt and I don’t want that. I just need a little more time.”_

Time wasn’t a usual demand for a subject holding people hostage but it was a demand nevertheless. Sam knew what to do with demands. Ask for something in return before granting any sort of request. Although time wasn‘t a luxury they had much of. He glanced at his watch. Jules had indicated earlier that they had 98 minutes. Approximately ten minutes had passed since that report. That only left them with 88 minutes until the bomb was set to go off. “You want a little time, huh? We might can do that. If we could do that for you, give you a little bit of time to think without the phone ringing and without us making a move, what could you do in return? As a show of good faith? Maybe you could let a few people go, maybe even that baby you are so concerned about.”

Sam didn’t feel even the least bit guilty pushing for Sadie’s release. Priority of Life called for the safety of civilians first. How much more civilian could a seven month old be, regardless of who her parents were? He could rationalize it even further if pushed; with a baby inside, they were limited with their entry methods. Flash bangs and CS gas were strictly off limits as long as there was a baby in the room. 

_“I can’t do that. Not yet. Nobody can leave until it’s time.”_

Time for what? Sam had never had quite so puzzling a negotiation. He didn’t know the who or the why he was dealing with. He couldn’t let his frustration get the better of him; too many lives were on the line for him to get caught up in his own doubts. “Why is that? Why is it so important to you that you keep them? We could see in there before you closed those blinds; you‘ve got a crowd. That many people who are scared and nervous can’t be easy to keep quiet. You sound like you want time to think; couldn’t you think better if you made things calmer for yourself?”

_“I told you that isn’t happening. So shut up asking. You’re the one I can’t keep quiet with all the calling and now with the talking.”_

“How about your name then? Can you at least give me your name? What’s the harm in that?”

_“Doug. My name is Doug.”_

First name without a last didn’t give him enough to work with but at least it was a start. Maybe it would help Winnie narrow things down some. “Thanks, Doug. So tell me about this time you want. How much time do you need?”

There was a long pause. The only sound Sam could hear either through the headset or the cell phone was Sadie’s cries but they even seemed to be lessening. Jules was apparently working her maternal magic on comforting Sadie. No question about it, Jules could definitely handle the baby’s tears better than he could. He was impatient, not with Sadie but with the situation itself. It killed him to hear her cry and he wanted to fix whatever was bothering her immediately. Usually that frustration just made Sadie’s tears worse rather than better. Jules however took the tears in stride and calmly and patiently offered comfort until Sadie cried herself out. He was feeling the same kind of impatient frustration dealing with Doug now, probably because his hesitation to give them what they needed was putting Sadie and Jules in danger. 

_“It’s all going to be over soon. Just quit calling because the phone is upsetting the baby. I’m not going to hurt innocent people. You don’t have any reason to believe me but it’s the truth. Can you do that? Can you just leave me alone until I’m ready to talk to you?”_

He didn’t sound like a man bent on destruction. He sounded almost defeated and sad. Whatever was motivating him was definitely personal; Sam just had to figure out what it was. Holleran motioned for him to mute the line again. Sam did with a frown.

“Sam, it’s obvious this guy has trust issues with the police. Normal negotiations aren’t going to work with him. Jules and Parker are on the inside and you said yourself you don’t think he’s made them as cops. He doesn’t know Jules’s phone is on. Cut him some slack and let them work on him some more.”

Sam nodded, taking a steadying breath. “Okay, makes sense.” He once again released the mute. “Doug, I’m willing to give you the time but I need something else from you first. Like you said, I have no reason to believe you when you say everyone’s okay. Can I speak to one of your hostages for a moment, maybe the mom of the baby you’re concerned about? Let her tell me everything is okay?”

_“You can’t talk to her. She’s got her hands full with the baby right now. I’ll let you talk to the guy she’s with. He can tell you I’m telling the truth.”_ Sam winced as Doug called “Gramps” to the phone. He bet Greg loved that. A moment later the familiar voice came on the line.

_“This is Greg Parker.”_

“Sir, my name is Sam Braddock with the Strategic Response Unit. Everything okay in there?” As many things as Sam wanted to ask Sarge, he couldn’t be sure that the subject wasn’t listening in.

_“Yeah, he’s telling the truth. No one’s been hurt. He‘s even letting me talk to you without a gun to my head and without listening in.”_

Message received, it was safe for him to talk on his side although Greg would still have to carefully phrase his answers. Greg’s voice was reassuringly calm, The same voice of reason that had been in Sam’s ear from his first day at SRU. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed having Greg on a hot call with him. He just wished having him there now was under better circumstances. “We can’t get a good read on him and he’s not responding to me. We think you or Jules would have a better chance at getting information out of him. You up for that?”

_“Yeah, I believe he’s telling the truth about not wanting anyone to get hurt.”_

Sam knew he wouldn’t get much more time to talk to Greg but there was one thing more he had to say. He temporarily turned off his mike so the auto transcriber wouldn’t pick up his next words. “Tell Jules and Sadie that I love them and that I’m going to do everything possible to get them -- to get everyone -- out safely.”

_“I think they already know the importance of that but I’ll remind everyone to listen to what he says.”_ Sam could hear the phone being moved and then Doug’s voice was back.

_“Satisfied?”_

“Yeah, thank you for that. I can’t guarantee how much time I can give you but I’ll do what I can. If you get ready to talk to me, all you have to do is pick up the phone. It’s tied directly into mine so you don’t even have to dial. Doug, just remember, you’ve made some bad choices but nothing you can’t walk away from yet.”

_“I’m not too sure of that.”_

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
Greg waited until Doug had put the receiver down. His last comment concerned him, as he was sure it had Sam as well. A subject who couldn‘t see a peaceful outcome was dangerous. Someone without hope lost the ability to care what happened to others. Sam was trusting him and Jules to reach Doug, to give him back that hope. Normally he would be very confident of their chances, but today? He wasn’t as sure. He glanced back at Jules who had lapsed into full mommy mode in an attempt to settle an unhappy Sadie. The baby needed her full attention at the moment so that left him. Could he do this? It had been over a year since he‘d had to run a negotiation more serious than picking his battles with his mostly grown son. What if full mobility wasn’t the only thing he’d lost that day on the catwalk? He took a deep breath. “Thank you for letting me reassure him. He really seems to want to end things peacefully. I think you do too. So your name is Doug? I’m Greg, Greg Parker. You mind if I stay over here for a few minutes? Sounds like my goddaughter over there is fighting sleep for all she’s worth. My friend Jules might have an easier time getting her quiet if she had a little space.” Make sure he knew their names, humanize the hostages because that would make it harder for him to hurt anyone later.

Doug nodded absently. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.” Then he pointed to the cane Greg had to use to walk with. “What happened?”

Rule one of negotiating. Never lie to a subject. You always had to tell the truth, just not necessarily the whole truth and nothing but the truth. “Remember the bombings around the city last year? I was injured during all that. Caused permanent damage to my leg.”

Doug looked away from Greg toward the bomb sitting near the end of the counter. Then he looked back at Greg guiltily. “I’m sorry you got caught up in this. I meant what I told the cop. It’ll be over soon and you won’t be hurt.”

“I believe you.” Greg told him, his voice calm and low. He knew there was a good possibility that Sam wasn’t picking up the conversation but that was okay. Once he returned to Jules he could relay any important information then. Doug seemed more nervous now than he had when this first started. Greg wanted to do everything he could to calm things down and get Doug away from those dark thoughts of despair he’d voiced to Sam. “Doug, look around. This room is full of people who are scared and they have a right to be. After those shots you fired earlier and that ominous box you brought in, they actually have a right to be in a full blown panic. They aren’t though. Scared as they are, they are calm and that’s because of you. You’ve stayed calm and cool and have given them every reason to think things are going to be okay. They know you don’t want to hurt them.”

“I didn’t have a choice. It was the only way I could make things right.”

“Make what right, Doug?”

He shook his head. “I can’t say yet. I don’t want to listen to you or anyone else trying to talk me out of anything.”

Greg nodded. “Don’t want to listen or afraid we‘d succeed?”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
_“Sam, I ran the name Doug through the system looking for any instances of complaints that were resolved. I’ve got a thousand hits so far going back three months. Is there any way we can narrow it down even further?”_

Sam looked off toward the coffee shop. It had been almost fifteen minutes since he’d agreed to give Doug time. Fifteen minutes where the only sounds that had really come over the headset were his daughter’s cries and his wife’s soft reassurances and one whispered remark that Greg seemed to be making headway with the subject. Fifteen minutes off the eighty-eight they had remaining before the bomb went off leaving them almost right at an hour before detonation. An hour to get everyone safely out of a situation he still felt like he knew absolutely no useful knowledge about. 

“Our subject has a definite beef against someone in that coffee shop. Did you run the list of license plates the uniforms gave you?” When Winnie acknowledged that she had, Sam continued. “Cross reference that list with your Doug list and see if we get any matches.” _And pray Sarge gets us something more we can use,_ he added silently. 

He returned his attention to the headset, ostensibly listening for any information Greg might have for him but also checking on his family. Jules had managed to soothe Sadie down to whimpers instead of full blown screams. 

_“I think it’s time you went back to your table.”_ There was no mistaking the harder tone in Doug’s voice. Sarge had obviously pushed some buttons. The question was, did he get any information in the attempt?

_“Everything okay?”_ Jules sounded a bit concerned but her voice was really low almost to the point that the cell phone barely picked it up. Was she worried about Doug hearing or was Sadie finally just about asleep? How he wished he could see them; hearing they were okay wasn’t the same as being able to see it with his own eyes.

_“Yeah. Sorry Sam, no joy. Whatever he has planned, I truly don’t think he wants anyone else to get hurt. I don’t get it though, why bring a bomb unless you want to cause maximum damage?”_

_“Boss, I think if I had the chance, I could disarm the bomb.”_

What the hell? Sam swallowed hard. What was she saying? She couldn’t. He wanted to scream at her and tell her not to even think about it. He silently begged Greg to talk her out of it.

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
“Boss,” Jules spoke softly, not wanting to take the chance that the subject could hear anything she said. “I think if I had the chance, I could disarm the bomb.”

“Jules…”

“No, listen, after that day…” Even after a year it was the only way she could refer to the day Marcus Faber had terrorized the city with his bombs, almost costing her two of the most important men in her life -- her husband and her mentor. In her mind she’d separated the day into two different events. Her wedding day she could remember and feel with that same flush of love and devotion she’d had for Sam as they said their vows. The rest of the, once that 9-1-1 call came in, was simply “that day.” She didn’t see that changing no matter how much time passed. “Spike started giving us all a crash course in defusing bombs. He wanted us all to be prepared in case something like that ever happened again. I think he did it because he knew he couldn’t take that much responsibility on himself ever again. Before I left on my maternity leave, I had gotten pretty good at it.” 

She gazed down at her daughter. Sadie had finally drifted off to sleep, her lips still making sucking motions even though the pacifier had long since slipped out of her mouth and was resting on her chest. Jules leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. She looked back at Greg. “I didn’t get the greatest look at the bomb when I went over there, but I got a good enough look to think it’s a pretty simple design. I think I could do it.”

“He’s not going to just let you go over there and start messing with his bomb, Jules.”

“I know that, Boss. That’s not even what I’m suggesting. But if the opportunity presents itself, I have to try and I need you to protect Sadie while I do. If it looks like I might not succeed, you’ve got to get her out of here before the bomb goes off.”

Greg frowned. He recognized that she was thinking as a good cop but he couldn’t help but want to stop her from putting herself in danger. “So it’s okay for you to take the risk damn how it affects anyone else?”

Jules’s eyes flashed with unbridled anger but her voice never got any louder. “Is that really what you think? You think I want to risk not being there to see Sadie grow up? You think I want you or someone else to have to tell Sam I didn’t make it because I wasn’t good enough? It’s not like I want to play Russian Roulette with a ticking time bomb but it’s the job. People could be killed and property could be destroyed if I don’t do something. This isn’t about me wanting to play hero but about there being no one else to do it. You said you didn’t think the subject would let me get near the bomb, do you really see him opening the door and inviting John in to do it? Give me another option, please, because I sure don’t like this one.”

“Jules, I didn‘t…”

A couple of tears slid down her cheeks but she didn’t even bother to wipe them away. Didn’t want to move her hands from the protective cradle she’d made with her arms for her daughter. “I think about Lew stepping off that land mine because he was more afraid of what might happen to Spike if he tried to free him than what was going to happen to himself. He didn’t think twice about putting his own life on the line to save someone else. What about Donna and Jimmy? She was facing a bomb strapped to a man we believed was responsible for blowing up buildings and killing people. No one would have thought twice about her leaving him to blow himself up. Instead she stayed trying to get the information we needed to find the rest of the bombs. And Jimmy stayed because he wouldn’t let her stay without a second. They died a horrible death when it would have been easier to just walk away. You figured out the last bomb was there in the coliseum and even knowing it was a dirty bomb you didn’t think twice about saving all those people even though it cost you your career.”

“Jules…” Greg tried again but it was like she didn’t hear him.

“I thought I was so tough. Little girl making it in a man’s world. Capable of doing anything and everything the job demands. And maybe I can. I’m pretty sure I can disarm that bomb if I get the chance. The thing is, I don’t want to do it. All I want is to go home with my daughter, do something completely mundane like sort the laundry and cook dinner. I want to greet Sam when he comes home and after we eat that stupid supper I fixed, go upstairs and give Sadie and bath and laugh as she splashes the water and gets us both wet. I want to rock her to sleep, put her in the crib and then collapse in my bed with my husband. I keep thinking that if I had just left five minutes earlier than I tried, that’s exactly what I would have done with the rest of my day, and I kick myself that I didn‘t do that. How selfish am I?” 

Greg closed his eyes and shook his head. “You aren’t selfish for feeling that way. There‘s nothing wrong with not wanting bad things to happen. Nothing wrong with wanting to keep Sadie safe, for wanting to keep yourself safe for her. Nothing at all. You think I haven‘t wished a million different times in the last year that things had been different that day? Laying there in that hospital bed knowing my career was over? I should have sent out invitations to the pity parties I threw myself. I probably would have but Marina wouldn‘t let me. You and the rest of the team wouldn‘t let me. Being a hero isn‘t about not being scared to take risks; it‘s about taking the risks even though you‘re scared to death.”

Jules rocked back and forth in her chair, the movement just as much for her comfort as for her sleeping daughter‘s. A couple more tears threatened to slip down her cheeks but she held them back. She glanced over at Greg. “I finally get it. I was so mad at Sam for not getting out when that timer was running out. I couldn’t understand why he would risk his life like that. Didn’t he care that we’d just gotten married and that we had a baby on the way? Didn’t we matter? He’s tried to explain it to me a thousand times but I couldn’t understand, maybe I wouldn’t understand. He wasn’t selfishly putting the job before his family; he was unselfishly putting his own wants aside for the greater good. And I gave him such a hard time about it. How can he forgive me for that?”

Greg scooted his chair closer to Jules, putting an arm around her thin shoulders. He had a feeling she’d probably forgotten all about the phone line being open. “He’s not going to forgive you Jules because there’s nothing to forgive. Sam loves you and he loves Sadie; he told me to tell you that when I was on the phone with him. I’m sure he understands how you felt, now probably more than ever. What do you think he’s thinking right now hearing you talk about disarming that bomb? I bet he’s screaming into the headset for you not to do it, even though he’d be doing the same thing if he were in here instead.” 

He looked from Jules down to Sadie then over to the bomb. Time was running out for him to bring things to a safe resolution without the need for disarming the bomb under pressure. He had to go back to Doug and get the information they needed. “If it comes to it, you’ll disarm the bomb, but you’ve got to promise me you’ll back away and get to safety if it doesn’t look like it’s going to work. Sadie and Sam aren’t the only ones who need you.”

“You look like you could use this.” Doug put a cup of coffee in front of Jules, his other hand still tightly around his submachine gun. The concern for someone else’s well being in his voice was in stark contrast to the threat the weapon posed. “It’s going to be okay. A little longer and you and your baby are going to be walking out of here and able to forget that this even happened.”

A sudden beep filled the room. Jules and Greg immediately looked toward the bomb but the sound was much closer, like stroller close. Jules’s stomach did a flip flop. Her cell phone. The battery hadn’t been fully charged when she’d left the house that morning. The talk time she’d been putting it through since everything had started had drained it. Doug’s eyes darkened as he looked at the plastic tray on the stroller. He snatched up the cell phone.

“What the hell?”


	5. Chapter 5

_“Is that really what you think? You think I want to risk not being there to see Sadie grow up? You think I want you or someone else to have to tell Sam I didn’t make it because I wasn’t good enough? It’s not like I want to play Russian Roulette with a ticking time bomb but it’s the job. People could be killed and property could be destroyed if I don’t do something. This isn’t about me wanting to play hero but about there being no one else to do it. You said you didn’t think the subject would let me get near the bomb, do you really see him opening the door and inviting John in to do it? Give me another option, please, because I sure don’t like this one.”_

Sam’s heart constricted in his chest. He knew probably better than anyone just what an emotional person Jules really was. She hid it well, having had years of experience at it. If the fallacy was that real men don’t cry, then Jules took it to heart and assumed that as a woman in a male dominated world, she couldn’t either. Jules felt things deeply and at times over the years, despite her attempts to keep a tight reign on her emotions, they’d all caught glimpses of that emotional release. It was only after she had allowed him into her heart that he realized those moments were just tips of the iceberg.

_“I thought I was so tough. Little girl making it in a man’s world. Capable of doing anything and everything the job demands. And maybe I can. I’m pretty sure I can disarm that bomb if I get the chance. The thing is, I don’t want to do it. All I want is to go home with my daughter, do something completely mundane like sort the laundry and cook dinner. I want to greet Sam when he comes home and after we eat that stupid supper I fixed, go upstairs and give Sadie and bath and laugh as she splashes the water and gets us both wet. I want to rock her to sleep, put her in the crib and then collapse in my bed with my husband. I keep thinking that if I had just left five minutes earlier than I tried, that’s exactly what I would have done with the rest of my day, and I kick myself that I didn‘t do that. How selfish am I?”_

“I um…I…” Sam literally felt like he’d been punched in the gut. It was hard for him to even breathe as he looked almost desperately toward Commander Holleran. The man had allowed Sam to retain control of the call but hadn’t strayed far. Sam hadn’t been able to move into the command truck as he normally would, staying instead where he could see the coffee shop. Hearing the raw pain in Jules’s voice as she verbally beat herself up for her feelings was more than he could bear. “I need a moment.”

Holleran nodded. He’d been following everything with his own headset. Frankly, he was surprised Sam had kept it together this long. It was one thing watching your wife put herself at risk, a situation Holleran was glad he’d never found himself having to worry about for himself. But to have your wife and baby in danger at the same time? What could be worse? “Take all the time you need Sam. We’ve got your back.”

Sam walked away toward the far side of the command vehicle. Holleran waited until he was out of sight before reaching for his phone. He’d put off making this call longer than he should have. He thumbed through his contacts before selecting the necessary number. It only took a couple of rings before a male voice answered. Holleran sighed. “Ed, it’s Norm. We have a situation here.”

Meanwhile Sam waited until he was mostly out of sight behind the command truck before pressing his arm against the side of the vehicle and resting his head on his arm. He was breathing hard, trying to get his emotions under control. From the very beginning of his relationship with Jules, he’d accepted the danger she found herself in the line of duty. It wasn’t always easy for him to watch, but he couldn’t imagine asking her not to do the job she loved so much. It wouldn’t be fair to her or to them as a couple. He’d known who she was from day one and he loved her too much to try to change her, not that he thought he could if he wanted to. 

She was supposed to be safe now though. She was on maternity leave. She wasn’t facing armed subjects on a daily basis. The worst danger she was supposed to be facing was getting splattered by strained peas while feeding Sadie since the little girl had discovered the ability to make “motor” sounds with her mouth and seemed to like practicing whenever Jules fed her. She wasn’t supposed to find herself in a hostage situation with a man with a submachine gun and a bomb just because she went for breakfast with Sarge. 

And Sadie. She was only seven months old, just beginning all those wonderful firsts that Sam supposed every baby experienced. Somehow though the fact that they were her firsts made them all the more important and special. Her biggest brush with danger should be from almost instinctually finding any and all unstable pieces of light furnishings to pull over on herself now that she was starting to give mobility a chance. Guns and bombs shouldn’t be on the TV when she’s in the room let alone actually in the room with her. 

Failure washed over him like an acid bath. He was team leader and it was his decisions and commands that everyone was listening to. They didn’t have eyes in, didn’t have a sniper visual on the subject, hadn’t been able to get anywhere with negotiating with the subject. What kind of leader did that make him? In this case, his sense of failure went much deeper. What kind of father was he? What kind of husband? His wife and daughter were in danger and he couldn’t even get a last name out of the subject. A man with a gun and a bomb was threatening the two people he would give his life for and instead he was standing there listening to Jules struggling with the knowledge that she could, if given the chance, possibly disarm the bomb and her maternal instinct to do everything to be there for her daughter. 

The hand on the arm he wasn’t resting his head against balled into a fist and without a conscious thought, he swung it straight into the side of the truck. He didn’t even flinch at the pain and instead kicked the tire for good measure. Being able to lash out at something, even an unwieldy inanimate object, felt good so Sam kicked the tire again, giving in to the anger rather than the fear that threatened to consume him. He gave in to the blind rage that had been simmering just below the surface since he’d answered his phone and realized that Jules and Sadie were in danger. 

He lost focus of everything but his need to kick or pound something, anything. Didn’t hear any more of the conversation going on in his ear until a single gun shot almost popped his ear drum. Then there was silence.

Everything came to a standstill for Sam. What had happened? While he’d been less than vigilant, what had he missed? He turned around and slid down the side of the truck to slump on the ground. For a man with a gun and a bomb, Doug hadn’t seemed someone intent on hurting people. What had changed? Had one of the hostages tried to play hero by rushing him? 

He needed to move. The subject had re-escalated and that meant any promises for time were over. He was needed but he couldn’t move. He felt paralyzed. He covered his face with his hands. Jules was fine. Sadie was fine. Surely if something had happened to either of his girls, his own heart which fully belonged to both of them would have stopped as well. He would know instinctively, wouldn’t he, if his world had come to a crashing halt? He was worried about Sarge too, of course, but obviously didn’t have that same kind of connection with him that he had with his wife and daughter. 

“Sam.” Holleran crouched down beside him. 

“Do we know what happened?” Sam asked without moving his hands.

“Not for sure, the subject discovered the phone; I think the shot we heard was him destroying the cell. We’ve got to reestablish contact whether the subject wants to talk to us or not. He’s re-escalated and we don’t know what he might do. If you need to step down…”

Sam shook his head lowering his hands. His eyes pleaded with Holleran not to pull him. Yeah, he was personally involved but it wouldn’t be the first time the team had been allowed to remain on a case despite being too close to the situation. “I can’t. I can’t put my family’s safety in someone else’s hands. It’s not that I don’t trust them to take care of them but I couldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t do everything I possibly could.”

Holleran nodded and held out his hand to help the younger man up. It went against everything he’d ever been taught about conflict of interest to allow Sam to remain active in the call. But regardless of Sam’s current team assignment, he was at heart Team One, and Holleran knew that Team One could channel their emotions into positive action and still be effective. He wouldn’t be the one to bench Sam, not unless he absolutely had to. 

“Let’s do this then.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
Doug stared at the cell phone in his hand. Even though the battery was almost dead, it was obvious it had been connected to a call. He dropped it to the floor and fired a single shot into the screen, permanently ending its chances of ever working again. Then he looked from Greg to Jules. Sadie, awakened by the gunfire, was once more screaming. Her screams weren’t the only ones filling the coffee shop as customers who had remained relatively calm after the initial gunfire once more started to panic.

“Who was listening in? Who did you call? You called the police didn’t you? You were feeding them information about me weren’t you? Damn it. Which one of you did it?”

Greg still couldn’t bring himself to lie to the subject but he couldn’t let Jules tell the truth either. He moved away from Jules. “Doug, you asked me earlier about my leg. I told you I was injured during the bombings last year. What I didn’t tell you was that I wasn’t a civilian caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was one of the SRU officers trying to bring the bomber to justice.”

Doug pressed the crook of his gun arm against his forehead trying to think. He shook his head behind it. “You’re a cop.”

“Used to be a cop. Had to retire because of my injury. Doug, you’re doing this because for some reason you feel like you have to. That’s what the phone call out was about. Doing what had to be done to hopefully get everyone out safely.”

Doug lowered his arm, the gun pointed straight at Greg. “I told you over and over again that it was going to be okay. You were going to get out when this was over.”

“Everyone, Doug? I get the feeling you aren’t planning on EVERYONE getting out of here alive. You’ve got to understand, my concern has to be for all the people in here right now and that includes you.”

Time slowed to a crawl and Jules couldn’t be sure how much had passed as she watched the man she loved like a father as he stared down the man threatening to shoot him at a moment’s notice. She recognized what Greg was doing and while she loved him for wanting to protect her, part of her wanted to kick him for putting the target solely on himself. It seemed like hours had passed since Doug had trained the gun on Greg but the bomb hadn’t detonated so it couldn’t have been that long. She knew they were running out of time in more ways than one.

The landline began to ring but it was ignored. The sole focus of everyone in the coffee shop was the current threat of the gun. 

“Doug, please,” Jules interceded over Sadie’s cries. Jules was bouncing her in her arms trying to console her. Greg cut her a glance, as if warning her not to give anything else away. She ignored him. “Please, Doug, did an open line really cause any harm? What could they have possibly heard that would hurt you?”

“That’s not the point. You just don’t understand.”

The landline phone into the coffee shop continued to ring insistently. Jules nodded towards it. “You should get that. That last gunshot probably freaked them out as much as it did Sadie here. You should let them know we’re all still okay. You don’t want them rushing in here; innocent people could get caught in the crossfire that way.”

For a moment Doug didn’t move the gun away from Greg’s direction. Finally he nodded, lowering the gun and going to the phone. He lifted the receiver. “What happened to don’t call me I’ll call you?”

_“I think you know what happened. Is everyone still okay in there?”_

“For now. I don’t know if it’s going to stay that way much longer. I guess you thought you were something didn’t you? Pretend to give me what I want while leaving your buddy in here to try to trick me. It’s what you do best though isn’t it? String me along when you know all along you aren’t giving me what I want or need.”

_“That wasn’t our intention. It’s not like we knew what you were doing ahead of time to put someone in place on the inside. It’s not like we know even now what you are planning. I’m sorry if you felt like we were deceiving you.”_

“I should have know it wasn’t possible.” Doug no longer sounded upset; it was more like he was dejected. 

_“Known what wasn’t possible?”_ Sam’s voice remained calm, almost detached, nothing to indicate his inner turmoil. 

“Keeping the innocent from harm. I guess I already knew it but I thought I could be different. I wasn’t going to be like him. You don’t understand. You can’t understand.”

_“Maybe I don’t,”_ Sam admitted. _“But I’ve been thinking about things while giving you your time to do the same and my thoughts keep going back to the baby. I can hear her crying again. It was the gun shot, right? Scared her? Babies are like that; they get scared by things they don’t understand. I keep thinking about her and I keep thinking about her father. Him I can understand. I have a daughter too and I know exactly how I’d feel if she was in danger. Even before she was born, all I’ve wanted to do was protect her. I wanted to do everything to make sure she stayed safe in her mother’s womb until it was time for her to be born. I loved her from the moment I knew she was coming. Then the nurse put her in my arms for the first time and I really knew what love was. Nothing mattered more to me than making sure she was safe. I would do anything for my daughter. I hear that baby crying in the background and I imagine her father feels the same way. I bet if he knows his daughter is in there with you, it’s killing him to not be able to do anything to protect her.”_

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
Sam took a deep, shaky breath. Earlier Doug had sounded genuinely concerned about Sadie and Sam could only hope that hadn’t changed. He was hoping by talking about her, he could appeal to Doug’s better sense.

“A father does everything he can to protect his child. Buys the best and safest baby things, gets up a thousand times during the night to check on her to make sure she’s okay, suddenly starts to give a shit about things like global warming, pesticide use, and the amount of lead in toys and paint because those things could possible harm her. Dreads the day she starts noticing the boys because no matter how much you want to protect her, you can’t do much to prevent a broken heart. Right now the pain that baby’s father must be feeling right now, I can’t even. If God forbid anything ever happened to my daughter, I don’t know how I could continue getting up in the morning. My life would be over, wouldn’t be worth anything, especially if I lost her mother at the same time. The rest of my life I would have to wonder why, why her when she was just an innocent baby.”

_“Maybe you do understand after all.”_ Doug’s voice was almost a whisper. _“I’ll let them go. I just need a few more minutes. I have to let them know why this happened. I have to let them know how sorry I am. Let your people know they are coming out soon.”_

The phone line clicked off. Sam let out the breath he hadn’t known he was holding. It was over or almost over. In a matter of minutes, he’d have his arms around his wife and daughter. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to let them go once they were safe in his arms. He exchanged a glance with Holleran who gave him a nod of approval. The commander turned and went into the command truck. 

“Stand by team. The hostages are the first priority, once they are clear, we‘ll move on the subject. Tom, if he threatens one of the hostages or himself or if it appears he’s going to detonate the bomb, you have Scorpio. Take it only as a last resort.”

_“Copy that.”_

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
“I can‘t do it.” Doug told the assembled group.

Jules’s heart did a flip flop. She’d heard him tell Sam that he was going to let them go. She didn’t know what Sam had said to him but she’d seen the expression on Doug’s face change as he’d listened. She’d believed he was sincere in his promise to let them go. Was he going back on that now?

“Doug,” Greg started off calmly, not wanting to further enflame the man. “The only way this doesn’t end badly for you is for you to let everyone go unharmed. You’ve got that going for you right now. You don’t want to hurt anyone. I know that; I think we can all see that.”

Doug shook his head. “There’s no way for this to go well for me. They can put me in jail or they can kill me, but nothing they can do to me compares to what I’ve already suffered.” He cleared his throat. “Okay, so I told him I was letting you go and I am. At least most of you.” 

Jules shifted Sadie who was still crying to her other hip. She looked from Greg back to Doug. She frowned, still worried about Doug’s earlier reaction to learning that Greg had been a cop. “What do you mean?”

“I’m doing what I probably should have done from the very beginning. My beef is only with one of you; I should have left it at that instead of involving so many others.” He turned toward the manager and once more raised his gun. “I thought if I threatened what was important to you; you would know a little of the pain you put me through. You are staying while everyone else leaves.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I don’t even know you.” The manager paled at having the gun pointed at him. 

“No, but it didn’t stop you from taking everything away from me. We’ll have about fifteen minutes for me to make sure you know exactly why this had to happen. So, now the rest of you, go on get out of here.”

Jules once more looked at Greg. She was torn. She wanted to get Sadie to safety. Needed to get her daughter as far away from that bomb as she possibly could. But as a cop, how could she walk away and leave a civilian in harm’s way? Greg picked up Sadie’s diaper bag and put the strap over Jules’s shoulder. The look he was giving her practically screamed for her not to argue. She shook her head. She knew what that look meant. 

“No, Boss, you can’t.”

“Priority of Life, Jules. You know that.”

Jules frowned. “You are retired, remember? If anything, I’m more obligated to stay than you are.” 

Greg gave Jules a kiss on the side of her head and then kissed Sadie. “Not happening. I might be retired but I think I still out rank you. Get that beautiful baby out of here so Sam knows you are both safe. I’ll be out soon.”

Before Jules could even start to protest, the first of the customers stepped out of the coffee shop. There was no sound but each person dropped almost instantly as they stepped onto the sidewalk. She whirled to look, stunned by what she was seeing. Even without hearing the tell-tale pop of sniper fire, she could recognize its effects. There was no time for a warning to the others. So relieved to have been released from the nightmare they had found themselves in, the retreating hostages didn’t realize the new danger that awaited them until it was too late. Jules put a hand to Sadie’s head shielding the images from her sight. 

“NO!!!!” Doug screamed rushing to the door. He looked at Greg and Jules who were the only ones besides the manager that hadn’t left the shop. “That wasn’t supposed to happen. Why did they shoot them? They were innocent.”

Greg frowned. “SRU wouldn’t have been responsible for shooting them. It had to be someone else.”

“That wasn’t supposed to happen.” Doug repeated as if he hadn’t heard Greg. “No one was supposed to get hurt. Why would they shoot them? They were innocent.”

Greg opened his mouth ready to once more insist that it hadn’t been SRU that killed those people. Jules however caught his eye and shook her head. She didn’t know who “they” were but she didn’t think Doug was referring to Sam‘s team. “Okay, you know what, we can figure that out later. Right now, we’ve got a bigger problem. We can’t go out the front door without risking the same thing happening to us that happened to the others. In less than fifteen minutes, that bomb is going to go off and we’re still going to die.”

“What about the back door?” The manager asked. The phone had started to ring again but no one moved to answer it. There was no time even though Greg and Jules both knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was Sam and that he was probably frantic with worry.

Greg shook his head. “We can’t take that chance. We wouldn’t know if there was a sniper with his sights set on that entrance until someone stepped out. I don’t know of any of us that wants to volunteer to try that out.” He looked at Jules, not wanting to ask but not having a choice. “You still think you can defuse it?”

Jules took a deep breath. She was the one who had first suggested the possibility. “I won’t know until I get a better look at it. I can try.”

Doug’s eyes narrowed. “Defuse? You’re a cop too, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” She answered softly. She kissed Sadie, who had finally quieted down as if too confused by what was going on to think about crying, and hugged her tightly. Time was running out but she couldn’t help but take the extra time to cuddle her daughter. So much was at stake. If she succeeded, all would be fine. If she failed, she wouldn’t only kill herself and the three men but her daughter as well. Success had never been as important.

“I have a safe room.” The manager offered. “I had it put in after those bombings last year. It can withstand just about any kind of blast. We’d be safe there.”

“Where is it?” Jules asked, feeling a little of the pressure lift off her shoulders. 

“Directly below my office, the door leading to it is there.” Came the report. Then the manager nodded toward Doug. “He’s not coming though. It’s his fault we’re in this mess.”

Doug’s eyes narrowed. “If anyone doesn’t deserve to get to safety it’s you.”

“Everyone is going to get to safety. The gun however does not go. A safe room is no place for a submachine gun.” Greg insisted, his tone suggesting that arguing was futile. “Lead the way.”

“Boss.” Jules’s voice was tight. Greg looked at her and shook his head. 

“No Jules. I know I asked but that was before I knew we had an alternative. You are coming with us. We’ll all be safe in the safe room. It’s not worth the risk.”

“And how long would it take them to dig out the rubble to get to the safe room? How many could be injured on the street? It’s better for everyone if that bomb doesn’t have a chance to go off. I have to try. I’ve got time and I have to try. If it doesn’t look like I can do it, I’ll get to the safe room before it detonates. Just please, take Sadie for me and keep an eye on her until I get there. Please. Outside of Sam, there’s no one else I would trust her with in this situation.”

Reluctantly, Greg took the baby from her which started Sadie into fresh fit of tears. Jules handed him the diaper bag as well and kissed Sadie‘s cheek once more. “Go with Uncle Greg, Sweetie. You’re okay. Be good for him and Mommy will be right there. I love you so much Sadie. It’s going to be okay.” She looked at Greg, her eyes bright with tears that she wouldn’t shed. “If she gets too fussy, her juice bottle I fixed before she went to sleep earlier is in the diaper bag. That should settle her down until I get back.”

“Jules…” There was so much Greg wanted to say but was afraid to. He knew the danger before her and didn’t want to leave things unsaid. At the same time he didn’t want make her think he doubted her ability. “I can stay and help…”

She shook her head. “No you couldn’t. One person down range, remember?” She lowered her voice so that only Greg could hear her. “Besides, who’s going to watch Sadie if you stay? I don’t trust either of them with my baby. Please, Greg. I’ll be fine but I need to know Sadie is safe while I do this.” She raised her voice again, stepping back. “Now go all of you. We’re running out of time.”

The three men left the main room toward the office and the trap door leading to the safe room. Jules took a deep breath and went to the bomb. She examined it closely. She could do this. She would do this. She thought back to the lessons Spike had given about defusing bombs. This one seemed simple. She reached in her pocket for the all purpose knife/tool set she kept there. Her hands were shaking as she used the knife to expose the wires leading from the timer to the detonator. She paused for just a second and looked up. 

“I love you, Sam.”

She snipped the wire Spike would have pointed out as the one to cut and breathed a sigh of relief that the timer stopped. There was a note of relieved hysteria in her chuckle as she realized she’d succeeded. Dropping her knife she ran toward the safe room. 

Standing at the top of the trap door she peered down into the dimly lit room. “It’s okay. I defused it.”

No sooner had the words left her mouth when the world behind her exploded. A rush of air from the concussive force of the explosion hit her sending her tumbling into the open hole of the trap door. Seconds later debris from the collapsing building rained down into the same opening. In less than a minute, the dust was settling on the ruins of the Tim Hortons, completely covering any evidence as to the existence of the safe room.


	6. Chapter 6

“Sam, come on Buddy, you don’t need to be here.” Ed Lane’s normally calm, reassuring voice was thick with emotion. If he closed his eyes so much as to blink he would relive the sight of the coffee shop exploding right in front of him. If it was this hard for him to process the images assailing him over and over again, how much worse must it be for the younger man.

Sam shook his head taking two faltering steps toward the collapsed rubble. Ed tightened his hold and suddenly there was someone on Sam’s other side also trying to pull him back. He couldn’t let them though. He had to get to Jules and Sadie, had to find them. He wouldn’t be able to breath properly until he did. “Let go of me. I have to…they need….Jules…Sadie…”

“Sam, Bud, they’re gone. There’s no way they could have…”

Sam whirled in the direction of Spike, who had a grip on his left arm. He managed to pull his other arm free of Ed in the process. His eyes were wide, his jaw rocked, and his now freed hand bunched into a fist. For a moment it seemed like maybe he would actually punch Spike. Instead his fist just opened and closed convulsively. “Don’t…Don’t you dare say it. They’re not gone. They can’t be; if they were I’d know it. They’re my whole world and if they’d been torn away like that, I would know because my heart would have been ripped out at the same time. They’re in there, trapped and maybe hurt, and I have to get to them. They could be running out of time.”

“Okay, Sam, I get it. We get it.” Ed tried once more to get through to him. By now, Sam’s team had joined them as well as Commander Holleran. They all surrounded the distraught man, knowing it would take their physical intervention to keep him away from what was left of the coffee shop. “But you gotta let Fire do their job. We don’t know anything about the explosive. They have to make sure there’s no sign of radiation and then they’ve got to make sure the scene is stable enough for anyone to enter.”

Sam‘s face was a perfect mixture of both shock, disbelief, and a hefty dose of anger. “Jules, Sadie, Sarge, they don’t have time for all that. They’re in there and they’re trapped and we’ve got to get to them. My God, Sadie is so small. I can’t…my baby…” He continued to try to push forward, determined to drag the others with him if he had to. They had numbers on their side but it was nothing compared to the determination of a man facing the loss of everything that was truly important to him. “If it had been a dirty bomb, Jules would have said something. If it’s unstable, that’s all the more reason for us to get to them. How can you stand there not helping me? I know you care about them too. Please help me help them.”

Ed grabbed hold of Sam’s Kevlar pushing him back. “Of course I care about them, Sam. Me stopping you from doing something stupid has nothing to do with me not caring. I know you want to do everything possible but you can’t do it at the risk of making things worse.” 

Seeing he’d succeeded in getting Sam’s attention, Ed released him and switched back to a softer side, using the same tone he’d use if Izzy woke in the middle of the night with a nightmare. “Give the fire crew time to do their thing, Sam. They know there were people inside. They’ll start the rescue attempts just as soon as they know it’s safe to do so. In the meantime, let’s get you over to the ambulance. You’ve got a cut on your forehead. We need to let the medics take care of that.” 

Sam frowned. Cut? What was he talking about? He wasn’t hurt? Then almost as if the words made it true, he felt a sharp sting just at his hair line. He reached up and touched the area and was surprised when his fingers came back wet with his blood. A piece of flying debris must have caught him during the explosion. He hadn’t even felt it. But then his whole being felt numb. 

He shook his head. He knew where the ambulances would be staged, well down the street safely out of any potential danger. “I can’t. I have to be here. They need me.”

Spike stepped in, hoping that a tag team approach would convince him. “Jules would have your ass if you didn’t get it taken care of, and she’d have ours for not making you. There’s too much dust from the debris in the air. Let the medics clean it and bandage it so it doesn’t get infected. Go with Ed and get it checked out. I’ll stay right here and if there’s any word about Jules, Sadie, or Sarge, I’ll let you know immediately. I promise.”

Sam stared at Spike for a moment before finally nodding. Ed mouthed the words thank you to Spike as he led Sam toward the ambulances that had been waiting to treat released hostages who were now beyond help. After Sam was sitting on the back of one such ambulance with a medic looking at the cut on his head, Ed searched around, looking for a familiar face. Seeing Steve Morgan talking to a firefighter about fifteen feet away, Ed crossed over to him. Steve looked at him, the shock in his eyes just as real as Ed figured was reflecting in his own.

“Ed, please tell me…”

Ed shook his head. “I don’t see how they could have made it. The building is just a pile of rubble. Even if they survived the initial explosion, they have to be buried under tons of rubble. I don’t want to give up hope but I can’t ignore what I saw.”

“Damn. How’s Sam?”

Ed glanced back at the ambulance where he’d left Sam. He could see the younger man was impatiently allowing the medic to treat him but every muscle in his body was tense as if he planned to bolt from that spot at any moment to go back to the pile of rubble despite Spike’s assurance. “He’s in shock and denial. I think if we gave him half a chance, he’d be in there digging in the rubble looking for them. Steve, he’s barely holding it together and when rescue confirms we’re dealing with a recovery rather than a rescue situation, he’s going to totally lose it. Is there any way you could give him something before that happens? A sedative or something? Just for a little while until things calm down around here and he can think clearly.”

Steve shook his head. “You think that’s going to help? I could knock him completely out and strap him to a stretcher until he wakes up two days from now but what is that going to do? He’ll hate us for it because he’ll believe we stopped him from doing everything possible to save them. Barely holding it together? I can’t even imagine the hell he’s going through right now. Parker is someone I worked with and who I admire; Jules is an old friend who part of me will always love; and Sadie is this sweet little baby that I’ve seen one time. This is killing me just as I’m sure it is you, but for Sam? We aren‘t talking about a couple of coworkers for him. He would be taking this extremely hard if it was just Parker in there. But we‘re talking about his wife and daughter. The only thing holding him together is the possibility that they’re still alive. He’s got to work through his grief in his own way. If it’s believing they could have survived then I say let him believe. Logical or not, I hope to hell he’s right and I think deep down you want to believe it as well. After all, it‘s not the first time things have looked bad and a happy outcome came out of it.”

Ed frowned. He knew Steve was referring to a year ago when it was Clark trapped under the rubble of the parking garage at City Hall. The medic had told him then that it didn’t look good but Ed had kept going, needing to know for sure. Nothing and nobody would have kept him from getting to Clark that day. But it was different. He’d talked to Clark and knew his son had survived. The rubble had been bad at the garage but it wasn’t ground zero either. There was reason to hope. He glanced back down the street to building that had been leveled to a rubble mess. How could hope exist in in that catastrophe?

Did he want to think there was some way his best friend was still alive? That the young woman he loved like a sister and her beautiful baby girl hadn’t died in a senseless explosion? Of course he did. He wanted to believe it just as strongly as Sam apparently did. But what good would it do? They would still be trapped under all that rubble awaiting a crueler death than the initial explosion. Chances of finding survivors in such an explosion diminished with every hour that passed. It would take days if not weeks to sift through all that debris. How many memorial services had been conducted last year in the wake of the explosion without a body for family members to bury because recovery crews hadn’t been able to find everyone before the search had to be called off so the rubble could be fully cleared away? The same way over a decade earlier when planes had collided into the towers in New York. Ed knew the painful truth; if they had survived the blast, they were trading a fast and painless death for one far worse. He couldn’t wish that on anyone no matter how much he wanted to.

“Okay, I had to ask. I should get back to him.” Ed turned around and returned to where the medic was just finishing taping a gauze bandage to Sam’s temple. The Team 3 leader was simply staring back toward where only moments before a coffee shop had been. Ed knelt down so that he was at eye level with Sam but still out of the medic’s way. “Sam. We’re going to get through this. We’re all here for you. Anything you need.”

Sam barely cut his eyes over to his former team leader. “I need my daughter in my arms smiling up at me in that way she has that melts my heart a thousand times over. I need Jules pressed closely into my side with her hand on my shoulder making ridiculous little faces at Sadie making her grin like that. I need my family safe and with me. Can you give me that?”

“I wish I could, Sam. I really wish I could.” Ed murmured quietly. 

The medic cautioned Sam not to get the bandage wet and to get it further checked if he experienced any dizziness or nausea. As soon as the medic stepped away Sam rose and started back toward the rubble. Ed started to follow but a desperate voice calling his name made him pause. He turned in that direction and saw Dean running toward him with Marina breathlessly following him as fast as she could. A uniformed officer at the yellow police tape line was stopping them. Ed shouted over that it was okay to let the two through. Dean was at his side in a moment with Marina soon joining him. 

“Ed, what’s going on? An officer showed up at the apartment and told us we needed to come here. He wouldn’t tell us what happened and then when we got here, he was called away and we still don’t know anything. We heard the explosion. What happened?”

Reaching out to grasp the boy’s shoulder with one hand and Marina’s with the other, Ed painfully began to fill them in on what had happened. It was perhaps the hardest conversation he’d ever had to have. By the time he’d finished, Dean was just staring at him, his face pale. Tears poured down Marina’s cheeks as her lips quivered. It was all too much more her. Her eyes rolled back in her head and Ed had to reach out to catch her fainting body before she hit the ground.

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
Sadie’s crying penetrated Jules’s foggy brain. It was a scared, desperate cry that was so different from the ones she had that signaled either hunger or a need for a diaper change. Her daughter needed her because something was wrong. Desperate to get to Sadie, Jules tried to push herself up but found she couldn’t move. Her heartbeat quickened. It was the recurring nightmare she’d had since giving birth seven months earlier. Her daughter in danger and not being able to get to her in time. A sob bubbled up from deep in her stomach but came out as a moan instead.

“Jules? Come on, Sweetheart, open those eyes for me.” Greg pleaded with her.

Coffee, gunman, bomb, snipers, explosion. Slowly the memories of what had happened came flooding back over her. She’d disarmed the bomb; she had seen the timer stop. She’d done everything Spike had taught her to do. How had she failed so miserably? And what had that failure cost her daughter. Again she tried to push herself up, needing to hold Sadie and not only comfort her but make sure she was okay. Her lack of mobility at this point frustrated her more than alarmed her. Her own well being took a back seat to that of her daughter’s. “Sadie.” 

One word but laced with pain and panic. Dust tickled her throat sending her into a spasm of coughs. Something sharp poked into her hip with each cough so that she couldn’t help but groan. She tried to maneuver away from whatever was jabbing her but her body didn’t want to cooperate. What was wrong with her?

“Don’t try to move Jules. There’s about a ton of debris on you and we don’t know how badly you are hurt.” Greg cautioned.

A ton of debris. That explained a few things. She tried to open her eyes. Her eyelids fluttered for a second and then slowly opened the whole way. Her vision was a little fuzzy but after a few more blinks came back into focus. She could see Greg kneeling close by with Sadie clutched protectively in his arms. They were both dirty, Greg more so than Sadie, but neither looked injured. Sadie’s face was red from crying and streaked with dust; she was almost trying to lunge out of Greg’s arms trying to reach for her mother. Not being able to gather Sadie in her arms hurt far worse than any damage that could have been caused by the falling debris. 

“Sadie?” She repeated again, this time with an obvious question mark. 

Greg nodded, understanding. “She’s okay. I made sure to shield her when everything started coming down. She’s not injured; she’s just scared. I’m more worried about you right now. You fell through that hole pretty hard and then the rubble came down on top of you. From the waist down, you’re completely covered. Can you tell how badly you are hurt?”

Jules experimentally tried to move enough to gauge her injuries. Her whole body ached and besides the pain in her hip from whatever was digging into her, she could feel something else pressing painfully against her ribcage. She must have landed on chunks of debris besides having it topple down on top of her. Given the injuries she could have sustained, she was pretty sure she’d gotten off lightly. Even her brain felt clearer than it had. “I don’t think anything is broken. I can move, I just can’t go anywhere. Any chance you could move the stuff on top of me enough for me to wiggle free?”

“I wouldn’t recommend that.” Doug cautioned. From where she was laying, Jules couldn’t see the man who had precipitated everything that had happened but knew he was close by. She wasn’t even sure how big the safe room was since she hadn’t really gotten much of a look before the explosion. He continued his explanation. “It doesn’t look stable to me. If we start trying to free you, we could cause all of it to shift and come crashing down on you worse. You might not be hurt now but if that load moves even just a little bit, you might not stay that way. I know it‘s probably not comfortable but right now it‘s safer than anything else.”

“I suppose you’re an expert in bombed buildings.” The coffee shop manager threw out bitterly. 

“No, but I am an expert in demolitions. I work in construction and my crew’s taken down many a building over the years.” 

“Seems like you’ve successfully taken down another one.”

“Guys, fighting still isn’t going to get us anywhere. We’ve got to work together not against each other.” The sigh she heard from Greg suggested it wasn’t the first argument he’d heard from the two. Had they started arguing from the minute they’d entered the room while she was trying to defuse the bomb or had she been unconscious long? “Jules, I think Doug is right. We can’t take the chance of hurting you worse. Once the rescue crews find us, they’ll be able to shore things up so it’s safer to free you without risking further injury. Can you hang on til then?”

Jules nodded. Sadie’s cries were breaking her heart and whether she could move or not, she had to comfort her daughter. Her left arm was pinned beneath her chest but her right arm was relatively free. She reached up with it, curling her fingers back toward her. “Give me Sadie.”

Greg didn’t make a move. “I don’t know Jules. I’ve been worried about putting her down anywhere in here. The debris seems centered more where you fell through but the dust is everywhere.”

She pushed up as much as she could on the arm pinned beneath her, groaning as the move caused her hip bone to grind deeper against the debris beneath her. It felt like a plank of some sort, maybe part of the wooden ladder that had led into the room? “You still got her diaper bag? There’s a thicker blanket in the bottom. Get it out and spread it out close to me. As mobile as she’s getting lately, I don’t think she’s going to stray too far from me right now.”

Greg nodded. He had a feeling Mommy needed the contact as much as Sadie did. He retrieved the blanket, noticing as he did that bag seemed well stocked. He didn’t think they’d have to worry about Sadie’s needs until they were rescued. He spread the blanket out, listening as Jules directed his moves. She’d managed to buy herself a couple of inches by leveraging her weight on her pinned arm and he couldn’t help but wonder how long she could support herself that way. When Jules was satisfied with the position of the blanket, Greg settled the seven month old as close to her mother as he could. 

The reunion between mother and daughter was poignant. Sadie buried her face in the crook of Jules’s neck and Jules craned her head so that she was kissing whatever part of Sadie she could reach. Her right arm came around her daughter hugging her tightly to her body. A couple of tears -- of relief? pain? fear?-- slipped down her cheeks as she whispered soothing words in Sadie’s ear.

Greg turned his back to the touching scene, wanting to give Jules a moment of privacy. He picked up his cane where it was almost forgotten on the floor where he’d dropped it when it became obvious that the bomb had exploded. He looked at Doug. “Okay, I think it’s time you came clean with us. Who are you working with?”

Doug shook his head. “I’m not working with anyone. It’s not like that.”

Greg frowned. His usual calm demeanor during a negotiation was gone, stripped away by his worry over Jules and the blinding sense of responsibility for protecting Sadie in her absence. Besides, it wasn’t like this was a negotiation any more. The gun was out of play, left in the office before they came down the ladder into the safe room, probably buried under as much if not more rubble than Jules currently was. “Snipers gunned down fourteen people on the sidewalk. Fourteen innocent people who thought they were going to safety when they never stood a chance. I don’t think you could have pulled the trigger so someone else must have. That alone suggests that you aren’t working alone. Then upstairs you were saying you never meant for it to happen further reinforcing the idea that you had help. Now I think we’ve all earned the right to know what all this is about.”

Doug buried his head in his hands, looking much smaller without the threat of weapons. “No one was supposed to get hurt. I was going to let everyone go including Saddler here moments before the bomb was to go off. While the police were busy arresting me and getting the hostages clear, the bomb was supposed to go off destroying the store and only the store. I’d go to jail, sure, but you,” he glared at the manager. “You would have lost everything important to you. I was going to take everything away from you the same way you took it from me.”

Saddler, the manager, frowned. “I told you I never met you before. How could I have taken everything away from you?”

Greg knew that Saddler’s part in all this was an important piece of the puzzle but one that could wait. He had no way of communicating what he learned to Sam and the rest of his team but he wanted to know what was going on so he had an idea what they were facing. They couldn’t very well start a rescue attempt if snipers were threatening their safety. “Then who was doing the shooting?”

“Must have been Walt and the others. They’re the ones who approached me with the idea. They knew I wanted to get revenge and they said this way was much better than just me running him down with my car or something. Walt gave me the gun and the bomb but that’s as far as their involvement was supposed to go. I don’t know why they shot those people. It doesn’t make sense.”

Their conversation was interrupted by Jules having another coughing fit. Deep wracking coughs that were followed almost immediately by a bitten off groan. Greg knew it was probably all the debris dust she’d inhaled during the explosion and while she’d been momentarily stunned in the aftermath. He returned to the diaper bag having seen several bottles of water when he’d retrieved the blanket. He grabbed one of the bottles and opened it before handing it to her. 

She shook her head. “No, that’s for Sadie’s bottles.”

“Jules, it’s water, it’ll help that cough. Wash away some of that grit coating your throat. You’ve got more in that bag for her bottles.”

She still refused. “Don’t know how long we’ll be here. Can’t take the chance of running out.”

“Just a couple of swallows. Sadie needs you to be okay so you can take care of her. Look at her, she’s already settled down just being close to you.” And she had. Her tears had stopped and her head was on Jules’s shoulder as she made babbling sounds as if she was singing to herself. Her finger was back in her mouth and her eyes were slowly drifting shut to finish the nap that had been interrupted earlier. Not even Jules’s coughing had bothered her. “Besides, Saddler has supplies stocked down here in case of emergency. Even if it takes them awhile, we’re okay.”

He didn’t know that for sure but he knew it was important for Jules to drink something. Reluctantly, she allowed him to hold the bottle to her lips so she could take a couple of sips. Even though he encouraged her to drink more she refused. Greg recapped the bottle and eyed her carefully. “How’s the pain?”

“Pain’s pain.” Jules replied in typical Jules fashion. Greg just raised an eyebrow and she sighed. “Not as bad as it could have been. I feel like somebody switched me out with the punching bag at the station and every one on the team had a chance to take a whack or two at me. It would really be heavenly if whatever was jabbing me in the hip was gone but I’m alive and everything seems to be working properly so I’m not going to complain.”

Greg tried to check out what it was that was hurting her. He winced. One of the rungs of the fold down ladder from the trap door down was pinned beneath her with the piece of metal that was supposed to connect to the next step poking up. The fact that it hadn’t impaled itself into her skin when she landed on it was a miracle. There was nothing he could do to move it out of her way and he worried that if the debris on top of her shifted any so that its weight pressed down on her even a little more, she wouldn’t be so fortunate. He’d have to see if Doug could suggest a way to minimize the potential risk it posed.

“Sarge, have you talked to Sam? Let him know we’re okay?” Jules asked tentatively. She could just imagine how he must have freaked out when the coffee shop exploded. She hated to put him through that worry on top of everything else. 

“No service down here. I bet the room is lined with lead to protect against radiation. It’s okay though, I bet even if the rescue crew can’t get in here through the regular entrance because of all that junk piled on top of you, they’re already working on getting in here another way. It won’t be long.” He glanced down at Sadie who had fallen back to sleep. He also could tell it was getting harder for Jules to prop herself up. “Let me see if I can lay Sadie down on the blanket next to you so you can relax for a little bit without having all your weight on that arm. You can rest your head on the blanket as well.”

He expected her to protest so he was surprised when Jules nodded. Greg awkwardly moved the little girl so that she was lying on her back in the middle of the blanket. Jules gently eased back down and put her head right next to Sadie’s, kissing the little girl‘s cheek as she did. Greg rubbed her shoulder. “I can’t let you sleep for long since you blacked out earlier but why don’t you get a little nap with Sadie while you can.”

She was unbelievably tired and couldn’t think of a good reason to fight the suggestion. She bit back a yawn. “Maybe just for a minute.”

Greg waited until her eyes had closed as well before he moved away. He returned what was left of the water bottle to one of the side pockets of the diaper bag and then rejoined the other two men. He glanced at Saddler. 

“We don’t know how long it’s going to take them to figure out a way in here. We should take stock of the supplies you have in here so we know what kind of rationing we need to do.”

Saddler sighed deeply, looking a little sheepish. “My supplies aren’t in here, they’re in my office. I guess I figured if I needed this place I’d have time to bring them down with me. I didn’t want to store stuff in here and let it go bad if nothing ever happened.”

“Idiot.” Doug muttered under his breath.

Even though Greg wanted to say the same thing, he knew it would do no good. It wouldn’t change the “what was” if they worried about the “what should have been”s. “Okay, as soon as the rescue teams see that there’s a safe room they’ll figure that’s where we are. They’ll get us out of here as soon as they can. We’ll just have to hang on until then.”

Saddler shifted uncomfortably. “Nobody knows about the safe room. I didn’t bother with permits because I didn’t want a record of it and I didn’t tell any of the employees what was going on. The room is small and in the case of something big happening, I didn’t want everyone trying to crowd in here. You can see it‘s almost claustrophobic in here with just the five of us and that‘s including a small baby. Imagine if all my employees tried to fit in here.”

Greg looked back at Jules and Sadie, sleeping oblivious to this new news. Jules was pinned where the slightest move could kill her, they had no surprise and rescuers had no idea how to find them. More than likely everyone on the outside thought they were dead. _How long would it be before that was true?_


	7. Chapter 7

“Aw, Sades, what am I going to do with you and your socks? Let you just go around barefoot like you seem to want until you’re old enough for me to have to wrestle shoes on those cute little feet? It would be cheaper than having to replace all the socks you keep losing.” Jules teased good-naturedly as she noticed for the first time since the explosion that Sadie was only wearing one sock. She gave the one bare foot an affectionate pinch as the seventh month old sat on the middle of her blanket playing with a few toys Greg had retrieved from the well-stocked diaper bag. The baby laughed, kicking her bare foot out proudly for display, seemingly indicating she thought that was an excellent idea. Jules shook her head, for a moment finding it almost easy to pretend this was just an ordinary day with her sprawled on the floor playing with the baby instead of being trapped under a pile of rubble. “I guess with everything that happened it‘s no wonder you lost one. I guess I should be happy you somehow managed to keep the other one on.”

Her nap hadn’t lasted long, some inner sense of danger refusing to let her rest long when her daughter might be in danger, but it was enough to temporarily recharge her so she could face whatever happened next. Sadie woke up not long after but had fortunately been content to stay on the blanket close to her mother. Jules wondered just how much the seven month old actually understood about what was going on. Every so often the baby would glance back at the pile resting on top of Jules, her forehead bunched up in what Sam called her “thinking” look. 

Tears pricked Jules’s eyes as she moved her free hand from Sade’s foot to lovingly cup the back of Sadie’s head. What little hair her daughter had was baby fine and so light she looked as bald as two of her favorite uncles, a fact that her Uncle Spike liked to tease her about her mercilessly. “I know I should focus on the fact that we’re alive and mostly unhurt but I can’t help but feel like I failed you. But don’t worry because Daddy is going to get us out of here as quickly as he can.”

At the mention of “Daddy” Sadie turned her head as if looking for him. Jules couldn’t help but smile. No matter how much it appeared sometimes that Sadie was hanging on their every word, she knew her daughter‘s vocabulary was still really limited. However, there were a few words that Jules knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Sadie clearly not only recognized but understood. Daddy was one of those words and it was also one of her favorites. A fact that delighted Sam immensely. 

She knew Sam was probably going crazy with worry. If she knew him, and she was pretty sure she knew him as well as anyone could, he was driving the rescue crews crazy trying to be a part of the search. There was no way he was going to sit on the sidelines while she and Sadie were in danger. Normally the idea that anyone, including Sam, had to ride in to her rescue would irritate her to no end. This one time though, as much as she wished she could affect her own release from the heavy chunks pressing down on her battered body, she had to admit the thought that Sam would move heaven and earth to save them made her feel better. She just hoped he didn’t push his own limits in the attempt. She had to trust that the rest of her team, knowing they would be right in the thick of things even if they weren’t supposed to be on call, would watch over Sam and intervene if he did.

Sadie’s face scrunched up and her face reddened slightly. Jules frowned. Sam had a name for that look as well, one that earned him a slap on the arm if he uttered it in Sadie’s earshot making him laugh and alter the phrase to her “stinking” look. She knew what that look meant and what it would mean in just a few minutes. She sighed. “Seriously? Now? You realize of course that Mommy is a little limited in what she can do right now and you‘re going to have to depend on Uncle Greg to fix this. I knew the chances of this would increase the longer we’re trapped down here but I was hoping to start him out on something a little friendlier. It’s a good thing your godfather loves you isn’t it?”

Sadie flashed her a wide grin and then got her “stinking” look again. Jules looked across the small space where Greg was sitting next to Doug. The two seemed to be in deep discussion; from the looks they kept shooting in her direction, she was pretty sure they were talking about her predicament. At least she hoped they were working out a solution to the piece pressing against her hip bone. The bruise forming from the piece of what felt like metal jabbing into her was becoming more and more painful. Even though both Greg and Doug had cautioned her not to move too much for fear of upsetting the precarious balance of the rubble piled on top of her, she couldn’t help but wiggle just a little bit from time to time trying to work herself in a more comfortable position. Nothing seemed to work.

She tried to shift slightly again now but this time a piece beneath her shifted with her pushing something solid beneath her ribcage. She yelped in pain before she could stop herself, startling Sadie and bringing Greg limping immediately to her side.

“Jules?”

She couldn’t answer him, had to figure out a way to ease her current position while she could still breathe. She could feel some of the debris above her shaking which earned her a quick caution from Greg to be careful. Once she wasn’t being poked in the ribs, she settled again, breathing hard. “I don’t suppose you’ve figured out a way to take care of that piece of metal poking me have you?”

Greg put a hand on her back between her shoulder blades, one area that seemed to be clear of the rubble. He knew she was hurting even though she’d never voluntarily complain. “Depends, you seem to have a little bit of everything else in that diaper bag over there, you happen to carry a band saw blade with you?”

Jules let out a short chuckle, wincing as the move made the metal rub against her sore hip bone. Sam was always teasing her that she carried everything including the kitchen sink in Sadie’s diaper bag. She would quip back that he could complain all he wanted but he’d be happy when they had what Sadie unexpectedly needed because she over packed. “Sure I do, it’s just not in the diaper bag. Honestly, a saw in a diaper bag? Please. I keep that in my purse. Unfortunately it’s still upstairs. However, there is something in the bag we are going to need in a few minutes.”

Greg looked at Sadie contently playing with her toys. Was it getting close to meal time for the infant? “Sure, what do you need?”

Jules shook her head. “Sorry, I’ve gotten good at doing some things one handed but I don’t think this will be one of them. How are your diaper changing skills?”

Greg swallowed hard. He looked from Sadie who grinned up at him and offered him one of her toys back to Jules. “You realize how long it’s been?”

She would have shrugged if she could do so without causing herself further pain. “It’s like riding a bicycle.”

“I was never good at that either. Besides, the only diapers I’ve ever changed were Dean’s. I wouldn’t know what to do with a little girl.”

Rolling her eyes didn’t cause pain so she exercised that ability for all it was worth. “Same general concept I can assure you. Although Sadie is probably less likely to give you a tinkle bath in the process. Consider it practice for the new baby. Team One seems to favor the odds of little girls over little boys.”

Still not looking too sure, Greg pulled the diaper bag closer and pulled out a clean diaper. “Sure, how hard could it be changing a wet diaper? Piece of cake right?” He saw Jules bite her lower lip as if trying to keep from laughing and he knew it was more than just that. He sighed again. Suddenly defusing bombs didn’t seem as dangerous. 

Jules could see his reluctance and felt bad. She shouldn’t have to depend on someone else to take care of her own daughter. “It’s okay. I’ll do it. Can you help me lay her down? If you hand me the wipes I should be able to handle it one handed.”

Greg felt guilty. Jules was such an independent person that he knew how hard it was for her to have to ask him to do this for her. She wouldn’t ask it of him if she didn’t truly need him and here he was wimping out. Surely he could suck it up and do this small thing for her. “Nonsense. I’ve got this. Might need you to talk me through it though. I‘d hate to end up putting a diaper on backward or upside down or something.”

Doug approached kneeling down beside them. “I can do it. Please, after all the pain I’ve caused, it’s the least I can do.” He rummaged through the diaper bag and pulled out the changing pad, wipes, and diaper cream. 

Jules looked up at Greg and then back at Doug, remembering the almost tender way he‘d looked at Sadie earlier. She should have realized it earlier. “You’re a father.”

Doug shook his head, looking wistful. “Not anymore.”

She wanted to tell him no. How could he ask to get anywhere near her daughter after all that he’d done? There was something about the look on his face though, the same kind of soft expression he’d gotten when he’d expressed his concern about Sadie’s crying. “Go ahead.”

She watched as he gently and carefully maneuvered Sadie onto the changing pad. Sadie looked up at him, seeming a little puzzled by this new face, but she didn‘t cry or protest. By the time the new diaper was on and he had Sadie’s yellow ruffle bloomers pulled back up, he had a couple of tears sliding down his chest. When he gathered Sadie in his arms and cuddled her to his chest almost reverently, Jules didn’t say anything. Just as she was able to pretend earlier for just a moment that she was playing with Sadie on her living room floor instead of trapped by rubble, she was pretty sure for a moment he was lost in a memory where it was his child he was almost desperately clutching instead of hers. 

After a moment he settled Sadie back on her blanket and after rubbing her back affectionately, he turned around. Quietly he found one of the bags that Jules kept in the diaper bag for dirty diapers and sealed the offending diaper away. Greg watched him, he knew the pain of being a father without really being able to claim the role. 

“How long has it been since you’ve seen your child?”

“Children.” Doug answered, his voice tight and haunted. “I had a little boy, Dougie who was four and little Amberlyn was just a year old. I thought I was the luckiest guy who ever walked the earth. No way I deserved such beautiful children but I wasn’t going to complain. Nine months. Nine impossibly long empty months without their smiles, without their laughter, without hearing ‘I love you, Daddy.’ Nine months where my world has meant nothing to me.”

“What happened?” Jules asked softly. She’d only have seven months with Sadie but she couldn’t imagine having to wake up to a day without her in her life.

Doug fixed his gaze on Saddler. “He took them away from me. He killed them.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
“Sam?”

For a moment, he ignored the call. He’d lost track of the number of times his friends had tried to get him to take a break. He’d lost track of how much time had passed, if time had even resumed turning after the explosion seemed to stop everything. After being granted permission to help sift through the ruins with the admonishment that he only work where rescue crews told him was stable enough for him to risk moving things, Sam had also lost track of how many pieces of destroyed building he’d handed off to whatever hands reached out to take it. 

“Sam? Is my dad dead?” 

Sam paused in the middle of trying to lift a particularly heavy piece of concrete block. He hadn’t recognized Dean’s voice when he’d first called his name. On some level he’d been aware that Dean and Marina had arrived earlier. Had even heard that Marina had fainted upon hearing about what had happened. Been aware of those things but hadn’t really processed the information. It wasn’t that he didn’t care; the Boss was family and that made his family Sam’s family as well. He just hadn’t been able to focus on anything else but the driving need to find his wife and daughter. Until he knew they were safe, they had to be his primary if not only concern. He couldn’t be distracted by anything else, even the important matters. However, that resolve broke down as the pain in Dean’s voice cut him to the quick, sounded too much like the raw pain that had consumed him from the moment the explosion had endangered what he held dear. He had to listen even though he didn’t know what to say.

Dean continued. “Ed, Spike, the others, they keep telling me that he’s gone. I look at all this and there’s nothing to tell me they’re wrong but I can’t accept it. I don’t want to believe it. For most of my life I grew up thinking the worst about my dad, that he was this deadbeat guy who was too consumed by his own problems and too much of a drunk to care about me or my mom. Then I came back here and realized whatever mistakes he’d made, he wasn’t the same person my mom had always described him to be. Maybe I never really had that wide-eyed belief that my Dad was Superman and capable of anything, but I know he’s a good father or that he wanted to be a good father. We got a second chance and even though we couldn’t get back those years we lost, we could make the most of the time we had now. I can’t see his life ending like this, not after he survived all that last year, not right now when things are in a really good place for him despite being forced to retire from SRU. Am I letting what I want to believe cloud my better judgment?”

Sam stared at him for a moment. Was this his friends’ latest trick to try to make him give up his search? Was Dean just voicing what Ed and the others wanted Sam to believe for himself? Immediately he rejected the idea; the pain on Dean’s face was real; probably very similar to the pain on his own. His blue eyes were bright with unshed tears shining around what he was sure were red rimmed lids. Between the pain and fear he was feeling and all the dust still floating in the air, his tear ducts were in over drive. 

“Dean, the odds aren’t good. You know that as well as I do. Look around, there’s not enough of the building left to even recognize that it ever was one. I’ve heard everything everyone is saying just like you have. Spike and the firefighters have gone over this whole area with thermal imagining devices and there’s no sign of life. No heat signatures that would indicate anyone is trapped beneath this rubble.” It was as if Sam was talking about some random call not his entire world on the line.

Dean’s face fell and he started to turn away. Sam continued, stopping him in his tracks. “I know all that but look at me, Dean. I’m here and if I have to lift every chunk of stone myself I’m going to do it until they are found. I have to. I have to do everything possible to give them a chance to be alive. I don’t have a choice. My heart can’t accept that they’re gone, not until or if it absolutely has to. It doesn’t matter if anyone else understands or if everyone thinks I’m crazy or in denial. I don’t know what I’m going to find but I know I have to keep searching. Maybe that’s letting what I want to believe cloud my judgment but who cares? I owe it to Jules and Sadie to be there for them.”

Dean stared at him for a moment and then nodded. Sam wasn‘t telling him what to believe or giving him promises of anything. He was simply explaining how he felt and why he was busting his ass shifting rubble. However, for the first time since Ed had told him what had happened, he felt hope. “Let’s do this then.”

They worked in silence for awhile. Then Sam looked at Dean, feeling a little guilty that he’d gotten caught up in his own emotions and ignored what was going on around him. He wiped the sweat from his forehead using his uniform sleeve. “How’s Marina?”

Dean glanced back toward the ambulances where they’d insisted his father’s girlfriend stay after she regained consciousness. He felt only a pang of regret for not staying by her side; knowing that finding out that his father was still alive would do her more good than having him hold her hand as she worried. “She’ll be fine. The shock of everything was too much for her.” He took a deep breath. “She’s pregnant. She and Dad just found out a couple of days ago. Dad wanted to be the one to tell everyone but the news is kind of out there now.”

Sam wanted to feel happy for the man who meant so much to him but he was too numb. Later, when Jules, Sadie and Sarge were safe, then he could feel good about things. “Congratulations. I bet that came as a surprise.”

Dean grinned in spite of himself. “That’s an understatement. They’ve both been freaking out about it but I think deep down under all the fear, Dad is really excited too.”

Sam remembered a different coffee shop and finding out he was going to be a father. His initial reaction had been excitement over the thought that he and Jules had created a life together. He’d also felt a surge of love for Jules that surpassed anything he’d ever thought possible as well as love for his unborn child. In the hours and days that followed the fears had crept in as well. Would Jules end up resenting him when the pregnancy started necessitating changes in what she could do on the job? Would her family hate him for “knocking up” Jules before he married her? Could he be a good father? Was it fair to bring a baby into their world with the dangers they faced on a daily basis? The last one made his gut clench. He’d feared that the job could possibly take him or Jules one day leaving Sadie without one or both of her parents. Never did it cross his mind that it would take her away from him. 

“Sam, are you okay?” Dean asked, concerned by the way Sam had suddenly paled.

No way in hell he was okay; he wouldn’t be, not until he had his family in his arms again. He nodded anyway and resumed his work. “Yeah, Look Dean, knowing he has you and an unborn baby out here who need him, there’s no way Sarge would ever give up without a fight. Keep holding on to that thought when it gets hard to hold on to hope.”

Dean nodded. “Thanks. We’re going to find them, right?”

“We’ll find them.” Sam promised. He just wished he was as confident as to what their condition would be once they did. 

They resumed working. It took both of them to move a really big piece. After they deposited it in the receptacle that had been brought in for the debris, they had to take a moment’s break even if they didn’t want to. Dean just wasn’t used to that kind of manual labor and Sam had just been at it too long without stopping. He’d noticed that the fire crew had rotated out so no one got too tired. He couldn’t allow himself that luxury though, felt guilty about even taking a minute. 

“Here, you both look like you could use this.” 

Sam hadn’t even noticed Spike’s approach until he was right there, holding out two bottles of water. Dean took one without hesitation upending almost the whole bottle in one long swallow. Sam accepted his but he didn’t move to open it let alone take a drink. How could he indulge his thirst when he didn’t know if Jules and Sadie were thirsty and hungry? 

Almost as if he could read his thoughts, Spike shook his head. “Sam, you aren’t going to do anyone any good if you don’t take care of yourself. I know you want to help Sadie, Jules and the Boss, but you’ve been at it for hours. No one is going to fault you for taking a moment to catch your breath and replenish your fluids, least of all your family. Torturing yourself isn’t going to help them and in the long run it could hurt them more. If they’re going to be okay, then they are going to need you at your best. You really want me to have to explain to Jules that you ran yourself to the ground because you refused your body’s basic needs?”

Sam’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t humor me, Spike. You think she’s dead. You think my baby is dead. You think Sarge is dead. If you thought they were alive you would be here helping me instead of trying to get me to stop.”

Spike’s jaw rocked. He understood Sam’s anger and his grief. He understood it but he couldn’t stand there and listen to his friend accuse him of not caring. “You think I don’t want Jules to be alive? Buddy, she may be your wife but she’s been my friend for more years than you’ve even known her. She’s been there for me through some really hard times and some really good times. The love I have for her isn’t the same as what you feel for her but it’s still real. You think I’m ready to think Sarge is gone? Since my father died and Ma moved back to Italy, who do you think has the filled the void they left in my life? You think I’m ready to lose someone that important to me? And Sadie? My God, Sam, even if she wasn’t yours and Jules’s daughter, I wouldn’t wish that fate on a helpless little baby. But the fact that she is your daughter? The embodiment of the best aspects of two people I count as my best friends? I want her to be alive more than anything, not just for you and Jules but for me as well.”

Spike’s voice caught as a lump formed in his throat. “I know all about wanting to put everything on the line to try to save someone else. I wanted to do that when Lew was standing on that mine. There’s nothing I wouldn’t have tried that day if there had been a chance of saving him, even if it meant I got blown up too. So, yeah, I get that you have to be here, that you have to do everything you can to save your family. I get it and I support you. I hope like hell you get a better outcome than I did. But I can’t let you take unnecessary risks any more than any of you could me back then. So quit giving me grief and drink that water and let’s do this.”

Sam felt ashamed of the way he’d spoken to his friend. Of course Spike cared. He knew that but their attempts to convince him that it was a lost cause had clouded that fact for him. He unscrewed the cap on the water bottle and took a long swallow. He felt better that Spike was offering to help but he couldn’t help but still feel the sting of betrayal from Ed and Leah. “What about the others? They think I’m crazy?”

Spike shook his head. “No, of course they don’t. They’d probably be right here but Holleran pulled them and Tom and John from Team 3 to help figure out why the snipers opened fire on the hostages. I was helping them run computer searches until a few minutes ago. We think it‘s somehow connected to a rash of robberies that‘s been happening since about the time this call started this morning. Ed thinks they have the ring leader cornered and they‘re going to arrest him now. I would have gone with them but Ed felt it was better for one of us to be here for you. Trust me, Sam, we’re going to get everyone who’s responsible for what happened today.”

Sam finished the water and tossed the empty bottle in with the removed debris. Knowing the team was still on his side helped, at least marginally. “I have to be honest, Spike, right now that doesn’t mean as much to me as it probably should. I’m getting back to work.”

With three of them working together, their small assigned area to clear went a little quicker. Soon they were down to finding broken pieces of furniture that had once been probably a table and chairs instead of just pieces of wall and ceiling. Spike grabbed hold of the handle of the mangled remains of something he couldn’t identify. Whatever it was, it looked out of place in the coffee shop. Concerned that it might have been part of the explosive device, he knelt down to examine it a little closer.

“What the hell is this?”

Sam looked over and practically pushed Spike out of the way to get to it. “It’s Sadie’s stroller. This is the area they were sitting in.”

“How do you know it’s hers?” Spike asked. He didn’t want to doubt Sam but he couldn’t tell it was even a stroller let alone who it could have belonged to.

Sam ran his hand over the material close to the handle. Without a word he ripped a piece away that had been attached to the back. The name Sadie had been embroidered in an elegant script beneath. “Nat sent us the stroller along with about a hundred other gifts for the baby. I think she was trying to make up for missing the wedding. Anyway, she’d already had the name embroidered on the back and we didn’t have to the heart to tell her that we were really opposed to having Sadie’s name plastered on her stuff for everyone to see. Jules had the idea of covering it up so we didn‘t hurt her feelings. I don’t know who loves the stroller more, Jules or Sadie. They were here, Spike. They were right here.”

“Sam.” Dean interrupted, a painful catch in his throat. Sam looked over at him and saw the young man had his hand held out palm side up. In his hand was an impossibly small yellow sock. 

Sam’s breath caught in his throat as he reached out to take the sock from Dean. In an instant he was transported back to the house that morning before he’d left for work. He’d entered the kitchen after showering and dressing to find his girls already there. Though he’d tried for months to encourage her to sleep in, Jules insisted on getting up with him to see him off properly. Sometimes Sadie woke up early as well and some times she slept in. This was one of those good days when he’d be able to kiss both his girls goodbye. Sadie was strapped in her high chair with the tray off as Jules prepared her breakfast of rice cereal mixed with some sort of fruit, from the smell pineapple delight this time. When he walked in, Sadie’s face lit up and, as she babbled happily, her fingers found her foot and she pulled off her yellow sock. She waved it proudly at him, pleased that her proficiency at removing the hated accessories was getting better. He’d laughed at her antics before gently extracting the sock from her grasp. He would have been content to leave her barefooted as long as it wasn’t cold but he knew Jules preferred that her feet stayed covered, something about having read that babies should have their feet covered to help them maintain body temperature. So because it was important to Jules, he’d kissed the bottom of Sadie’s foot before slipping the sock back on her foot. The same sock he was now holding. 

Suddenly, as if he hadn’t already known, the enormity of what he stood to lose washed over him. What if he was wrong? What if the situation was as hopeless as everyone had told him it was? Would this be all that he had left of his little girl? Mangled strollers, abandoned socks and a nursery full of things she’d never use again? And Jules? How could he ever sleep in their bed again, knowing she’d never share it with him again? 

He slumped to the ground, his legs unable to hold him any longer. His hands covered his face, the little scrap of yellow pressed to his skin. The wail that rose up from the pit of his stomach sounded foreign even to his own ears. The despair he’d been pushing aside since the bomb went off refused to be ignored any longer. He’d always heard people talking about their life flashing before their eyes when their life was threatened. Perhaps that explained why every important moment he’d ever shared with Jules, from the moment they met to every time they’d made love to the kiss they’d shared that morning before he left for work that morning, was playing in his mind like a video. Interspersed among those memories were the memories of just about every moment of the last seven months with Sadie. He clung to those memories the same way he clung to the sock, as if he let them go he would lose his last connection to Jules and Sadie. 

Spike gripped his shoulder, worried about this sudden breakdown and knowing he needed to do or say something to snap Sam back. “Sam, Buddy, I know this is hard but you’ve got to keep it together, Man. Jules, Sarge, and Sadie are counting on you. Nobody believes in their survival as much as you do and they need you to keep believing in them. I get that seeing the stroller and the sock is hard to take but they are objects. If Jules and Sarge would getting out of here in a hurry, of course they aren’t going to worry about the stroller. And the sock? Aren’t you the one who’s always telling us Jules can’t keep the damn things on Sadie’s feet? She could have lost that the moment they came in the coffee shop. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Dean knelt down as well. Seeing Sam break down like this was difficult for him but he wanted to return some of the hope Sam had given to him earlier. “Sam? You told me earlier that Dad would fight because he had me and the new baby to live for. You told me to hold on to that. Well, now you need to hold on to something as well. If it’s that sock, then so be it. Hold on to that sock until you can put it on Sadie’s foot again. And you are going to put it on her foot again just like my dad is going to be in that delivery room when I get a baby brother or sister.”

Sam took in deep ragged breaths as he wiped his eyes with his shirt sleeve and the put the sock in his left breast pocket above his heart for safekeeping. He nodded, silently thanking both Spike and Dean with his eyes. “Yeah, I hear you. I’m okay. Let’s do this.”

“Hey Scarlatti, you’re the bomb expert. Get over here. We think we’ve uncovered the remains of the bomb.”


	8. Chapter 8

Sensing a brand new fight was about to erupt between Doug and Saddler, Greg intervened. “Why don’t you tell us what happened?”

Doug looked at him, his eyes haunted with the memory. “That night has replayed itself a million times a day for the last nine months. My wife was furious with me; not that unusual an occurrence. LeeAnn had a fiery temper and I’m a perpetual screw up but despite both of those shortcomings we loved each other. For the longest time afterward, I couldn’t even tell you what this fight was even about. I think this particular day we’d both been pushed to our limits before we ever started to argue so it just exacerbated our emotions. Before we said things that couldn’t be taken back, she loaded the kids in the car and said she was going to spend the night with her mother. I didn’t fight her because I knew she’d be back. It wasn’t until the officer showed up at my door to tell me about the wreck that I began to think she wouldn’t be.” 

He crossed to the far side of the room as if he needed all the space he could get away from Saddler. Considering the room was only about ten feet across in any direction, that wasn’t easy. He slid down the wall and buried his face in his hands. “Her car had been found on a deserted area of Old Forrester Road. She’d apparently lost control and crashed through the guard rail. The car rolled down the embankment and burst into flames. Someone came by, saw the fire, and called it in. But by the time help got to them, it was too late. They were gone.” He looked up, glaring at Saddler. “He’s the one who reported the wreck.”

Greg looked from Doug back to Saddler. The manager shifted uncomfortably but his expression gave nothing away. Saddler frowned. “That was your family? I did everything I could but it was too late. Is that what today was about? You were pissed because my timing sucked? Maybe if you hadn’t driven her away in the first place, the accident wouldn’t have happened. If you are wanting someone to blame, try looking in the mirror.”

“Stop it!” The two words exploded out of Doug’s mouth with as much force as the explosion that had trapped them in this room. He pushed himself up and across the room before either Greg or Jules knew what was happening. He had Saddler pinned against the wall, his forearm pressing against the man’s throat. “Don’t you think I’ve wished every night for the last nine months that the fight hadn’t happened? Losing my wife and my kids would have been hell enough but knowing that LeeAnn died knowing the last words we ever spoke to each other were ones of anger? Knowing my kids died with Daddy’s angry words still fresh in their ears? I’d give anything to be able to go back and change my part in what happened that night. But this isn’t about my sins but about yours.”

Saddler’s face was turning red with the exertion of trying to breathe but Doug’s arm pressing against his throat wasn’t making it easy. Jules tried to push up to intervene, forgetting for a moment she was stuck. The debris digging into her ribs quickly reminded her and stilled her efforts. With his bad leg, it took Greg a moment to get to his own feet and come between the two men. He pulled Doug away. “Going at each other like this doesn’t help anyone. I get that losing your family is something that has hurt you terribly but isn’t the fact that we’re trapped down here -- that Jules is pinned beneath all that junk -- enough proof that violence isn’t the answer to that pain?”

Doug’s own breathing was just as ragged Saddler’s without having had someone cutting off his air supply. “You don’t understand. I never meant for any of this to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I just wanted someone to listen to me, to understand what he took away from. Wanted him to feel even a little bit of the pain I’ve felt. The police wouldn’t listen to me. He was getting away with murder and no one seemed to care.”

“Make me understand,” Greg urged him. “I’m listening to you. Jules is listening to you. We’re all listening.”

“He caused the accident that killed my family. He ran them off the road.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
“This doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t make sense at all.” Spike muttered mostly to himself. He glanced over his shoulder to where Sam and Dean were still clearing away the debris. At any other time, he’d get Sam’s opinion on what he was seeing, but he couldn’t this time. His friend was barely holding it together. He was beginning to think the physical exertion of sifting through the remains of the building was the only thing grounding Sam at the moment. He couldn’t imagine what the not knowing was doing to Sam. Couldn’t imagine being in his place. And because of that, he didn’t want to add to Sam’s emotional overload.

“Spike, what can I do?” Leah knelt beside him. 

“Did you get him?” Spike asked, a hard edge to his voice. Ed and Leah as well as a couple of members of Team 3 had left in pursuit of the man they thought might be the ring leader of this whole incident. Capturing him wouldn’t change what had already happened but it could at least give them answers they desperately needed. 

Leah nodded. “Yeah, caught him and one other in the process of robbing an armored car. From the take we found in their vehicle it wasn’t the first one. Ed took him back to the station to question him. I had him drop me off here so I could help. I spoke to Sam and Dean on my way over here but I don’t know that he even heard me.”

“Probably didn’t. We found some of Sadie’s things and I think it made the reality of this whole thing a little too real for him. We’ve got to find Sarge, Jules, and Sadie. If we don’t, we’re going to lose Sam as well. Jules and Sadie might not be his whole world but they’re the grand majority of it.”

Leah frowned. She’d talked to some of her former teammates from when she worked with the fire department. She knew they were considering this a recovery effort not a rescue attempt. As much as she didn’t want to admit it even to herself, she knew the odds were great that all they would find would be their bodies. She was afraid that voicing that fear would in some ways be traitorous. Positive thinking wouldn‘t change the outcome of what had already happened but it was all the hope they currently had. She wasn’t about to be the one to snatch that away. “What do you have here?”

Spike sighed, leaning back to sit on his heels and wiping the sweat from his forehead. “A mystery. Leah, I swear I’ve worked with more bombs over the years than I can count. There’s a certain science to them that doesn’t really change. A pattern you can count on so that even when there’s not much left of it you can still get information from the remains. Distinctive signatures that can lead you to the bomb maker, blast patterns that can tell you the components that comprised the bomb, things like that.”

Leah nodded. She’d heard him give almost the same speech word for word as he did his cross training with them on all things bomb related. There was a reason he was telling her this. “And this one?”

“What does that look like?”

Leah studied the components he was pointing at. Recently in his attempts to train them in what he was an expert at, he’d moved from defusing bombs to bomb identification. It was frustrating sometimes that where he saw intricate electric circuits and gadgets that made absolute perfect sense to him, she saw only incomprehensible. Burnt, twisted pieces of junk. This time however she thought she saw what he was seeing. “Is that the timer?”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, that’s got to be what it is. But it doesn’t make sense.”

“Why not? Aren’t most bombs controlled by a timer?”

Again he nodded. “Yeah but finding one this intact after this big of an explosion? Unheard of.” He knew she didn’t understand so he explained. “See the timer is on the topside of the bomb so since the force of the explosion usually goes up and out, the timer takes the brunt of the impact.”

Leah was starting to see what Spike was telling her. “So this timer was beneath the bomb.”

Spike shrugged. “That’s what it seems like but it’s not possible. While I was doing the computer searches earlier, John filled me in on what Jules was able to feed them. She saw the timer. It wasn’t beneath the bomb.”

“So someone tried to move the bomb and it tipped over?” To Leah, it seemed like a logical conclusion without a big mystery but Spike immediately shook his head, shuddering a little. She didn’t understand his immediate rejection of the idea, knowing enough from Spike’s lessons that such an act would have caused the bomb to go off prematurely which would explain why the explosion happened almost fifteen minutes early.

“The timer seems to be facing up not down. If the had turned upside down, so would have the timer. Besides, the blast would have gone down and out instead and we still wouldn’t have the timer intact.” He didn’t add that if that scenario had happened, the rescue team would have found the burnt remains of the person who had dropped it because there wouldn‘t have been time for him or her to get away. His stomach twisted knowing that the person would have most likely been Jules. 

He shook his head, dismissing the images and thoughts far from his mind. Jules had showed a lot of promise at defusing bombs under pressure. She wouldn’t have tried to move the bomb without being a hundred percent sure it was neutralized. Even if it had been, she would have waited for someone with more experience in bomb retrieval to do the actual moving of the device. She wouldn’t have made such a rookie mistake, especially not with Sadie in potential danger. 

“So what are you thinking?” Leah probed softly. As hard as this situation was for her, she knew without anyone saying it, that it was much harder on Spike and Ed who had known Sarge and Jules much longer, and infinitely harder on Sam who was married to Jules. Not that anyone would rate degrees of pain in this situation.

Spike slipped off his gloves and rubbed his face wearily. How long had this day been and how much longer could it last? “We know Jules saw a timer presumably where bomb timers usually are on top of said bomb. We know it was counting down. We know the explosion had very little effect on this timer. We know the bomb went off about fifteen minutes early. I guess I’m thinking that maybe there was a secondary timer hidden beneath the device set to go off early. I just don’t know why someone would go to that much trouble.”

“Unless someone wanted to make sure the explosion happened even if our subject got cold feet.”

Spike met her gaze, his eyes wide. “Someone who wanted to make sure pretty much every cop in the city was tied up with things here instead of worrying about petty robberies taking place in other locations.”

“I’ll call Ed and tell him your theory. Maybe the information will help him as he questions Walter Logan.” Leah shook her head. “That’s messed up. Fourteen confirmed dead and the fate of at least five more uncertain and for what? So you can knock over a few banks and armored cars a little easier? That’s sick.”

“No,“ Spike qualified. “That’s cold blooded murder.” He glanced back at Sam. “I know we can’t keep this information from him forever but right now? I don’t think he needs to know this. He’s having a hard enough time as it is. I don’t think he can take anything else right now.”

“Copy that.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
“Who did you send into the coffee shop?” Ed demanded, leaning heavily on his hands on the opposite side of the table from his prisoner. He knew his stance was intimidating. But he’d been questioning Walter Logan for what seemed like hours without getting anywhere.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. What coffee shop? I’m not a big fan of overpriced coffee when I’ve got a perfectly good coffee maker at home that makes it for a lot cheaper. If you ask me, I think you’ve probably spent a little too much time in a coffee shop. You’re a little too jumpy. Might better switch to decaf.”

Ed really wanted to grab the man by the shirt and shove him up against the wall. He was too professional to do that even if his professionalism was currently strained to its limits but the want was there regardless. “We’ve got you dead to rights. The only chance you have of coming out even halfway okay in all this is if you come clean.”

“You caught me robbing an armored car. Okay, I confess. Times aren’t all that great and I needed the money. I knocked off a few of them even. That’s all I’m guilty of though. If you think differently, I’d love to see the proof you have of it. It’ll be pure fabrication though because I didn’t do anything else.”

“We know about the second timer. The one guaranteed to make sure the bomb went off and kept us too busy to respond to anything else.” Ed pressed, using the information he’d gotten from the text that Leah had sent him. “What do you have to say about that?”

“Didn’t know about a first timer let alone a second one. Sounds very despicable. I hope you find the person responsible.” Logan didn’t so much as blink.

Ed’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t going to get anything more out of this man. Not unless they had something more substantial to threaten him with. He didn’t buy his claims of innocence but he didn’t think he’d ever questioned anyone that cool under pressure before. It didn’t really matter. Let him think he was getting away with something. They had him in custody and they had enough with the robberies to hold him indefinitely. He wasn’t going to go anywhere and getting a confession at this point wouldn’t change what was going on back at the bomb scene. All that was going to happen if he stayed in that room was him risking giving Logan’s attorney ammunition to use against him in a police brutality charge. He‘d be damned if he did that. “I think we already have.”

He turned and stormed out of the interrogation room after ordering the uniformed officer to take him to booking. Outside in the hall, he balled his hand into a fist but stopped just short of punching the wall. He could almost hear Greg’s voice in his ear, telling him to calm down, to control the situation before the situation controlled him. It wasn’t the first time in the past year that he’d imagined what advice his friend would give him in a difficult situation. Didn’t know how many calls that imagined advice had helped him in a difficult situation. Being the sergeant was different from just being the tactical leader. A difference he hadn’t known would exist when he’d first gotten the promotion. Besides imagining he could hear Greg talking to him in the moment, how many times in the last year had he actually sought out Greg’s advice on one thing or another in reality as well? A world without Greg Parker in it didn’t seem so inviting. 

“Ed?”

He whirled around to see Winnie standing there wearing her civilian clothes. “Your shift ended a couple of hours ago. What are you still doing here?”

When her eyes cast downward and to the right, Ed realized his tone had been sharper than he had intended it to be, his words coming out more like an accusation of wrong doing instead of the concern he‘d meant. He inwardly swore and outwardly apologized. “If Izzy were here she’d tell me I’m being nothing but a big meanie today and that I need a time out. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. What I meant was that it’s been a hard shift, you should have gotten out of here as soon as you could.”

“I don’t think any of us are at our best today.” Winnie assured him as a way of showing she accepted his apology. It had been a difficult day, listening to everything going on and powerless to really do anything to help. Only two other days in her time with SRU had been as bad. “I thought about leaving. Thought about going home and opening a bottle of whatever was the strongest alcohol I had and not stopping until it was empty. Realized I probably didn’t own anything strong enough to really do the job. Besides, that didn’t seem very productive. So after Ben came on, I switched over to the other computer. Earlier Sam had me trying to find some sort of connection that would tell us who the subject was and why he was doing this. I guess now it doesn’t matter as much but I still wanted to do that for Sarge, for Jules, for Sam.”

Ed nodded; he knew exactly what she was talking about. When the family was in trouble, shift times didn’t seem to matter as much. “I thought the search on the complaints was too broad to really find anything.”

“It was. So I tried something different. Instead of looking for possible subjects named Doug and trying to connect him to the people we knew were inside, I went the opposite direction. Seemed to me that it was more likely that the target was one of the employees than a customer so I started there. Started a search that went back a full year on each of the names.”

“Any luck?”

Winnie shifted from one foot to the other. “Okay, bear with me on this cause it’s going to sound like I was reaching. Maybe I was but it wasn’t like anything else was getting us any where.”

“Winnie?” Ed interrupted, his tone much gentler now.

The dispatcher flushed as she realized she was babbling. “Sorry. Okay, so last October Aaron Saddler, the manager, made a call to 9-1-1 reporting a vehicle fire. He’d driven by and discovered it. Three people died in the crash, 31 year old LeeAnn Brantley, 1 year old Amberlyn Brantley, and -- the reason this call generated in the report -- 5 year old Douglas Brantley…”

Ed frowned. “Winnie, I think our subject was much older than five, not to mention you said he died in the crash. I don‘t think he could be our Doug.”

Winnie nodded. “No, but his father could be. Little Douglas Brantley was a junior.”

“Okay, but still making a 9-1-1 call doesn’t seem like grounds for guns and bombs. Besides, Sam got the distinct impression that the subject had felt like he hadn’t gotten satisfaction from the police department on whatever the issue was. Did Brantley file any complaints?”

“No reports of any complaints.” Winnie saw that Ed wasn’t impressed and continued quickly. “That got me thinking though. What if the reason he felt like he wasn’t getting satisfaction on his complaint was because no one took him seriously. Not even seriously enough to make a report of it. I know every complaint is supposed to be logged in case it turns out to be something later, but we both know not everyone does it.”

Ed knew many such officers who were guilty of that, hell, he‘d even been guilty of it when he walked a beat when he‘d known there was nothing real or substantive. In this case however, without a report though, it was just supposition. “So there’s no way to know.”

“Not exactly. People tend not to pay dispatchers much attention. They forget that we see everything and that usually we’re the ones who have first contact with everyone who calls or comes into the station. I made some calls to the station that handled the initial accident. The dispatcher there is a friend of mine and she remembered the call vividly. For the first couple of months after the accident there was nothing. Then all of a sudden after the first of the year, she said Doug Brantley started making almost daily calls and visits to the station claiming that his family hadn‘t died as a result of a simple accident. She said Brantley insisted that Saddler, the man who had made the call to 9-1-1, wasn’t just an eyewitness to the wreck but had caused it.”

Ed raised an eyebrow. “Seems like a logical complaint. Why wasn’t a report filed and why wasn’t the allegation investigated?”

Winnie shrugged. “The timing was way off. Apparently the road where this accident happened isn’t highly traveled. The police estimated that almost three hours had passed from the crash and when the 9-1-1 call was made. Not to mention Saddler’s car didn’t have any dents or scratches to indicate it had been in a crash. Brantley wouldn’t listen, kept insisting that Saddler had murdered his family. My friend said at first no one wanted to make an official report because they saw Brantley as this distraught man looking for someone to blame for the loss of his family. They were afraid if they made a report Saddler could decide to bring harassment or defamation of character charges against him. The longer it went on the officers just got aggravated having to deal with him.”

It wouldn’t be the first time a grief-stricken person had gone to extreme lengths trying to assuage the sadness the sudden loss had left them in. Reality didn’t matter once the assumption of guilt had been decided by an emotionally unbalanced person. Ed nodded. “Good work, Winnie. Let’s get a picture of Douglas Brantley….”

“Already done. Tom was the only one on Team 3 who got any sort of glimpse of the subject so I sent the pic to his PDA. He can’t say with one hundred percent certainty that he’s our guy but he did confirm that it was a strong likelihood. I know that maybe figuring out who the subject is and why he did this doesn’t really matter right now as far as finding Sarge, Jules, and Sadie but maybe it’ll end up helping us get justice in the long run. Ben is running Brantley’s name against Logan and the snipers that were arrested at the scene to see if there is any connection at all. If they so much as swiped their credit cards at the same gas station within a week of each other, we’ll know it.”

For the first time since he’d gotten the call from Norm Holleran, Ed felt like smiling. Perhaps things were finally starting to look up. “Winnie, I could have Spike kiss you for this. Great work; I mean it. We’re lucky to have you on the team. But seriously, it’s time for you to go home. It’s been a hell of a day and you’ve more than earned the break. I don’t recommend drowning in the bottom of the bottle of your favorite alcoholic drink; it just doesn’t help in the long run. But overindulge in something else. Eat a whole bag of potato chips, lose yourself in a marathon of I Love Lucy reruns, soak in a bubble bath until your skin looks like a prune, whatever.”

It was like he knew her so well; she’d done all three of those in the past after a shift that wouldn’t end just because she’d shed the uniform and left the station. Tonight though, it wouldn’t be enough and more importantly it wasn’t what she wanted. Tonight she couldn’t handle going to her apartment alone and shutting out the world and everyone in it. Tonight she needed to be around people she knew and loved. She had to feel like she was being useful.

“There’s something else that I need more but I need your help for it,” she admitted. Ed raised an eyebrow in question but waited for her to continue. She took a deep breath. “I know they’ve got the scene pretty well closed off to just about everyone. So much so that not even my badge will get me in if I just go down there. I’d like to ride back with you so I can get beyond the yellow tape.”

It was on the tip of Ed’s tongue to deny her request. He’d never felt the urge to coddle Jules, shield her from the harsher aspects of the job, partly because he knew she could handle it and partly because he knew she’d never let him get away with it. Winnie was a different story. Winnie was tough but not in the same way. She might wear the uniform but dispatchers weren’t trained the same way as they were. She hadn’t seen the atrocities they had, and she didn’t need to see first hand how horrible the world could really be. He wanted to spare her that but before he could tell her no, he stopped himself. She’d been there all day, listening to everything, hearing everything, feeling everything, but seeing nothing. Her imagination had to be in overdrive creating how bad it could be. Could reality be any worse than that? She was a part of the team just as much as any of them; she deserved to be there. “Okay, let’s go.”

They fell into step side by side as they made their way out of the building, Winnie matching his long stride effortlessly. Once she was seat belted in, she looked over at Ed who was gripping the steering wheel tightly as if he had to work up the courage to turn the key in the ignition. She reached over and touched his shoulder, drawing him out of himself. “You’re scared.”

It wasn’t a question but Ed nodded anyway. It also seemed to break his trance and he started the vehicle and pulled out, heading toward the bomb site. “We’ve had so many close calls before. Times when it didn’t look like they were going to make it. When Jules was shot on that rooftop and when that bio lab exploded with the anthrax spores getting dangerous, we almost lost her. Some nights I still wake up sweating from nightmares from last year. I held Greg on that catwalk as he was slowly bleeding to death but in my dreams he doesn’t make it. I want to hope that this time will be like those. They might be hurt but they’ll survive and be okay. That they are too tough and too good to die. I’m scared to get my hopes up though; afraid that this time luck won’t be on our side and they aren’t going to walk away. Part of me says it’s better to believe the worst because it won’t hurt as much if that happens. Part of me says focus on the snipers Team 3 arrested on the scene and on Logan so I don’t have to think about three people I care about being buried under all that rubble.”

“There’s a chance though, right? That they are still alive?” She couldn’t imagine the alternative. With the exception of the immediate aftermath of the day of the bombing when he‘d been too weak to do much of anything, Greg Parker had still showed up at the station at least once a week with coffee for everyone, a reassuring reminder that no matter what happened he was forever their “Sarge” and “Boss.” His retirement had changed that. And Jules, the last time she’d stopped by the station with Sadie, she’d grabbed the calendar that Winnie kept at the desk and flipped forward a few months and circled the day she was scheduled to return from maternity leave in red after Winnie mentioned missing having her around. She couldn’t imagine her world without them in it. Didn’t want to contemplate how empty it would be.

“I don’t know.” Ed answered honestly, not believing in sugarcoating things. “I want to believe it but I just don’t see how. Sam’s convinced they’re alive though. Won’t even thing about the alternative. I think he’ll move every piece of rubble by himself if he has to. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so driven. I guess I can’t blame him. If it were Sophie and Izzy trapped, I’d probably be the same way.”

“At least this time he has something physical to concentrate on. Last October when he was sitting in that hospital waiting room waiting on word about Jules and the baby, I don’t think he was even feeling his own injuries. He looked so lost sitting there with his eyes never straying from the door as if he were willing the doctor to come in and tell him it was all okay. I don’t think he even blinked more than he absolutely had to.”

“I didn’t realize you got there that quickly.” Ed commented quietly. The young newlyweds had elected to spend Thanksgiving with Jules’s father but knowing it was too far to go all the way to Medicine Hat, had arranged to meet him halfway. A collision after a semi jackknifed on the interstate stopped those plans and landed Jules in a hospital far from home and far from her own doctor and friends. By the time he and Greg had been able to make the drive to get there, Winnie and Spike were already there. He hadn’t asked any questions about how they had beaten them or how they’d managed to come together but it was after that time that the two had become the couple they now were. 

Winnie nodded. “I was visiting my sister and her husband for the holiday. It was just good fortune that it was the same city they life-flighted Jules to after the accident. Spike called me as soon as he got the call having remembered me saying that’s where I was going. He said Sam sounded bad and he didn’t want him sitting in the waiting room alone in case the news wasn’t good. I could tell Spike was feeling bad about not being able to be there any quicker than he could drive there. So I promised to go to the hospital and after telling my family what was going on, my brother-in-law, a chopper pilot, volunteered to go pick Spike up in his helicopter to get him there quicker.”

The relief Sam had expressed when the doctor had told him that Jules would make a full recovery didn’t limit itself to just his face. His whole body had radiated it and it was tempered only by the continued news that they wouldn’t know about the baby for awhile. She’d remained in the waiting room while Sam had been allowed to go back and see Jules for a few minutes before she was moved to a room. Sitting there, she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever have someone love her with that same intensity. Almost at the same moment Spike had walked into the waiting room. The look he gave her lacked the life or death importance that Sam’s had had when the doctor talked to him but the happiness at seeing her was the same. It was then that she realized that rules were stupid in the face of real emotion. She wasn’t sure if the kiss she gave him surprised him or her more but it had forever changed their relationship. 

Spike was a big reason she’d wanted to ride with Ed to the scene. He would be there for Sam, Jules, Sarge, and Sadie for as long as he was needed and she wanted to be there for him in return. 

Ed parked and they ducked under the yellow tape to make their way to the rubble site. Winnie’s stomach turned as she got her first good look at the devastation. She’d known it would be bad from the moment Sam’s scream had reverberated in her headset when the building had exploded earlier. A scream that was still echoing in her mind whenever there was a moment of silence even now hours later. Nothing however could have prepared her for just how bad. Ed put a hand on her lower back to guide her to where the rest of the team was working. 

Or should have been working. Instead they found Sam nose to nose with the fire captain in charge of the rescue efforts. His gloved hands were clenched into fists and he looked like he could resort to using them at any moment. Spike was standing directly behind Sam and looked for all the world like he was in the middle of the negotiation of his life. Dean and Leah were standing to the side. The former looked visibly upset as the latter tried to comfort him. 

Ed’s heart dropped, not wanting to believe the worst but knowing something had obviously happened. He approached, almost stepping between the two men. He looked from the captain to Sam. “What’s going on?”

Sam’s voice was thick with emotion. “They’re giving up on them. They’re giving up on the Boss.” His voice broke completely with his next words. “He’s giving up on Jules and Sadie.”


	9. Chapter 9

“We’re not giving up on anyone.” The fire captain argued. “We’re simply suspending the search for tonight. It’s starting to get too dark to see what we’re doing and it won’t be safe to continue until morning.”

“They might not have until morning.” Sam countered. “We don’t know how badly they’re trapped; they most certainly don’t have food or water but we don’t even know if they have enough air or if they are seriously injured. We’re wasting time they might not have just by standing here debating things.”

The fire captain ran his hand through his hair. “I get that you have loved ones missing and that you are concerned about them. I don’t have a choice though. I have to think about my crew and their safety as well. We’ll start back at first light when it’s safe. I know you don’t want to wait but there‘s nothing else we can do.”

“You’re sentencing them to death.” Sam accused.

Sam was pretty sure the expression on the captain‘s face suggested that he thought that sentence had been carried out in the initial explosion. Instead the man tried to reason with him. “Not necessarily. In the aftermath of the 2001 terrorist attack in New York, some who survived the initial collapse lived for days buried under the rubble.” He didn’t add that those same people later died before they could be rescued. That wouldn’t help Sam accept the decision to suspend operations.

“How many of them were seven months old?” Sam growled.

“Sam, give me a minute here.” Ed interjected, realizing this argument was going to end badly if someone didn’t intervene. “Captain Lawrence, I get that it’s hard for your people to work in the dark. What if we set up a bunch of flood lights? We could get city crews in here to set up so many it’ll look like the middle of the day.”

“Lights would help,” The captain admitted. Immediately Ed cast a look at Winnie even though she was officially off duty. She nodded anyway, already reaching for her phone. The captain continued, his expression grim. “It’s not going to happen though. I put in a call two hours ago for lights and was told unless I had confirmation of life it was a no go.” 

Winnie ended the call. “On their way, Ed. It’ll take about an hour to get everything in place. I told them sooner would be better but it‘s going to take awhile to get everyone in place.”

“Thank you, Winnie.” In any other circumstance, Ed might have been sporting a smirk that she’d succeeded where the fire crew had failed. This was no pissing contest though and the only satisfaction that Ed got from Winnie’s pronouncement was that the search could continue. He looked back at the captain, carefully modulating his tone so that he didn‘t sound condescending. It wouldn‘t do anyone any good if he alienated the captain. “Anything else you need?”

“Yeah, people trained in this kind of search and rescue. It seems like you are wanting this to be a round the clock operation but I can’t do that with one crew. And I can’t afford to pull anyone else in from our department. I’ve got to have fresh crews covering the rest of the city; I can’t tie all my people up here and put the rest of the city at risk. Now, I know my guys, they’ll give me everything they’ve got but they’re not going to last forever and it‘s not fair to ask them to push themselves this hard when they don‘t have to. That’s one of the reason I want to call it a night now. Let them get some rest and come back in the morning fresh.”

Sam’s eyes narrowed. “This is your job. Quit whining and making excuses.”

The captain’s irritation was obvious. “Look, the only reason we’re letting you help with the search is because I know it’s your family that’s missing. If you weren’t SRU, you wouldn’t even be on this side of the yellow tape. Keep mouthing off and I’ll withdraw permission to have you involved.”

It was obvious to everyone from Team One that Sam was making a Herculean effort to reign in the retort he obviously wanted to make. Instead he shrugged off Spike’s grasp and walked off a few feet, keeping his back to the group. Spike started to follow him but Ed stopped him. 

“Give him a minute. Captain Lawrence, I’ll see what I can do to get you some volunteers. Until then you’ve got all of us. We may not have all the training your people have but we’ve done our share of assisting in similar situations.”

_“Sgt. Lane?”_

“Go ahead, Ben.”

_“I’ve got confirmations from three surrounding municipalities so far agreeing to supply mutual aid assistance, working on getting more. Your first wave of reinforcements should be on site in 90 minutes.”_

“Copy that, Ben, please express our gratitude.” 

“I guess SRU gets everything they ask for.” Captain Lawrence grumbled.

“No sir, we don’t. If we did, our people would already be safe. Now, you’ve got lights and people coming but what about in the meantime? Can your people keep working in the interim? My buddy over there, he’s a good guy and right now hope that we’re going to find the people that are trapped is all he has. And as for the people trapped? Let me tell you about them.”

Ed took a deep breath, trying to get his own emotions under control. If he lost his cool now, there would be no rationalizing with this man who was thinking logically and not emotionally. He led the man away from the group so no one else could hear him, not that anything he had to say was a secret to any of them. “Sgt. Greg Parker. He’s more than just my best friend. He’d give you the shirt off his own back if you needed it. If he were out here and you were trapped, he’d be moving heaven and earth to free you whether it seemed likely it was possible or not. He’d forego sleep, food, all the basic necessities if he had to in order to get the job done. I’d give anything to be half the man he is. That’s his son over there. A son that grew up without really knowing his father but fortunately they got a second chance and are making the most of it. Greg found out just a couple of days ago that he’s going to be a father again. He’s got everything to live for and people who need him, including me.”

Ed glanced back over to where Sam was standing, his fist clenched tightly in front of his face, looking completely lost. “Jules Callaghan Braddock. Badass personified. She’s Sam’s wife and a member of my team. Sniper, negotiator, you name it she can do it and make it look damn easy. Nothing scares her or if it does, she doesn’t show it. She’d face the devil himself without so much as blinking and tell him he could just go straight back to hell. Right now I bet she’s pretty scared though. Not because she’s trapped in that rubble somewhere, but because her baby is trapped with her. Sadie Grace Braddock. Seventeen pounds of perfection, created from the love of two people who didn‘t let anything or anyone come between them in order for them to be together. She’s only seven months, not even old enough that Jules has finished her maternity leave. She deserves every possible chance she can get to grow up to be just like her parents. So I’m begging you, even if you don’t believe there’s a chance in hell that they could still be alive in that mess, give them every chance to prove you wrong.”

Captain Lawrence sighed. “I can see why you are SRU. You’re a hell of a negotiator. Okay, we’ll keep working but I need you to do something for me in return.”

Ed nodded. “Name it.”

“Get him to take a break,” he nodded toward Sam. “He’s too emotional -- rightly so I know, but he’s no good to anyone like he is now. I know there’s no way in hell you’re going to get him to go far but put those negotiation skills to use on him. Volunteers have set up a rest station in that empty shop over there. They’ve got coffee, sandwiches, cots. Get him to use this hour we’ve got before the lights are set up to get some distance so he can actually do us some good.”

Ed thought he had about as much of a chance of convincing Sam to walk away from the destroyed building as he had of being able to walk to the moon. “I’ll try. I‘ve got to warn you though; I don‘t think anyone is that good a negotiator.”

He turned his back on the captain and after signaling the rest of the team to stay where they were, crossed over to where Sam was standing. He didn’t think the younger man was aware of his presence as first so he reached over and gently clasped his shoulder.

“Sam, they’re gonna keep looking,” Ed started, his voice soft and calm. The fist he‘d noticed Sam clenching, upon closer examination, appeared to be more of a tight grasp instead of a fist. He wasn’t sure what he was holding on to so tightly but the hint of something yellow was just visible sticking out between his fingers. Though Ed wondered about it, he didn’t ask, choosing instead to focus on what was really important. “They aren’t even going to stop while we wait for the lights to arrive.”

“They don’t believe they are alive.” The emotion in Sam’s voice was thick and Ed could tell it was taking everything in him not to break down completely. Ed remembered the captain of accusing Sam of being too emotional. Considering what was on the line for the younger man, Ed thought he was exhibiting remarkable control. He couldn’t think of anyone stronger in that moment.

“No, no they don’t.” Ed agreed, seeing no reason not to be honest. “They are seeing the situation with their eyes not their heart. Just like I was at first. But I’m glad you are following your heart. Greg, Jules, Sadie -- they need someone to believe in them even if no one else does. They would do the same for us if the situation was reversed.”

“I wish it _was_ reversed.” Sam admitted so softly that Ed had to strain to hear him. “I’d take their place in a second if I could. How many times have I been caught or almost caught in an explosion? I’ve lost count. Surviving bomb blasts seems more my thing than Jules’s, and trust me when I say I prefer it that way. I guess now I know why after each of those times she looked like she couldn’t decide if she wanted to hug me for surviving or slug me for scaring her. I know damn well which one I’m going to do when we find her.” He put the object, which Ed could now recognize as a small sock, in his pocket. He wondered if he‘d found it in the rubble or if he made the habit of carrying something of his daughter with him while on shift. For months after Clark was born, he‘d carried his son ID bracelet in his pocket as a reminder that he now had someone who depended on him to come home at the end of each shift. It wasn‘t something he‘d ever told anyone about. Sam looked from the bomb site to Ed and then back again. “I should get back to work. I can’t find them if I’m just standing here.”

“You need to take a break, Sam. Take Dean with you; the kid looks like he’s ready to collapse. The old Sherbets building has been temporarily converted to a rest station for the workers. Go, eat a sandwich, drink some coffee, and lay down for a few minutes. Take a moment to recharge yourself. I promise, in the meantime, Spike, Winnie, Leah, and I will keep searching.”

Sam shook his head. “I can’t stop; we’ve wasted too much time as it is. Besides if I stop for even a moment I can hear Sadie crying. I’d get my hopes up even more that we were close to them but I know I’m hearing her in my heart and not with my ears. Doesn‘t make it any easier to hear.”

“Buddy, you aren’t going to be much good to anyone if you don’t take care of yourself. Jules…”

“Don’t.” Sam looked at him, his eyes rimmed in red. He shook his head pleadingly. He didn’t sound angry but almost like he was in pain. “Don’t start telling me what Jules would want. That Jules wouldn’t want me to run myself ragged. I get that you are trying to look out for me but frankly, it doesn’t help. I don’t want to hear what Jules would say unless she’s here telling me for herself. If she wants to bust my chops for anything I’ll listen without interruption if for no other reason than to hear her voice. Because it’ll mean she’s here and she’s okay. Until then, I’m not going to let anyone stop me from doing everything I can to find her and Sadie. With all due respect, that includes you.”

Ed nodded. He’d known getting Sam to take a break wouldn’t be easy. They’d gotten away with playing the “Jules would want you” card earlier but he’d known it was only a matter of time before that tactic failed to work. Sam was beyond caring about his own well being. If Jules and Sadie were gone, then it wouldn’t matter to him if he went with them. If they were alive, it was worth whatever he had to put himself through in order to rescue them. So how was he going to convince him to take a break? All the man cared about was taking care of his family, something Ed really couldn‘t fault him for. Ed nodded. That was his answer.

“Okay, so don’t do it because Jules would kick your ass for not taking better care of yourself. Do it because it’s what’s best for her and Sadie. That’s what you want right? For them to be okay?” Sam nodded, almost glaring at him. “Okay so let’s say you push yourself beyond your limits. You keep blazing on when you have nothing left in the tank. What happens then? You collapse from exhaustion and then what happens? The people who should be searching for Sarge, Jules, and Sadie have to stop what they are doing to take care of you. Talk about wasted time. Or worse, what if because you aren’t at your best, you move the wrong piece and cause a collapse that makes things worse? How does that help anyone?”

Ed felt like a heel even as the words left his mouth. He knew Sam would never want to do anything to hurt the ones trapped in the rubble, whether he knew them or not. He gave himself fully in every situation because he didn’t know how not to. He took the priority of life seriously, putting his own well-being beneath that of everyone else. Even if Jules and Sadie were home safe at the moment, Sam would still do everything possible to save the injured. He was just that kind of person and Ed admired the hell out of him for it. Using the younger man’s large heart to play what had to be the biggest guilt card ever to be played seemed almost cruel, but Ed knew it was for Sam’s best. 

Sam paled but his eyes narrowed and his jaw rocked. Once again his fist clenched. Seeing it, Ed thought he would completely deserve it if Sam actually threw the punch. Sam’s arm came back but as it came forward his top finger uncurled to point at Ed. He shook his head. “I would never do anything to endanger Jules and especially not Sadie.”

“I know.” Ed agreed calmly as if this was simply a discussion over which tactical plan they should use on a call. “That’s why I know you are going to take my suggestion and go on over to Sherbets. Thirty minutes to an hour, Sam. That’s all I’m asking for. In the meantime, I promise you, Buddy, we’re going to keep looking. You aren’t in this alone. Sarge, Jules, and Sadie aren’t in this alone. We’re all here to do everything we can to make sure we’ve done everything possible. We’re a family here and it’s what we do. Let us support you.”

Sam once more turned his back on his former team leader. He knew Ed was right but he couldn’t help but feel like he was betraying his wife and daughter if he stepped away from the scene. They were alive; he could feel it in his heart but he knew the chances were great that they were hurt. He knew from experience that seeing Jules injured hurt him just as much if not more than it did her. He could vividly picture every bruise and wound she’d ever gotten in the time he’d known her. Had just as vividly felt the pain from each as well long after the bruises had faded or the stitches were removed. As bad as seeing Jules hurt bothered him, all of that paled in comparison to Sadie.

He’d cried harder than she had for each and every one of the vaccination shots she’d received in her short seven months. It didn’t matter to him that he knew how important they were; it had taken everything in him not to snatch her away from the doctor or nurse brandishing the needle. Those moments were nothing compared to his reaction to the one injury she’d received as she began to exercise her new found mobility. She’d hadn’t even started crawling yet at the time, but boy could she scoot faster than anything. He’d been sitting on the couch talking on the telephone while Jules was in the kitchen getting supper ready. The sudden crash followed by the sharp, painful cry had him tossing the phone to the floor without a word and had brought Jules running in from the kitchen. Sadie had reached up to grab the leg of the little tri-legged table by the window tipping it over. Fortunately the heavy vase sitting on the table fell in the opposite direction and the table itself only left a red mark where it hit Sadie but it had taken Sam the longest time to get over his fright that it could have been much worse. Jules had had to talk him out of rushing to the emergency room but hadn’t been able to convince him to put Sadie down until hours later when she’d taken Sadie from him in order to put her to bed. Even then he hadn’t let his daughter out of his sight until Jules had padded barefoot into the nursery at two in the morning to insist that he had to come to bed or he’d be useless for work the next day. 

All this rubble was so much worse than a little table. Was she hurt? Was she trapped alone or was she in Jules’s embrace right then? Was she wondering why her daddy hadn’t swooped in to gather her in his protective arms and kiss the pain away? 

“I can’t. I know you’re right, Ed, but I can’t abandon them.”

“You’re not abandoning them, Sam. Taking care of yourself so you can take care of them is not abandonment. It’s doing what you know is right.”

Sam didn’t have the energy to argue any more. He simply nodded and let Ed lead him back to the others. He stood there silently as Ed explained to the others what was going on. “Captain Lawrence has a point about needing fresh workers. We’re no different. We’ll work in teams of four while the other two people take a break. Sam and Dean are taking the first break while the rest of us keep searching. Then we’ll rotate out from there. Sherbets has been set up as a rest station.” 

“Is Marina there?” Dean felt guilty that he hadn’t checked on his father’s girlfriend since joining the rescue effort. Wasn’t it his responsibility in his father’s absence to make sure she was okay?

Ed shook his head. “I called Sophie earlier. She came and convinced Marina to go home with her. Sophie’s going to make sure she takes it easy and she’ll bring her back in the morning. She’s fine.”

As Sam and Dean started off toward the makeshift rest area, Spike looked at Winnie’s bare hands. He frowned. “We need to get you some gloves before you start trying to lug debris away. Come over to the command truck with me and I’ll get you a pair.”

Winnie nodded and followed him. Once they were at the truck, Spike looked around to make sure no one was looking and pulled her close to him for a hug. Then his lips brushed across hers almost desperately. It wasn’t an intense kiss, nothing like the one he really wanted to give her but full of need nonetheless. When he pulled back, he rested his forehead on hers. “I wanted to do that from the moment you walked up. Seeing Sam’s pain and fear just reminds me that I should take every opportunity possible to be grateful for what I have. As much as I wanted to kiss you and hold you because I could, I knew it wasn’t right to do so over there.”

“Afraid of what Ed would say?” Winnie teased. She wasn’t going to complain about the kiss or the hug. She’d needed it as much as Spike had. 

Spike shook his head. “No, I saw him when Sophie came up earlier; it was like he couldn’t wait to hug her either. I know he would understand. It just didn’t seem fair to hug and kiss you in front of Sam. You know, remind him that I could do what he wants to do to Jules and Sadie but can’t.”

Winnie placed another chaste kiss against Spike’s lips and then stepped away. As much as they might both want to indulge in their need to comfort the other, there wasn‘t time currently for it. “I don’t understand something. I get that it’s a bad scene but why is Captain Lawrence so sure they aren’t alive?”

Spike sighed, pulling a pair of heavy gloves from a compartment. His fists tightened around them as he looked back at Winnie, his face full of pain. “There’s been nothing on the Life Detector to indicate there are any survivors.”

Winnie knew all about the Life Detector, a very sensitive piece of equipment designed to pick up vibrations and sounds too faint for the human ear to pick up. Rescue teams had used such a device in the terrorist attack in New York and their own crews had used them a year earlier when locating victims trapped in the rubble left when Marcus Faber had unleashed his hell on the city. “Okay but that’s not proof that they aren’t alive. Maybe they are just trapped too deeply for the detector to pick them up. Or they can’t move enough to make noise for it to pick up. We’ll find them, Spike.”

Spike nodded, trying to blink back tears. He couldn’t wipe his eyes on his sleeve; so much dust had settled on the material it would just make matters worse. As if she realized what he needed, Winnie used her own sleeve to gently brush against his eyes. The material was soft and he took comfort in more than just the feel of it. “It’s Lew all over again. We lost him to a bomb and I didn’t think I was ever going to get over that pain. Part of me still hasn’t. Then we lost Donna -- again to another fucking bomb and we came too damn close to losing Sam to the same bomber. I can’t. I can’t lose someone else the same way. I especially can’t lose Sarge or Jules.” His voice broke and his body began to shake.

Winnie wrapped her arms around him and gently rocked back and forth. If anyone questioned their protracted absence then screw them. Sam and Dean might be the ones with the most to lose if they didn’t find the others but this wasn’t easy for any of them. Sarge and Jules were more than just friends, they were family, especially for Spike who had turned to the team even more after the death of his father and his mother’s subsequent move.

Spike gave into his emotions for only a moment before he pulled back, kissing her lightly. “We should get to work. We promised Sam we’d keep looking.” He offered her the gloves which she took willingly, giving his hand a squeeze at the same time. 

“Spike, I’m here for you. You know that.”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, it’s pretty much the only thing keeping me going at the moment.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
Sam stared out the plate glass window into the darkening night. The sandwich and coffee he’d choked down was sitting heavily on his stomach. He’d finished both simply because Ed was right, he needed the sustenance if he wanted to be able to keep going for Jules and Sadie. Each swallow had wanted to get stuck in his throat as he wondered if Jules was hungry and thirsty. Was Sadie? Jules always carried water, formula and baby food with her in the diaper bag but did she still have the bag with her? Was she in a position that she could reach the contents -- reach Sadie? If not, there was no way the baby would understand why her hunger and thirst wasn’t being abated. In seven months, her needs had been his and Jules’s top priority. He hated to think that this could be thirst time they weren’t able to meet her needs.

Only fifteen minutes had passed since he’d been all but ordered to take a break. Fifteen minutes remained before he could even think about rejoining the search if he used the low end of Ed’s “suggested” break time. It was killing him being away from the scene even though on some level he recognized that what Ed had said made sense. He wouldn’t do Jules or Sadie any good if he let his own exhaustion and emotions get the better of him. So as Ed had recommended, he’d come in, ate the damn sandwich and gulped down the bad coffee but he couldn’t bring himself to lay down and close his eyes.

Dean had apparently not had the same problem. Minutes after finishing his meal, he’d stretched out for what he’d said would be just for a moment but had promptly drifted off to sleep. Sam couldn’t blame him; the son of the man Sam admired so much wasn’t used to either the emotional or physical demands the afternoon had required of him. He almost envied Dean the ability to close off his worries and get the much needed rest. He knew he couldn’t. If he settled down on a cot and closed his eyes, rest would be the last thing he’d get. His worries were foremost in his mind as it was. If he tried to shut down for even a moment to rest, how much worse would they get?

So instead, he’d pulled a chair close to the window where he could lean against the wall and stare out at the carefully controlled chaos going on on the other side of the glass. It was as much rest as he could hope to get and he hoped it would suffice for Ed. He shook his head. Ed wasn’t his team leader any more but yet he was willing to follow his orders anyway. Maybe it was because he was more of a friend than anything else. Would his team ever respect him as much? After today he wasn’t sure. 

In the aftermath of the explosion he’d ceased to think like an SRU team leader because the desperate husband and father couldn’t be denied. How many times had he snapped at his team, not outright accusing them of not doing their job but insinuating it at any rate. The worst had been when he’d suggested that maybe the subject had dragged them out the back door just before the bomb had gone off. Even though they would still be missing, it would be preferable to thinking they’d been caught in the explosion. He’d been less than accepting of Robbie’s assurance that no one had come out the back door while he’d been there. It hadn’t been long after that that Commander Holleran had pulled the rest of Team 3, minus Sam, back to the station to complete their shift. Sam didn’t know who Holleran had gotten to cover him, wasn’t sure he could muster the energy enough to care. 

He knew his team understood that he hadn’t meant anything by any of his actions today. Certainly probably better than he’d understood or even thought about the fact that this was the first bomb call the team had worked since the ones a year ago that had cost Donna and Jimmy their lives. The obvious reminder of what they had lost couldn‘t have been easy to have slapped in their faces.

He pushed himself out of the chair and started wandering around the old building. He couldn’t stay still; it gave him too much time to think and he didn’t like the directions of those thoughts. If he couldn’t shut his brain down then at the very least he should try to channel that thought energy into something more productive. 

He wasn’t stupid; he could tell by the damage left that if Sarge, Jules, and Sadie were in the dining area of the coffee shop when that bomb had gone off, they wouldn’t have survived. The only thing perfectly intact had been the sock now in his shirt pocket. It was small so it wasn’t any wonder it had survived intact. Sadie’s stroller, which Sam believed Jules used more often as a mode of transportation even over the Jeep Cherokee they’d gotten to replace the Wrangler after the wreck, was perhaps more totaled than the Jeep had been after the collision with the jackknifed semi. Finding those links to his family had screamed confirmation that what everyone had tried to tell him was true.

They were alive though. Sam knew that with every fiber in his being. So he just had to figure out where they were. His wandering carried him to the far side of the building and he leaned against the wall again. He couldn’t believe they were in the dining area, they hadn’t come out the front door, and Robbie swore they hadn’t come out the back. Where could that leave? Suddenly his breath came in short, painful gasps. Why hadn’t he thought of that possibility earlier? How much time had they wasted because he hadn’t been thinking like an officer? He turned and fled from the Sherbets building and back to the site of the Tim Horton’s

“Ed, I know where they are.”


	10. Chapter 10

“I did no such thing.” Saddler growled in the face of Doug’s accusation. 

The loud voice seemed to almost reverberate in the small space. Sadie’s lower lip started to quiver and her eyes filled with tears. Sensing her daughter was about to melt down Jules reached out to rub Sadie’s back. The seven month old turned on the blanket and crawled straight to Jules, burying her face in her mother’s shoulder. At any other time, Jules’s focus might have been on the escalating argument but not now. Her sole attention was on her daughter as she whispered soothing words in Sadie’s ear. 

Greg, however, still had a good grasp on Doug, preventing him from lunging back at Saddler. “Doug, that’s a pretty serious accusation. You got something to back that up?”

“Hell no, he doesn’t because it didn’t happen.”

“How about that dent you had repaired? You thought you were being clever, waiting over a month to take it in to be fixed. I guess you thought no one would connect you with LeeAnn’s wreck after so long. If you’d taken it to any other body shop, it probably wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow. But luckily for me you went to Barlow’s and that’s the place I always take our cars. Carl Barlow almost bought your story about hitting a tree while trying to avoid an animal that had darted in front of you. Almost until he found the paint on the dent.”

“You’re reaching. Are you so desperate to have someone else to blame for the deaths of your family that you have to grasp at straws? So what if there was paint on my fender? What does that prove? I could have scraped someone’s car at any point.”

“My wife’s car was a custom paint job. She hated losing her car in a parking lot so for our last anniversary, I let her choose her color so she wouldn’t lose it again. Carl did the paint job and therefore he was able to compare the paint from your dent to her car. It was a perfect match.”

Greg frowned. That seemed like pretty damning proof. Why hadn’t his claims been taken seriously? If -- no when, he told himself resolutely-- they were rescued, he was going to personally find out where the breakdown in proper procedure had happened. “You told the police this?”

Doug looked at him, his eyes red and full of pain. “They wouldn’t listen. Every time I broached the idea that he was responsible for the wreck they quit listening. I left them the report Carl wrote up on the matching paint types but I don’t think they ever read it. If they did, they never took it seriously. Do you have any idea how painful it was? Knowing my family had been killed and no one would do anything to hold their murderer accountable? I tried to do things the right way, tried to get justice through proper channels but it’s been nine months and he’s still walking around free. I was desperate.”

“So you thought killing me would bring them back?” Saddler asked but he no longer sounded antagonistic.

Doug shook his head. “Nothing could bring them back. My wife, my kids meant everything to me and without them my world didn’t seem worth living anymore. I’ve already said, I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I wasn’t even going to kill you. When I finally realized that no one was taking me seriously I knew it was up to me to make you pay. I learned everything I could about you. No wife, no kids, only this business. I knew if I wanted you to hurt even a fraction of what I’d felt, I would have to take this place away from you. That’s all it was supposed to be. I don’t know why those people were shot; that wasn’t part of the plan. I didn’t want that to happen.”

“And you think I wanted your family to die?” Saddler argued. He sighed and slumped down the wall. “I didn’t run the car off the road. Your wife was driving recklessly and she hit me. There was no way I could avoid the accident and I certainly didn‘t cause it.”

“Then why not tell the responding officers the truth? Why pretend to just be a witness?” Jules asked as she shifted slightly. Sadie’s fussing wasn’t getting better and she knew it was only about to get worse. Jules couldn’t see her watch but her daughter didn’t need a clock to know when she was hungry. 

“I’d been drinking. I wasn’t drunk but I probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel of a car. I didn’t want to take a chance on getting a DUI because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I didn‘t even realize how serious the accident was. I knew the other driver went off the embankment but I didn‘t realize it was as bad as it was.”

“You didn’t even stop to check on them. I read the coroner’s report so many times in the days that followed that I had it memorized. I just couldn’t change what it said no matter how much I wanted to. He estimated the wreck happened about thirty minutes after LeeAnn left the house. You didn’t call in the accident until a couple of hours later.”

“I didn’t mean for it to be that long. I went home intending to switch vehicles and go right back. I don’t know if it was the booze or if I hit my head but I must have blacked out. By the time I got back to the scene it was too late to do anything.”

Doug continued as if he hadn’t heard anything. Greg wasn’t sure this was the time for such an emotional reveal but didn’t think he could contain it if he tried. After nine months of being hidden the truth was fighting to come out. “The autopsy showed that LeeAnn died instantly. She wasn’t wearing her seat belt. I don’t know why; she always did. She had it on when she left; she must have taken it off to do something for the kids.”

“So what good would it have done me to stop and check? I didn’t cause the wreck and I couldn’t have saved your wife. You can’t blame me.“ He looked from Greg to Jules as if trying to pull them to his side. “I should have made the call right then but I was scared. What harm did it do?”

The only memory Jules had of the wreck she and Sam had been in back in October was seeing the semi jackknife in front of them and hearing the screech of brakes as Sam tried to avoid the inevitable collision. She knew however that Sam remembered every moment as if it had been recorded and played back for him on a continuous loop until she’d regained consciousness and with regular intervals until they knew that Sadie was okay. She knew he’d questioned every move he’d made and wondered if things would have been different if he’d done just one thing differently. Did Saddler live with those same sort of memories?

“For LeeAnn, God rest her soul, nothing.” Doug also sank to the floor, the very image of a broken man. “But my kids, everything. The coroner said he could find no sign of life threatening injuries from the accident itself in either Amberlyn or Dougie. Their child seats saved them from harm. If you had bothered to check on them, you would have seen they were probably scared but okay. But you didn’t. You left and because you did, they were trapped in the car when it caught on fire. They didn’t have a chance once it was engulfed in flames. LeeAnn’s death might have been quick but not my babies. It was bad enough those first two months knowing they’d suffered horribly because no one was around to help but then I found out you were there and you could have saved them.”

Saddler’s face turned ashen at the realization of what Doug was telling him. “Oh God. No, it can’t be. I didn’t. I wouldn’t.”

Jules tightened her hold on Sadie, drawing her even closer to her body as if protecting her from the same kind of fate. She couldn’t imagine; as bad as the current situation was, how much worse had it been for Doug’s two children, old enough to really understand what was happening them. Empathetic tears ran down her cheeks. From the beginning of her career as a police officer, the death of a child had always been the hardest for her to take but after becoming a mother herself, even during the pregnancy, the horribleness of it had bothered her even more. 

The fight was completely out of both men at least for the time being. Each was slumped in a huddle, lost in their own thoughts and demons. Greg knew nothing he could say would help either one of them so he turned to Jules instead. He eased down beside them and gently wiped away the tears from Jules’s face. “Sounds like she’s hungry.”

Jules nodded. “Yeah, I’m a little surprised she hasn’t fussed before now. Usually she wakes up from her nap acting like she‘s starving and hasn‘t eaten for days.”

“What do you need me to do? I let the diaper duty scare me earlier but I’m pretty sure I can handle this end of things.” 

“Grab one of the little plastic containers of food from her bag. One of the fruits or vegetables would be best. Her spoon is in the side pocket. If you can open it for me, I can handle feeding her.”

Greg rummaged through the bag and pulled out the square plastic container, wondering when baby food had ceased to come in little glass jars. So much he had to relearn before Marina had the baby. He hoped he lived to get the chance. They had survived the explosion but would they be discovered before dehydration and starvation killed them? He pushed the morbid thoughts away. They had to remain positive. It might take the rescue team longer to find them but at least they had the time to give them. He grabbed a bib and a spoon from the bag as well and returned to Jules and Sadie. 

He shifted Sadie’s position so she was sitting on the blanket in front of Jules and quickly fastened the bib around her neck. As if she recognized that the bib meant food, Sadie began kicking her feet excitedly and smacking her lips together. He grinned and kissed the top of her head before looking at Jules. “Are you sure you can handle this? Seems like I don’t remember Dean being easy to feed with both hands free let alone just the one. 

Jules nodded, trying to keep the tears from welling up again as she read the bib proudly declaring Sadie to be “Daddy’s Girl.” Truer words had never been declared. She wrinkled her nose at Sadie who was bouncing in place in anticipation. It always amused Jules how excited her daughter got about eating, almost like every time was the first time. “I’m sure. I appreciate the offer and I know you could do it; I just need to be able to do this. I can’t explain it…”

“You don’t have to Jules. I get it.” He tilted the container so she could see the label. “This one okay?”

“Yummy Mangoes. That’s your favorite isn’t, Sades?” Sadie started to bounce even more excitedly at Jules’s words. Greg opened the container and put the spoon in it before setting it on the blanket within Jules’s easy reach. For a few minutes Jules was silent as she concentrated solely on feeding her daughter. After about five or six spoonfuls of the gold colored puree, Jules glanced over at Greg, almost studying him carefully. “Things aren’t looking good for us, are they? You might as well spit on out whatever it is you’ve been avoiding telling me.” Almost immediately, Sadie obediently opened her mouth pushing her latest bite out of her mouth with her tongue. Jules caught it with the spoon and presented it again to Sadie. “Not you Sades. Food goes down the throat not back out your mouth.” She cut her eyes back towards Greg. “Sarge?”

Greg frowned, forgetting that beyond being such a great profiler Jules seemed to almost intuitively know what he was thinking. “Sometimes I think you are too good at your job, Kiddo.”

Jules pursed her lips. “Ooh, delay tactic covered by a compliment. Must be bad. Out with it Sarge. You know you don’t have to sugarcoat things with me. I’ve known something was up because we should have seen or heard some effort to rescue us by now and it‘s been too silent. How bad is it?”

“Saddler didn’t go through proper channels when he had the safe room put in. He was worried he’d get over run by others if he ever needed it. So there’s no record that it exists. It’s not on any building plans Spike or John or anyone else might look at; they aren’t going to find it listed.”

“And because it’s designed to withstand explosions and radiation, it wouldn’t matter how much we screamed in here because the sound wouldn’t penetrate the walls. Nice. Our air seems good though so there must be a ventilation system.”

Greg nodded. He hadn’t delayed telling Jules the seriousness of the situation because he was worried she would panic; he’d known she could handle the information, but he’d wanted to spare her any additional worry for as long as he could. “Yeah, if I had to guess I’d say it’s a recirculation system. It’s the only way to keep out radiation in case of a dirty bomb. It might get a little stale but we shouldn’t have a problem there.”

Jules nodded. Her hand was shaking as she dipped it once more into the container of pureed mangoes. Greg couldn’t tell if it was worry over the situation or the awkward position she was in but he didn’t call her on it. He noticed that her gaze seemed to be fixed more on Sadie’s bib than anything. He read what it had to say and he had a feeling he knew what was on her mind. He reached out and once again squeezed her shoulder. “Hang tough, Jules. Sam’s going to move heaven and earth to find us. You can bet that no matter what’s happening up there, he’s insisting that we’re alive and need to be found. He’s not going to give up on us so you can’t give up on him either.”

“I’m not. I know Sam’s not going to give up hope or give up looking until we’re found. I’m just thinking about how tough this must be for him. I wish there were a way to get some sort of signal to him that we’re okay, that he’s not searching in vain.”

“We’ll figure out something.”

Jules nodded. “So, I know my position isn’t the most comfortable in the world but at least we’re okay down here. We might have to wait but it could be worse. We’ve got shelter, food, water…” She trailed off catching something in his expression. She frowned. “Sarge, something else you haven’t shared?” 

“Look at her, she’s just about finished that whole thing of fruit.”

Jules smiled at Sadie. “She really loves her fruit. She’s not that crazy about the dinners but she’ll tolerate them because she has to and she does pretty well with the veggies but she’d eat two of these fruits if I’d let her. However that dodge isn’t going to work any better than your last one. What else don’t I know? We do have food and water don’t we? I mean it’s stupid enough not to have a safe room added to the building plans but surely he wouldn’t…” She trailed off as Greg started shaking his head. She started to curse but bit it off, not wanting to say something she’d regret in front of Sadie even if she wasn’t old enough to start parroting things back at them. “Anything?”

Greg shook his head. “Said he thought he’d have time to grab what he needed before he came down. Which we both know is ridiculous but nothing we can do about it now. What about Sadie? I saw a bunch of stuff in that bag but I don’t know how quickly she goes through it.”

The container was empty. Jules set the spoon back in it. “You think you could mix a bottle for me? That purple divided container in her bag has the formula already measured out. Dump one section in an empty bottle and then filled it the rest of the way with water. Put the nipple on it, shake and it’s all ready.”

Greg followed her directions and was soon handing her the bottle. Jules shifted Sadie so that the back of her head was resting on Jules’s shoulder and then teased her lips with the bottle. Sadie latched on contentedly and brought her hands up to hold it. Greg looked at her. “Now who’s trying to avoid the question?”

She shook her head. “Not avoiding anything but a meltdown from Sadie if she didn’t get the rest of her lunch. Contraire to Sam’s believe that I take a two week supply wherever we go, she’s not quite set for that long. She’s used to eating baby food three times a day and taking a bottle four times with juice in between. I can substitute increased formula for at least one of those food feedings and make what I have last for several days without her getting to cranky.”

“Hopefully it won’t be that long.” Greg murmured. He didn’t add that dehydration would get the better of the rest of them if it took that long. Almost as if she understood the situation, Sadie pulled her bottle from her mouth and waved it at him before returning it to her lips. He smiled at her and reached over to tickle her bare foot. “I’m sorry this wasn’t quite the normal coffee date we usually have.”

Jules shrugged, wincing as the move caused the plank beneath her to poke her painfully. “Think of the story we’ll have to tell Sadie and mini-Sarge in a few years.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation Greg laughed out loud. Both Doug and Saddler looked up sharply at the sound before returning to their introspection. “Mini-Sarge? Are you referring to my future son or daughter as Mini-Sarge?”

“It’s better than the name Spike saddled this one with while I was carrying her. I swear if Jam-lite had stuck after she was born, I would have had to go Scorpio on his butt. Although if he burst through that wall over there and called her that right now, I wouldn’t complain at all.”

“So,” Greg continued, trying to distract her from what he knew had to be tortuous thoughts of Sadie’s safety. He kept his voice low so it wouldn’t carry across the room. He nodded toward Doug and Saddler. “What do you think?

Sadie tossed the bottle aside and sat up, returning to the toys on her blanket. Greg picked up the bottle and used some of the precious water supply to clean it out. He didn’t want to waste water but knew Sadie would need the bottle again later and that it would need to be clean when she did. He put the empty bottle back in the diaper bag.

Jules sighed. “I want to feel sorry for Doug. Losing your wife and kids like that? I can’t even imagine. It’s hard though.”

Greg nodded, “’Cause his actions have put Sadie in danger. I know.”

She shook her head, breathing out through her mouth, in an attempt to keep from groaning in pain from the plank jabbing her sharply. “Revenge is never good. There was a saying Dad always used to tell my brothers and me when he thought we might be planning something in retaliation to something that happened. It was something along the lines of ’if you are planning revenge, better dig two graves, one for your enemy and one for yourself.’ I don’t think I really understood exactly what he meant until now.”

“It’s a Confucius quote, ’before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.’ Only in this case, it seems like a lot more than two graves are going to be necessary.” Greg commented. 

Apparently his voice carried more than he thought because Doug looked up. “I told you, that wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I didn’t mean for your family to die either. What? Your actions aren’t supposed to matter because you didn’t mean for it to happen but you’re ready to crucify me for the same thing? How fair is that?” Saddler accused, his voice raw with emotion.

Doug bowed his head. “I just needed you to understand what it’s like to lose everything that’s important to you. It‘s a pain you can‘t imagine unless you‘ve been through it. You don’t understand. None of you understand. Maybe no one does.”

Jules ran her hand along Sadie’s back. “That’s where you’re wrong, Doug. Right now I know someone who understand exactly how horrible it is. My husband is up there and right now he has no way of knowing that Sadie and I are alive. He’s up there thinking that he’s lost what’s important to him just like you did. He’s afraid he’ll never again get to give Sadie another bath or put her to bed or just stand over her crib and watch her sleep. Whether you meant to or not, you’re making him feel exactly what you’ve felt for the past nine months.” Then she fixed her eyes on Saddler. “And you, don’t think you’re innocent in all this. Nine months ago you were so caught up in what your actions might cost you that you left two children to die a horrible death. I get that you didn’t mean for it to happen but it doesn’t change the fact that by leaving the scene of the accident, you committed a crime. To add to that, ignored the what the law says about reporting renovations and building improvements. You put in this safe room thinking it might one day save your life but because you were so scared to let someone else know it existed, so scared that someone else might ask you to save them, you might cost another man the family he loves. Maybe with my job I should be more understanding, more empathetic. If it were just me involved, maybe I could be but I’m sorry, I can’t. Not when my baby is affected. Not when my husband is going through all that torment and I can’t even let him know we’re okay. So please, both of you, save the ’it wasn’t supposed to happen that way’ for after we’re rescued cause it doesn’t mean much of anything here.”

Greg watched her in concern. Her brand of ‘tough love” wasn’t what was bothering him. He applauded everything she had to say and thought both Doug and Saddler needed to hear it. What was worrying him was the wheezing he was hearing in her voice and the way her breathing seemed to be becoming increasingly labored. “Jules? You okay? Sounds like you’re having trouble breathing there.”

“Yeah…fine.” There was definitely a breathiness in her voice that sounded more like she’d been running the obstacle course at work for the last few hours rather than lying pinned on the ground. “Just short of breath. No worries.”

Greg frowned. No worries? Was she serious? They were trapped unable to do anything to free her or treat any injuries, she was admitting having difficulties breathing and she was telling him not to worry. “Let me be the judge of that. What’s going on? Can you tell.”

Jules nodded, resting her head on the blanket. “Plank or something …pressing… diaphragm Just…gotta… catch… my… breath.” 

She used her arms to leverage her body up as much as she could, trying to find a spot that gave her more room to breathe. She hadn’t realized that her attempts during her confinement to find a more comfortable position had managed to move the ladder rung more firmly under her rib cage until now. Being up slightly helped but she knew she couldn’t stay that way long. Her arms were already shaking with the exertion and this position made the piece of metal at her hip bone rub even more. 

“Jules?” She could hear the concern in Greg’s voice and she hated that she was worrying him. She shouldn’t be adding to the stress of them being trapped. 

“Better. Don’t worry, it sounds worse than it is. I kind of got used to this during my last two months of pregnancy. I’d get out of breath just walking up the stairs or taking a shower because someone seemed to like doing push-ups on my diaphragm but from a different angle.” She cut her eyes affectionately towards Sadie.

Greg leaned down to try to get a better look at what was pressing into her. He could see it but he couldn’t see a good way to move it so that it wasn’t hurting her. He was afraid that any major moves would cause the rubble piled on top of her to shift precariously. Glancing back up at her, he tried to gauge exactly how she was really feeling. Over the years, they’d all learned that Jules could downplay serious injuries to make them seem like nothing more than a paper cut. She was pale and her upper body was shaking but when she glanced back at him, her eyes seemed clear. She was hurting but she wasn’t in any serious pain. 

“Somehow I doubt you ever sounded that short of breath while you were pregnant. If you had Sam would have probably confined you to bed or something. Maybe I can find something to pad the area a little. Would that help?”

“Being able to turn on my side would help the most but I guess that’s not going to happen. So yeah, maybe.”

Greg looked around; he couldn’t remember seeing anything in the diaper bag that would work, at least nothing he thought Jules would let him get away with using on her for fear that Sadie would need it. His eyes fell on Saddler. He nodded. “Aaron, take your apron off and bring it here. We’ll use it as a cushion.”

The manager did as Greg requested. The retired SRU sergeant carefully folded it; it wouldn’t provide a very thick padding but hopefully it would be enough to ease the pressure. It wasn’t easy to maneuver it into place but soon he had it where he thought it would do the most good. Jules lowered herself down so that she wasn’t supporting her weight on her arms. 

“Better?” Greg asked, watching her carefully. She nodded; the apron did take some of the pressure off her diaphragm making it easier to breathe but the new position did nothing to ease the discomfort of the piece of metal on her hip bone. The skin felt rubbed raw and she wouldn‘t be surprised if the skin was broken by the constant friction. There was nothing Greg could do about it though so she saw no point in mentioning it. He patted her back. “Good. Do us both a favor and take it easy. Getting yourself riled up won’t help anything.

“Yeah, I know.” Jules breathed out. For a moment she was transported back to those final months before giving birth and how helpless and useless she’d felt at times. Outside of the worry that Sadie could have been injured in the accident, the worst part of her pregnancy had been those last couple of months when she’d had to limit everything she did. Greg hadn’t been far off the mark about Sam confining her to bed. She’d wanted to bristle at his urging for her to stay in bed on her left side, wanted to protest that there was too much that needed to be done to get ready for Sadie’s arrival for her to be laying around all day. She’d given in, however, when he’d curled up beside her on their bed, with his hand seeking out whatever limp Sadie currently had protruding from her abdomen, and kissed her. He’d told her that the most important work she could possible have at the moment was carrying their daughter. He’d also reminded her that she’d better rest while she could because if Sadie took after either of her parents, it would be the last real rest she’d get for awhile -- years if she took after them both. The fact that he lazed around with her as much as possible helped. She’d lost track of the number of hours they’d spent during her last couple of months just enjoying being in each other’s arms and making plans for the baby they’d soon be welcoming. She wished she were back there right then with Sadie cuddled between them on the bed instead of in her womb.

Just like when she’d been pregnant, the difficulty breathing tired her easily making her body crave a nap. She resisted the urge though, knowing she needed to stay awake, needed to keep an eye on Sadie even though her ability to really care for her was limited. While the infant had been content to stay on the blanket near her so far, she knew it was only a matter of time before her active daughter tried to explore her surroundings. She trusted Greg but would he remember how quickly babies could move and get into things?

Any thought of sleep faded however when she saw Aaron Saddler start to rummage through Sadie’s diaper bag and pull out one of the bottles of water she kept there. Fire flashed in her eyes and she lunged forward as much as was possible even though it wasn’t much. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”


	11. Chapter 11

“I should have thought about it right away. I can’t believe I didn’t. It makes perfect sense.” Sam was rambling, one word almost tripping over the next as they spilled out of his mouth. His hand was gripping Ed’s arm tightly, begging the man to listen to him.

“Think of what, Sam? Where do you think they are?” Ed didn’t protest that Sam was back from his break too soon. He knew that it wouldn’t do any good and was frankly surprised he’d stayed away as long as he had. 

“Jules and Sarge know the physics of bomb explosions. Maybe not as well as Spike but who does? Anyway, they knew they couldn’t go out the front door -- that would have been certain death. They had no way of knowing if the same danger awaited them out the back door. So if they couldn’t leave the building and they knew the bomb was about to detonate what would they do? They’d get as far away as they could and to where they would think was the safest place to get. Where would that be? They would have gotten to the lowest level close to an outside wall. I bet they went to the basement. That’s got to be where they are. It’s also why we haven’t heard them yet. We just haven’t gotten close enough. We need to clear the entrance and then we can get to them. There‘s even a chance they weren‘t hurt.”

Ed nodded. He didn’t think it was going to be as easy or as cut and dried as Sam seemed to think it was going to be. Still, it was a better plan and a more hopeful idea than anything they’d been doing so far. He looked at Spike who had paused in his work at Sam’s arrival. “Spike, you studied the plans for the building. Is there even a basement in this building?”

“Yeah, but I don‘t think they would have gone there.”

Sam shook his head. He didn’t need someone shooting down another one of his ideas. Especially not when it was one that gave him the maximum chance of getting his wife and daughter back unharmed. He ran his hands through his short blonde hair. “Why the hell not?”

“Don’t you think I would have put us searching in that vicinity from the beginning if I’d thought it was a possibility? I studied the building plans, the inspection reports, everything. I don’t know why but according to the last few health inspector’s reports, the basement is kept locked at all times. There’s no way of knowing if they even had access to a key to get there or that they had time to look for one.” Spike was apologetic in his answer. He hated to crush yet another one of Sam’s hopes. 

Winnie touched his arm. “While I was on duty, I pulled employment records for this particular Tim Horton’s so we could try to narrow down who might be inside from an employee standpoint. I made contact with all but five employees. Ben was going to keep trying because we don’t believe all five would have been working. One of the ones missing was the main manager, Aaron Saddler, who would have the key. There’s a possibility that Saddler was our subject’s target and that Saddler‘s presence in the coffee shop is what precipitated the attack. He could have gotten them inside in time.”

Sam found he could breathe a little easier. “So it’s possible? Even if it’s a long shot, it’s better than what we have now.”

“Spike,” Ed’s tone was neutral and even. “Where would the stairwell to the basement be?”

The destruction was so great that getting a bearing as to where anything should have been wasn’t easy but Spike looked around and grimly pointed to what seemed like the heaviest collection of rubble. Sam’s heart dropped once again. It would take them all night to clear that mess away to even reach them. 

“Shit, looks like the entire kitchen collapsed in one big heap right there.” Leah muttered softly. She’d been a firefighter before joining SRU so this wasn’t her first rec-- she quickly corrected her thinking-- rescue search. Plus, she’d gone through similar rubble caused by the earthquake in Haiti when she went down to help her family. This was hauntingly familiar territory, made worse by knowing what was at stake. “We can’t get heavy equipment in here to help move it for fear of collapsing the probably weakened flooring. If Sarge, Jules, and the others are trapped down there, we don’t want to bring everything down on top of them.”

“So we’ll have to move it all by hand?” Ed asked, deferring to her experience and knowledge.

She nodded. “Yeah, we can probably use hand tools to help break up the biggest pieces but essentially, we’re going to have to do it all manually.”

“I’ll go talk to Captain Lawrence; tell him what we’re thinking and get him to shift his men over here. Ben, you read me?”

_“Copy that.”_

“We’re going to need more manpower. I know you’ve done all you can do with getting mutual aid from the surrounding areas but we need more. Can you put out a page to the other SRU teams and ask for volunteers to pitch in?”

_“On it.”_

Ed fixed Sam in a steady gaze. “Sam, I promise you, if it takes all night and the blood, sweat, and tears of everyone I can get involved, we’re going to find them.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
Greg glanced at his watch. Almost two in the morning. At his best guess, they’d been trapped in the safe room for over fifteen hours. He couldn’t be one hundred percent positive because the truth was looking at his watch hadn’t seemed like a priority while he and Jules had been facing down a gunman with a bomb. He knew he’d met Jules around nine in the morning and that they’d visited for about an hour before the hostage situation had started. Add probably another hour to ninety minutes to that and his guess was probably close.

Everyone else was asleep. Sadie had been the first to give in to exhaustion, hours earlier. She was sprawled on her back on the blanket she’d spent most of her day playing on. Her left thumb was in her mouth as she occasionally sucked on it even in her sleep. Her right hand was wrapped around her mother’s thumb connecting mother and daughter even in sleep. Jules’s head was as close to Sadie’s body as she’d been able to crane it before she too had fallen asleep, though her surrender into sleep had taken longer. 

It was a beautiful scene and even with circumstances being what they were, Greg hadn’t been able to resist taking out his phone and snapping a picture. He wanted to be hopeful that they were going to be rescued and that he’d be able to share the picture with Sam later. Wanted to be hopeful but as time went on, it was getting harder to hold on to that hope although he wouldn’t admit it out loud to anyone. He just hoped that if they weren’t found in time, that Sam would find it on his phone when their bodies were recovered and could take at least a little comfort knowing that, even in the direst conditions, Jules and Sadie had found a little peace in the chaos.

He was glad they were sleeping. Jules wouldn’t admit it for anything but he knew she was hurting. How could she not be? Even if she’d managed to avoid broken bones from both the fall and the rubble piling on top of her, there was no way she’d avoided being banged up in the process. He hoped the sleep was giving her a respite from the pain as well as the emotional overload he knew was overwhelming her. The woman and child in his care deserved the rest.

However, he was even happier that the two men they were trapped with, men whose actions, intentional or not, had left them in this situation, had also succumbed to sleep. Their constant bickering had grated on his nerves to the extent that even though he considered himself a peacekeeper, he’d been ready to let them tear each other to shreds just so he wouldn’t have to listen to them. 

They were all on edge; he knew that and wanted to make allowances, but his own frayed nerves weren’t allowing him much sympathy. He knew come morning, if they hadn’t been rescued, it was only going to be worse. He needed the time while they were asleep to recharge his own temper to be ready for that. His own body screamed at him that he should rest while he could but he felt like someone should stay awake in case there was some sign that help was coming. But maybe if he just closed his eyes for a few seconds…

“NO! SADIE! PLEASE NO!” 

His head jerked up at Jules’s panicked cry. Her eyes were still closed as she seemed to be caught up in a nightmare. Her body, however, was in motion. She was struggling to get free, hindered by everything on top of her. The pile shifted, causing a baseball size chunk to fall from its position about two feet up and hit her in the shoulder blade. Though it had to have hit with bruising force, Jules still didn’t awaken. 

Greg moved as quickly as his bad leg would allow him and he threw himself over Jules’s head and Sadie’s body, shielding them in the event the rest of the column of debris fell. Although he knew that if it did fall not even his body would protect them. Beneath him, Jules whimpered but stopped struggling. A few seconds after she stopped moving, so did the rubble and Greg felt safe to move again. He looked down at his friend; her eyes were open but she was breathing hard, trying to calm herself down. He gently cupped her cheek, hoping to aid her in the attempt. He was glad that the incident hadn’t seemed to have fazed either Sadie or the other men. 

“Okay?” Jules nodded as an answer to his question. Greg continued. “Doozy of a bad dream, I take it. Want to talk about it?” This time the answer was a firm shake of her head. Greg wasn’t that surprised. He’d done enough of her psych evals over the years to know that she didn’t discuss what was bothering her willingly. Besides she didn’t have to tell him what her nightmare was about for him to have an idea. They were currently living the damn thing. “Sadie’s fine, you know. She’s been a sleeping angel this whole time. Your nightmare didn’t even wake her.”

Jules nodded again. Her eyes were burning and she knew it was for the want of tears she couldn’t form. An early sign of dehydration she wouldn’t do anything about no matter how thirsty she might get. “How long will she stay that way though? I’m her mother and I’m supposed to protect her no matter the cost.”

Greg sighed, he knew what she was thinking and he hated it. He glanced back at Aaron Saddler‘s sleeping figure, silently cursing the man for putting the new mother in such a horrible position. When Saddler had reached into the diaper bag and pulled out a bottle of water as nonchalantly as if he were reaching into his own refrigerator, Greg had thought Jules was going to bring down the whole stack of rubble on top of her in her attempt to get to him. It was Greg who had succeeded where she couldn’t. For the first time in about a year, he’d moved almost like there was nothing wrong with his leg, shoving Saddler across the room and up against the wall. Doug had watched but hadn’t move to intercede or to even blink.

_“The lady asked you a question. What are you doing?”_

_“I’m thirsty. What’s the big deal?”_

_“That water is for the baby’s formula.” Greg hadn’t felt the need to do bodily harm to another human being in a long time but he could easily do so now._

_“She’s got plenty; it’s not like I’m taking the last she has. There’s several bottles in there.”_

_“We don’t know how long we’re going to be trapped down here. We’re adults, we can understand why we’re thirsty or hungry but she’s just a baby; if we’re down here for days and she runs low, she’s not going to understand why her mommy isn’t feeding her.”_

_“So the rest of us are supposed to suffer on the off chance we’re down here for days and the baby might need it? Besides, it’s not like it’s going to do her any good to have several days worth of water if we’re all passed out from dehydration to fix her a bottle.”_

_It was obvious no one was buying his argument no matter how logical he considered it. He shook his head. “You’re seriously telling me you’re going to hoard water on a possibility when we’re all thirsty right now? Talk about selfish.”_

_“Selfish?” Jules practically growled; Greg’s earlier plea for her not to get riled up forgotten. “You would know all about selfish wouldn’t you? Seems like you were only thinking of yourself when you didn’t check on the occupants of the car before you drove off to protect yourself. And this room was the ultimate in selfishness. A chance to save your skin and to hell with anyone else’s safety. Maybe I’m selfish too because I can’t risk my daughter’s safety because you’ve gone a few hours without quenching your thirst.”_

_Saddler shoved Greg back and returned to the diaper bag. He pulled out the water bottles including the half empty one Greg had used to fix Sadie’s bottle earlier. “Five bottles and five of us. That’s one bottle each that could mean live or death. Seems only fair that it’s divided equally. I’m sure I would have been expected to share my supplies if they were down here. You want to vilify me for my actions but yours are much worse. I didn’t know or maybe I just didn’t think about the consequences of my actions nine months ago or when I didn’t tell anyone about this room. But you? You know exactly what you are sentencing the rest of us to by refusing to share what you’ve got plenty of.”_

_Doug stepped forward and picked up one of the other unopened bottles. “I think he makes an excellent point. We should each get a bottle and when it’s gone, it’s gone. What do you say, Mom?”_

“She’s going to stay that way for as long as it takes for them to dig us out. Which I bet won’t be much longer. You’ve got to keep believing that, Jules.“ Greg felt like a hypocrite for insisting she believe what he was having trouble hoping for but he couldn’t stand to see her so dejected. “And as for questioning your parenting skills? Sadie couldn’t ask for a better mother, Jules, and you know it. Look at her, she’s perfectly fine. Maybe a little dirtier than you’d like but she’s uninjured and from the way she’s peacefully sleeping right now, I don’t think any of this has even traumatized her. That‘s not going to change. You‘ve got to trust that.” 

“Did I do the right thing?” Jules asked now, her voice sounding small and raspy. 

Greg sighed. He’d known she was going to second guess herself, that she would have no matter what she‘d done. “What do you think? Saddler put you in a no win situation. You’d be questioning whether you did the right thing regardless of what you did. And regardless of what you chose, none of us could fault you for it. But if it makes you feel better, I think you did a very brave thing; I’m just sorry that Saddler wasn’t man enough to appreciate it.”

“Brave…right.” Jules turned her head away from Greg and bit her lip. “Explain that one to me again. I could have said screw you, my baby is more important than anyone else. I could have said they could have that water over my dead body.”

“But you didn’t.” Greg continued. “You agreed knowing you weren’t sentencing Sadie to what was left of that one bottle. She’d have your bottle because you would give her anything she needed. I hope you knew I would as well. At worse you were cutting her supply down to two and a half bottles that would translate to about five to ten more feedings. I think you also knew that Doug wouldn’t take it either, no matter what he was saying.”

She looked back at him. “I had to trust that as a father, Doug would do what was right. I couldn’t guarantee it but I was pretty sure. There was just something in his eyes that said I could trust him. I think part of me thought Saddler would step up and do the right thing as well.”

Greg glanced back to where Saddler was sleeping. “I don’t know that he even knows what the right thing is anymore.” Not only had Saddler not given his water back for Sadie, he’d consumed half the bottle in one long swallow. Before he’d fallen asleep, he’d finished off the bottle. “But at least this way, there’s not much else he can say. He got what he wanted and it’s gone now. He has no say in what happens to the rest.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Fair or not, I wouldn’t put it past him to just try to take it if given the chance.”

“He’s not going to get the chance.” Greg assured her gravely. 

She nodded. Sadie twisted on the blanket but didn’t awaken. Her little fingers tightened around Jules’s thumb. Smiling at her daughter, Jules closed her hand around Sadie’s much smaller one. “I know Sam’s busting his ass trying to find us. I believe that with all my heart. I don’t have any doubts that he’s doing everything within his power to bring us home safely.”

“But you and I both know it’s not always that easy.” Greg finished, almost reading her mind. She nodded.

“Yeah, if it were, Sadie and I would already be home right now. Sadie would be sleeping in her crib and Sam would be fussing over every single bruise he could find on my body. Between you and me, this is one time I wouldn’t fight him.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
Moving the rubble was taking longer than Sam wanted. Now that he was convinced where Jules and Sadie were, he wanted to put his arms around them and hold them close, immediately. Instead everything was being done with agonizing slowness and precision.

He knew why it had to be that way. He’d listened as Lawrence and some other captain from one of the surrounding areas who had showed up to help explained the importance of caution. The scene wasn’t stable and if there was a collapse, then that could delay them reaching the basement even longer. He hadn’t looked at his watch in a while but he knew it was well past midnight. He knew that mostly because his former teammates had been taking turns trying to convince him to take another break and kept using the “it’s after midnight” as one of their biggest rationales. 

While he couldn’t deny he was past exhausted, the idea that they could soon reach his family had given him a second wind. Hell, it might even be his fourth or fifth wind by that time. He knelt down to lift a larger chunk of brick. He knew he should probably leave that one for the firefighter manning the jackhammer but he didn’t want to wait. Every moment wasted waiting for someone else was a moment longer away from Jules and Sadie. 

The muscles across his back tightened and he gritted his teeth as he tried to lift the piece. As he pushed up with his leg muscles, he realized that he’d probably bitten off more than he could chew with this piece but refused to give up. He lost his grip though just before he was fully standing , barely getting his feet out of the way in time to avoid getting them crushed. He cursed.

“Need a hand?”

For a moment Sam just blinked at the newcomer. All night long both familiar faces and new ones had approached him. This was the first time he’d seen Wordy though. He wasn’t surprised. Ben’s call for extra hands hadn’t gone out to just SRU teams but across the department and had brought out help in droves. Practically anyone who’d worked a call with either Sarge or Jules that was able to had shown up to pitch in. Finally registering the question Wordy had asked, he nodded. 

Between the two of them, it was much easier to lift the piece away. They carried it in tandem to the dumpster that had been brought in to collect the removed debris. It seemed almost empty at the moment, like all the work down in the preceding hours had been nothing but Sam knew this was at least the second or third such dumpster. Once relieved of their burden, Wordy wiped his gloved hands on his pants and reached behind him to pull a bottle of water from his back pocket. He handed it to Sam. “Here, you look like you need this more than I do. I‘d have been here sooner but I just got off shift.”

Sam accepted it and unscrewed the top. He tilted his head back so he could pour the clear liquid down his throat without his lips touching the mouth of the bottle. When it was half gone, he stopped pouring and handed the bottle back to Wordy so he could finish the rest. “Thanks. I suppose you’re going to tell me I need a break too.”

Wordy took a quick swallow, recapped the bottle and returned it to his back pocket. “Would it do any good?”

Sam shook his head. “Not until they’re safe.”

Wordy shrugged. “That’s what I thought and that’s why I’m not saying anything.”

“You’re the first then. Why aren’t you going to jump my case like everyone else?” Sam knelt back down and picked up the next piece. This one was lighter and he could get it by himself. 

Wordy grabbed his own chunk and once again they were heading to the dumpster. “I get it Sam. You’re doing what you’ve got to do for the ones you love. If it were Shell or one of the girls in there, I’d be the same way. Nothing or no one would be able to drag me away. Forcing you away from here would be like withholding a life preserver from a drowning man.”

Sam flashed him a smile that was all gratitude without any true happiness. “You’re the first person who seems to understand. It’s not that I don’t know I’m tired or hungry or that my head is pounding because of this damn wound on my head. Those things just don’t seem to matter as long as Jules and Sadie are in trouble. I‘ll have time to rest and eat when they‘re safe.”

Wordy nodded, making a mental note to grab a packet of Tylenol from the first aid kit when he went back for more water. “A year ago you wouldn’t have understood either. You’re a husband and a father now; kind of changes your priorities. Family is more important than just your individual needs and wants.”

“Ed’s married with kids but he’s one of the main ones trying to convince me to take a break.” Sam commented as they took another load to the dumpster. For the first time maybe all night, he felt like he had a real ally. It wasn’t that he was complaining, really; he knew the others were on his side and were doing their very best to help find Jules and Sadie. He just knew their focus was also between wanting to save them but protect him as well. It wasn’t that Wordy wanted something bad to happen to him but that he really understood that Sam couldn’t care about his own needs so long as his girls were in danger. 

“Yeah, he is. And if Sophie or Clark or Izzy were trapped down there, wild horses wouldn’t pull Ed away. But he’s also a team leader and as the boss, he has to look out for his people too. And before you remind me that you’re a team leader now with your own team, I know. But I don’t care how many teams you lead, you’ll always be Team One and therefore under his responsibility. Just like being at Guns and Gangs haven’t severed my ties and just like Sarge is still Boss even though he’s retired. It’s the way it goes.” 

The two continued to work in silence for about another hour before Wordy took a moment to go retrieve more water. He also grabbed the pain reliever from the first aid kit before returning to Sam. He offered him both the water and the pain killer. “I’m not suggesting Muhammad go to the mountain but that doesn’t mean a little of the mountain can’t come to Muhammad.”

Sam swallowed the two tablets almost gratefully before finishing the bottle. Wiping his mouth he nodded toward the rubble pile that seemed to be slowly getting smaller and smaller. “I feel like we’re close. We’re on the right track here. We’re going to find them -- soon, maybe even before the sun is up.”

“Sam!” Spike came running up grabbing Sam’s arm as he approached. He was breathing hard. “We did it. We cleared a little of the stairwell to the basement. The clearing isn’t big enough to get equipment down there but it is big enough that one or two people can get through. I told them you had to be one of the ones who goes. Come on.”

Wordy slapped Sam’s back. “I guess you’re right. Go on, hug that baby and wife of yours.”

Sam followed after Spike, his heart pounding in his chest. Spike wasn’t exaggerating, the hole they had cleared was small. It would be a tight fit for him and anyone else besides maybe Jules to squeeze through but it would at least let him get to the basement and check on those that were trapped. Perhaps even get some first aid started if it were needed until the rest of the opening was cleared enough to get a basket down to rescue his family. 

He squeezed into the space that had been created. The stairwell itself wasn’t as bad, although he still had to gingerly make his way around large chunks of debris. He reached the door to the basement and found that it was locked. For a moment, doubts that he’d been right filled his mind but his heart said it didn’t matter. His wife and daughter were close; he just had to get to them. 

Spike joined him at the barrier and called back up for a ram. With the tool firmly in hand, he was quickly able to gain access. They stepped through the threshold, with their flashlights lighting the way. 

“Jules! Sarge! Where are you?”

There was no answer. Sam shone his flashlight around. The basement appeared untouched by the destruction above their heads. He waited for the light to find what he desperately was looking for or for Jules or Sarge or someone to answer his call. Neither happened. 

“Sam, I’m sorry. They aren’t down here.”

“NO!” The wail that left his mouth was louder than the one that had consumed him after the explosion. The pain was even greater. Once more Sam sank to his knees, letting the flashlight drop beside him. His fists pounded the concrete floor and his head came to rest on his fists. They were supposed to be here. It had felt so right and even now knowing they weren’t, he couldn’t stop feeling like they were close. Like when Jules had been trapped in the lab and even though he was close enough to see her and hear her, the glass and walls kept him from being able to touch her or rescue her. 

“Sam?” Spike’s hand was on his shoulder, much like Ed’s had been in the immediate aftermath of the explosion but once again Sam ignored it. 

How had he been so wrong? He’d just known that this would be where they would find them. He’d felt it as keenly as he’d known from that first moment years earlier that Jules was the only woman he could ever love. His instincts had been so right about that one; how could they have been so wrong this time? Had his unwavering belief that his wife and daughter were still alive been wrong too? 

“Come on Jules. Don’t do this to me, Baby. I don’t want to do this life without you or without Sadie. I need you both more than I’ve ever needed anyone.” 

He sat back looking around for signs of anything he might have missed, anything that might give him a clue about his family. There was nothing. Behind him he could hear Spike moving around setting up something but he ignored his friend and former teammate. Nothing mattered but the pain of just one more disappointment. His eyes fell on a shelf holding a bunch of cans and he picked one up and flung it at a wall in frustration. It bounced off and landed on the floor with a clunk.

Spike winced at the sound. He’d gotten the portable Life Detector and was listening for any sounds that might be too faint for the ears to pick up, something that might help them find their friends. The vibrations set off by the can hitting the wall hurt his ears through the headphones. When Sam picked up another can and flung it at another wall, Spike was just about to ask him to stop when his heart skipped a beat. The sound was different this time, too different. Something was off but he couldn’t quite figure it out. 

“Sam, do that again but at a different wall.” 

Sam didn’t understand but throwing something helped ease his frustration at least marginally so he did as requested. Spike listened carefully and then told him to do the same thing at the fourth wall. He removed the headphones.

“We need a drill down here immediately. There’s something behind that wall and I’m hoping it’s our trapped people.”


	12. Chapter 12

Several minutes passed while Sam simply stared at Spike. Finally the demolitions expert tried once more. “Sam, did you hear me? I think we found them.”

“I thought we were going to find them when we got to the basement but they’re not here. I was so sure. Spike, I want to believe you -- no, I need to believe you, but I don’t know that I can take another disappointment. So please, give me a reason to hope you‘ve really got something.”

Spike nodded toward the wall that was mystifying him. “When you threw the can against that wall, the vibrations died almost immediately. With the other four walls, the sound waves dispersed like you would expect them to do. That’s not an ordinary wall. I think it might be a safe room.”

Sam didn’t know if wanted to hug his friend or throttle him. “Safe room? This place has a safe room? Why didn’t you mention it before?”

“No safe room was listed on any of the plans. If there was a safe room in the building it should have been on some sort of plan. If not the original floor plans then at least an amended plan when the permits were applied for.” Spike paused, feeling the sting of accusation in Sam‘s voice. He couldn‘t understand why Sam wasn‘t acting more enthusiastic about the news. “Sam, just because it’s not on the plans doesn’t mean it’s not here. How many times have we had to detour our plans on a call because the plans didn’t have some sort of renovation listed? I’m telling you something is blocking the sounds beyond that wall and the best reason for that is that it’s a safe room.”

“I’ve got Ben checking for corroboration on that.” Ed announced as he entered the basement with the high powered drill Spike had asked for. “He’s already running Aaron Saddler’s financials for me. We think maybe our subject started all this because he believes Saddler was responsible for the death of his family, and we’re looking for evidence that supports that theory and can possibly give us a link to the snipers and our amour car thief. I’ve asked Ben to pry a little deeper. Winnie’s in the command truck right now helping with that. Meanwhile, what do we have to do to find out if that is a safe room? And more importantly that Greg and the others are in it?”

“I want to drill a hole in the wall so we can get a camera and maybe ears in. Safe rooms are built to withstand damage so getting into it isn’t going to be easy. I don’t want to waste our time if I’m wrong.”

“Do it.” Ed nodded. 

Spike took the drill and went to the wall. Ed looked at Sam who had walked off. Ed’s flashlight followed his movements. The younger man leaned against the shelving unit with his head resting on his arm. He approached the younger man and put a hand to his shoulder. “Sam?”

“Do you have any idea how much this hurts? I told Sadie the day she was born that I wanted her to grow up thinking I could do anything but here I am not even a year later proving I can’t.”

“We’re going to find them. If Spike’s right and that’s a safe room, then that’s the best news we’ve gotten in all of this. If Greg, Jules, Sadie, and the others are inside then they are safe. It might be a little tight but we’ll have time, even if it takes us a while to figure out how to breach the room. They’ll have food, water, and air until we get them out. Hell, I’ve heard some of those safe rooms even have a small toilet. All the comforts of home.”

“Not all the comforts.“ Sam straightened up and looked at his arms. They ached but he knew the pain he was feeling had little to do with all the lugging of the debris he’d done and more with the fact that they longed to hold his wife and daughter, to crush them to his chest and never let them go again. He looked at Ed. “And if they’re not in there? Where do we go from there? I know they are alive; I can feel it in my heart. I won’t give up until I find them. I still have hope but I’m starting to feel desperate, like we’re running out of time, not that we‘ve found out we‘ve got unlimited time.”

“Shit, broke the bit already.” Spike growled as he shut the drill down. He looked back at Ed. “Just getting a hole in this thing is going to be a bitch.”

Ed frowned. “What do you need?”

“The strongest drill bits we have.” Spike thought for a moment. “Lights stronger than these flashlights would be good as well. And since we’re making a list, bring the canister of liquid nitrogen back with you. Maybe I can use it to lower the temperature and thus weaken the structure a little.”

“On it.” Ed started to leave but stopped to look at Sam, his eyes almost penetrating the younger man to the very soul. “Sam, hold on to the hope. It’s gotten you this far and I can’t believe it’s been wrong. I know it hasn’t been the direct path you would like but it’s gotten us this far.”

Sam nodded. After Ed disappeared back up the steps, Sam moved to join Spike at the wall. He placed his hand against the smooth wall. “Hang on Jules, Sadie; we’re going to get you out.”

Spike watched his friend in sympathy. His own worries about his friends seemed pale in comparison to what Sam must be feeling. He couldn’t help but remember the day his two best friends had gotten married. The love they had for each other had been almost tangible, like an actual guest at the ceremony. The announcement about the baby had only reinforced that feeling. He’d always heard the saying “wedded bliss” but that day had been the first time he’d ever actually seen it. There was no doubt in his mind that Sam and Jules had been born to love each other. There was no way in hell Spike was going to let anything stop that kind of meant to be, no matter what it took.

“Damn straight we are. You’ve been asking us to believe they’re alive from the moment that explosion happened. You’ve asked us not to listen to what our eyes were seeing but what your heart was telling you. Now I’m telling you the same thing. Believe your heart. They’re in there and I bet they are sleeping soundly knowing it’s only a matter of time before we find them.”

Sam turned his back to the wall and slid down it. His head turned slightly so that his ear was pressed against the cool concrete hoping to hear something from the other side while knowing all the while that it wouldn’t happen. Even if Jules was right on the other side screaming her head off, the sound wouldn’t penetrate what was probably reinforced steel and Kevlar. “Shouldn’t we be trying to find the door? It would be our best way of getting in.”

Spike shrugged. “Maybe. It’s not down here though so it must be a trap door entrance from the top. I suspect it’s probably covered by the rubble; it would explain why they haven’t emerged on their own. Once we get eyes and ears in, we can find out what’s going on from in there and make the best plan then.”

Sam slipped his gloves off and wiped his face, glad that the light of the flashlight wasn’t strong enough to completely dispel the darkness of the basement. “I need to see Jules and Sadie with my own eyes, need to touch them and hold them to know for sure they alive and okay. In the meantime though, if I could just hear Jules’s voice. If she could just tell me that she and Sadie are okay, I think it would sustain me better than all the water in the world could.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
“What are you doing?”

Greg stopped mid search of the diaper bag feeling almost like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He looked back at Jules guiltily; he’d hadn’t expected her to wake up as soon as she had. She’d only been back to sleep for a couple of hours after she’d finally drifted back off after her dream and their conversation earlier. There was no accusation in her voice, just mild curiosity. She trusted him to take care of Sadie like she would. 

She glanced over to where Sadie was still sleeping. Just in the last few weeks Sadie had started sleeping through the night and Jules was glad to see that the unfamiliar sleeping arrangement hadn‘t changed that. Still, if Sadie ran true to form it wouldn’t be long before she started to stir. And when she did, Jules knew her daughter would be hungry.

“I figured you had a little bit of everything in that bag so I was hoping you would have this as well. I was right.” He held up a small medicine bottle that was a little more than two thirds full of purple liquid. 

Jules frowned as she recognized the infant Tylenol. Immediately alarmed, she carefully extracted her thumb from the grasp Sadie had kept on it throughout the night and felt the baby’s cheek and forehead. She was cool to the touch, no sign of fever. Why was Greg wanting the Tylenol? “Why? What did you notice? Is Sadie okay?”

“Sadie is fine. I wasn’t looking for it for her.” Seeing her confused expression, he continued. “What I’ve noticed is that you’ve been groaning in your sleep. I know you are hurting; how you managed not to be in much worse shape in all this is beyond me. Since we seem to be lacking anything stronger to alleviate your discomfort, the Tylenol is for you.”

“No, I …”

“Yeah, you can.” Greg interrupted her firmly. “There’s plenty even taking into account that you’ll need a bigger dose than what’s called for since you’re an adult. Besides, she’s fine and I doubt she’s going to need the medicine while we’re stuck in here. She’s going to be waking up soon and she’s going to want her mommy. You’ll be better for her if you aren’t hurting as much. I know it won’t take all the pain away but hopefully it’ll take the edge off.”

“I’d be better off if I weren’t trapped under all this shit. I need to hold my daughter properly not just what I can manage with one arm free.”

Greg wondered if she was a little looser with her language because Sadie was asleep or because she was hurt and frustrated. She was usually careful about using foul language when her daughter was around, had been even while she was pregnant. He waved the bottle in front of her. “Humor me?”

He expected her to protest, and was prepared to counter every argument until she gave him. Therefore, he was surprised when she simply nodded her permission. Before she could change her mind, he had the first dropper full of medicine ready to squirt in her mouth. The syringe style dropper was designed to make administering the dosage to an infant easier but it also helped with her current position and he made quick work of filling the syringe three more times to give her a more adult size dose. He started to return the Tylenol to the diaper bag but Jules stopped him.

“You should dose yourself while you’re at it. Don’t even try to pretend your leg hasn’t been bothering you. Between climbing down this ladder that’s poking me like crazy with Sadie in your arms, taking care of me and Sadie, and running roughshod over Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum over there, you’ve been on that leg way too much in the last twenty four hours. Don’t argue with me; I’m going to need you in top form to take care of my baby when she wakes up.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Greg agreed but only took half the dose he’d given her. Yeah, his leg was aching more than it usually did; the ghost pains he’d been dwelling on just before Jules had arrived the day before to meet him were now more than just remembered pain because of the exertion he’d been forced to put on it. Still, his discomfort was just that and not real pain. Nothing compared to what she had to be feeling. He put the medicine bottle back in the diaper bag just as Sadie started to stir on the blanket. 

Immediately her face scrunched up and the tears threatened as she didn’t recognize her surroundings. Before the tears started, Jules softly called her name. Sadie rolled over on her stomach and crawled over to her mother. She buried her face in Jules’s neck as her mother wrapped her free arm around the small body. 

This was close to a familiar position for them both. How many mornings had Jules scooped Sadie out of her crib almost as soon as she was awake to have Sadie press her small face into her neck just as she was currently doing? If they were home, she would have already swung Sadie around, bouncing her up and down and almost dancing with her as she carried her over to the changing table to get her ready for the day. The whole while she would be talking to her in a sing song voice about their plans for the day. Sadie would listen excitedly whether the plans included house cleaning or a trip to the park. Of course, Jules realized that her daughter’s excitement might be more about getting undressed than it was about whatever she was saying but she chose to believe her daughter was actually listening to her.

What could she tell her about today? “Hey Sades, I’m just going to lay down here trapped under all this big scary looking pile of bricks and mortar unable to really do anything for you. But don’t worry, I’m sure Daddy hasn’t eaten, slept, or even taken a bathroom break all night trying to get to us.” Yeah, she could certainly tell her seven month old that. She bit back a groan of pain that the Tylenol couldn’t touch. Why did she even think bathroom? Before she’d gotten pregnant, she could easily go almost all day without making a trip to the bathroom if she had to, which sometimes happened when they were on a hot call. It wasn’t like she could call a time out during a negotiation in order to take a bathroom break. That particular skill set had all but disappeared early on in her pregnancy and even now seven months after giving birth, it hadn’t fully returned. Lack of fluid intake had diminished her urine output but hadn’t eliminated it completely. 

It wasn’t an issue for the guys. Though it wasn’t something that had been discussed, she’d seen them make random trips to one of the corners keeping their backs to the rest of the room. She was pretty sure that although Saddler had failed to bring down food and water, he’d taken care of a bathroom solution when he had the room installed. A bathroom they’d been free to use whenever the need arose. Trapped under the debris, Jules wasn’t as lucky though. Her only option was to soil herself but she didn’t have the benefit of a diaper like Sadie did. She’d been determined not to let that happen no matter how urgent the need to pee got. Logically she’d known eventually it might be beyond her control to prevent but she was determined to do her best.

So far, she’d already wet herself once, when the pain and shortness of breath from the plank digging into her had gotten too intense. When Greg had eased the apron under her to try to ease her position on the plank, she’d been worried that he would notice her shorts were wet. While she knew he wouldn’t judge her, she couldn’t shake the embarrassment at having done something she hadn’t done since she was a very little girl. Now her bladder was hurting so much she wasn’t sure she could stop another accident and wasn’t sure fear of embarrassment was enough to make her hold back much longer. 

“Sades, not our usual routine, huh? I’m sorry. I bet Daddy’s going to get us out of here real soon though.” It was as close to a promise as Jules could make. Again at the mention of Daddy, Sadie turned her head looking for him. Her lower lip quivered and a couple of fat tears slip down her cheeks. Jules understood her confusion and tears. In her whole young life, Sadie had never gone this long without seeing Sam. To add to it, she’d reached the stage where she understood when someone important was missing. So much so that Jules had noticed some afternoons as it came close for time to Sam to come home, Sadie crawled to the window nearest the door as if to watch for him. Jules kissed away the tears. “I know Sadie. I miss him too. I think though that as much as we might miss him, he’s missing us more.”

Greg tried to swallow down the lump that had formed in his throat. He looked away, rubbing his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. Seeing their pain made him think about Marina and Dean. He hated that they were having to once again worry about whether he was okay or not. He’d thought since his injury a year ago had forced him into retirement that he wouldn’t have to put them through that kind of anguish again. It had been one of the things that had eased the sting early retirement had caused. But here he was, once again making the woman he loved and the son he’d gotten a second chance with wonder if they would ever see him again. 

Needing a distraction from his thoughts, he looked around the room, keeping his eyes anywhere but on mother and daughter. His eyes came to rest on the blanket Sadie had been sleeping on. There was a tell-tale wet spot where she’d been laying.

“Jules, I think someone sprang a leak during the night.” He caught a momentary flash of fear in the young woman’s eyes until she too noticed the wet spot on the blanket as well. Her hand traveled down to the bloomers over Sadie’s diaper and found that sure enough they were wet. 

“Yeah, I think you are right. No matter what kind of diaper we try, sometimes nights are just too long for them to hold everything now that she‘s sleeping for longer periods of time.”

Greg switched the blanket out with a lighter one from the bag. Then he took Sadie and laid her on her back. She kicked her legs as he tried to change her. He’d learned the night before that she was quick to try to roll over and escape so he worked as quickly as he could to get her changed. “Not a problem. It’s one of those acts of nature we all have to take care of. It’s got to have some place to go and we can’t hold it in indefinitely because it isn’t convenient. No shame in that. Right?”

He glanced back at Jules, his compassionate eyes telling her that he was talking about more than just Sadie’s heavy diaper. Jules nodded in understanding. Whether he knew she’d already had or knew it was just a matter of time, he was trying to tell it was okay. She should have known he’d know; how could anyone go almost twenty hours without having to relieve their bladder?

With Sadie’s diaper now dry, Greg didn’t bother to replace the wet bloomers. He could have dressed her in something new because there were spare clothes in the bag but as dirty as it was in the room, why bother to mess up another outfit? He grinned at her now smiling face. It amazed him how her disposition could be so sweet given everything that was going on. He touched a finger to her nose, making her giggle. “I suppose you’re probably hungry too? Seems like I remember Dean waking up at this age acting like he hadn’t eaten in days. What do you think, Mommy? Is it breakfast time?”

“I don’t know about the kid but I could use a large coffee and a huge platter of pancakes.” Saddler admitted as he woke up as well. 

“Don’t talk about it. It doesn’t make things easier.” Doug grumbled. His eyes were still closed as he stayed slumped on the ground where he’d slept. 

Saddler frowned as he got up and moved around, stretching out the kinks that had settled in on him during the night. “Sorry, if I’d known I was going to be held hostage by a psychopath hell bent on revenge, I would have eaten a bigger breakfast yesterday.”

“Yeah well, if you weren’t such an asshole none of this would be happening at all.”

Greg had decided during the night as he’d kept watch over everyone that it was probably best to just ignore that verbal jabs the two men kept insisting on throwing each other. He turned his back to the two men as they continued to argue back and forth over whose fault everything was. Once more he rummaged through the diaper bag and pulled out the last three containers of baby food. “Which do you want to feed her for breakfast? Looks like two vegetables and a fruit with cereal?”

Jules looked over at her choices and wrinkled her nose. “Would you want sweet peas or mixed vegetables for breakfast?”

Greg chuckled. “No, but I’m not sure I’d want them for lunch or supper either. Okay, Apple and Mango with Rice Cereal it is. Tell me honestly, Jules, who’s the bigger fan of mango here? Mom or baby?”

Jules knew he was joking but it didn’t stop the momentary pang of sadness she felt at his question. How many times had Sam accused her of the same thing either when they were shopping or when he just looked at the collection of baby food jars and containers that had taken over a kitchen cabinet of its own since Sadie had graduated to baby food? She’d give anything to hear him tease her about it now. Pushing aside her feelings, she nodded toward Sadie who was kicking her legs excitedly as Greg once more fastened the bib around her neck. “Does she look like she’s complaining?”

“It’s bad enough the baby’s the only one getting her hunger satisfied,” Saddler grumbled. “Do we have to hear about it as well?”

“What? You want to steal her food now as well? You make me sick.” Doug complained. “You got your water and you drank it all down instead of conserving it. I really don’t want to listen to you. You sound more like a baby than that sweet little angel over there has this whole time.”

“I’m going to look forward to seeing the cops come in and slap the cuffs on you.” Saddler muttered lowly. 

Doug pushed himself up from his sitting position and once more slammed him against the wall, his fist cocked back to hit him. “What do you think they are going to do to you? You admitted to all of us that you left the scene of the accident without rendering aid. You think that’s going to go unnoticed?”

Saddler glanced back at Greg. “You going to stop him? You’re a cop after all.”

Wearily Greg shook his head. “No, I don’t think I am. I’m retired so I really don’t have to.” He nodded toward Jules. “She’s still a cop but there’s not much she could do to stop him. Besides, I don’t think she’s too inclined to do anything for you considering you took water away from her baby. So maybe you should just sit down and shut up. I bet that would stop him better than anything.”

Jules looked at him as she spooned baby food into Sadie’s mouth. She was pretty sure he would intervene if Doug’s violence escalated but she was still worried about him. He sounded exhausted. She bet he hadn’t slept at all. “Boss, how about you fix her bottle for me so it’s ready when we finish this and then you catch a few winks. Let me take the watch awhile.”

His hands were shaking as he put together the asked for bottle. He didn’t want to admit just how exhausted he really was. As he set it in easy reach, he eyed her carefully. “You sure? What if Sadie is more active today than she was yesterday? You can’t chase after her. You trust her with these two?”

“Saddler? Not hardly, but Doug? Strangely enough, yeah I do. We’ll be fine. Besides, I know you; you won’t sleep that heavily. If I need you, you’ll wake up.”

“Okay.” He kissed her forehead and then the top of Sadie’s head. Then he looked at the two men. “You two behave. You give her any trouble and I’ll forget I ever was a cop.”

After Greg settled back against the wall and closed his eyes, Doug released his hold on Saddler and went to sit beside Jules and Sadie. He touched the baby’s back almost longingly. He watched as Jules fed the baby the fruit cereal mixture and then shook his head. 

“LeeAnn used to make these faces when she fed the kids. I don’t know how to describe it but her mouth would almost exaggeratedly mimic every motion she wanted the kids to make. I used to just sit and watch her do it. I would tease her about it but she’d just roll her eyes. I almost hated it when the kids really started to feed themselves and I couldn‘t watch her do it anymore.”

Jules smiled but it was bittersweet. She could hear the pain in his voice at the memory. “I did that when I first started feeding Sadie. Sam would laugh at me too. Then one day when I was feeding her that awful looking first food meat stuff -- I can’t remember now if it was ham or chicken-- Sam suddenly shoved a spoonful of it in my mouth. God, it was awful. I felt bad that I’d ever given it to Sadie. After that, I learned to keep my mouth shut while I was feeding her.”

Doug laughed. “Somehow you don’t strike me as someone who would let that pass without doing something in return.”

“I didn’t.” Jules admitted. “An hour later, I was fixing myself a sandwich and he asked if I’d fix him one while I was at it. I did but instead of using mayo or mustard, I spread some of that same baby food all over both sides of the bread before putting on real meat and cheese. I made sure I got a picture of his face when he bit into it and realized what I’d done. It’s in the pile of photographs I keep meaning to put in her baby book.”

“Sounds like Sadie here has great parents who love each other as much as they love her.” Doug admitted sadly. “I’m sorry I put you through this. I really am. I know words can’t make up for all this but it’s all I’ve got right now.”

In her time at SRU, Jules had worked many calls when she’d felt sympathy and understanding for the subjects she was later forced to arrest. She felt that way now with Doug. She nodded. “I know. I’m sorry you lost your family. That kind of pain…I can’t even imagine. I’d do anything for Sadie and so would Sam. If we lost her, I don’t know how I could get past that loss.”

“Your husband was the officer who called in upstairs wasn’t he?” At Jules’s nod, Doug continued. “He told me that if he lost the two of you he didn’t know how he could continue getting up in the mornings. Said his life would be over. I didn’t know he was Sadie’s father at the time but suddenly it hit me that she had a father out there and that I couldn’t let another dad face the kind of pain I’ve lived with since the accident. Not when he didn’t know I intended for her to stay safe. That’s why I decided to let you all go when I did. I couldn’t give up what I had to do but I didn’t want her in danger any more. Didn‘t want her father to worry. I screwed that up as well.”

She finished off the last of the fruit mixture and looked at Doug. “Would you like to hold her and give her her bottle?”

“You wouldn’t mind? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want me anywhere close to her.”

Trusting an instinct that went deeper than any understanding, Jules nodded. With a gentleness that belied any of the violence from the day before, Doug scooped Sadie into his arms. She probably would have protested being held by a stranger but when he offered her the bottle she accepted him willingly enough. Jules watched as it seemed like for a moment nothing else existed for the man than the little girl in his arms. Then he glanced back at Jules.

“Your husband is a good father isn’t he?”

“The best.”

“I wasn’t. I wanted to be. I tried to be but I think I failed more often than I succeeded. I made Dougie cry that night. The night of the accident. That’s why LeeAnn took the kids and left. I was tired and we were fighting over something -- probably bills. My little boy was trying to play peacekeeper and I yelled at him. When he started crying LeeAnn told me she didn’t want me taking things out on the kids and that she was leaving until I calmed down. I’d give anything to be able to go back and change things about that night.” He glanced over to where Saddler was once again sitting with his back to the wall. “I hate him. I hate what he took from me but I hate myself even more.”

His body started to shake with sobs that couldn’t produce tears. Jules stretched her arm out as far as she could so that she could lightly touch his knee. “Maybe it’s time to let some of the hate go. Seems like all that hate is done is hurt you more as well as others. Just let it go and start to forgive yourself a little. Somehow I think it‘s what LeeAnn, Dougie and Amberlyn would want you to do.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know if I can. I don’t know that I deserve not to be hated.”

“I do.” Jules commented softly. “I look at my daughter and know that you do. They say kids are pretty good judges of character; she looks pretty content where she is right now to me. I’m not saying that what you did wasn’t wrong because it was. You know that. Your actions have consequences that affected not only yourself but all of us. That’s not going to change because you regret what happened. But the fact that you do feel remorse, that since we’ve been in here, you’ve tried to do what’s right and to make up for your actions tells me just as much about what kind of man you are.”

“Thank you.” Doug said simply. Jules wasn’t sure if he was thanking her for her words, her confidence, or for letting him hold Sadie but she nodded anyway. He finished giving Sadie her bottle and then settled her on the blanket to play. 

“What the hell? You throwing things at me now?” Saddler growled running his hand through his hair.

Doug frowned. “What are you complaining about this time? I haven’t thrown anything.”

“Well something sure as hell hit me in the head. I don’t think the baby’s got that good a aim, she’s trapped under the rubble and he’s sleeping so that leaves you.” Saddler accused.

Jules looked over at him and then let her eyes trail upward. If she could cry tears of relief she would have. A hole had suddenly appeared in the wall about five feet up from the floor. As she watched a long black rod poked through it. She recognized it immediately and it had never been a more welcoming sight. 

“Boss, wake up. We’ve been found.”


	13. Chapter 13

Another broken bit. Spike had lost count of how many that made. Almost two hours of drilling, half a canister of liquid nitrogen gone, who knows how many changed drill bits, and he had no way of knowing how close he was to his goal. He almost felt like Bruce Willis in the movie _Armageddon_ trying to reach a drill depth in the scariest environment possible. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to enjoy that movie as much as he used to.

“Again? Damn, this one didn’t last any time.” Sam swore as Spike once more backed the drill out of the hole. His patience had been stretched to its very limit in the time they’d been in the basement, not that it had been in great shape since getting the call from Jules clueing him in to the danger she and Sadie were in. At least above ground there had been something physical to do, debris that needed to be removed. As long as his hands were busy, there was less time for his mind to dwell on the danger his family could be in. 

Since Spike had discovered the possibility of the safe room and had decided to try to drill an entry hole into the wall, Sam’s ability to use manual labor to distract himself had diminished. They’d been taking turns with the drill, switching out every time a bit broke. Sam had thought about volunteering to do all the drilling just to have something to do. But Spike knew more about the best way to use the liquid nitrogen to weaken the structure of the wall and Sam knew he needed his friend if he wanted to be successful. Considering the time it was taking and the number of drill bits they were going through, Sam wasn’t sure how they would ever get a hole big enough to get inside.

Spike changed the bit and offered the drill to Sam. “I don’t mind doing this if you want to take a break.”

Sam shook his head. “I’m good. More liquid nitrogen?”

Spike had known it was a useless offer but still one he had to make. He didn’t know how Sam was still on his feet. Spike himself had taken a couple of breaks in the evening/overnight period before they breached the basement and he was still exhausted. He shrugged. “I’m not sure if it’s helping or hurting at this point but yeah, I guess so.” 

He removed his work gloves and reached for the heavier insulated gloves that protected him against exposure to the super cool Liquid Nitrogen. He sprayed the nozzle into the hole and then set the canister down again, removing the gloves. They would have to wait a few minutes to let it settle and dissipate before they could start drilling again or they would run the risk of immediately shattering the bit. 

“Looks like I’m just in time.” Winnie commented as she entered the basement carrying two insulated cups. 

Spike frowned. “Winnie, you shouldn’t be down here. It’s too dangerous.”

She raised an eyebrow and looked around. Normally Spike didn’t do the overprotective bit with her but she also knew the current situation had him and everyone else on edge. Seeing what Sam stood to lose if things didn‘t go well had reminded them all of the fragility of life and what they all stood to lose. “Doesn’t look so threatening to me.” 

“Not down here but that entrance…”

“Has been shored up while you’ve been down here. It’s safe. You don’t think Ed would let me down here otherwise, do you? I figured the two of you could use the caffeine.”

“Thanks, Winnie.” Sam murmured taking one of the cups. “What’s going on up there?”

Winnie filled them in, managing to subtly give Spike’s hand a quick squeeze as he took his own coffee. “We did find proof that Saddler bought a safe room about a month after last year’s bombings. He lives in an apartment so it didn’t make sense that he could have had it installed there. We pulled the name of the contractor who installed the room and Ed sent uniforms to the man’s house. Needless to say he wasn’t happy at having officers knock on his door at three in the morning but he agreed to help when he heard what had happened. He’s been here every since. He didn’t realize that Saddler hadn’t obtained the necessary permits but he was able to show us where the entrance to the room would have been. Crews have been concentrating on clearing that area.”

Sam frowned. While he was glad the volunteers were still doing something to try to affect a rescue instead of hinging all their hopes on Sam and Spike getting a hole in the side of the wall, he couldn’t help but worry. “I thought they were going to wait until we had eyes in.”

Winnie nodded. “That’s what Ed suggested but Lawrence felt like we were losing time since it was taking so long to breach the wall with just the drill. Said it would save time once we knew they were in there.”

For all of his swagger earlier about wanting to give his men rest, the fire captain in charge of the scene hadn’t taken more than a two hour break the whole night and even that was an accumulated total not one solid break. Somewhere along the line, he had apparently bought into Sam’s fervent belief that this was still a rescue attempt not a simple recovery scene. 

Discarding his empty coffee cup, Sam lifted the drill once more. “Okay let’s see if we can get them information we can use.”

He inserted the extra long shank into the bore hole they’d already started and turned the drill on. Less than two minutes later, he turned the drill off again, his expression shocked. Spike frowned.

“Don’t tell me it broke already.”

Sam shook his head. “I think I broke through the other side.” A slow grin spread over his face as he pulled the shank back. 

“Hot damn!” Without a second thought, Spike hugged Winnie, picking her up and spinning her around before setting her back on her feet. He kissed her. “Win, will you let Ed know? I know he’s going to want to be down here when we start trying to communicate with them.”

Winnie nodded and practically ran from the basement. Spike bent down and picked up the long flexible snake camera they used when they needed to see into a scene. It was thin enough that they could thread it into the hole and once it was secured on the other side, they could still use the hole as an entryway for other things as well.

While he was inserting the camera through the bore hole, Sam was already at the receiver watching its progress. At first there was nothing but Kevlar reinforced steel and fiberglass to see but eventually the view expanded to a full room. His stomach sank as he couldn’t see signs of life. He had to remind himself that they’d purposefully put the hole up high, about five feet up, in order to lessen the chance of hitting someone when they burst through. Then the camera picked up a person standing directly in front of it. He didn’t recognize the person so he figured it was either the subject or one of the other hostages. Again his stomach did a flip flop. 

He’d been so wrapped up in worrying about how the blast itself might have hurt them, he’d all but forgotten there was a gunman involved as well. For all he knew, they were still hostages with the subject still armed and in control. Were they still in danger?

Sam took several deep breaths trying to calm his nerves. He didn’t want to see this stranger whether he was the subject or another hostage. Sure, just the presence of one person alive and able to stand fueled his hopes that everyone was alive but he needed to see Jules and Sadie, needed the confirmation that they were okay.

The man in front of the camera moved but before Sam could really see anything more, Greg took his place. The former sergeant of Team One smiled into the camera and gave a thumbs up. Sam hope that was Greg’s way of letting them know everything was okay.

“Winnie said you broke through.” Ed appeared at Sam’s side. “Are they in there?”

Sam nodded. “Sarge looks okay and I’ve seen one other person so far.” He hoped his frustration at not seeing his wife and daughter wasn’t evident but from the look Ed gave him, he had a feeling it had come through loud and clear.

“Then hopefully that means everyone else is as well.” Ed handed Spike a small bag containing an earwig transmitter. “Now that we’ve got eyes in, let’s get ears as well. The Boss will know what to do with this.

“On it.” Spike hooked the bag on a long thin probe. It was a tight fit but with careful finagling, he was able to thread it into the hole.

Sam ignored Spike’s actions, focusing instead on the small screen. Greg had secured the camera so it wouldn’t come loose. Then he started to rotate the lens to give them a good look around the room. He knew the procedure, knew his team would need the layout of the area to effectively plan a rescue. Sam held his breath hoping that he would soon see his wife and daughter. Before Greg panned the whole room, however, the earwig must have made its way through the opening because Greg suddenly stopped moving the lens. Sam had no complaints about the sudden stop though because the camera was now focused directly on Sadie.

The weight of a thousand worlds lifted off his shoulders in an instant. She was alive and from the way her little legs were kicking and her arms were waving a toy about, she didn’t seem injured. Her back was too him but he could almost imagine that she was flashing that cheeky little smile that caused her little button nose to wrinkle up and the hint of a tooth she was started to cut shine through. Once more his arms ached to gather her close. The relief was palpable in his voice as he reported, “Sadie’s okay.” 

“Jules?” Ed asked hesitantly. He wanted to see the screen as well but knew his wants weren’t anything compared to Sam’s need at the moment. He wouldn’t push Sam aside just to satisfy his own curiosity. 

“The camera’s not moving now.” Sam replied. He didn’t want to take his eyes off Sadie but his need to know about Jules made him shift his glance just slightly. Again relief washed over him, just as great as before. That was Jules’s hand on Sadie’s back and in the corner of the screen there was Jules’s head. Her eyes were open and it looked like she was talking to Sadie, he was almost sure there was just a hint of a smile in her own beautiful features. “Yeah, she’s there. They’re both there.”

His knees wanted to buckle in response to what he was seeing but he couldn’t give in to the shakiness. Didn’t want to sink to the ground and shed the tears of relief that threatened to overwhelm him. There would be time for that later when he had more than just his eyes to rely on for contact with his family. He barely registered Spike giving his shoulder a reassuring grasp before the tech genius started adjusting the zoom on the camera, widening the picture. 

_“This is Greg Parker. Eddie? Spike? Sam? Who‘s out there?”_

Ed grinned broadly at the sound of his friend’s voice filling his ear. He switched his com so that everyone could hear the conversation. “Greg, Buddy. We’re all here. You have no idea how happy we are to hear your voice. No idea at all.”

_“Same here, Eddie. Same here. I was beginning to think you weren’t ever going to find us.”_

“Yeah? Well, since you quit hiding out on channel 4, it’s a little harder to track you down. How are you doing in there? Everyone okay? What’s the situation?”

_“Situation is contained. Subject is at green. There are five of us trapped in here but we’re all alive and relatively uninjured. We’re going to need help getting out of here though.”_

“Copy that.” Ed answered. “We’re in the process of clearing the rubble from the entrance to the safe room now.”

_“No! You’ve got to stop them, Eddie. The explosion caught us unaware. We didn’t have the door closed and we took a ton of debris…Damn it, no! Jules, protect your head! Doug, Aaron, I need your help here. Eddie, tell them to stop before they kill Jules.”_

“No!” Sam screamed. Spike had finished his adjustments to the camera and now Sam knew exactly what Greg was alarmed about. He could see the pile of broken concrete piled on Jules’s lower body, trapping her where she lay. He could also see that the pile was now teetering precariously. Several chunks, some large and some small, dislodged themselves from the top of the pile and tumbled down. The largest piece rolled down the pile, barely clipping Jules’s side in the process before it rolled harmlessly away. The smaller pieces rained directly down on her. Her expression was horrified but he knew that look. She wasn’t worried about her own safety but Sadie’s. Sure enough the earwig picked up her panicked screams.

_“Grab Sadie. Get her away from me before she gets hurt. Damn it, do it. I don’t care what happens to me just protect my baby.”_

It was taking everything in Sam not to throw himself over the screen as if by shielding it with his body he could protect Jules as well. The third man snatched Sadie up from her spot near Jules’s head and pulled her clear. Sam couldn’t see her anymore but he could hear her scared, desperate screams fill the room. 

“Jules! Sadie!”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP --

  
“Eddie, make them stop.” Greg urged once again as he covered Jules’s head and upper body. The pieces raining down on him weren’t big enough to cause serious injury but if the whole column fell, he didn’t think either of them would survive. Beneath him, Jules was screaming for Sadie, wanting to make sure her daughter was safe since she couldn’t see her. She didn’t know what was happening with Sadie because her view was block by his body.

Behind him Greg could hear Doug screaming at Saddler to do something to help. He couldn’t see what the manager was doing but considering no one had come to his aid, he didn’t think Saddler was listening.

_“Greg, the rescue crew has stopped; they aren‘t going to touch that pile again until we know it‘s safe to do so. What’s the status there?”_

For a moment Greg thought that it was going to be too late to do them any good. Then, finally, the pile seemed to settle. When he didn’t feel anything hitting him any more, he sat back. “Eddie, we’re good now. The entrance isn’t going to work. Jules is trapped under the debris that fell. It’s not stable and if we’re not careful it’s going to come down right on top of her.”

_“Is she okay, Boss?”_ Sam’s voice was ragged but the concern was blatant. _“I can’t see what’s going on. Someone is standing in front of the camera.”_

Greg looked down at the young woman. One piece had struck her just above the eye; the smear of blood was bright against her otherwise pale skin but it didn’t appear serious. “Jules, how bad?”

“Sadie? Is Sadie okay? Why is she screaming? Did she get hit? Doug? Tell me about my baby.”

_“Boss? Is she okay?”_ Sam repeated anxiously. _“Doug? Are you telling me the subject has my daughter?”_

“Sadie is okay.” Doug assured her. “She wasn’t hit. I think all the noise and excitement and me grabbing her like I did scared her. It’s okay. I’ll bring her back to you and she’ll be fine.”

“No!” Jules insisted. “Please, I don’t want her hurt. Just please stay away from me.”

Sadie continued to loudly protest her current position. Her whole body tried to lurch out of Doug’s arms as she tried to get back to her mother. 

_“Sarge? Please.”_

_“Sam. Give him a minute.”_

_“Damn it, Ed, I just need to know she’s okay. I can‘t see anything. Someone‘s blocking the camera.”_

Greg wanted to join Sadie’s screaming fest. He knew Sam wanted information; just as he knew that Jules’s main concern was for Sadie, not for herself. Neither were making things easier for him. He had to start putting fires out where he could. “Aaron, either sit down or take a couple of steps either to your right or your left so my team can see what‘s going on in here. Sam, buddy, She’s okay. She’s a little banged up but it doesn’t seem serious. I just need you to give me a moment or two to really check on her. As soon as I do, I’ll give you a full update okay? Can you be patient?” Once Sam agreed, Greg turned off the earwig so he wouldn’t further alarm the worried husband and father. Then he turned his attention back to Jules. “Jules, Sweetheart, Sadie isn’t hurt. Doug’s going to watch her for you but let me take a look at that cut.”

She nodded, only half paying him attention as she watched her daughter. “Doug, she’s got a pacifier in the side pocket of her bag. She’s not a really big fan of it but it’ll probably help calm her down.”

Doug nodded and as he reached in the bag for it, Greg asked him to hand him the wet wipes as well. Once he had one, he looked at Jules. “Jules, let Doug take care of Sadie and let me take care of you. This is going to hurt but I need to clean the area. There’s so much dust in here, I don’t want it to get infected.”

“Just do it.” Jules assured him, gritting her teeth against the anticipated sting. 

Once he wiped away the smear of blood and the dust, his thought that it wasn’t a serious injury was confirmed. He studied her expression grimly, looking for any sign of further injury. “You took a bit of a beating before I could cover you. Any other injuries I need to be concerned about?”

Jules shook her head. “Just bruises on top of bruises on top of more bruises. Nothing major.” She bit her lower lip as it became clear that Sadie wasn’t quieting down any. In fact if anything her cries were getting louder. “I know if I hold her for a few minutes, she’ll settle down. I want to hold her. I want to soothe her fears and be there for her. I’m her mother and I’m supposed to be there for her. I just can’t take the risk. I know you got them to stop trying to move the rubble but we don’t know if it’s really stable. It could come crashing down at any second and I don’t want Sadie in danger if it does. She’s safer on the other side of the room. She’s just breaking my heart listening to her and knowing I can’t do anything to make it better without the possibility of hurting her worse. I‘m helpless to do the slightest little thing.”

“You might be a little pinned down right now but you aren’t helpless. Let me pinch-hit for you on this one. I’ll see if I can’t help Doug calm your daughter down. Maybe since she knows me she’ll accept me as a better substitute. No guarantees though. She wants her mom and while I understand why you want her over there instead of right here with you; it’s going to be a little harder to convince her, especially since I’m betting she’s probably at least a little bit as stubborn as you.”

Despite the situation she couldn‘t help but grin at his implication. “She’s Sam’s daughter as well so probably more so.” Then she sobered. “Did I hear you talking to him?”

Greg nodded and reached up and removed the earwig. He placed it in Jules’s right ear. “I think you both will feel better if you have a moment to talk to each other. Reassure him that you and Sadie are okay and then let him fuss over you a few minutes. Then we can all figure out a way for us to get out of here.” He turned the earwig back on and reached for his cane. 

Jules took a deep breath. “Sam, you there?”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP --

  
_“Sam, you there?”_

Her voice was closer than before and calmer. Somehow he knew the transmitter wasn’t just picking up her voice from a distance but was actually in her ear and directly getting her voice. It had only been twenty four hours since he had kissed her goodbye at home before leaving for work and leaving her to what should have been just a safe and ordinary day but it suddenly felt like it had been forever. Despite his steadfast belief that she and Sadie were alive, part of him had been terrified that he’d never see her again, never hear her voice. 

God, he loved her voice. He loved everything about her but he especially loved hearing her speak. She might could hide her feelings by a carefully controlled expression but her voice revealed everything. In those three words he could hear her pain, her fear, and most importantly her love.

_“Sam? Greg gave me the transmitter. I’m okay. Sadie is okay.”_

Finally Sam found his voice. “I love you.”

His eyes never left the screen. The man who had been standing in front of the lens had moved at Greg’s order so he could see her now. He ignored the chunks of concrete that buried her from the waist down and concentrated on her face. She was looking at the camera and her face visibly relaxed at his three words. She nodded.

_“I love you too.”_

“How bad are you hurt?” He wasn’t stupid. He knew there was a difference between “I’m okay” and “I’m not hurt” when it came to Jules. She had to be injured. How could she not be given her situation? Even Greg had said “relatively uninjured” which indicated someone was hurt.

_“Considering what could have happened, I’m perfect. I’m probably going to be a giant bruise when we get out of here. Given that we are going to get out of this alive, I’m not going to complain.”_

“And Sadie? I heard you say Doug has her. That’s our subject, right? Why does he have her? Is he hurting her?”

_“No Sam. He pulled her away before any of the falling debris could hurt her. Yeah, he’s our subject. Sam, he made some choices he’s going to have to live with, that we’re all going to have to live with. Deep down though, he’s just a father who wanted to do what he thought he needed to do for his kids. He’ll protect Sadie like she was his own.”_

He ran his thumb over the screen as if he were actually caressing her hair. “When that bomb went off I was so scared..”

_“I know. I’m sorry.”_

His voice was thick with emotion. His chest hurt from the enormity of everything. “Don’t. You’ve got nothing to apologize for.”

_“Yeah I do. It’s my fault it went off early. I was trying to defuse it but I must have screwed up. If Sarge hadn’t already gotten Sadie in this room…”_

“Jules?” Spike interjected. He didn’t want to intrude on what should be a private moment between her and Sam but he couldn’t let her blame herself a moment longer. “It wasn’t anything you did. There was a second timer on the bomb probably set to go off earlier than the timer you could see. You couldn’t have known. The bomb going off wasn’t your fault.”

He could hear the audible intake of breath on her part. Then almost hesitantly, _“Promise?”_

“Who’s the bomb expert here? I’m positive. I don’t think we’ve found enough of the other one for me to know whether it was real or just a dummy but the one that caused the explosion was hidden beneath the bomb. I wouldn’t have found it either.”

“Jules?” Ed continued. Like Spike he knew Sam and Jules probably needed the connection after everything that had happened but he also knew they needed to bring the situation to a close. Wouldn’t a physical reunion be better than just talking over the headsets? “We’re working with the contractor to figure out an alternate entry point but it might take awhile. Are you guys set for that? You got plenty of food and water?”

_“Negative. We’ve got about 34 ounces of water that we’re saving for Sadie’s bottles and 3 containers of baby food. Saddler, the manager who put this room in, never stocked it with provisions.”_

Ed cursed under his breath. An adult could conceivably survive three to four days without water but he knew that they would already be feeling the effects of dehydration. Of course they were saving what they had for Sadie, as a baby she not only wouldn’t understand her thirst and hunger not being quenched, she wouldn’t be able to survive as long as they could. “Okay, we’ll try to speed things up then. We are going to get you out. I promise you that.”

_“I know you’ll do everything possible. Sam, you still listening in?”_

“Yeah, Jules, I’m still here.” If it were just the two of them, he might have slipped in a Baby or a Sweetheart instead of her name. He’d conditioned himself to control that instinct at work, though. Even after their relationship had become public, they had known they had to keep their private life separate in order to be able to stay together. Some habits died hard. 

_“I need you to do something for me.”_

“Anything.” 

_“I know you. I know you probably haven’t stopped looking for us. You haven’t slept and I bet the only time you’ve paused to eat or drink anything has been when the rest of the team forced you. Now that you know we’re okay, I need to know you’re okay as well. Take a break. Get something to eat. Close your eyes for a few minutes. Just until they have a solution to getting us out of here.”_

“Jules…” He dragged out her name. He should have known what she was going to ask of him. He’d promised her anything but he wasn’t sure he could do that, not ever for her. 

_“Please Sam. You know when the medics get their hands on me, they aren’t going to be satisfied with just my word that I’m okay. They are going to insist on trussing me up like a turkey and getting me checked out. Sadie needs one of us to be at our best and right now that’s got to be you. I promise you, I’m fine and so is Sadie. That’s not going to change if you take a quick break. I need you to go and do this for us.”_

“Jules, seeing you and Sadie on the camera and hearing your voice has done more to re-energize me than all the food and sleep in the world ever could. How about a compromise? I’ll take a break; I’ll eat and drink whatever they bring down here to me and I’ll let Ed, Spike and the team do their thing but please don’t ask me to go anywhere. I’m this close to you now and I can’t leave you. I wouldn’t be able to rest if I did.”

_“Fine, I‘ll go along with that but you‘ve got to at least try to cat nap or something as well.”_

“Promise, but you’ve got to do something for me in return. You’ve got to stay okay. I’ll never be able to forgive myself if something happened to you while I was taking a break.”

_“We’ll be fine, Sam. We have to be; both Sadie and I love you too much to put you through that kind of pain. You’ll have your arms around us soon enough. I believe that and I need you to hold on to that as well.”_

“I’ll hold on to that until I’m holding you once again. I love you Julianna Braddock.”

Ed gestured for Spike to step away. “You stay down here with him. I’m going to go see what the contractor recommends about us getting them out. I’ll have Winnie bring some food down for both of you.”

After Spike assured him that he’d make sure Sam followed Jules’s request, Ed made his way back to the top level. He saw the contractor pouring over his schematics with Captain Lawrence. Before he could approach them, Winnie intercepted him carrying a white bag in one hand and balancing a cardboard tray containing four coffee cups with the other. As she figured he’d expected, she’d heard his words to Spike and hadn’t need him to tell her what he wanted. She held the bag out as Ed took one of the offered coffees.

“Sophie showed up in the rest area a few minutes ago with Marina. I think she’s been cooking all morning. She put a few special breakfast sandwiches aside for the team. I’ll take the rest of this down to Spike and Sam. You think Sam will really follow Jules’s request that he rest?”

“I think he knows she’ll give him seven kinds of hell if she finds out he doesn’t. Besides, he’s been fighting us about taking a break because he didn’t want the down time. If he took a break he’d have to face all those fears about losing Jules and Sadie that he didn’t want to admit were bubbling just under the surface. Now that he knows they are okay, even if they are still trapped, it should be easier for him to take the down time.”

Winnie continued on to the basement. Ed watched her go and then went to join Captain Lawrence and the contractor. Now he could tell they too were eating a sausage biscuit as they looked over their plans. He didn’t feel bad about removing the foil on his own sandwich. He took a bite, knowing that Sophie’s “special” sandwich would mean she made some with both bacon and sausage. Captain Lawrence glanced at him.

“Your people okay?”

Ed nodded and swallowed. “Yeah, it was close. The entrance to the safe room is blocked by rubble. We knew that. But from what I got from Greg though, they weren’t able to get the door to the safe room closed before the explosion so the rubble extends much lower. Jules Braddock is pinned beneath it. If we try to move it blindly, we’re going to crush her. We need an alternate entry point and we don’t have days to create one. Doesn’t look like any of them are seriously injured but they don’t have food or water down there.”

The contractor frowned. “Damn. With the topside trapdoor style, the possibility of the entrance being blocked in an explosion is slightly greater than when there’s a side door. That’s why all of our literature recommends at least a two week’s supply of food and water per person expected to be in the room in an emergency. Even if it takes a little while, you’re safe until the rubble is cleared away.”

“Yeah, well either Aaron Saddler didn’t read the literature or he just didn’t take the recommendation but he didn’t have anything. So we don’t have the luxury of waiting things out. Come on there’s got to be another way in. Some sort of vulnerability in the wall we can exploit.”

The contractor shook his head. “Those rooms are built to withstand major attacks.”

“We managed to drill a hole.” Ed protested.

“Just getting a 2 inch diameter bore hole took you several hours.” Lawrence reminded him. “To get something big enough for people to fit through would take days if we could do it at all. You’ve already said we don’t have that kind of time. I think we’d be better off taking our chances clearing the rubble from the entrance.”

Ed shook his head. “I told you we can’t do that. We put Jules in too much danger if we try that.”

“We’ve got five people trapped in that room, one of which is a seven month old infant. If we go in through the entrance, we risk one life. If we take the time to try to breach the wall, we risk them all. Ideally I don’t want to endanger anyone but if it comes down to a choice between losing one or losing them all, I know which one I have to take. Which would you prefer?”

The sandwich Ed had half eaten was now sitting heavy on his stomach. He’d promised Jules that they would get them out. When he’d made that promise he had meant all of them and in one piece. He knew however what she would safe if she knew the choice they were facing. Her own life wouldn‘t matter as much as her daughter‘s. “I prefer the option that doesn’t include me having to go down there and telling two people I care very much about that the best we can come up with is one that puts Jules in jeopardy. There’s got to be another option.”

“There is one,” The contractor admitted looking over his schematics once again. “But it’s not without its own risks.”

Ed nodded. “What is it?”

“The ventilation system in this type of room is basically a closed system. It has to be in order to protect the occupants from exposure to a dirty bomb. Different models have different systems. This particular set up as a filtration system behind the coffee shop. Looks just like another compressor for the air conditioner. It continually circulates the air from the room out to the base unit where it is filtered and re-oxygenated before being pumped back in. The shaft is made from essentially the same kind of material as the room so it can withstand the force of an explosion without damage. It runs from the unit along the top of the safe room to a vent in the ceiling.”

“Is the shaft big enough our people could crawl through it?” Lawrence probed.

The contractor nodded. “Yeah, so long as the person wasn’t claustrophobic. The opening is about two and a half feet both across and top to bottom.

Ed frowned. “Sounds like exactly what we need. So what’s the risk here?”

“We’d have to disable the ventilation system in order for your people to gain access to the shaft. Would that hole you put in the wall give them enough oxygen to breath?”

Ed looked at Lawrence. This was more his territory. “Can we pump air into them?”

Lawrence nodded. “Yeah, it should be possible. I’ve heard of crews doing that for trapped miners before. Plus the shaft would be open so oxygen would be coming in from outside that way as well. I think they would be okay. It’ll take me about half an hour to get the auxiliary air set up. In the meantime, I’d like to get a couple of the medics and my extraction specialists over here to discuss the best way to handle things once we do go in.”

Ed nodded. “Absolutely. It’s going to take all of us to get them out safely. We’ve got video feed and voice communication with the ones trapped if they need to ascertain their condition as well. Let’s go get my people out of there.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP --

  
Lawrence’s asked for time of thirty minutes ultimately stretched to ninety before they could safely disable the ventilation system. For the last forty minutes of that time, Ed thought he was going to have to physically remove Sam from the scene and handcuff him to keep him away. The only way he could keep the younger man even halfway from going crazy with the wait was by promising him that he could be the first one in the vent.

Greg was once more wearing the earwig transmitter. The medics Lawrence had gathered had had a lengthy discussion with him about the condition of everyone trapped in the room. It was decided that the three men could easily be lifted one at a time to the vent opening via a harness so they could crawl out on their own power. Sam insisted that he could carry out Sadie the same way. No such pre-plan was made for getting Jules out. The medics didn’t want to commit to anything until they examined her first hand to check for possible back or neck injuries. Besides, they argued when Sam tried to protest, they would have to figure out how to free her from the rubble before they could even think about getting her out of the room anyway. By the time they did that, they insisted, the actual opening might be cleared and provide a better means of extraction.

At long last Lawrence gave Ed a nod, indicating they were ready to disable the ventilation system. He turned to leave the basement in order to get to the outside unit. Sam was right on his heels. It only took a few minutes to get the casing off the unit but it seemed to Sam that everything was taking four times as long as it possibly should. Even knowing that Jules and Sadie were okay, even talking to Jules and hearing her confirmation, even a twenty minute uneasy nap sitting on the floor propped up against the wall that separated them, hadn’t taken away his sense of urgency. 

Sam, Ed, and Spike would be going in first despite the protests of the rest of the rescue team. Ed had insisted it was necessary since this was still essentially a hostage situation. Even though Greg had assured them the gun was out of play and the subject had surrendered, the scene had to be secured before medics or fire crew could enter. 

Sam started down the shaft first. There was a slight slope to the shaft but not enough to make the trek dangerous or difficult. He reached the grate that was the final barrier between him and his family. He pried it open and set it against the side of the shaft. He went through the opening head first and once his body was clear, flipped so he could land feet first on the floor. He unbuckled his harness so he could move out of the way leaving room for Ed to drop down next. 

Immediately his eyes came to rest on his daughter. She was in the arms of a man he didn’t recognize but Sam figured this was the subject who had endangered his family in the first place. Jules might be ready to trust him but Sam wasn’t as ready to be so forgiving. He crossed over to him. Sadie’s whole face lit up as she leaned as far as she could away from the stranger and toward her father. As Sam’s arms closed around her small body, the man relinquished her willingly. Sam barely registered the fact that the man immediately put his hands on the top of his head in a surrender position. 

Sam drew Sadie to his body, his arms completely covering her back as he crushed her to his chest. His head dipped down kissing her small cheek as tears coursed down his face. His body curved inward as if he needed to envelope her entire body within his, not wanted any of her body not to be in his hold. She didn’t fuss even though his grasp was tight and unyielding. Burying his face in the crook of her neck, he sank to his knees, his legs now unable to support him. It had probably been more than 36 hours since her last bath but she still had a hint of that baby powder and lavender smell he loved so much after her bath. Many a night after her bath, he had cuddled her close just inhaling that sweet innocent baby smell before he dried her off and changed her clothes. 

He listened as she cooed happily at him, making those sweet, incomprehensible babbling noises she’d recently started discovering she could make. Right then it was the sweetest music his ears had ever heard. After a moment he lifted his head and turned to look at Jules. Her own eyes were red with emotion as she watched the father/daughter reunion. Ignoring anything else, he scooted closer to her. Before she could protest that she didn’t want Sadie close to the debris pinning her to the ground, his mouth captured hers. The kiss was desperate and hungry, full of need of what had been missed and of promise of what would come. 

In that moment, nothing and nobody mattered except for the baby in his arms and the woman he was kissing. His family, his entire world, now once more intact.


	14. Chapter 14

No one wanted to intrude on the family moment happening with the Braddocks. Sam certainly didn’t seem to remember that there was anyone else in the room with him besides Jules and Sadie. He continued to kiss her as if that connection with Jules was all that was keeping either of them alive. The blonde former special forces officer kept one hand gently but firmly holding his daughter to his chest, his hand splayed out to cover her head with his palm. His other hand was in a similar position on the back of Jules’s head holding her to him. 

Ed gave them a glance, his eyes just slightly misty. He knew what the last twenty-four hours had been like for the young man and how needed this reunion was. Then he turned to Greg, his own relief at seeing his friends safe no less great because the bond was friendship instead of marital or paternal. 

“Boss, you okay?”

Greg nodded. “Yeah, Eddie. I’m good. Even better now that this is almost over.” He looked up to where Spike was hanging in a seated harness just below the vent opening, ready to help get the three trapped men and the baby out of the safe room once they were harnessed in. Greg could see the emotion on the younger man’s face and knew the call had been rough on him. He was pretty sure demons from the past had been plaguing Spike. Fears of losing someone else close to him because he knew all to well how quickly it could happen. “Good to see you too Spike. I knew the team would have our backs.”

Spike nodded towards him, his Adam’s apple doing a little jump as he swallowed back the emotion that threatened to consume him. He’d known they were alive from the moment he’d seen them on the screen and heard their voices in his ears. Seeing them in person now, knowing with one hundred percent certainty that he hadn’t lost more people he cared about, solidified that knowledge. The enormity of it was almost more than he could take. 

“About damn time help arrived.” Saddler complained. 

Ed raised an eyebrow and turned to face him. “Let me guess; you must be Aaron Saddler.”

“Yes sir.” He nodded at Doug who was still standing there with his hands on top of his head. “That’s the guy who’s responsible for all this. He tried to kill us all. Arrest him.”

Ed barely glanced in Doug’s direction. “He’ll answer for his actions. Right now I want some answers from you. I want to know your part in all this.”

“My part?” Saddler shrugged. “I’m the victim here. He planned on killing me and would have too if he’d had his way. He would have taken everyone else along with us. If it weren’t for me, we’d all be dead right now. I saved us.”

Ed shook his head, his nostrils almost flaring in undisguised anger. While Lawrence‘s crew had been setting up air compressor in the basement, he‘d been in constant contact with Greg via the earwig transmitter. The former SRU officer had filled him in on what Saddler had admitted to. “I don’t think so. I don’t think you get to claim hero status in all this. I’ve learn some things I don’t like and I’ve sure as hell seen some things I like even less. Aaron Saddler, you are under arrest.”

The manager’s jaw dropped. “The hell? He comes in to my place with a gun and a bomb. He gets two of my employees and about a dozen of my customers gunned down when they thought they were finally safe. He blows my place up and nearly kills us all. He would have killed us all, including a baby and two your own, if I hadn’t had this room for to protect us. And you are arresting me? What the hell are the charges?”

Ed shrugged taking a couple of steps closer. “We’ll start with zoning violations and we’ll move on up from there as the prosecutor sees fit. At best you are looking at criminal negligence and at worst manslaughter. We tend to take leaving the scene of an accident without making a report pretty seriously especially when the accident resulted in someone‘s death.”

“This is ridiculous.” Saddler shook his head in disbelief. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“You’ll see how much I’m kidding when you get out there and a uniformed officer slaps the cuffs on you. Now I don’t have the time, the energy, nor the desire to screw with you. I want you out of my sight. So let’s get you harnessed up and out of here.”

It looked like Saddler was going to protest but Greg stepped forward leaning on his cane. “I’d do what Sgt. Lane here says, Saddler. We’re where we are right now because your actions pushed one father to the breaking point. Right now another father is pretty close to the same place. Now I doubt that he’d go to the extreme nature that Doug over there went; he’s just not that type of guy. I do know however that he’s the best shot I’ve ever seen come through SRU and has the second best left hook I’ve ever seen. Do you really want to be down here when he has a chance to really take in the idea that you didn’t care if his baby ran out of food so long as you got to momentarily satisfy your wants? When he understands that when pieces of concrete were raining down on his bride, he couldn’t see what was happening because you were standing there like the selfish coward you are instead of helping to protect her and the baby?”

Saddler swallowed reflexively. It was obvious he was thinking about how he should spin things to his favor. “We’ve been rescued and there are still two full unopened bottles of water in that bag. I didn’t put that baby in danger. And when that shit started falling? What did you expect me to do? I couldn’t stop it. If it fell, nothing any of us could do would have saved her. What good would it have done for me to jump in?”

Greg shook his head. “Like I said, selfish coward. Go on and get out of here because I swear to you, there’s not a person down here who’s going to stop him when he punches your lights out. Not a damn one of us.”

Ed wasn’t about to give Saddler another second to decide. He grabbed the man by the front of his shirt and shoved him over to where the two harnesses were dangling. Without a word, he slid one of the safety devices under the manger’s arms and fastened it snuggly around his chest. Then he looked up at Spike who was manning the controls that would mechanically lift the man up. “Get him the hell out of here, Spike.”

Slowly Saddler found himself lifted off his feet. Once his head was just about level with the entrance to the vent, Spike shut off the controls and gave him a push up into the shaft. “It’s a straight shot down to the opening. Medics are waiting at the other end to check you out. There’s also an officer there waiting to take you into custody when they are done or to accompany you to the hospital if the medics decide that‘s where you need to go. I wouldn’t recommend trying anything stupid.”

“I’m the victim here.” Saddler continued to insist. 

Spike shook his head. “Maybe, but I doubt it. I really don’t care one way or the other. All I really care about is that right now you are holding up us getting everyone else out of here.”

Without another word of protest, Saddler disappeared down the shaft. As soon as he was out of sight, Spike gave Ed the thumbs up that it was clear to send the next person up. Team One’s current sergeant looked at Doug. “Your turn.” 

The man shook his head. “Either Greg or the baby should go before me. Their welfare matters more than mine. If anything I deserve to be left down here to rot.”

“Doug, don’t.” Greg shook his head, his tone softer now. This was more like his typical demeanor. “You made a really bad choice but you’ve also been doing everything you possible could to make up for it. Go on, let them pull you out of here. It’ll be okay. We‘ll be okay.”

Ed addressed Doug‘s main protest. “Normally, Sadie especially would be our priority. But we can’t get medics or firefighters in here for Jules until the scene is secure. That means weaponless or not, we’ve got to get you out of here so they can come in. Don’t worry. They’re coming up soon enough.”

Doug nodded and stepped forward. He didn’t remove his hands from the top of his head until the harness was fastened around him. Just before Spike started to lift him, Doug looked at Greg, his eyes full of remorse. “It doesn’t make things better but I am sorry.”

Greg nodded. “I know.”

Once he too had disappeared down the shaft, Ed looked to Greg. The retired SRU officer stepped forward and gave his friend a hearty hug. “It’s really good to see your ugly mug, my friend.”

Ed nodded. “Same here. As soon as they unhook him, a medic and a firefighter will be coming in to see what we need to do to get Jules out of here. Once they are in here, we’ll get you and Sadie out. Dean and Marina are out there and they are going to be glad to see you.”

Greg nodded. “Marina, is she…”

“Not knowing what happened to you was hard on her. Upset her greatly but she’s fine and so is the baby. Sophie’s been taking care of her. Congratulations by the way.”

“Thanks.” Greg nodded toward the small family. Sam had apparently sated his need to kiss his wife, but not his need to have physical contact. Jules’s head was against his chest close to Sadie’s face. The position was no doubt awkward given the way she was laying but Jules didn’t seem to mind. Sam’s head was lowered so that his face was between theirs. “It’s going to kill him, you know. Leaving Jules trapped down here while he takes Sadie to safety.”

Ed nodded. “Yeah, but not as much as it was killing him all night not knowing if they were okay. Sam’s tough though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so driven and determined. By the way, second best left hook? Who’s the first?”

“You’ve sparred against Jules before, you don’t agree?”

A scraping at the entrance of the vent alerted them to the new arrivals. A paramedic dropped through first with a medical bag slung on one shoulder and a portable oxygen unit on the other. Greg was glad but not surprised to see it was Steve. He hoped that knowing someone they knew and trusted was taking care of Jules would make it easier for Sam when he had to leave her. As soon as Steve unhooked the harness he went straight to Jules’s side. 

He put his hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Sam, let me check her.” 

For a moment it didn’t look like Sam was going to release her or that he even could if he wanted to. Then he nodded and sat up, brushing a kiss along the side of her face as he did. He didn’t move away from her though. Couldn’t completely break the contact now that he was once more with her. 

Jules looked up at Sam and frowned, noticing the bandage on his temple for the first time. “Sam? What happened? How did you get hurt?”

Until her free hand reached up to touch the bandage on his head, Sam wasn’t sure what she was asking about. He’d been so caught up in his fears and worry for her and Sadie that he’d completely forgotten about the minor injury. Even the pounding headache he’d had since it happened had barely registered. “It’s nothing, Sweetheart. A piece of flying glass hit me when the shop exploded yesterday. It’s really not that big a deal. Don’t worry about it. You look like you’ve got a cut above your eye as well. Maybe we should let Steve treat it.” 

Jules frowned but didn’t protest as Steve gently probed the wound and then shined a light in both her eyes. He smiled at her. “Your’s is no big deal either. Looks like someone did a pretty good job cleaning it. I’m just going to put a dressing on it, I doubt it‘ll even need stitches. You and Sam can be bandage twins.” He placed a square of gauze over the wound and taped it in place. Then he eyed her carefully. “Any other injuries I need to check?”

“Nothing major and nothing you can get to while I’m pinned down like this.” Her position was awkward to the point of being painful but she didn’t want to lose contact with Sam until she had to. She shifted slightly to try to ease herself into one that was slightly more comfortable. She couldn’t bite back the groan as the movement both pressed the plank once more against her ribs despite the apron Greg had eased there and caused more friction between the metal rod and her hip. She rested her head back against Sam’s chest wearily.

“Jules?” Sam questioned, his voice a little accusatory. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d downplayed an injury either because she didn’t want to admit to being hurt or because she thought other matters were more pressing. The hand that wasn‘t around Sadie was once more around her head, his thumb gently caressing her cheek. “Where are you hurt, Baby? Let Steve be the judge of how serious it is or if he can do anything.”

“I’m guessing ribs.” Steve offered. He’d heard the slight wheeze in her voice and could tell from her voice that her breathing was slightly labored. Nothing too alarming but enough that his trained ear could detect its presence. “Am I right?”

“Piece of wood pressing beneath my rib cage into the diaphragm. Hurts like a son of a gun but I don‘t think anything‘s broken.” Jules admitted, smiling wanly at Sadie. The baby still securely lodged in her father’s arms was alternating between poking Jules in the nose and reaching out to grab at Jules’s lip. Her little girl was completely unfazed by everything going on around her. All that matter in her innocent world was that she was secure in her father’s arms and being lavished with attention from both her parents. It could have been any ordinary morning when Sam was off shift and able to spend the day at home with them. Trying not to wince at the movement, Jules caught her daughter’s hand with her free one and kissed the small knuckles. How she wished that it was just that regular, ordinary day.

Greg also informed Steve and Sam about the broken piece of metal digging into her hip that he had been worrying about since he’d first seen it. Steve nodded and looked over to the firefighter that had joined him. “We can take care of that, right, Dan?” The firefighter nodded as he started to survey the scene to see what would need to be done. Steve turned back to Jules. “Okay, I might have to wait until we get you free to treat the wounds but I’m not totally helpless in the meantime. I want to get an IV started on you, Jules. Get some fluids going to counter the dehydration you’re experiencing. I can also give you something for pain.” He offered the last option fully expecting her to deny the need for any pain relief.

“I think Steve’s got a pretty good idea there, Jules.” Sam encouraged. “I know you hate taking anything but you’re already hurting and they haven’t even started trying to move all that junk off you. No sense being stubborn in this.”

“Listen to your husband, Jules. If you think you hurt now, wait until they start moving all this debris around. You’ll know what pain is then. Better to get it under control before it gets too bad.”

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Ed helping Sarge into the harness. She realized he was giving Sam as much time with her as possible before he left with Sadie. She appreciated the gesture. She needed this time with her husband and daughter, a temporary oasis from the nightmare she’d been living since Doug had stepped through that coffee shop door the day before. Nobody was saying it but she knew. The firefighters would do everything possible to safely extract her from the pile of rubble but she knew there was a danger that despite their best efforts she could be crushed. She placed her free hand over Sadie’s back covering Sam’s larger hand in the process. “Hate to disappoint both of you but I’m not saying no.”

Sam frowned. “Jules, come on, what will it hurt?” Then he realized what she had said. He grinned at her. “You’re agreeing to take something for pain?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Don’t look so shocked. I sometimes use my common sense and better judgment.”

Sam kissed her again. “Thank you.”

Steve took out his supplies for starting an IV. He straightened out her arm, tied the tourniquet halfway between her elbow and shoulder, and looked for a good vein. He knew that since she was already slightly dehydrated, there was a bigger chance that her veins would roll on him so he wanted to try to minimize the chances of that as much as possible. He didn’t want to cause her more pain by having to stick her multiple times before getting an IV in. He started at her slender wrist knowing that since they only had the one arm to work with, he had to start low in case he wasn’t successful the first time. Seeing one standing out promisingly on the thumb side he warned her that she’d feel a little stick. She nodded, her eyes locked on Sam’s. 

Steve carefully inserted the needle, going slow to try to anticipate any rolling the vein might do. Jules didn’t hiss or react to the pain. The vein held and he thread the catheter of the IV into place and secured it with tape. He attached the tubing to a bag of fluids which he set on top of the oxygen unit. It would allow gravity to pull the fluid through the tubing into her vein without hindering his ability to use the oxygen should her ability to breathe worsened. “Okay?”

She nodded not moving her gaze from Sam. She could see in his eyes that he’d picked up on the slight intake of breath she’d given when Steve pierced her skin with the needle. Sam was probably the only one she couldn’t hide anything from and she loved him all the more for it. She just hated that she was adding to his pain by showing him hers.

Steve quickly injected 4 mgs of morphine into the IV before she changed her mind about taking it. “Morphine on board now. I started on the low end so we can increase if we need to while we work to get you free. It might make you a little sleepy. Don’t fight it if it does.”

Ed knelt beside Sam, gripping his shoulder. With his other hand, he reached over and brushed the bangs away from Jules’s eyes. “If you were in that big a hurry to get back to the job, you should have just let me know. We could have figured out an easier way to ease you back in than this.” Then he looked at Sam. “We’re ready for you and Sadie now.”

Sam shook his head. “No.”

Ed frowned. He couldn’t blame the younger man. He’d just been reunited with his family after fearing they’d been killed. Was it any wonder he wasn’t in any hurry to be separated again. “Sam, I get that you want more time but it’s not going to be any easier if you wait while we bring in a couple more of the extraction team. The sooner we can get started, the sooner you’ll be back by Jules’s side.”

“I know the plan was for me to carry Sadie out of here while the crews worked to free Jules. I thought I could do it. Now that I’m here, though, I can’t. I can’t leave knowing Jules is still trapped and in danger.” His blue eyes were bright with tears as he silently begged for Ed or anyone to understand.

“Sam...” Jules started but Ed cut her off.

“You want me to take Sadie for you? So you can stay with Jules? I can do that for you Buddy. Once I get Sadie out there I can get the medics to check her out, make sure she’s as perfect as she seems to be. Sophie’s here and I’m sure she’ll be happy to watch her in the rest area until the extraction crew gets Jules free.”

His offer immediately brought a resounding “no” from both Jules and Sam. Jules’s expression immediately turned contrite as if worried she’d hurt her friend’s feelings. She looked at Ed. “It’s not that I don’t trust you or Sophie with her. You know I do. I know you would take care of her just like she was your own. It’s nothing against you; it’s me. It’s killing me that I’m helpless to do anything to protect Sadie right now. I want to wrap my arms around her and never let her go. Since I can’t, I need to know Sam’s doing it for me. It’s nothing personal.”

Ed nodded. “I get it, no offense taken. So, Sam, you ready?”

For a moment Sam looked down into the content, peaceful, beautiful face of his daughter. She was so small and helpless, dependent on him and Jules for her every need or want. She looked up at him and grinned. Maybe it was his imagination or wishful thinking on his part but he believed she had a special smile just for him. She was flashing it at him now. She trusted him to do what was right for her but he wasn’t sure he even knew what that was after the last twenty-four hours. His feelings made absolutely no sense and yet he couldn’t ignore what his gut was telling him. He kissed her tiny button nose and looked away from his daughter toward Ed. 

“I told you, I can’t leave Jules.” His voice practically begged for understanding.

“Okay but you were also pretty definite about not wanting me to take her either.”

“I can’t let go of Sadie. Not now when I’m finally holding her again. She’s in my arms and she’s safe and she’s happy and I know eventually I’ll have to put her down or something but I’m just not ready to do that just yet.”

“Perfectly understandable.” Ed assured him. He thought back to when it was Clark who’d been trapped beneath the rubble of the parking garage at City Hall. The hardest thing he’d ever done was close the doors to that ambulance and allow Steve and the other medic to transport his injured son to the hospital without him. If Clark hadn’t insisted that he do the job he was trained for and allow the medical personnel to do theirs, he probably would have said to hell with what was going on in the city and his job. When he’d finally made it to the hospital, Clark had been back from surgery. His son, the teenage boy who thought he was too grown to need anyone and who in recent years had made Ed question his skills as a parent on more than one occasion, had been lying in that hospital bed looking impossibly small and frail. Clark had been sound asleep, out cold from both painkillers and the effects of the anesthesia, and completely unaware of his father’s arrival. Ed had sat down next to him and had taken his son’s slack hand in his own. For the rest of the night, he’d been unable to move from that spot, afraid that if he took his eyes off Clark for a moment, his son might disappear completely. “I get it, Buddy; believe me, I do.”

“Ed, please.” Jules didn’t elaborate but he knew what she wanted. He motioned for Steve and after gathering Dan, the three men stepped away to let her talk to Sam privately. Spike, still suspended in position near the opening of the vent, watched in concern but unable to really do anything. Once she was alone with Sam, she reached up to touch his cheek tenderly. 

“Sam. I know how you feel. I really do. I know you don’t want to leave me. Don’t you think I want you here just as much as you want to be here? If it was just us there wouldn’t be a question about you staying. But it’s not just about you and me here. We’ve got to think about Sadie. She’s number one in our priority of life code now. She comes first.”

“She does, Jules. You know I would do anything for Sadie. But I’d also do the same thing for you. Right now, she’s safe, unhurt, and happy. She’s not in any danger; if she was, I would have already gotten her out of here. You, however, can’t say the same thing about yourself. I can’t leave you knowing you are in pain and in danger. It’s different when you are at work. It might not be easy to watch you put yourself at risk on the job but I can do it. I know you can take care of yourself. It’s not the same now though. I don’t care how tough you are; if that stack teeters the wrong way, not even the indestructible Julianna Braddock can stop it.”

“And if it falls, it could crush you and Sadie as well. That’s not a chance I want to take, that I want you to take. I need to know that the two of you are safe in case something happens.” She moved her hand just as Sadie reached out to try to grab the IV tubing. Sadie giggled in response and kicked her legs like her mother had just introduced a new game.

“I need to be here with you to make sure it doesn’t happen.” Sam pleaded. “Please, Jules, I want to do anything you ask of me. Just please, don’t ask me to choose between you and Sadie right now. I need you both too much.”

Jules frowned. As terrifying as the last twenty four hours had been for her, she couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Sam. Not knowing if she and Sadie had survived or were trapped somewhere suffering. She took a moment to really look at him. Despite his promise to get some rest while they were figuring out how to get in the room, he looked exhausted and, what was even more alarming, fragile. She sighed. “I want Sadie safe.”

“Me too.” Sam hurriedly assured her, sensing she was close to agreeing. “I promise you I will not let her get hurt. If the worst looks like it’s going to happen and stuff starts to fall, I’ll make sure she’s safe before I do the same for you.”

Jules shook her head. “No way, Sam. You make sure she’s safe period. If you can’t promise me that, then you get her over to that harness and get her out of this room right now. I mean it, Sam. I won’t lie and say I don’t want you both in my sight just as much as you want us in yours. But as much as I need you right here with me, I need to know Sadie’s safe even more.”

Sam leaned down and kissed her again, pressing her head gently back to his chest when he released her lips. “I promise you, Sadie’s going to be just fine and so are you.” He looked at Ed. “The three of us leave together.”

Ed nodded. He wasn’t really surprised at the decision. “Okay then, I guess we better get that extraction team in here.”


	15. Chapter 15

It was a tight fit as Greg slowly crawled down the shaft. He could see light at the end of the tunnel and for a moment the irony of that made him pause. He hadn’t lied when he’d told Spike he’d known the team would have their backs. He’d trusted them with his life when he was on the job and that hadn’t changed just because he’d been forced to retire. No matter how much he trusted them though, he’d known sometimes it wasn’t enough. The team had done everything possible to protect Lew, Donna, Jimmy, and countless others through the years and despite their best efforts hadn’t succeeded. Greg himself had escaped Death’s invitation too many times in the past; wasn’t there a limit to how many times you could dodge fate? Maybe, but this wasn’t the time. The light he was moving toward was life not death. 

He paused just at the edge of the shaft to give his eyes time to adjust to the brighter light. They’d been fortunate in the safe room that the emergency lighting had worked but it hadn’t been as bright as the day that awaited him just beyond the ventilation shaft. He didn’t want to miss a glorious moment of what he would see because the light hurt his eyes. 

“You okay in there, Boss?” Leah was just on the other side, waiting to help him out. The team of course had his back the whole way. Ed and Spike might have been inside but Leah wouldn’t have been far away. 

“Yeah, coming out now.” As soon as his shoulders emerged, Leah had a grasp on one side of him and Wordy was there on the other side. The shaft wasn’t flush to the ground but was about half a foot up in order to connect to the compressor that filtered the air and re-circulated it back inside. Their hold on his arms would keep him from belly flopping on the ground until he could get his feet under him. 

Once he was standing Wordy threw his arms around him in a welcoming hug. Sarge returned the embrace. As he’d had to adjust to the limitations he’d found himself facing in the wake of getting shot, he’d used Wordy as inspiration to accept the changes he’d had to make. The former SRU officer turned Guns and Gangs detective hadn’t let his diagnosis of Parkinson’s mean the end his life or career even if it did necessitate a transfer out of the department he loved so much. He’d accepted the change and made the most out of it. It was what had inspired Greg to decide to teach at the Academy. He couldn’t do the job he loved but he could help train others to take his place.

Once he pulled away from Wordy, it was Leah’s turn to engulf him in a hug. He might have known her the least amount of time but she’d found her niche in the team and was a valuable team member and friend. Once she released him, he smiled at her. “I’m okay. I was already safe in the room before the explosion. I wasn‘t hurt.”

“You don’t mind if we let the medics confirm that, do you?” Leah insisted. Greg nodded, knowing that even though he wasn’t injured, he couldn’t escape getting checked out. Both Wordy and Leah stayed at his side as they started to lead him toward the waiting stretcher. 

“Dad!” Dean had been standing in the periphery. Even though Ed had gotten him clearance, he’d known that he had to stay back and not get in the way of the rescue crews or he’d risk getting sent to the rest station to wait. Now that he could see his father standing there, alive and uninjured, he couldn’t hold back any longer. He ran to his father’s side and buried his face in Greg’s shirt. He felt no shame at the tears that ran down his face. 

Wordy and Leah stepped to the side, giving father and son their moment. Greg held his son’s trembling body tightly and would have been crying too if the dehydration wasn‘t preventing tears from forming. For years he longed to be able to hold his son and comfort any and all of his fears and hurts. Now that they’d been reunited, it seemed like he was the cause of the worst of those fears. Even if it hadn’t been intentional, he hated that Dean had to go through all the pain of not knowing.

“I’m okay, Son. I’m okay.”

Dean pulled back just enough so that he could look Greg in the eye. “Promise? You’re really okay?”

Greg cupped the sides of Dean’s face. “I promise. I wasn’t hurt. Nothing wrong with me that a good meal and a gallon of water won’t fix. What are you doing back here? It’s not safe…”

“Dean’s been working all night right alongside the rest of us.” Wordy interjected. “He’s been great. You should be proud of him.”

“I couldn’t stand by and do nothing. I don’t know that I did much but somehow it helped to keep busy.” Dean shrugged off Wordy’s praise.

Greg hugged him again. “I’m always proud of you, Dean. Always damn proud. Knowing you were out here doing whatever you could just adds to that.”

The medics were hovering around, anxious to check him, so Greg allowed Dean to support him as they went to the stretcher. He sat down, glad that the stretcher had been positioned so that he could remain upright. He explained to the paramedics that other than a little dehydration, he was completely fine, and after a quick examination the medic agreed with him. They set up an IV of fluids and wanted to transport him to the hospital for observation. 

Greg sighed. “Can we hold off on that a little while? I still have team members in there and I need to know they are okay. I promise you I won’t fight a trip to the ER if you’ll just let me stay until Jules is safe as well.”

The medic nodded. “Sure, but no trying to help. The IV stays in because you need the fluids but I don’t see a problem with you waiting in the rest station. Absolutely no trying to help on the scene though.”

Greg agreed to the conditions. He would love nothing better than to help but that would have been impossible for him even if he hadn’t been trapped inside only moments earlier. “I know this IV is doing its job but fluid going in my arm doesn’t soothe a dry throat. Okay if I eat or drink while I wait.”

“Sure, I can’t see any reason it would be a problem. We usually discourage it on the off chance of patients possibly needing surgery but I can’t see any reason that would be a necessity for you. Just take it slow. You don’t want to make yourself sick by eating or drinking too much too soon.”

Dean promised that he’d make sure his father took it easy. Even though Greg was sure that he could walk to the Sherbets building, the paramedic insisted on him riding on the stretcher. Dean stayed right by his father’s side as the stretcher made its way across the debris scattered area. His hand was firmly in his father’s and Greg couldn’t help but think about the way Sam had clutched his daughter to his chest when he’d first gotten his hands on her. 

A firefighter coming out of the building held the door open as Greg was wheeled inside. His breath hitched and he tightened his grasp on his son’s hand. Marina was sitting on one of the cots, her head buried wearily in her hands. The way her body was shaking, he could tell she was crying. Surely in all the time that had passed since the team had broken through the safe room, someone had relayed the news to her that he was alive. 

“Marina?”

She looked up at the sound of his voice. A smile slowly spread across her face as she rose on shaky legs and practically ran to his side. His arm wrapped protectively around her in response to her hug. Her tears mixed with laughter. She’d thought her relief had been complete when she’d gotten the news that Greg was alive but nothing could compare to seeing him in person, touching him for herself. 

After his ex-wife had left him and taken Dean with her, Greg had believed he’d forever lost his chance at a family. Knowing he was to blame for everything that had happened only made him feel worse. As he’d sunk into the pit of despair that had threatened to consume him, he hadn’t felt like he even deserved to have a family, not if he could hurt them the way his actions had affected them. It had only been later, once he’d climbed out of the bottle and sobered up, that he found SRU and ultimately a new family. But as much as he loved the members of his team, as much as they had become his replacement family, it never really was the same as having someone to go home to after a long shift. Wasn’t the same as having a son who wanted to follow in his footsteps or a woman who loved him unconditionally. 

Dating Marina and having Dean come back in his life had been great but he hadn’t been able to shake the idea that it was just a temporary thing, only a matter of time before he screwed it up and ran them off. It wasn’t until he was recovering from the gunshot wounds that ended his career at SRU that he’d fully realized they were there for the long haul, that he’d been blessed with another opportunity to get it right. Whether he felt like he deserved it or not, he’d been graced with a second chance at being a father and maybe ultimately a husband again as well. The news that Marina was carrying his child, though scary, had been the cherry on top of the biggest sundae possible His biggest fear since the explosion, especially in the overnight hours when only his thoughts were keeping him company, was that his second chance had come too late for him.

Marina released him and brushed her hand against his cheek. Her eyes were bright with fresh tears as she kissed him gently. “Are you okay?”

Greg banished the remnants of his fears to the furthest regions of his mind. He nodded and gripped Dean’s hand tighter as he kept his other hand at the small of her back. “I am now.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  


“How is she?” 

Steve had to strain to hear Sam’s quietly spoken question more than he’d had in order to hear the blood pressure he’d been taking. He checked Jules’s IV site to make sure it hadn’t backed up while he was taking her blood pressure before looking at Sam. The worried father and husband was resting with his back against the wall. The seventh month old was sprawled against his chest with her face almost buried between his chin and chest, two fingers resting in her mouth where she’d been slurping them before falling asleep. Jules was sleeping as well, her head using Sam’s thighs as a pillow. He had one hand against his daughter’s back and the other gently combed though Jules’s shoulder length hair. 

“Her BP is good; she’s sleeping peacefully; and I haven’t had to give her anything else for pain. She’s in good shape, Sam. What about you? How are you doing?”

Sam had lost track of how long they’d been down there but he was pretty sure a couple of hours had passed. A couple of hours where the bulk of what had been done to free Jules was for the extraction team to bring in two long thick boards in order to create a sloping wall that created a barrier between the upper half of Jules’s body and the pile of debris. The idea behind it was that if chunks of concrete fell, it would hit the boards instead of falling directly on top of Jules. While he appreciated the care they were taking, he was ready for her to be completely free and out of danger once and for all. “As long as they are okay, then I’m okay as well.”

Steve nodded and checked the dial on the IV tubing that was controlling the rate in which the fluid entered her body and then the bag itself. Sam frowned. The medic hadn’t said much to him since they’d been down there. Instead he’d spent most of his time when he wasn’t checking on Jules talking to the firefighters working to free her. 

“You think I made the wrong choice, don’t you? You think I should have taken Sadie out like we’d planned. Maybe I should have; maybe I should have at least let Ed take her.”

“So why didn’t you?” The question might have been intended to be neutral but there was an edge to it that was more than a little accusatory. Or maybe it was just Sam’s guilt making him think there was.

Sam shrugged. “I couldn’t. I don’t know if I can explain it. Maybe I’m just selfish. From the moment I answered my phone yesterday and realized Jules and Sadie were in danger I’ve been scared, maybe more scared than I’ve ever been in my entire life. Definitely more scared than all the times my life has been in danger all rolled together. Yet there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. The subject wasn’t responding to me, Tom couldn’t get a good shot, intel wasn’t coming in fast enough…all of my training and I couldn’t do anything but listen. I was in charge of the scene but the scene was in charge of me. I couldn’t show my emotions, couldn’t let on how scared I was because if I did, Commander Holleran would have pulled me off the call and then I really would have been helpless.”

Steve didn’t say anything but he’d been surprised Sam had been allowed to remain on the call in the first place, regardless of how well he was holding up. It had seemed cruel to him to put that much responsibility on a man in danger of losing what was important to him. Sam continued.

“Then those people came out and were shot down right in front of us. I was trying to coordinate with my people to find the snipers but at the same time I couldn’t help but be relieved that I hadn’t seen Jules or Sadie come out. Then the whole place exploded and my world just stopped. I was back on the sidewalk as a nine year old who couldn’t understand how my sister could be by my side and alive one second and dead the next. I held on to the belief that Jules and Sadie were alive because to admit otherwise was too painful to contemplate.”

Steve had spent enough time working calls with Team One that he thought he knew the man who had captured the heart of the woman he himself had loved. Knew Sam well enough to know that though he hadn’t acted on it, he’d been jealous of every moment Steve had spent with Jules. He’d also known Jules well enough to ultimately realize he’d never have a real chance with her so long as her heart belonged to Sam. And whether she’d wanted to admit it to herself or anyone else, even if she and Sam had ended things and told themselves they were moving on, her heart was signed, sealed, and delivered as the property of one Sam Braddock. It had been why he could let Jules go without being jealous or upset. He’d been the interloper, not the other way around. It hadn’t surprised him at all when he’d seen the signs that Sam and Jules were together again; love like they had for each other was meant to be regardless of what the rules said. In all the time he’d known Sam though, he didn’t think he’d ever heard him sound so pain ridden. It hurt just to hear Sam so anguished.

“I know I was breathing all night, that my heart was beating because I was still going but it didn’t seem like anything was working, that anything could work so long as they were missing. Even talking to Jules on the head set and seeing her on the screen didn’t really help. Then I had Sadie in my arms and I could reach out and touch Jules, and suddenly I could breathe and I could feel my heart beating again. My life made sense again.”

“I know what you mean.” Dan, the first firefighter who had come into the room right behind Steve, inserted. “I was working last year when the bombings happened. When the call came in for the federal building my heart stopped. My wife worked in that building. It didn’t matter that I knew she wasn’t there; she’d just given birth to our first child a month earlier and was still on maternity leave. We had a spot reserved at the day care in the same building she worked in. I knew she was safe at home but I still couldn’t shake the fear of what could have been until I got home that night. All day long I worked to save people from the fate my wife had been spared but all I really wanted to do was go home and see for myself that she really was okay. Once my shift was over, I walked into the house and she was sitting on the couch nursing our son. I just crushed her to me; all the fears and pain I‘d been feeling all day didn‘t seem so bad as long as she was there in my arms. I held her like that until I had to move so she could take care of the baby’s needs. Even then I couldn’t totally let her go. I just switched position so I was holding her from behind as I explained why I was so crazy. She didn’t even know what had happened if you can believe it.”

Sam nodded, grateful that there was someone who understood him. “I know she would have been safe if I let Ed take her but I couldn’t shake the fear that if she was out of my sight, I couldn’t protect her, that I could lose her. I don’t know what I think she’d need protecting from but I also didn’t think either one of them would need protecting from a simple visit to a coffee shop. At the same time though, I couldn‘t leave Jules for the same reasons.”

“So keeping her down here seemed like a better option?” Steve’s voice was now blatantly accusatory. “I’m sorry, Sam, I guess I can’t say anything because I don’t know what you are going through. I’m not married and I don’t have kids. I have however worked too many calls where parents meant well but it ended in disaster. Wrecks where the child would have survived if the parents had just put them in their child restraint seats but didn’t because they didn’t want to wake up their sleeping kid. Babies that drowned in the bathtub because Mom or Dad turned away for just a minute to get the camera. Newborns smothered during the night because the parents just wanted to keep the baby in bed with them. The list goes on and on. I know I only get to see when things go wrong. That for every one of those bad calls there are probably hundreds more where nothing happened but it doesn‘t make the tragedies seem right. I guess if once we get Jules out, Sadie is still safe and unharmed, you did an okay thing. But if something happens to her while she’s down here, can you live with that?”

Instinctively, Sam’s hand tightened on Sadie’s back, and his jaw rocked. “I’m not going to let anything happen to her. If it comes down to both Jules and Sadie being in danger, no matter how much I’d want to save them both, Sadie comes first. At the first sign of any trouble, I’ll get Sadie to the other side of the room, just like I promised Jules. I guess I’m just hoping that it doesn’t come to that. I’m trusting that all of you are going to get that pile removed carefully enough that it doesn’t fall. You have to; I have too much at stake for you to fail. I can’t lose Jules, not after all we’ve been through, not ever.”

“You’re not going to lose her.” Dan assured him. Steve glared at him; in their line of work, you didn’t make promises you couldn’t guarantee. Dan ignored him though. “Those boards we put up; I know you probably thought we were wasting time. You want this stuff off her not us playing construction crew but there was a reason for it. If anything falls now, it’s not going to hit her head or her upper back. It might not keep her from getting hurt worse but it’ll keep her alive.”

His words made Sam feel better but only marginally. “I appreciate that. I know you’re doing everything possible. I just… I don’t want her hurt any more either. It’s hurting me just to think about how bruised up she’s going to be as it is.”

“That’s we’re moving so slowly. Before we move anything, we’re thinking through the physics of it so we don’t move the wrong piece at the wrong time.”

“That’s part of my job too, Buddy.” Spike supplied from his hanging position near the vent opening. “I’ve got a birds eye view and if it looks the least bit wobbly I’m going to shout out the warning. Don’t worry about whether you did the right thing or not keeping Sadie down here. I know you would never do anything to endanger her. I also know that if Jules had had any doubts about you keeping Sadie safe, she’d never would have allowed you to stay. And you know I’m right in saying this, but even trapped like she is, Jules would win that fight hands down if she’d pushed it. Not only because you would have known she was right but because you would do anything for Jules as well. It’s all going to be good.”

“I hope you’re right.” Sam admitted quietly. The strain of the last twenty four hours as well as the lack of real sleep was catching up with him. 

Spike frowned. “You know how Ed is always saying that Sarge’s call is the right one because it was his call? Same thing here, Buddy. It was the right call because it was your call. We can all have our opinions but when it comes down to it, you are Sadie’s father and Jules is her mother. No one loves or knows her better than the two of you. No second guessing yourself.” 

Whether Spike’s assurances had sufficiently reassured him or exhaustion just finally took its toil, Sam visibly relaxed. His eyelids drifted shut but he immediately opened them again. It was a losing battle though. With his daughter asleep on his chest and his wife asleep with her head in his lap, Sam slowly gave in to his own exhaustion. 

One of the firefighters dropped a piece of heavy concrete from near the top of the pile. It landed harmlessly but noisily on the floor. The sleeping Braddocks didn’t stir. Steve shook his head as he gave Jules another quick check. He looked at Dan who had resumed working. “You shouldn’t have given him false hope.”

The firefighter shrugged. “I didn’t give him false hope. If this whole thing collapsed right now, we’ve got her protected enough that it wouldn’t kill her. And under that board, the baby is as safe as if she was out of here completely.”

Steve frowned. “And if things fall and slide down those boards? If they hit with any force here,” he placed a hand on her lower back just beyond the boards they’d placed to protect her. “It could cause irrevocable damage to her spine. She could still end up paralyzed from the waist down.”

“We’re going to do everything to make sure that doesn’t happen. If we can’t, at least she’ll still be alive.”

Steve sighed deeply. He thought about the woman he’d known as a teenager and the beautiful young woman he’d been reunited with. Nothing romantic could have ended up between them but it didn’t stop him from caring for her as a friend. Jules was an active and vivacious person. He knew without her saying that the inactivity thrust upon her because of being trapped was frustratingly hard for her. Could she handle it if she were forever trapped in a wheelchair? “I’m not sure she’d see a difference.”

Spike used the controls on the lift to lower himself down to the floor and removed his harness. Wondering what was going on, Steve crossed over to him, only to find himself grabbed by his shirt. Spike’s usual jovial eyes were flashing fire and his jaw was set in barely contained anger. “I don’t know why you are so intent on being negative but get over it. It’s the last thing any of us need. It’s bad enough you were giving Sam a hard time. You don’t know how much this is killing him. If keeping his two girls close gets him through the end of this nightmare then that’s what he’s got to do. He’ll keep them safe in the process. And if something bad happens and Jules ends up in a wheelchair, then she’ll be okay. She’ll be okay because Sam, Sadie, Sarge, me, and the rest of the team will spend every minute making sure of it. She’ll adjust because she has a family that needs her, and she would do anything for her family. If you doubt that, then you don’t know her like you think you do. But it’s not going to happen. Those guys are going to get her out of here and she’s going to be just fine.”

The two men stared at each other for several long seconds until Steve nodded his understanding. Even with the acknowledgment, Spike didn’t release his hold. Dan reached out and touched his shoulder. “Spike, we’re getting ready to remove a pretty big chuck of concrete. We need your eyes to make sure we don’t make a wrong move.”

Spike nodded and turned Steve loose. Without another word, he strapped the harness back on and levered the controls so that he was once more back up to his bird’s eye position. He looked at the piece in question and nodded that it was okay to proceed. The firefighters, standing on stepladders in order to give themselves enough height to reach the top of the pile, gently eased the piece from the top. 

To look at, it didn’t appear that anything had been done to clear away the debris. But Spike knew that as soon as the boards had been put in place, crews on the top had started clearing away the entrance while the crew on the inside worked at the sides of the pile. He could see hints of sunlight starting to filter in but there was still a long way to go. 

Jules groaned as she started to wake. Immediately her head came up from Sam’s thigh and she looked around. When she saw her husband and daughter both sleeping peacefully, she calmed, breathing hard. Steve was at her side in an instant, a comforting hand on her back. 

“It’s okay, Jules. You’re safe.”

She groaned again. “Not completely if the weight pressing down on me is any indication. How long was I asleep?”

Steve checked his watch. “Not long, maybe forty minutes or so. I told you the morphine might make you sleepy. How’s the pain? Do you need me to give you a little more?”

She shook her head. She could see the IV bag that was now half empty. No wonder her bladder once more felt like it was going to burst. Even though Greg had assured her earlier there was no shame in having to give in to her body’s natural reactions, doing so willingly wasn’t easy. “There’s something else you can do for me. Can you please stop the IV until I’m free?”

Steve frowned. “Sorry, Jules. I can’t risk letting you eat or drink anything until you get checked out in the ER. Just in case once we’ve gotten you free, we realize you’re hurt worse than you think and you need surgery. The fluid is the only thing countering the dehydration.”

“That’s not all it’s doing.” Jules muttered grumpily. 

“Is the IV hurting?” He checked her wrist where it to make sure the area didn’t look inflamed. Then realization dawned on him. He leaned in close so no one else could hear. “Jules, just go if you gotta. It’s not like you have any better alternatives. I’m betting your body’s taken care of the problem at least a couple of times already whether you wanted it to or not. All you’re going to do by holding it in is cause yourself needless pain and run the risk of a UTI.”

A couple of tears slipped down her cheek and she was glad that along with the problems the IV was causing her bladder, it had hydrated her enough to be able to produce the tears again. “It’s embarrassing. I’m too old to be wetting my pants.”

“Jules, you’ve been trapped in this hole under a shit ton of debris. Pretty sure you have nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s not like when Valerie Markham peed her pants laughing so hard at that party junior year. Now that was something to be embarrassed about. Who’s going to know anyway?”

“Just about everyone once you get me out of here and turn me over. Going to be kind of hard to explain the tell-tale stain on my shorts.”

“Nobody’s going to judge you, Jules. Certainly not Sam or Sadie or anyone that cares about you. They’re all going to just be relived that you are safe. If it’ll make you feel better though, I’ll make sure I get you covered with a blanket before anyone gets a chance to see anything. I’ll also turn down the rate on the IV but I can’t DC it completely. Okay?”

Jules nodded. “Thanks.” She looked at Sam who hadn’t stirred. “Poor guy, I’ve put him through the wringer this time.” Almost as soon as the words left her mouth, Sadie woke up. She squirmed in her father’s arm causing his eyes to fly open and his grip to tighten around her. When he realized she wasn’t falling, he loosened his hold and allowed her to crawl around on him to get into a position she liked. She grinned up at him and Sam leaned down and kissed her. Noticing that Jules was awake as well, he contorted his body to kiss her as well.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep like that.” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t think either one of us had much chance of fighting it.” Jules assured him, her voice teasing and light.

“I’m just glad you’re both awake.” Spike quipped. “The snoring was getting unbearable. I don’t know which one of you is worse. I hope that’s one trait Sadie didn’t get from the two of you.”

Jules looked up at Sam. “Have you noticed with him sitting up there like that how much he looks like the obnoxious clown in a dunking booth?”

Sam chuckled warmly, glad that Jules hadn’t lost her sense of humor. “Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance. Only Spike doesn’t have a cage around him to protect him from any ‘miss’-thrown balls.”

“Feeling the love, my friends. Really feeling the love.” Spike insisted. The easy banter made him feel better. After all the tension in the last twenty four hours, the ability to joke gave at least the allusion that everything would soon be okay. 

Sam wanted to ask Jules how she was feeling but he knew he’d only get her standard okay. So instead, he watched her carefully, knowing he could always read the truth in her eyes even when her mouth was too stubborn to admit how she was really feeling. He could tell she was still in pain and it made him hurt for her. “Jules, how about letting Steve give you a little more morphine. From the looks of things, we’re going to be down here at least a couple more hours, I don’t want to see you hurting.”

Without answering, Jules offered Sadie one of her blocks. The seventh month old put the block to her mouth and then dropped it back to the ground. Given the baby’s penchant for putting everything in her mouth, Jules was glad she’d recommended that they move Sadie’s blanket to cover the dirty ground next to where Sam was sitting with her. Sadie giggled. Jules retrieved the block and handed it back to Sadie, who immediately dropped it again. Sam rolled his eyes at his daughter’s antics. She apparently had decided this was her new favorite game. He wasn’t going to complain though. She was content to stay in his arms and that’s where he wanted her. 

She loved to be held, especially if it was either Sam or Jules holding her, as much as they loved holding their daughter. They did their fair share of cuddling her but also made sure to temper that with allowing Sadie to have time on the floor so she could develop her independence and motor skills. As much as she loved exploring, she loved snuggling in her father’s arms with her parents undivided attention even more. 

“Jules? Morphine?”

She frowned. “Sam, I feel like a wimp taking something. I’m bruised; who takes morphine for bruises?” She once more retrieved Sadie’s block and groaned in pain as she did so. 

Sam reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb against her skin. “Jules, it’s not like we’re talking about you getting a little banged up on the obstacle course or on the sparring mat. Your bruises are probably bone deep. Nobody’s going to think you’re weak if you take something. If they say anything, you can make them eat their words once you’re out of here.”

Jules sighed, proof to Sam that she was getting ready to give in to him. “It’ll make me sleepy.”

“So you sleep. Scrappy here is going to be hungry soon anyway and I’ll feel guilty feeding her in front of you when you can’t eat anything. If you’re asleep, I won’t feel as bad. Besides, you know as they get lower on that stack, it’s not going to be as densely packed. If you start to feel some wiggle room, you are going to be more tempted to try to worm your own way out and you know that’s going to make all these guys real nervous. You can‘t give in to the urge if you are asleep.”

Before Jules could agree or disagree a firefighter on the stepladder dislodged a particularly large piece but failed to notice that a softball sized chunk came with it. Spike shouted out a warning but there was nothing anyone could do. It made a solid hit on Jules’s lower back causing her to cry out in pain. Sadie teared up as well, turning to bury her face in Sam’s shirt.

Sam eased Sadie back to his shoulder and bounced her slightly to comfort her. Then he looked at Jules in concern. Shielded behind the board as he was, he hadn’t seen the piece hit her. Spike’s shout and Jules’s cry of pain told him it wasn’t good. “Jules?”

Steve cut away the material of her shirt enough so that he could see the area. He probed it gently which caused Jules a few more gasps of pains before he reported that he didn’t think it had done any more than bruise.

“Just what I need, more bruises.” Jules groused. 

“Sorry, didn’t see it in time.” The firefighter that caused the piece to fall apologized. “This stuff is pretty loose now. We’ll do our best but I think we’re going to start having a lot more slippage as we get lower. Nothing big though. Those I think we’ll be able to control.”

Jules looked at Sam, her face pale. “Sam, maybe it’s time you got Sadie out of here.”

“Guys,” Sam called out. “Are we in danger under here?”

“As long as you stay under that board, you and the baby should be as safe as if you were in your own home.”

Jules shook her head. “Sam, you know I want you here with me. Maybe I even need you here but more than that I need a little better than a ‘should be’ promise that she’s safe. Get Sadie out of here and I promise you, I’ll be out as soon as possible.”

“I hate this idea.”

“I know.” Jules assured him. “I hate it too but you’re going to do it because you know it’s right for Sadie. Get her out of here and I promise you, I’ll let Steve give me something more for pain.”

Sam kissed her again. “I need you to promise me something else. If I let you out of my sight, you better be okay when you do come out.”

“We’ll take care of her, Sam. She’ll be out before you know it.” Steve promised.

Sam kissed her again and let her kiss Sadie as well. Running his hands through her hair, he didn’t try to stop the tears. He felt like he was saying goodbye to her for forever rather than just a little while. “I love you so much. As soon as you are topside, we’re going to be right at your side and then no one’s going to be able to pry me away.”

She nodded, unable to speak past the lump forming in her throat. More reluctantly than he’d ever done anything in his life, Sam slipped out from under the board. With Sadie’s diaper bag on his shoulder and his daughter snug in his arms, he approached the dangling harness. Steve helped him get it fastened and then Spike lifted him up. As soon as Sam was level, Spike looked him in the eye.

“Sam, I’m going to take care of her for you. I don’t think I’m doing much good up here anymore so as soon as you are clear, I’ll lower myself down and I’ll be there for her until you can be back with her. I won’t let anything happen to her.”

Sam glanced down at Jules. She was watching his every movement. Though she was trying carefully to hide it, he could see that him walking away, even though it was at her request, was hurting her worse than any bruise or injury possible could. He started to tell Spike to lower him back down but Jules shook her head. She could read him as easily as he could her. 

“Sam, please, don’t make this any harder.” There was something in her plea that Sam couldn’t ignore. She was the one who was being left behind; if she could put up a front that it was okay, didn’t he owe it to her to do the same. Then he remembered something. He fumbled in his breast pocket for the sock that had been discovered in the debris. That scrap of yellow material was all that he’d had to sustain him when he’d been separated from Jules and Sadie; maybe it could do the same for her. He handed it to Spike. “Give her this when you get down to her, will you?”

Spike nodded and watched as Sam started down the shaft. It wasn’t easy going for him since one arm was tightly wrapped around Sadie but nothing Sam couldn’t handle. Spike lowered himself down and once more removed the harness. Jules, meanwhile had given in to the heart wrenching sobs she’d been holding back for Sam’s sake. As quick as he could, Spike was by her side, holding her as best as he could given her awkward position. He handed her the sock and explained the significance that it had meant for Sam. If anything, her sobs became heavier as she clutched the sock desperately and tightly in her closed fist. 

“I want them back here with me, Spike. God forgive me but I do. I know it’s what’s best for Sadie but I feel so lost without them. How did Sam do this? At least I know they are safe but he didn’t even have that reassurance. No wonder he didn’t want to leave either one of us but I made him go. How could I do that to him?” She was crying so hard, she could barely catch her breath.

“Same reason he was able to actually leave. It’s what the two of you thought was best for Sadie. It’ll all be okay, Jules. These guys are going to move the rest of this stuff as safely and quickly as possible and then you’ll be right back with them. It’s all going to be okay.” Spike wasn’t used to seeing this side of Jules and it scared him. He didn’t blame her for reaching her breaking point given everything that had happened; he was pretty sure he would have reached his much sooner if he’d been in her situation. Understanding it was one thing; witnessing it was almost too painful for him to bear.

Steve knelt beside them with a syringe and injected the contents into the IV. “Okay, Jules, that should help with the pain. Don’t fight the effects.”

She glanced over at Steve. “Just a little dose, right?”

“Same amount of morphine as before. I gave you just what the doctor ordered.” Steve answered, his eyes full of concern.

She nodded and within two minutes was slumped against Spike in a fitful sleep. Spike eyed Steve suspiciously. She hadn’t reacted that quickly the last time. “What did you give her?”

“4 mg of Morphine, just like I said. I also added some Valium to the mix -- per orders from Med Control. You saw how upset she was; it wasn’t good for her. The Valium will help her sleep better until she’s out of here. Besides, you know as well as I do that as soon as Sam’s out of that shaft, he’s going to be right above that entrance watching every move we make; what do you think it would do to him to hear her that upset?”

Dan knelt down beside them. “She’s pretty well out of it, right?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, why?”

“From the direction the stack’s leaning, we think we can get her free quicker than we thought. If we do it, she’s going to get pelted with a lot more little pieces, but she’s not going to feel them if she’s out.”

Spike frowned. “Is it dangerous?”

“No more than the risks we’re already taking. And if we’re successful, we’ll have her ready to move in no time.”

“And if you aren’t?” Spike had promised Sam he would take care of Jules in his absence. His friend would never forgive him if he let something happen to her. He’d never forgive himself.

“Let’s just hope we don’t have to find out.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP -- 

  
Just as Steve had thought, Sam’s plan had been to get out of the shaft and go around to the other entrance to watch what was going on. There was no way they were going to get Jules out via the ventilation shaft when she was free; they’d have to use the original opening to get a Stokes basket in. He wanted to be there when they did, wanted to be as close to her as he could. Even if they couldn’t see each other because of the boards, maybe he could at least call down to her, make them both feel like they were still close.

That was the plan but the medics waiting outside the shaft had other ideas. One had insisted on checking Sadie out to make sure she was okay. Sam acquiesced, mostly because the medic assured him that he could hold her while they checked her out. Sadie was loudly protesting everything, probably having picked up on both her parent’s emotions with everything going on. When the medic was convinced Sadie was perfectly fine, Sam checked his watch and realized that just as he’d suggested to Jules, the baby was hungry. Without hesitation, he put her needs above his own and while sitting on one of the stretchers, fished a container of food from the diaper bag. He wasn’t as adept at doing things one handed as Jules had become but he managed to get the contents of the mixed vegetables mostly in Sadie’s mouth and not all over her face and bib. He was just shaking the contents of the bottle when Wordy came running over to him.

“Sam, they need you at the entrance to the safe room, right away.”

Sam’s heart dropped. What had happened? He knew he shouldn’t have left her, knew something bad could happen while he wasn’t there. They had assured him that she would be okay; had promised him. “Why? Is something wrong?”

Wordy grinned broadly. “Nothing’s wrong. They just figured you’d want to be there when they brought her out. Jules is free. They are securing her in the basket and getting ready to lift her out. You want to be there, right?”


	16. Chapter 16

Sadie was crying. The pitiful sound penetrated the deep fog that seemed to have settled on Jules. She had to get to her daughter; Sadie needed her. Even though an unnatural heaviness kept pulling at her, encouraging her to remain in the darkness that was enveloping her, Jules struggled to wake up. She’d fight anything and anyone in order to get to her daughter. 

Despite her best efforts though, she couldn’t move. It wasn’t just the fog that clouded her mind and whispered enticing encouragements to sleep. Her arms, legs, practically every part of her body refused to move. She didn’t understand it; she could feel that her body wanted to obey her brain’s sluggish commands and that it was even trying but something seemed to be preventing her from doing anything more than basic twitches.

“Sadie…” The one word came out as much a groan as a comprehensible word. She fought against what was holding her down, ignoring the pain that flared with each movement. Whatever was keeping her from moving was too strong. She whimpered both from pain and desperation. Who or what was preventing her from getting to her daughter? Couldn’t someone tell Sadie needed her?

A familiar hand touched her cheek, a caress as familiar to her as her own skin. Sam. Sam would help her. He wouldn’t let anything hurt either Sadie or her. “Sam… Sadie… wrong?”

“Easy Sweetheart. Everything is fine. Stay still. They’ve got you strapped to that backboard for a reason. Don’t fight them. It’s okay.” Sam’s voice was reassuring but there was an edge to it. Even with the fog clouding her brain, she could hear that he was upset as well. 

She whimpered again and forced her eyelids open. They would only obey halfway. Sam’s face swam in front of her vision but he was blurry. Again, she tried to raise her left hand to grab hold of his but it wouldn’t move more than a few millimeters. She lightly slapped the wooden board in frustration.

Sam glared at Steve who was taking charge of moving an immobilized Jules from the Stokes basket to an awaiting stretcher. When Wordy had given him the news that they were bringing Jules out from the safe room, he’d forgotten about everything but Sadie herself in his rush to get to opening. He’d arrived just in time for the top of the basket to clear the hole. He’d been alarmed to see her looking so still. Then when she started to stir, her movements were sluggish and her words had a distinctive slur. “What’s wrong with her? The morphine wouldn’t cause this reaction.”

“I gave her a small dose of Valium as well.” Steve replied. “She was pretty upset and I knew it would calm her down. She’s okay, Sam. I promise.”

Sam looked to Spike, who was just emerging from the safe room, for confirmation. His friend nodded his agreement to the paramedic’s assessment. Still there was something about Spike’s expression, something that seemed to be distressing him. “Spike? How? I just left and there was still so much piled on her. How did they get her out this quickly? Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad she’s out but it doesn’t seem real.”

Spike almost shuddered, remembering how the firefighters had gathered all on basically one side of the pile of debris and gave it a forcible push away from Jules’s trapped body. Spike had been terrified they were about to just bury her more completely but instead the debris landed harmlessly away from her, effectively uncovering her trapped body enough to move her safely to the backboard. “Don’t ask. I don’t think you want to know, or maybe it’s that I don’t want to be the one to tell you. Trust me when I tell you that it’s probably better that you weren’t there to witness it but at least she’s free and she really is okay.”

Sam turned his attention back to his wife. He could tell she was struggling to wake up but that the drug she’d been given was making it hard. Her right hand was clenched in a fist, her muscles rigid even though she was supposed to be in a drugged relaxed state. He knew her tetanus was up to date so it couldn’t be that. Then he realized she was clutching the sock he’d given Spike to give her. She was holding on to it in the absence of her daughter. It broke his heart and he wished he’d insisted on staying behind. 

He leaned down to kiss the cheek he’d been caressing but doing so put Sadie even closer to Jules’s ear. He’d barely registered that Sadie was crying because he’d been so relieved to hear that Jules was free but the infant’s cries only made Jules struggle even more.

Wordy tapped his shoulder and handed him Sadie‘s bottle, the one Sam had just finished making when Wordy had given him the news. The one he‘d dropped, forgotten, on the stretcher in his hurry to get to Jules. Wordy had retrieved the bottle and Sadie’s diaper bag as he followed his friend. “I bet this will settle Sadie down and that will in turn settle Jules. 

He didn’t offer to take Sadie for Sam. It wasn’t because he didn’t want to help or hold the newest member of Team One’s extended family but because he knew Sam was in full blown Papa bear protective mode. Sadie wasn’t going anywhere except maybe Jules’s arms when she was able to hold her. Wordy recognized Sam’s need to keep Sadie close and more importantly he understood it.

Sam took the bottle, appreciating his friend’s help. As soon as the nipple teased Sadie’s lips, she latched on contentedly, holding the bottle which allowed Sam to return his free hand to Jules’s cheek. 

Just as Wordy had predicted, once Sadie was no longer crying, Jules ceased to struggle against the straps that held her down to the backboard. She blinked several times trying to bring Sam and Sadie into better focus. She wouldn’t slip back into the darkness that was gently luring her back. She needed to be awake, needed to make sure Sadie was okay. 

“Sam? Thought…left…. Sadie….safe…why…crying?” She frowned, frustrated with her inability to form a full sentence. 

Now that she had been transferred and secured to the stretcher, they were ready to move her to the ambulance. Sam followed right beside her, his hand traveling down to clasp her left hand. It wasn’t easy cradling Sadie to him, making sure she didn’t lose hold of the bottle, and holding Jules’s hand without breaking stride but he wasn’t about to be separated from her again. “Sadie is safe and now you are too. They got you free and you’re out of the safe room. We’re going to get you to the hospital and get you all checked out. It’s all okay now. My fault she was crying. In my excitement at getting to you, I forgot Sadie gets pretty cranky when you interrupt her lunch. She kind of takes after me that way. See, now that she‘s got her bottle, she‘s perfectly happy.”

“Feel funny…floating.” Her eyes were fighting to close but she seemed determined not to all them to. Her lower lip poked out in a pout. Sam was reminded of the few times he’d actually seen her drunk. 

Sam grinned in spite of himself. Any other time, an intoxicated Jules could be amusing to watch. “I know. Steve gave you some good stuff. Don’t try to fight it.”

Sam could see her trying to shake her head but the tape across her forehead, strapping her head to the backboard, didn’t allow her much leeway. He knew the immobilization was standard protocol in such circumstances in case of neck or spinal fractures, but he hated to see her trapped even more completely than she’d been in the safe room. 

They reached the ambulance and Sam found he had to release her hand so they could load her in the back. Plus, he needed both hands holding Sadie in place as he stepped in as well. Reluctantly he slid his hand from hers. Jules immediately reacted.

“Sam…no…go…need…you.”

Her plea for him to stay tore into his heart just as much if not worse than her plea earlier for him to get Sadie out had. “I’m not going anywhere, Jules. I’m still right here.” His glare at Steve dared the other man to argue with him. Steve wasn’t about to though. As soon as Sam was in the ambulance, Steve directed him to the jump seat directly behind the driver where he was right at Jules’s head. As the father settled himself into position, the paramedic reached out to take the diaper bag Wordy offered him. 

“We’re taking her to St. Pat’s” Steve informed both Wordy and Spike who had followed them to the ambulance. He knew all of Team One would want to converge on the hospital to check on Jules. 

Spike thanked him and closed the back door of the ambulance, slapping the exterior to let the driver know it was all secure. Wordy looked at his friend who was checking his watch with a frown. “What’s wrong?”

“Twenty four hours. The bomb went off exactly twenty four hours ago. Yesterday at this time, I didn’t think we had a chance of getting a happy resolution to this call. I was so afraid we’d lost Sarge, Jules, and Sadie, just like we lost Lew and Donna, and Jimmy.”

Wordy grasped Spike’s shoulder reassuringly. “Sometimes we can do everything right and it still goes wrong. Sometimes though, we get lucky and it all goes right. Today, right now, that’s what we’ve got to hold on to. This time it went right.”

After a moment or two, Spike nodded. Wordy was right; it would be easy to focus on how bad things could have been, but what was more important was the reality of the situation. Jules might be hurt but she was alive and so were Sarge and Sadie. It had been a nightmare for them all but it was over. “Yeah, come on, let’s go round everybody up. St. Pat’s about to be invaded.”

\-- FP -- FP -- FP --

  
As soon as the ambulance pulled off, Sam was once more caressing Jules’s cheek. It was the easiest place on her body for him to reach in his seat belted place in the jump seat. After hearing her plead with him not to leave her when she was loaded into the back of the ambulance, he wanted to make sure she knew he was still there.

“Sam? You…upside down?” She blinked up at him, puzzlement evident on her face. Even though she still seemed to be having trouble stringing her words along, at least they were starting to lose some the slur. Sam was glad, watching a drunk Jules was amusing simply because she didn’t let it happen often, but knowing she was drugged into it wasn’t as funny. He didn’t blame Steve for giving her the Valium; he trusted the paramedic knew his job. What he did hate was the necessity of it and the part he’d played in her needing it.

“No, Sweetheart, I’m not upside down. It just looks that way because I’m leaning over you.”

She frowned, her lower lip once more a perfect pout. “Sadie?” 

Sam looked down at his daughter who’d finished her bottle but was happily gumming the nipple. “She’s fine, Jules. She’s right here in my arms.” 

He moved his hand from Jules’s cheek to tickle the baby under her chin eliciting the giggle he knew he’d get from the movement. As he returned his hand to his wife’s cheek, he could feel the tension leaving her muscles as the sound relaxed her better than any medication could. 

“Hungry.”

Twenty four hours without food could do that to a person. Sam nodded. “I know. As soon as the doctor gives the okay, I’ll get you whatever you want to eat, even if I have to smuggle it into the hospital. What do you want?”

“Food, lots and lots of food.”

Sam laughed. The answer was just so typically Jules that he couldn’t help himself. He leaned over even more to kiss her. As he settled back, he felt a lot of his own tension easing. “I’m pretty sure I can work with that.”

A few minutes later the ambulance pulled in at the hospital. Sam was right beside the stretcher as it was wheeled in to the emergency room. A doctor and two nurses met them immediately. It was a whirlwind of activity that had Sadie clutching tightly at her father’s shirt but she didn’t fuss.

One of the nurses looked at Sam. “Sir, if you’ll go to the information desk, we have some forms you need to fill out.” The others continued to push the stretcher away from him toward the exam rooms. 

Before Sam could protest that he wanted to stay with his wife, Jules beat him to it. Her cry of anguish at being separated from her family cut Sam to the quick but also produced a quick response from the doctor. “That can wait. Sir, come on back with us. No need in upsetting the patient needlessly.”

Sam gratefully followed, once more grasping Jules’s hand to reassure her that he was right there. Once in the exam room, Jules was moved from the stretcher to the hospital gurney. Sam was pretty sure he could feel Jules’s frustration at still being strapped down to the backboard. 

“Mrs. Braddock, I’m Doctor Carver. I understand you got caught in that explosion yesterday. I’ve been following the news coverage and I’m glad you got out safely. I’m going to do my part to make sure you really are okay. How about we start with seeing if you need that backboard any more. Any neck or back pain?”

“No.” The answer came quickly but Sam could see the lie in her eyes. His heart did a flip. Had she’d been hurt worse than he’d thought?

“Jules, don’t be the tough guy here. If you are hurting, you’ve got to tell the doctor or you could risk getting hurt worse. Is your back or neck hurting?”

Jules chewed on her lower lip and shrugged, the up and down movement of her shoulders about all the freedom of movement she had. “It’s just my lower back where that last chunk hit me. I wouldn’t say it hurts as much as it just throbs and aches.”

The doctor nodded. “Throbs and aches are both wonderful synonyms for hurting. Tell me more about this pain. Where were you hit?” With the last question he also glanced at Sam and Steve knowing that Jules couldn’t very well point out the location since she was strapped down. Sam had to shrug. He’d been behind the boards so he hadn’t seen the chunk hit her. Steve turned and put his hand on the lower right side of his back. The doctor nodded again. He ran his hands under Jules’s body and gently probed the area that Steve had indicated. Jules hissed in pain and he stopped. 

“Okay, I don’t think that’s spinal related but I do want to get a good shot of the area when we do a CT scan to rule out other injuries. How would you like to lose the backboard?” Jules answered in the affirmative. “Okay then, you let us do the work here. With the Valium you were given on top of the amount of time you spent trapped, your muscles aren’t going to work as well as they normally do.”

It only took a few moments for them to unfasten the straps and gently maneuver the backboard from underneath her. Knowing he had to get back in service, Steve promised to check on them later and then left. The doctor smiled at Jules. “I’m going to step out and let the nurse get you changed into a gown. I’m ordering a CT so we can get a good idea of any injuries you might have sustained. It’ll be faster and more accurate than simple X-rays. Once I get those results back, we’ll know how to proceed.”

“She was complaining about being hungry in the ambulance.” Sam threw out, hoping to get permission to get her something to eat.

“After all that time being trapped, I’m not surprised. Let’s wait until we get the results back to make sure you aren’t going to need surgery.” Seeing the immediate alarm on Sam’s face, the doctor was quick to reassure him. “I don’t think it’ll be necessary but given what she’s been through, I’d rather err on the side of caution.” 

Now that Jules wasn’t strapped down and the gurney had been propped up to a better angle than her having to lay flat, Sadie was leaning away from Sam reaching for Jules. As much as Sam wanted to keep her with him, needed to know that she was safe in his arms, he wanted to let Jules hold her. He was pretty sure Jules needed that reassurance as well. However, he also knew that any second the nurse was going to finish getting her orders from the doctor and be there to get Jules changed. Taking Sadie away so quickly just seemed cruel. 

“Okay, let’s get you in a gown. If you want, I can ask your husband to step out…” She was interrupted by Sam’s forceful no and Jules’s eyes flying open in fear. “It’s fine. He can stay if you want. The two of you have a beautiful daughter. How old is she?”

“Seven months.” Sam answered. He reached out and brushed the hair away from Jules’s face. She smiled at him. 

The nurse removed the blanket that had been covering Jules. Something deep inside Jules suggested that she should be embarrassed; after all, Steve had draped it over her as soon as she’d been freed from the rubble just like he’d promised when she’d explained what was worrying her. It didn’t bother her as much now. Maybe it had something to do the drug Steve had given her. She felt more lucid than she had earlier but she could tell she was still impaired. Her lack of shame might have to do with the drug but she thought it probably had more to do with her present company. The nurse had probably seen much worse in her job and Jules knew that Sam and Sadie would never judge her. 

She didn’t protest when the nurse said it would be easier to cut off the shorts and shirt she was wearing. She gave the drugs the credit for that one because she really liked that pair of shorts and the top was a particular favorite. The nurse quickly put the gown on her and tied the tie at the top. She looked at Jules. “I’ve got a few tests that the doctor wanted me to run before they take you for the CT. A couple of them won’t be that comfortable but they are necessary. I see where the medic gave you something for pain earlier. Do you want something more before I proceed?”

Jules shook her head. The pain she was experience currently was more of a nuisance than anything. She could live with it. What she wasn’t sure she could live with was the spacey feeling the drugs gave her. She was a little more aware of everything that was going on but she still felt loopy; she wanted to have a clear head so she could better control her emotions and reactions. She also wanted to hold Sadie -- no, make that needed to hold Sadie, needed to make sure there wasn’t so much as a bruise on her daughter’s body, but she wasn’t sure she trusted herself so long as the drugs were affecting her the way they were.

“Okay, then. How about you just concentrate on that husband and baby of yours and I’ll do what I need to do. I’ll let you know what I’m going to do before I do it. I‘m gong to start off taking some blood.”

Jules nodded. She lifted her hand to lovingly cup the side of Sadie’s face. “Hey there Sades. You taking good care of Daddy for me?”

The infant grinned. Her tiny feet kicked Sam in the side as she excitedly waved her fist at her mother. Her incomprehensible chatter seemed to be answering Jules’s question. She’d been stringing together sounds for about a month now and neither Sam nor Jules tired of hearing her even though it would still be a few more months before the sounds became recognizable words. When she’d get started, they would respond to her like she was holding actual conversations with them.

“Mrs. Braddock, can you relax your right hand for me?” The nurse interrupted. 

Jules glanced down at her hand that was still tightly clutching the sock Spike had given her. She blushed and relaxed her grip. The nurse saw the sock and smiled understandingly. She, like most everyone at the hospital, had watched the news reports throughout the day yesterday. Though the media hadn’t released any names, they had reported that a mother and her infant were among the ones feared lost. After she’d gotten home, she’d been practically glued to the TV hoping they would have something positive to report. Finally, much later than she should have still been awake, she’d turned off the TV heartbroken that there didn’t seem to be much hope. Instead of retiring to her own bed, she’d found herself inexplicably drawn to her own daughter’s room. She’d spent the night folded uncomfortably in the four-year-old’s princess bed holding her daughter tightly, grateful that she could. After everything she’d been through, was it any wonder that her patient was trying to cling desperately to everything she’d almost lost?

Jules could feel herself getting sleepy again and silently cursed agreeing to let Steve give her something. She didn’t want to sleep. Now that she was free, she wanted to be awake and enjoy the fact that she was still alive -- that Sadie was still alive. Her yawn caught her by surprise, her jaw almost popping with the intensity.

Sam saw it and smiled down at her. “Jules, it’s not going to hurt if you take a nap. You look pretty wiped out.”

Jules rolled her eyes and decided afterward that the move took too much energy. “Like you look any better. I at least was able to get several hours sleep last night which is way more than I bet you got. I’ll sleep later, when we’re home and I can curl up in your arms.”

Sam leaned down and kissed her. “I like the sound of that a lot. You realize once I get you home, I don’t plan on letting you get very far away from my arms for the foreseeable future. Consider it my version of house arrest.”

“Sam arrest, huh?” Jules murmured as Sam kissed her again. Normally Sam’s protective nature grated against her strong independent streak. She understood why he was so protective of her and Sadie but that didn’t mean she always liked it. After the last twenty four hours though, she not only appreciated his protectiveness, she was looking forward to it. She reached up and pulled his head closer so only he could hear her next words. “You might need to frisk me before you take me into custody, Constable Braddock. I might be a little dangerous.”

Sam swallowed hard; he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to take Jules home and show her just how glad he was that she was alive and okay. It sounded like it was what she wanted as well. In reality, he knew that such expressions would probably have to be limited until she recovered some. He didn’t want to hurt her any more than she’d already been hurt. Limited or not, he knew he wouldn’t be satisfied with just the doctor’s word that she was okay. As soon as he got her home, he planned to examine every inch of her body so he knew the location of and could pamper each and every bruise that marred her perfect body. “I think I can handle that.”

Ten minutes later the nurse finished with everything she needed to do and stepped out of the cubicle. Now that he was alone with Jules, Sam lowered the railing on the side of the gurney and sat down on the bed with her. Once again Sadie reached for her mother and this time Sam transferred the seventh-month-old to her mother’s arms. Once more tears filled Jules’s eyes as she wrapped her arms around Sadie’s small body and held her close. The one armed hugs she’d been able to give her while trapped were nothing compared to truly being able to hold her daughter properly. 

Sam trailed his fingers up and down her bare arm. “You are something, you know that? I’ve always known you were tough and indestructible but today just proved it all over again. I look at the two of you and I wonder how I got so lucky. What did I ever do to make me deserving of someone as beautiful and amazing as you and then to have Sadie as well?”

Jules gave a slight snort. “I don’t need a mirror to know that beautiful is probably stretching it right now. Actually, I’m the one who feels like I may be the luckiest person on the face of the planet. When that bomb went off, I wasn’t in the safe room. I don’t know how I survived but I’ll take it even if I’m all bruised up for weeks. Thirteen months as your wife and seven months as Sadie’s mom isn’t long enough.”

“I don’t care if you are purple from head to toe, you’re always going to be beautiful to me.”

“Sappy sapster.” Jules accused. “I think Steve must have given you some of the good stuff as well.” A single tear rolled down her cheek. “I love you so much.” 

Jules bit back a groan as one of Sadie’s excited kicks connected with her sore ribs. Sam winced, hating to see her in pain but knowing Jules would rather endure the pain rather than have him move Sadie. Instead, he made a playful grab at his daughter’s flailing feet, stilling them while making it seem like a game to the infant. Jules flashed him a grateful smile. Then she frowned. “Sam, you know when they come to take me for the CT, they aren’t going to let you and Sadie go with me.”

His blue eyes stared at her and she wanted to drown herself in their depths. He sighed. “I’ve been trying not to think about it. I know you are safe here in the hospital and I know that even if you are in pain, you can protect yourself from just about everything if you weren’t. My head knows that but still the idea of not having you in my sight makes my heart clinch in fear. I know it’s not rational and eventually it’ll probably pi…tick you off but right now I can’t shake that feeling.”

“Eventually, yeah it probably will get on my nerves, but right now I want the two of you close by as well.” Jules admitted, squeezing his hand. “However, I think we’re both going to have to put our wants aside when they come for me. They have rules and all that’s going to happen if we make a fuss is that it’s going to delay them taking me for their tests and that in turn is going to delay me getting out of here. I don’t think either of us wants that. Besides, it’ll give you a chance to go out to the waiting area. You know the rest of the team is out there waiting on word. And am I right in thinking most of them have been up all night just like you have?”

He couldn’t honestly say how much sleep they’d gotten; he knew they’d taken breaks to get rest, probably more so than he had, but he couldn’t remember any of them being missing for long periods of time. He nodded, tickling Sadie’s tummy to make her laugh. “What can I say? You, Sadie, and Sarge are important to all of us. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for the three of you.”

Jules felt enveloped by the safety and warmth of their love. “So go out there and tell them what they need to do for me now is to go home. I love them for everything they did; I’m sure they had their work cut out for them just trying to get you not to overdo it. Other than aches and pains that probably aren’t going to go away over night, I’m fine. They need to be with their families and they need to get some real sleep.”

A couple of orderlies stepped in, ready to take her to have her CT. Sam kissed her again, knowing she was right and that he couldn’t make a fuss about going with her. Rising from the side of the bed, he gathered Sadie back in his arms. “You realize I’ve got about as much chance of convincing them to do that as I do convincing the sun to rise in the west just for laughs, right?”

Jules smiled. “Yeah, but it’ll at least give you something to do while I’m gone other than worry. I’m okay, Sam. Really. That stupid scan is going to show that and then the doctor is going to let me go home.”

As the orderlies wheeled her out of the cubicle, Sam swallowed down his urge to follow her regardless of what anyone said. Instead, he made sure the nurse knew to let him know the second Jules came back and made his way to the waiting room. Sure enough, the waiting room was full of past and present Team One members. What surprised Sam the most was that his own teammates, the rest of Team 3, was there as well. Their presence meant as much to him as Team 1’s did. Maybe he hadn’t totally blown it with his team like he’d feared. 

Tom was the first to notice him. He rose and after giving Sadie’s foot an affection pinch, he clasped Sam’s upper arm. “How are you doing, Boss? Is Jules okay?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, looks like she’s going to be okay. They are running scans now to make sure but surprisingly enough, it looks like she escaped with only bruises.”

Then Sam caught sight of Greg sitting in one of those hard chairs. Mariana was curled into his side with her head on his chest obviously asleep. Greg didn’t look like he was much more awake. It was then that Sam realized that in his blind need to check on his family when he‘d first come into the safe room, he hadn’t really paid any attention to Greg. He sat on the coffee table in front of him, balancing Sadie on his left knee. “You okay, Sarge?”

Greg nodded. “Yeah, ER doc barely had to take a look at me. Told me to drink plenty of fluids for the next few days and get some rest. I’m glad Jules is okay, Sam. I felt pretty helpless while we were trapped down there. I was afraid maybe she was hurt worse than she wanted to let on and there wasn’t a thing I could do to help her.”

“You helped take care of our daughter, that’s a pretty big thing. Now it’s time for you to take care of yourself and your family. Go home; Jules’s orders. As much as you want to be here for Jules, you’ve got some bigger priorities to think about. Marina needs you now more than Jules does. Those early months of pregnancy really take their toil. Take her home and take care of her and your baby. Believe me, that’s what I plan to do for my family as soon as the doctor gives the okay.”

Greg looked like he was about to protest but then he nodded. “Okay. If you need me…”

“I’ll call. I promise.” Sam looked at Dean. “You okay to drive them? You were up pretty much all night as well.”

Dean nodded. “Not the first time I’ve stayed up all night. I don’t think I slept more than an hour for all of finals week. I’m fine.” He stuck his hand out and Sam shook it warmly. “Thanks for helping me believe in them. I couldn’t have gotten through last night without you.”

After Greg, Dean, and Marina left, Sam knew he should try to convince the others to leave as well. Before he could even start, Ed shook his head. “I’m glad you got him to go; we’ve all been trying since he got here. You won’t be as lucky with the rest of us, though, so don’t even try it.”

Sam nodded; he really didn’t have the energy to argue with them, wasn‘t sure he really should even though Jules had asked him to. He shifted from the coffee table to the seat Greg had vacated. He wondered why he’d bothered, the seat was just as hard and uncomfortable as the table had been. Probably better that way though; if he got comfortable, he’d probably fall asleep. Had he ever been this tired before?

“Sam, what can we do? What do you need?”

Sam shrugged, not sure the best answer to Ed‘s concerned question. “I don’t even know. I keep thinking once I get Jules and Sadie home, we can all relax and get some rest and everything will be okay again. Then I start to think, how are we even going to get home? I know any of you would be glad to give us a ride but I’m pretty sure none of you have a car seat in your car for Sadie.”

“No but you do.” Spike inserted. He held up a set of keys. “Winnie realized the lack of a car seat might be a problem so on our way over we stopped at the barn. I got your keys out of your locker so I could drive your car over. When Jules is released, I’ll drive you home and Winnie will follow. You don’t have any more business being behind the wheel as the Boss does.”

Winnie also handed Sam a neatly folded pair of sweatpants and t-shirt. Sam recognized them as his own from his locker. She smiled. “Hospital personnel usually aren’t kind to clothes when they need to get a patient out of them quickly so I also figured Jules would need something to wear. I know your clothes will swallow her whole but with the drawstring in the waist she should be able to make it work. I also figured the looser clothes would be more comfortable.”

Sam was speechless. He and Jules were so lucky to have such great friends. He swallowed down the lump that was forming in his throat. “Thanks guys. I don’t know what we’d do without all of you.”

Ed gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze. “You’ll never have to figure it out. We’re here for you and Jules a hundred percent.”

“Mr. Braddock?” The nurse who was treating Jules stepped to the door of the waiting room. Sam looked up alarmed. She smiled to counter his worry. “I thought you’d like to know that they’ve finished with the scan and they are bringing your wife back to her cubicle now.”

“That was quick.” He’d expected her to be gone for a half hour or longer. 

She nodded. “I asked them to rush things. The test is necessary but I personally think the best medicine she can get is being with you and your daughter. Once the doctor has a chance to look at the results, he’ll be back in to talk with the two of you.” 

Sam thanked her as he made his way back to the cubicle. A couple of minutes later, Jules was wheeled back in. As soon as the orderlies locked the bed in place and left, Sam had the railing back down and was once again sitting next to Jules. She smiled at him. 

“I think I would like you a little closer than that. How about I move over a little and you scoot in beside me so you can hold me.” She could tell he was about to protest and she put her finger over his lips. “You won’t hurt me; if anything it’ll make me feel better.”

That was all Sam needed to hear. He set the clothes that Winnie had brought on top of Sadie’s diaper bag and retrieved some of Sadie’s toys. Then he position himself on the bed so Sadie was sitting in his lap, and then Jules settled herself in a comfortable position in his arms. Safe in her husband’s arms with her daughter happily gumming on a cloth book, Jules sighed contently. Sam pressed a kiss to her temple. 

Time almost ceased to exist as they simple relished the time together. All that mattered was that they were together. As Sam watched, Jules’s eyes were slowly starting to drift close. Just before she fully gave in to her exhaustion, the rings of the curtain scraped against the metal pole they were on as the curtain opened. The doctor stepped in.

“I have the results of your scans.”


	17. Chapter 17

After the doctor had explained everything and answered their numerous questions, he left out. Sam’s arms had tightened around her as the doctor had given the results, to the point that Sadie began to squirm and fuss at being trapped between her parents. For at least a full minute after they were alone, neither Jules nor Sam said anything and the only sound was Sadie’s grunts of displeasure. Just before the grunts became a full out cry, Jules wiggled back just a little bit, not pulling free of his embrace but giving Sadie a little more room. 

“Sam, you heard him, I’m okay.”

He shook his head. “That’s not what I heard, Jules. He said you have a bruised kidney from where that last chunk hit you on the back. That doesn’t sound like okay to me. That sounds like the opposite of okay.”

“Yeah, bruised, just like practically the entire lower half of my body. And just like the rest of the bruises, it will resolve itself on its own, without any intervention from the doctor. He’s not even admitting me to the hospital. I just have to make sure I take it easy, get plenty of rest, and don’t overwork my kidneys until it gets better. I know I can be stubborn at times but I do know how to follow doctor’s orders. Besides, I know you, and you’re not going to even let me think about overdoing it, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

Sam leaned his head back on the gurney staring up at the paneled tiles of the ceiling. “If it’s nothing to worry about, why did he mention all the possible complications?”

“Because he’s a doctor and it’s his job to go worst case scenario. Yeah, a bruised kidney is a little more serious that just looking like an eggplant from the waist down but considering the injuries I could have gotten but didn’t? I’ll take it. You heard him, right? Buried under what was probably at least a full wall of concrete and motor and I didn’t have so much as a hairline fracture in any of my bones, including my ribs. I’m alive and that’s a miracle in itself; the fact that I didn’t get fast tracked to a room upstairs for an extended stay just makes it even more amazing. Let’s just focus on that, okay? Besides, we have bigger issues to worry about.”

Panic flew into his eyes. “What’s that?”

“Like what I’m going to wear out of here. I’m sure not wearing this gown out of here and flashing my slowly becoming multi-colored backside for the world to see. Not to mention, how are we getting home? I don’t think we can go home the same way we got here.”

Sam rolled his eyes in relief and leaned down to kiss her. “Got it covered. Or well, Spike and Winnie took care of it. Spike brought my car over so we’ve got a car seat for Sadie here and if you don’t mind my work out clothes, you have something to change into as well. They shouldn’t be too smelly, they were fresh and clean yesterday morning.”

“I don’t mind a little Sam sweat.” Jules admitted. 

The nurse came back in to get Jules ready to be discharged. Sam reluctantly released his hold on Jules and slid off the bed with Sadie. He retrieved the clothes that Winnie had given him and gave them to the nurse. As he watched the nurse work, he tried to focus on the good that the doctor had said. No broken bones, no sign of internal injuries other than the bruised kidney, even the blood he’d discovered in Jules’s urine specimen had been a trace amount that only the dipstick test could pick up on. She was lucky not to have been injured worse; no, he decided, he was the lucky one. He could have lost both Jules and Sadie the day before, yet now he was just moments away from getting to take them both home where he could pamper them to his heart’s content. 

Soon Jules was dressed in his clothes. They dwarfed her already small frame making her look even smaller than usual. The nurse reiterated all the doctor’s discharge directions, especially what signs to look for that would warrant a trip back to the emergency room. Jules nodded and agreed to everything. Despite her assurances to him that it was no big deal, Sam could tell she was taking the nurse’s words seriously. She wasn’t agreeing just because she would have to in order to be released but that she was taking the directions to heart. 

He was glad. They were all guilty of pushing through the pain and ignoring what their bodies were telling them in order to get the job done. Jules was probably one of the worst about it. She was right when she said earlier that he wouldn’t let her do anything she wasn’t supposed to do but he was glad it didn’t look like he was going to have to be the bad guy in making her. At least not right away. 

“Okay, here’s your prescription for something for pain. Don’t be shy about taking it. Just because you have bruises instead of broken bones doesn’t mean they aren’t just as painful.”

“I’ll make sure she takes them.” Sam promised. Jules cut her eyes in his directions, a bemused expression on her face. It was as if she were questioning his ability to force her to do something. He shrugged, his hand gently rubbing the back of her neck. “You’ll do it because seeing you hurting hurts me even more and you won’t want to do that to me. Besides, I know you’ll want to do as much for Sadie as you can and the best way for you to be able to do that is to take care of yourself.”

She couldn’t deny that he had a point. She’d push aside her own pain if she had to in order to take care of Sadie but she’d also put aside her dislike for taking medications if it was what was best for her daughter. “I promise to do everything the doctor said, including controlling the pain. Now, no offense to the present company, but can I get out of here?”

The nurse laughed. “No offense taken. Let me get a wheelchair and then you are free to go.”

As she stepped out, Jules wrinkled her nose at the idea of the wheelchair. Sam shook his head. “This is a hospital; I’m surprised they don’t make me leave in a wheelchair as well. I have a feeling once you actually put your weight on those legs for the first time, you’re going to wish you had that wheelchair back.”

Jules snorted. “I doubt that.”

Sam didn’t argue with her because he knew it would do no good. He knew, as he was probably sure she did as well, that after twenty four hours of being trapped and unable to move her legs, her muscles were going to protest when she finally put them back to use. That on top of her bruises that were more than likely bone deep was going to make walking a lot more difficult that Jules wanted to admit. 

The nurse returned. As soon as Jules stood up to move to the wheelchair, she winced in pain as she put weight on her legs for the first time. She sank into the chair with a warning glare to Sam that clearly said comments, especially ones that contained the words _I told you so_ , wouldn’t be appreciated. Instead, Sam took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb against her skin and gently giving it a squeeze. With Sadie on his hip, Sam walked beside the wheelchair as the nurse pushed it toward the exit. 

Once they were at the waiting room, Sam promised to take over. He knew the nurse needed to get back to work and that their friends were going to want a moment to fuss over Jules. Sure enough, the team, both past and present, converged on them. Jules found herself engulfed in hug after hug from one teammate after another. 

Sam knew they needed the contact with her. Needed the tactile connection to banish any lingering fears about her safety. He didn’t want to begrudge them that time because he knew how important it had been for him to be able to touch and hold both Jules and Sadie again. At the same time though, he could tell the exuberant hugs, no matter how gentle they called themselves being, were starting to take their toil on Jules. Most of the bruising was confined to below the waist but he knew her ribs had taken a battering as well. He knew Jules wouldn’t say anything because she needed the contact as much as they did. He wondered if he should say something.

Before he could decide, Wordy beat him to it. “You look tired, Jules. We should let Sam get you home so you can get some rest. I’m pretty sure what you probably want more than us fussing over you is a good meal and your own bed.”

Jules protested that she was just as glad to see them as they were her but the others quickly echoed Wordy’s assertion that she needed the rest. Spike excused himself to go bring Sam’s car around as everyone else said their goodbye and reminded Jules and Sam to call if they needed anything. 

Ed piped up. “We’re here if you need anything. You know that without me saying it. However, none of us are going to bug the three of you today after you get home. You need the family and the rest time instead of a bunch of well-meaning friends traipsing over to your house to keep checking on you. You’ll get enough of that starting tomorrow. If you need or want us to do anything, we’re just a phone call away, otherwise, we’ll see you tomorrow or longer if that’s what you need.”

By the time Spike pulled up to the entrance, everyone had left. Sam opened the back passenger side door and settled Sadie in her car seat and expertly strapped her in. After spending practically the whole day in her father’s arms, Sadie wasn’t happy with her new position. Her face scrunched up and her lower lip poked out and quivered. The cries started as soon as Sam turned his back to help Jules in the back seat as well.

Once Jules was settled next to Sadie, Sam fastened the seat belt around her. Jules didn’t bother to fuss that she was capable of fastening her own belt; Sam arrest was officially starting now that she’d been released from the hospital. If pampering her like this for the rest of the day helped him feel better about everything that had happened, she wasn’t going to complain. She might even start to enjoy it a little.

Instead of getting in front with Spike, Sam ran around the back of the vehicle and got in on the other side of the car seat. It was taking everything in him not to rescue Sadie from the car seat and kiss away her tears. He curbed that initial response knowing even with the tears, she was safer in the car seat than in his arms while the car was in motion. He turned in his seat and with his left hand he bobbed one of the toys attached to her car seat causing it to make noise. His right hand stretched out over the top of the car seat to gently run his fingers through Jules’s hair.

Spike looked in the rear view window. He felt a little like a limo driver with the three of them in the back seat, but understood that Sam wanted to be as close to his family as he could be. “Do I need to make any stops on the way? Pick up prescriptions? Lunch? A giant teddy bear for Sadie?”

Sam chuckled at the last suggestion. “No, we’re good. Winnie is picking up the prescription and food on her way to pick you up. I think we’re just ready to be home.”

Spike nodded. “Then sit back and enjoy the ride. I’ll have you there in no time.” 

He pulled away from the hospital and into traffic. He kept glancing back in the rearview mirror every chance he got, watching with amazement as Sam settled his daughter down without removing her from her car seat. Before they’d even gone a block, Sadie’s tears had ceased and she was happily gumming on Sam’s finger. By the next block she was sound asleep in her seat, Sam’s finger still in her mouth. A glance to the right showed that Jules had also fallen asleep, her head gently resting on the side of the car seat. He couldn’t help but smile.

“That’s freaky but oh so beautiful.”

Sam nodded at Spike’s comment as he gently extracted his finger from his daughter’s mouth. He knew it was only a matter of time as Sadie’s teeth started to break through that he wouldn’t be able to let her use his finger as a chew toy but he’d enjoy it while he could. With his other hand, he continued to play with Jules’s hair. He could feel the grit that clung to the stands and it only reminded him anew how close he’d come to losing her. 

“I don’t know that I said it earlier, but thanks for everything. You figured out there was a safe room and you came up with the idea of how to break into it so we could see if they were there. More than that, you were there for me when I needed you. We couldn’t ask for a better friend.”

“Always there for you, Buddy, for all three of you. I just hope never to have to be there for you like that ever again. It was too close, way too close.”

The rest of the ride was made in silence as neither wanted to risk waking the two sleeping beauties. Spike pulled into the driveway next to Jules’s Jeep Patriot. When they’d had to replace her vehicle after the wreck, they’d known they would need something a little more practical with the baby on the way, something with four doors, but Jules had still wanted to stay with the Jeep family. The Patriot was a nice compromise, practicality of being a family car but still something at least slightly sporty. As he turned off the engine, he glanced back at Sam. 

“What can I do to help you get them inside without waking them?”

“I…wake.” Jules mumbled and then yawned. She blinked out the sleep in her eyes as she sat up, now fully awake. “I’m walking to the door because I can. No arguments.”

Sam moved his hand just slightly so that he was caressing her cheek rather than running his fingers through her hair. “No arguments but a request. Give me a minute to get Sadie out of her car seat and then to come around to your side. I know you want to do it on your own power but you saw how hard it was just moving from the bed to the wheelchair when we left the ER. Let me be on one side of you for support.”

“Right, because there would be so much you could do with Sadie in your arms if I did stumble.” She countered, her tone amused rather than annoyed. 

“That’s why I’ll be on your other side.” Spike supplied. “No doubt about it, you’ll be back running rings around the rest of us on the obstacle course in no time but for now, give us the chance to feel useful.”

Her sigh was supposed to sound long-suffering but it was clear to both men that she wasn’t bothered by their attempts to protect her. Sam grinned and managed to transfer Sadie to his arms without waking her. He wasn’t surprised, her schedule was completely out of whack with everything that had happened. He made his way to the other side of the vehicle where Spike had already gotten the door open. This time Jules had managed her own seat bet, ready to get the confining belt off her sore hip. 

As she’d feared while being trapped, the broken piece of metal from the ladder rung that had been digging into her hip had broken the skin. It had also caused a pretty painful friction burn as it had rubbed the same spot repeatedly. The wound had been cleaned and bandaged. The seat belt had bothered her as it pressed against the area but not to the extent that it had kept her from drifting off to sleep. 

She eased out of the car with both Spike and Sam on each side of her. Her legs tried to buckle but the two men kept her from sinking completely down to the ground. It wasn’t so much that it hurt to stand but that her legs were weak after their non-use. She gripped their arms tightly until she managed to get her feet under her and force them to work. The walk up to the front door was slow and probably more painful for both Spike and Sam than it was Jules. Both men had to stifle the urge to just sweep Jules up in their arms and carry her the rest of the way. 

Eventually they made it in the house. The two men got Jules settled on the couch and then Sam transferred the still sleeping Sadie to her pallet on the floor. He wanted to keep holding her and he was pretty sure that Jules would have liked for him to give her Sadie to hold as well. He chose the pallet instead because he knew Sadie would sleep more comfortably there. He also knew Winnie would be coming in soon with food and that it would be easier for them both to eat without balancing Sadie as well. 

As he was getting Sadie settled on her pallet and covering her with a light blanket, Jules tried to get in a comfortable position on the couch. Then she looked at Spike. “Do you know why?”

Spike sat down in the chair next to the couch. “Why what?”

“Why the people were shot. Doug kept insisting that it wasn’t part of the plan and I believe him. He made really bad choices but I really don’t think he wanted anyone to get hurt. As bent on revenge as he was for Aaron Saddler, I don’t think he even really wanted him physically harmed. Do you know who was doing the shooting and why?”

Sam sat down beside her on the couch, gathering her close and kissing the side of her head. “Jules, that’s not something you should be worrying about.”

She shook her head, stubbornly. “Yeah I do. When Doug agreed to let everyone go, I was relieved the danger was over but I was torn. As a mother I wanted to be the first one out the door with Sadie; I wanted her to be as far away from that bomb as possible. As a cop though, I knew I should be the last one out; the civilians should go first. If my maternal instincts had won out over my professional ones, then both Sadie and I would have been killed. I need to know why.”

“Sam’s team caught the snipers that were responsible for those that died.” Spike assured her. “I think they had them in custody before the bomb went off but you had no way of knowing that inside. We don’t know all the details; if I had to guess, Ed left the hospital to return to the station to get more answers. From what we did figure, everything that happened was a diversion, a way to keep pretty much every cop in the city tied up while others went on a crime spree knocking off armored cars. We think we caught the ringleader but so far we can’t tie him to Bartley. Hopefully now that we have him in custody as well, they’ll figure out the link.”

Jules paled and shook her head. “Robbery? All those people killed and the rest of us almost blown to bits as a distraction? I think I might be sick.”

Sam tightened his hold on Jules as he felt her body start to tremble. They’d seen just about everything in their line of work and this wouldn’t be the first time that greed had cost innocent people their lives but it was the first time that it had so closely threatened their daughter. It was just as hard for him to hear it. “Jules, Sweetheart, don’t think about the why right now. There will be time for that later. Right now the main thing we need to focus on is that you and Sadie are okay; you’re home and safe and for that I’m unbelievably grateful. For now, can’t that be enough?”

She nodded, wiping her face with her hands. “Yeah, yeah it is. The whole time we were trapped in that safe room, Doug and Aaron kept insisting that they hadn’t meant anyone to get hurt. It didn’t make the situation any better and neither does knowing the full truth. Knowing doesn’t bring those people back and it doesn’t change the fact that Sarge, Sadie and I could have died just as easily.”

There was a knock on the door and Spike went to answer it. It was Winnie, carrying a medium size slow cooker and a small white prescription bag. The dispatcher went straight into the kitchen to deposit the cooker on the cabinet there before returning to the living room. Jules raised an eyebrow as Winnie put the prescription bag on the coffee table. 

“I thought you were stopping by Tatum’s; since when did they start packing to go orders in a slow cooker?”

Winnie smiled. “I was going to pick up something from Tatum’s but while I was at the pharmacy I got a call from Sophie. Apparently yesterday after she took Marina to the house, she felt Marina needed something to do to keep her mind off everything. So, she set her to work cutting up vegetables for soup. One of those big industrial size slow cookers that she uses for catering jobs or more importantly to feed the team. After she talked to Ed and found out I was supposed to pick up lunch and that no one was supposed to intrude the rest of the day, she suggested that I come over and get soup instead.”

“Sophie’s veggie beef soup?” Jules practically licked her lips in anticipation. Typically she wasn’t much of a soup eater but Sophie’s vegetable beef soup was the exception. She didn’t know what Sophie did differently from everyone else but whatever it was made a big difference. 

Sam gently rubbed Jules’s arm. “I know you are starving. I’ll go fix you a bowl.” 

“Stop.” Winnie motioned for him to remain seated. “Spike and I know our way around your kitchen. We’ll take care of getting the soup dished up and bring it and drinks in here for both of you. Then, we’re getting out of your hair and letting you eat and rest.”

“Winnie, the two of you don’t have to…” Jules protested only to be interrupted.

“We want to.” Winnie assured her. Then, before either Sam or Jules could protest further, Winnie and Spike disappeared into the kitchen. 

Jules shifted her position, turning more on her left side and sinking more into Sam’s arms. “I feel bad having everyone fuss over me so much.”

Sam skimmed his fingers up and down her arm lightly; needing to have his hands on her but wanting to be sure to avoid any sore spots. He shrugged. “You heard her, they want to do something and I think we should allow them to do this for us without a big fuss. Besides, I think you promised once I got you home you were going to let me pamper you without complaint. There’s no way I was going to let you off this couch to go into the kitchen, so really, Winnie and Spike getting lunch ready isn’t fussing over you but me.”

“I don’t remember making that promise, but I don’t think I have it in me to argue right now.” Jules murmured. Honestly, she felt more comfortable in that moment than she had since she’d woken up in Sam’s arms the day before, long before she’d ever gone to meet Sarge for coffee. If she weren’t so hungry, she could have easily drifted back to sleep in the warm sanctuary of Sam’s embrace. As it were, she closed her eyes intending to just rest them until Winnie and Spike returned with the food. 

Her eyes flew open when she heard Sadie’s exuberant chatter fill the room. Her fingers tightened in a grasp on Sam’s shirt as she scanned the room. Sadie was sitting up on her pallet batting one of topsy-turvy toys she loved to play with. Every time she hit it, it would topple over and then bounce right back up. Each time she would bounce in place and laugh like it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen. It was such a normal part of her usual play routine that it made a few tears well up in Jules’s eyes. 

“She’s okay.” Sam whispered in her ear. “How about you? You okay?”

She nodded and looked around further. There was no sign of Winnie and Spike. There was a full bowl of soup sitting on the coffee table next to an empty one. She frowned.

“Where are Spike and Winnie?”

“They left about ten to fifteen minutes ago. They told me to call them or anyone else on the team if we needed anything. You ready for your soup? I think it should still be warm enough. Mine almost burned all the hairs off my tongue but I was too hungry to wait for it to cool off any. Probably a good thing you dozed off.”

She sat up and reached for her bowl. The first bite was heavenly. That this was the first she’d eaten in over twenty-four hours added to the fact that Sophie was an excellent cook made her want to savor each bite. Sam watched her carefully.

“Is it okay? If it cooled off too much, I can warm it up some.”

“You touch my soup before I finish it, I will have to hurt you. Just sayin’.” Jules warned as she dipped the spoon once more in the soup. 

Sam laughed. “Duly noted.” He eased off the couch, leaving her to eat as he moved to the pallet to play with Sadie. He couldn’t get enough contact with either of his girls. It wasn’t a new experience for him. He’d been the same way after the wreck, spending hours at a time holding Jules safe in his arms with his hand gently caressing her stomach to have the contact with his unborn child. It had been easier then because where one was, the other had no choice but being also. Now that they were two separate entities, it wasn’t as easy to satisfy the urge to be with both his wife and daughter. 

After a couple of minutes, Jules placed her bowl on the coffee table, having finished the soup. Sam had known she was probably starving but the speed with which she finished it surprised him. He raised an eyebrow. “Want some more? Won’t take but a second for me to get you another bowlful.”

Jules shook her head. “Maybe later. There’s something more I want first.”

Sam nodded. “Name it.”

His answer was so earnest that Jules couldn’t help but grin. “Dangerous power you’re giving me there, just so you know. Actually it’s nothing that spectacular. Even though I’m not trapped in that room any more, I feel like I still have half that building clinging to me. I’m betting Sadie’s pretty filthy too.”

Sam scooped Sadie into his arms and returned to the couch. Jules took her daughter from him and hugged her close to her body, enjoying the fact that she could once again do just that. Sam rubbed Sadie’s back while putting his other arm around Jules’s back. “How about a long soak in the tub?”

“Sounds wonderful actually. But I think I want a shower first, wash all the grit and grime off so I don’t have to soak with it.”

Sam nodded, her reasoning making sense. He wasn’t as sure she would be okay standing long enough to take a shower but he wasn’t going to voice that concern. Without hesitation, he scooped her up in his arms bridal style and stood, knowing she had a good hold on Sadie. 

“Sam, what are you doing? You can’t carry both of us up the stairs.”

Sam just grinned at her. “Sure I can. I used to carry you both while you were pregnant. No sense you having to battle those stairs right now. Humor me, please.”

Once he had her upstairs, he went straight for the master bath. He used his foot to close the toilet seat and then gently set them down. While Jules stripped Sadie down to just her diaper, Sam turned on the spray in the shower and adjusted the temperature. Hearing the water, Sadie began to kick her feet excitedly. She loved bath time whether it was in the form of a bath or a shower. The first time they’d taken her swimming, they’d thought she would love that as well and had been surprised when she cried the whole time. Finally Jules had realized that Sadie didn’t like the pool because the water was much cooler than her normal bath time. Apparently Sadie took after her in her love for warm showers even though they were careful not to let the temperature get hot enough to burn her. 

Sam removed Jules’s shoes and socks and then took Sadie from her so she could undress. Jules lifted the oversized t-shirt from over her shoulders. Sam couldn’t take his eyes off her. He could already see the bruising starting to form at her rib cage. He knew the ladder rung that had been pressing into her abdomen was responsible for the marks he was seeing. It looked painful but he was pretty sure it was nothing compared to the bruising he was sure was going to cover the back of her legs. 

She stood, using the counter to steady herself. She’d untied the drawstring to the sweatpants so they immediately pooled on the floor as soon she was on her feet. Now that she was standing, the wobbliness Sam had noticed when she’d walked from the car to the house didn’t seem as noticeable. She reached for Sadie. “Come here, Sades, let’s see if we can’t get clean.”

Jules removed Sadie‘s diaper and stepped into the shower. As she passed him, Sam got his first good look at her back. He winced glad that she couldn’t see his face. No doubt the bruises would get worse before they got better but already the discoloration was evident, especially the one on her lower back. His breath caught in his chest as he thought about the complications the doctor had warned them to watch for with her bruised kidney. 

He knew he was probably overreacting; actually there was no probably about it. He’d had a bruised kidney before himself, during his tour in Kandahar when a training exercise had gone wrong. Yeah, it had hurt for a few days and having to spend several days lying around the base infirmary had been no walk in the park for him but he’d recovered without any problems and was back in the field in a couple of weeks. No reason to believe it would be any different for Jules. He just hated for her to be injured in any way.

Jules was standing with her back to the spray, protecting Sadie from having the water hit her full force. Because they switched between bathing Sadie in the tub and in the shower, they kept a bath mitt and baby soap in both locations. Since Sadie had been born, Jules had learned how to do many things one handed as she balanced Sadie with the other, so she didn’t have trouble opening the baby wash and pouring some onto the bath mitt. Then she slipped her hand into the mitt and started to wash Sadie’s small body. 

The warm spray hitting her back like a thousand little stinging missiles felt wonderful. It was like a little massage against her aching muscles. Lost in the sensation and in bathing Sadie, Jules didn’t even register the shower door opening or Sam stepping in with her. The first she realized he was there was when his strong familiar hands began running through her hair, soaping it up with her shampoo. She murmured appreciatively. She wasn’t sure if he knew the effect he had on her when he washed her hair. Her legs started shaking and she contributed it more to the way he could turn her to mush rather than her muscles being weak. After he rinsed the suds out of her hair, he used her soft loofa to gently wash her back. He was especially gentle when he reached her bruises, though even the slightest touch caused her to hiss in pain. 

Each hiss was like a knife to his heart but he knew he was being as gentle as he could and that she wanted to wash away the last traces of debris from her body. He tried to sooth away the pain, planting light kisses on her shoulder every time he unintentionally hurt her. After several minutes of his pampering, she leaned against him, trapping his hand between them, letting enough of the spray wash away the soap from Sadie’s now clean body. Jules tilted her head up as the shower head rained down on her face, her lips puckered in an invitation for a kiss. An invitation Sam gladly accepted. 

Before Sadie had been born or if it were late at night after Sadie was sound asleep, the kiss would have led to other activities that would have steamed over the mirror more than the heat of the shower would. However, with Sadie in Jules’s arms and with Jules’s injuries, the kiss went no further than a satisfying and necessary affirmation that they hadn’t lost each other. Sam’s mouth left hers and left a trail of quick pecks up her face to her forehead. 

“How about I take her now and let you finish up?” Sam offered. Jules smiled at him and handed off Sadie to him. The baby’s almost impossibly small body seemed even smaller when he cradled her against his bare chest. He traded positions with Jules so she could take advantage of the water from the shower head but Sadie could still feel the spray. He knew she would break his heart with that pout of hers if he got out of the shower with her early. It only took Jules a few more minutes to finish washing. She turned off the taps and sure enough, Sadie’s lower lip poked out.

He kissed Sadie’s forehead and then looked at Jules. “You still want to soak for a little while? I bet a nice warm Epsom salt bath would help those aching muscles.”

“Sounds good, especially if you and Sadie join me. It’s been way too long since we’ve done that. I think a family bath might do me just as much good as the Epsom salt.” 

Holding her in his arms whether it was in the shower, in the tub, or in the bed sounded like the perfect medicine not only for Jules but for his own heart as well. Only one thing concerned him. “The Epsom salt okay for Sadie?”

Jules nodded. “Yeah, I use it in her bath after she gets her shots.”

“You keep our daughter happy while I get the bath ready. If that pout turns into full blown tears, you know I’m done for.” Sam handed Sadie back to her and then turned the shower head back on. 

He stepped out of the shower, grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around his waist. Retrieving the bag of Epsom salt from beneath the cabinet, he turned on the faucet on the tub. He adjusted the temperature so that it was warm without being too hot and then added the Epsom salt. He returned the bag to its place under the cabinet and made sure the baby lock caught when he closed the door. Sadie wasn’t quite at the age to go exploring too much but Jules had felt it was better to go ahead and baby proof the bathroom before it became a problem. 

When the tub was just about as full as it needed to be with Sadie with them, Sam stepped back to the shower and opened the door. He leaned in and shut off the taps and took Sadie from Jules. With Sadie on his hip, he crossed back to the tub and turned off the faucet. Jules stopped at the bathroom counter and took a moment to pile her wet hair on top of her head and secure it there with a big clip. 

Then she turned toward the tub. The master bathroom was probably her most favorite renovation project of the entire house. She loved, especially after a long hard shift, to soak in the tub. However, she couldn’t deny that a shower was just more practical for every day use. So when she’d decided to remodel, she’d given herself the best of both worlds. The walk-in shower that was still plenty big enough for her and Sam to shower together if they decided and the large soaking tub that was very comfortable for her to stretch out in. 

She stepped into the tub and sat down. She bit her lower lip against the momentary sting of the Epsom salt as it seeped through the bandage on her hip. It wasn’t a bad pain and she knew the anti-inflammatory properties of the salt would help the wound in the long run. Once she was settled, she once more took Sadie in her arms so that Sam could drop his towel and climb in behind her. 

Sam wasn’t as big a bath person as either Jules or Sadie but he at least appreciated the fact that the tub was big enough that as he sat with his back to the edge of the tub, he was able to stretch his legs out completely. He wrapped his arms loosely around Jules’s waist as she leaned comfortably against him. The water only came up to their waists so Jules was able to balance Sadie in her lap. The infant happily kicked her legs and splashed her hands at the water. 

Sam got so caught up watching his daughter play that at first he didn’t realize that Jules was shaking in his arms. He kissed the side of her head. “What’s the matter, Baby? Did I not get the water warm enough for you? I know you like it scalding hot but you know I had to tone that down for Sadie. Are you cold??

She shook her head and then he heard her sniffle. He maneuvered so he could get a good look at her and was surprised to see her crying. His heart leapt to his throat. “Jules? Sweetheart? What’ s wrong? Are you hurting? Was the Epsom salt too much?”

Again she shook her head as she tried to reign in her emotions. “I’m sorry. I’m being a big baby. It’s just that this is just so normal. When that bomb went off yesterday, in that split second when I went flying before I lost consciousness, I didn’t think I was ever going to get another normal moment. I felt like a failure, like I’d messed up and killed myself and, worse than that, that I had killed Sadie.”

Sam tightened his hold on her and placed a kiss in the crook of her neck. “Baby, I heard Spike tell you that it wasn’t your fault…”

“I know.” Jules admitted, her voice thick with emotion. “I know I didn’t cause the bomb to go off but it doesn’t change the fact that I thought we were going to die. I was afraid and you know how much I hate to be afraid. Afraid I’d never get another chance to tell you that I love you, afraid I’d never get to rock Sadie to sleep or see her get so excited over a stupid bath, afraid that I was going to watch my daughter starve to death no matter that I thought I had stocked her diaper bag for every contingency.”

Sadie leaned her head upward and pointed her finger at Jules and babbled. Sam reached out and took her little hand in his and gave it an affectionate squeeze. Jules leaned down and kissed Sadie.

“Jules, I can’t say I know what it was like for you in that room. I would have done anything to trade places with you. But I do know what it’s like to be afraid that no matter what you do it’s not going to be enough. I was so scared that I was believing you two were alive because it was what I needed to believe in order to get through the night instead of the reality of the situation. Mentally making every kind of bargain I could think to make so long as I got both of you back. Wanting to wake up and discover that it was all just a really bad nightmares. Then when we managed to create that bore hole and we discovered you were alive, I was afraid I was going to wake up and find that that was the dream instead.”

“Despite our fears, we’re here.” Jules practically whispered, slowly getting her own emotions under control. “We’re doing something so blessedly normal but it’s never felt more important. I’ll never take a moment with you or Sadie for granted. Won’t complain about dirty diapers, the laundry, or dinner being ruined because one of us pulls unexpected OT. I know it’s silly to be crying right now but I can’t seem to help it. I love you and I love Sadie and I’m just so grateful that I get to have this moment with both of you.”

Sam nuzzled her neck, peppering her skin with kisses, one hand resting on Sadie’s back. “It’s not silly.” He assured her between kisses. “As much as I hate to see a single mark marring your beautiful body, I think in this instance the physical wounds are going to heal much quicker than the mental ones. It’s going to take both of us a little while to work through the fears we had to face with that explosion. At least we’ve got the time to do it. I’m also really glad Sadie is so little that she’s probably not going to remember any of it.”

They continued to sit there just enjoying the peace and being together. Finally the water started to cool and Sadie began to get disenchanted with playing in the water. With one more kiss to the side of Jules’s head, Sam left the tub and toweled off before fastening the towel around his waist. He picked up one of the hooded baby towels made to look like a duck and wrapped Sadie in it. With her swaddled in the towel, he looked at Jules who looked as relaxed as he’d seen her since the whole ordeal began. “Do you need a hand?”

She shook her head. “Thanks, but I haven’t quite achieved the level of mush that would keep me from getting out on my own. Close, but not quite.” She stood, stepped out of the tub and accepted the big fluffy towel Sam offered her. After she dried off, she also wrapped the towel around her body.

The family left the bathroom and went out into the bedroom. Sam placed Sadie in the middle of the bed as Jules picked a fresh diaper and the baby powder. After Sadie was once more in a diaper, Jules stretched out on the bed beside her still in her towel. She knew she should dress but just didn’t have the energy to do so. Sadie flipped over on her stomach and scooted toward her mother. The towel had slipped down a bit, exposing Jules’s breast. Seeing it, Sadie latched on contently. Jules smiled and ran a finger along the side of her daughter’s face. She’d weaned her from the breast a few months earlier so she knew Sadie wasn’t hunting for food. Still, there were times that Sadie still wanted her breast more for comfort than nourishment. 

It had worried her at first. Should she discourage Sadie when she tried to latch on or allow it? The truth was, at times, she enjoyed being able to reconnect with her daughter in that way as much as Sadie seemed to want the comfort. So, she’d talked to Sadie’s pediatrician about it who assured her that occasional comfort nursing wasn’t going to hurt anything. Her body would know the difference and wouldn’t start reproducing milk and it really wasn’t any different than giving Sadie a pacifier. So Jules quit worrying about it. She simply enjoyed the moments when they came knowing a time would come when Sadie would outgrow the urge. 

Sam had traded his towel for a pair of boxers before taking a position on the bed facing Jules. He reached out and released the clip on her head, allowing her still damp hair to fall across her shoulders. He was propped up on his side with his head on his bent arm. For a few moments he just watched the image before him. He smiled. “That will always be the most beautiful sight in the whole world. Do you ever wish you were still breastfeeding?”

Jules watched as Sadie’s eyes slowly began to close even as the sucking motion continued. She smiled sadly. “Sometimes. I know I made the right decision though. It’s not like I’d be able to nurse once I return to work. Pumping wouldn’t be very practical during a hot call. While I was trapped, I was really glad I had her on formula. The one good thing about being down there was that I had food and formula for Sadie even if I did have to have help getting it ready for her. If she’d still been on the breast, I would have felt more helpless than I actually was because I wouldn‘t have been able to give her what she needed. Besides, I don’t even want to think about nursing her in front of the Boss or complete strangers. This is something that’s for your eyes only.”

“I can’t believe she’s going back to sleep.” There was an awe in Sam’s voice as it was obvious that Sadie was once more sound asleep. 

“I can. She may have gotten more sleep than the rest of us during all this but it still played havoc with her normal sleep routine. She’s got to get caught up as well. She barely got a catnap earlier. I bet she sleeps a couple of hours this time. I think we should probably follow her lead and do the same.”

“Do you want one of your pain pills?”

“Not right now. I’d rather have you right here instead of running downstairs to get them. I promise I’ll take one if the pain gets bad but after the shower and soak, I’m good.”

Sam nodded trusting her word. He would have gotten the medicine if she had wanted it but the truth was, he hadn’t wanted to leave the room either. “I’ll put Sadie in her pack’n’play.” Seeing that she was about to protest, Sam continued. “I know you want her close; so do I. But she’ll sleep better and probably longer in the portable crib. We’re both so tired, I worry she might wake up first and if so she’d be safer in the confined space of the pack’n’play than on the bed with us. She’ll still be right here beside the bed.”

Jules nodded her agreement and let Sam gather Sadie in his arms. She kissed Sadie’s cheek before Sam moved her to the portable playpen/crib they kept set up in the bedroom. Once Sadie was settled, he returned to the bed and scooped Jules up much the same way; the towel fell away unnoticed. He moved with her on the bed so that she was lying on the side closest to the pack’n’play with her head on the pillow. He spooned in behind her with one arm under her neck and the other draped over her body. 

“This position okay?” He figured it was her least bruised side and he couldn’t see her wanting to sleep on her stomach any time soon after being forced to stay in that position for so long.

She nodded. “Perfect.”

In a matter of minutes, they were both asleep as well.


	18. Chapter 18

_“Sam, I’m sorry, Buddy, we didn’t get to them in time. Jules and Sadie, they’re gone. I’m so sorry. If only we’d been able to get to them quicker.”_

Sam’s eyes flew open and his breathing came in quick gasps. It wasn’t the first time during the night that dreams had plagued his dreams during the night but this had been the worst. He stared up at the ceiling, willing his heart to return to its normal rhythm. Then he turned on to his side to gather Jules in his arms. 

She wasn’t there.

He didn’t panic. He looked to the bathroom figuring she was there. Whether it was because of the bruised kidney or a result of having been trapped for so long, she’d been making frequent trips to the bathroom since they’d gotten home. 

The bathroom light was off and the door wide open.

He glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. 4:35 in the morning. The sun wouldn’t even think about peeking above the horizon for at least another hour. Why wasn’t Jules in bed with him? He glanced over at the pack’n’play at Sadie. Neither he nor Jules had wanted to put Sadie in her crib in the nursery when they’d put her to bed the night before. Both had wanted her close by even though they’d known she’d be perfectly safe in the nursery. 

The pack’n’play was empty as well.

The last vestiges of the nightmare refused to be shaken as he realized he was alone in the bedroom. Throwing off the covers, he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He reached for his sweatpants and slipped them on before standing. He told himself there was a reasonable explanation for Jules and Sadie’s whereabouts. They were okay. He told himself that it was just the dream that was making him a little nuts about not having them in the same room with him. 

He padded softly down the hall. He could see the soft light of the lamp spilling out from beneath the door of the nursery. Easing the door open, Sam leaned against the door jam, a smile slowly replacing his fears. 

Sadie was lying on the floor of the nursery on the little mat that went with her ocean adventure gym. Her little hands were reaching up, trying to catch the octopus dangle toy that was swinging slightly back and forth. Her legs were kicking almost as if in response to the music coming from the musical lighted aquarium hooked to the side. Jules was on the floor next to her, watching Sadie as she played. Neither mother nor daughter noticed Sam standing in the doorway. Jules reached out and angled the fish mirror so that it was facing Sadie. 

“Sadie, who’s that in the mirror? Is that Mommy’s little angel? Who‘s the most beautiful girl in the whole world?”

“Personally, I’d say it was a tie between Julianna Callaghan Braddock and Sadie Grace Braddock.” Sam answered.

Jules just looked over at him and he was pretty sure there was a faint blush creeping into her cheeks. “Hey, we didn’t wake you up, did we?”

Sam shook his head as he joined them on the floor. He blew raspberries on Sadie’s stomach before moving on to kiss Jules. “No, you didn’t wake me up. Woke up all on my own to a big empty bed and wondered where my wife and daughter had disappeared to. So, care to tell me why the two of you are up so early?”

“Sadie’s been restless all night, waking up fussing every couple of hours. Every other time she was pretty easy to soothe and get back to sleep but this last time she wasn’t having anything to do with sleeping. I decided it was probably better to just bring her in here and let her play so she wouldn’t wake you.”

He frowned. He’d had a pretty restless night as well as his dreams had forced him awake several times. After each dream, he’d checked on Jules and Sadie but both had seemed fine each time. How had he missed it? “I never heard her. I’m sorry, Sweetheart; I should have been the one getting up with her during the night. The doctor said you needed to get plenty of rest…”

Jules silenced him with a quick kiss. “Relax; I’m okay and she’s okay. When I say she was fussing, I mean just that. She never really outright cried; no reason for you to have heard her. I got her settled each time before she could wake you. I figured you probably weren’t sleeping all that great yourself and I wanted you to get the most of what sleep you could get.”

Sam’s frown just deepened. How much sleep had Jules gotten if she knew he’d been restless and she’d taken care of Sadie? How had he not known she was awake when he checked on her? “Jules…”

“I slept.” She was quick to assure him. “I never heard you wake up but I know you did. I know because I know you. You can handle anything a call throws at you in the moment but it all comes back at you when you finally sleep. You question everything you did, wonder if you should have done something more or something different. You don’t want to talk about it because you process it best by just working through it. Considering everything that happened, everything you were afraid happened, I’m betting you had a lot to process.”

She really did know him well. The corners of his mouth slowly turned upward instead of down. “Sounds like someone else I know and love.”

Jules just shrugged. “Maybe it’s one of the reason we get along so well.” It was the closest he knew she would come to admitting that her own dreams had bothered her during the night.

Sam nuzzled her close, leaning in so that he could whisper in her ear. “I thought we got along so well because the sex was so hot.”

“Sam, our daughter is right there.” Jules protested, blushing. She lightly slapped at his chest. 

Sam kissed her reddening cheek. “Relax, that’s why I whispered it in your ear. Besides, I think she’s still a little too young to understand what that word means any more than she understands euphemisms for it. So, I get why you didn’t want to wake me up; I do. But I am up now and since it looks like Sadie’s caught a second, third, who knows how many wind and is raring to go, how about tagging out. I’ll take Sadie duty and you can go get a little more sleep. The doctor said it was important for you to get at least ten hours sleep. Even though we went to bed not long after Sadie did last night, I’m pretty sure you didn’t get anywhere close to that much sleep if you were up and down with the baby.”

“Sam, I’m fine. Honestly. The pain in my lower back is no worse this morning than it was yesterday. I might not have slept a full ten hours but I don’t think lying here on the floor watching Sadie play constitutes as anything too strenuous. I’ll nap later when Sadie does. Right now, this just seems right. Lying here watching her play with you right here beside us.”

Sam rubbed his hand up and down her arm. He wanted to argue with her; wanted to remind her that she promised to follow doctor’s orders. He knew, however, the more he kept after her about it, the more likely she was to dig her heels in and be stubborn. Better to give in to her now and trust that eventually she would, either willingly or because her body forced her to, get the rest she needed. “Okay, we’ll play it your way. Doesn’t mean I’m going to stop worrying about you, though.”

She glanced up at him, her grin teasing. “Like you would stop doing that even if I went above and beyond what the doctor told me to do. I know you worry about me, and I know if you could, you really would wrap both Sadie and me in bubble wrap so nothing could hurt us. I love that you love us both enough to want to protect us from the smallest thing. I love you even more because you love us enough not to follow through with that instinct. Given what almost happened, I can forgive you if it’s a little harder for you to push aside that natural instinct completely.”

The music on the aquarium ran down and after giving Jules’s shoulder a kiss, Sam leaned over her to start the music playing again for another fifteen minute cycle of playing. Sadie abandoned her attempts to grab the octopus and instead found the slightly larger whale that could either be a dangle toy on the gym frame or as a plush prop pillow for tummy time. Currently it wasn’t attached to the frame and Sadie was able to grasp it easily. Immediately the flat fan tail went to her mouth as she gummed on it happily. 

Sam smiled at her antics and then glanced back down at Jules. Her eyes were closed and her breathing even. Despite her earlier protests, she’d fallen back to sleep. He kissed her cheek and settled back so her body was cradled protectively against him. Slowly, as the music played, Sadie too began to wind down. By the time the music cut off again, Sadie was sound asleep as well. 

Knowing both his girls were safe and content, Sam followed soon after.

\-- FP -- FP -- FP --

  
“What all do you want in your omelet?” Sam glanced back to where Jules was sitting at the table fastening a bib around Sadie’s neck. “I’ve got cheese, onion, green peppers, avocado, mushrooms, sausage, and bacon.”

“All of the above. Heavy on the mushrooms and bacon, lighter on the onions.”

Sam chuckled. “Why did I even ask? I should have known your answer.”

“Probably because I requested some really weird things while I was pregnant. I think you almost started to hate cooking omelets because you were scared of what I might ask you to add.”

“Hate never, but there were a couple of times I didn’t think I was going to be able to eat my own breakfast. Especially not that day you asked me to add…”

Jules cut him off before he could finish. “Yeah, I remember. I’m not pregnant now though so let’s not bring it up and ruin breakfast today for the both of us with the memory. There are some things just better off forgotten and never mentioned ever again.”

Sam laughed. He returned to cooking as Jules opened a small jar of fruit for Sadie. She knew Sam would fix a small plain omelet for their daughter but Jules still wanted her to have her fruit. They’d only given her egg a couple of times, after checking with the pediatrician to make sure it was okay, and so far Sadie had shown herself to be as much of a fan of the breakfast concoction as her parents. 

After falling asleep on the nursery floor, the three Braddocks managed to sleep for almost two more hours before waking up hungry. As he watched Jules get dressed, it physically hurt Sam to see the deepening bruises that literally seemed to cover the back of her legs and lower back. Almost as if she knew how much it bothered him, or perhaps because she knew it was only a matter of time before the house was crawling with Team One members stopping by to check on her, Jules chose the softest pair of sweatpants she owned even though the day was warm enough for shorts. 

Other than that reminder of how different the day actually was, this could have been just any ordinary day since Sadie had been born and Sam had the day off. It was those days when they had the luxury of time on their side that Sam would cook breakfast for them to give Jules a break. The easy banter they were currently enjoying wasn’t any different from any other leisurely day off. By the time Jules had finished off the jar of fruit, he was placing their plates in front of them. He’d cooked Sadie’s baby-sized plain omelet first so that it had had time to cool sufficiently while he prepared two more omelets for him and Jules. He placed the plates on the table and went back to the counter to pour coffee for them both. Jules meanwhile cut up Sadie’s omelet and put a couple of bite size pieces on her high chair tray, knowing Sadie liked being able to use her fingers to feed herself when she could.

Conversation over breakfast stayed light. It was as if they thought as long as they kept things natural and ordinary, they didn’t have to think about what had happened. For those moments, Sam’s dreams that he’d lost both Jules and Sadie were just his mind’s lingering fears of what could have been. As long as this seemed like any other breakfast, Jules could forget how smothered she’d felt at times during the night, like she was still buried under the debris only more completely. 

Once the last bite had been taken, Jules stood up, intending to gather the dishes and carry them to the sink. Sam gave her a stern look and motioned her to sit back down. He took their plates to the sink and while he was up, put together a bottle for Sadie. He returned to the table and handed it to Jules.

“Come on, let’s go out to the living room. The couch is much more comfortable than these chairs.” 

Jules couldn’t argue with him and quickly unfastened the straps on the high chair and picked Sadie up. Sadie happily latched on to the bottle as Jules carried her into the living room. True to his word, Sam was pampering her but when it came to caring for Sadie, he was allowing her to do as much for their daughter as she could. He wasn’t going to let her overdo anything but he seemed to recognize that she needed to be involved in Sadie’s care. 

Sam followed her into the living room, after refreshing their coffee mugs. Jules had already settled on the couch as Sadie took her bottle. He set Jules’s mug on the coffee table and sat down next to her, putting one arm around the back of her neck. She leaned her head against the back of the couch trapping his arm beneath her.

“Sam?”

He reached over and gave Sadie’s socked foot an affectionate squeeze. She removed the bottle from her mouth and grinned at him before latching on again. Then he leaned over and kissed Jules as well. Then he settled back again. “Yeah?”

“I want to have a team get-together.”

Sam moved his arm so that his hand rubbed the back of her neck, the movement a cross between a caress and a gently massage. “Sure, the team picnic is next week.”

She shook her head. “I don’t mean the picnic; a week is too far away. I want to have the team over tonight. Don’t ask me to explain it ‘cause I don’t know that I can. I just really feel like I need to have my family close. I’ve got you and Sadie but I need the rest of the family around as well. I know my dad and brothers are too far away but the team is as much our family as if they were actually blood.”

She expected him to argue, expected him to suggest that she wasn’t up for entertaining yet, that she needed to rest and take it easy instead of worrying about throwing a party. She expected if nothing else, he would suggest they arrange to meet the team somewhere else. What she didn’t expect was for him to reach behind them to the tall accent table behind the couch and pick up the cordless phone. 

He dialed in a number from memory, his eyes never leaving her face or his other hand her neck as he waited for the person on the other end to answer. “Ed? It’s Sam. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

Jules couldn’t hear Ed’s answer but she could just imagine what he was saying. He was as much an early bird as the they were; he’d probably been up for hours already. She was pretty sure after assuring Sam that he hadn’t woken him up, he would ask if everything-- meaning she-- was okay. Sam’s answer pretty much confirmed her prediction.

“No, everything’s fine. You know Jules, not even a collapsed building is going to keep her down. I do need a favor, though. We want to have everyone over to the house tonight. Can you spread the word for us? Around five?”

Again she couldn’t hear Ed’s response but she knew him well enough to guess that instead of questioning the request, he would go into tactician mode, planning out what was needed. Plan the work and then work the plan. Sam was nodding at different intervals even though Ed couldn’t see his head motions. “Yeah, that sounds great. Thanks. I’ll take care of the meat. I’ve been wanting to really test out the grill that my exceptionally brilliant daughter picked out for me for Father’s day last month. For a baby she’s got mad grill selecting skills. She must get that from her beautiful mother.”

Jules rolled her eyes at his effusive praise and could almost imagine Ed sticking his finger down his throat like he was gagging even though she‘d heard him bragging about Izzy pretty much the same way at times. With anyone else, the lavish compliments Sam plied her with either on a one on one basis or in front of their friends would have grated on her nerves and sounded fake but she knew Sam meant every word. Because of that, even though she might give him a hard time about it, his loving words never failed to send a warm flush over her. 

After just a little more conversation, Sam said his goodbyes and ended the call. Placing the phone back on its base he grinned at Jules. “Okay, Ed’s got it covered.”

Jules leaned toward him and kissed him. “Thank you.”

Sam shook his head. “I haven’t done much. Just a phone call so far.” He took Sadie from her since the baby had finished her bottle and moved her to her pallet so she could play. Then he returned to the couch and gathered Jules gently in his arms. She rested her head on his chest. 

“You didn’t give me a hard time about wanting everyone over. I know you’re worried about me overdoing things and not taking it easy enough but you haven’t completely smothered me with attention. You’re pretty perfect, you know.”

Sam grinned and kissed the top of her head. “Now who’s being the sappy sapster? Trust me, if I thought you’d let me get away with it, I’d carry you upstairs to the bedroom, deposit you in our bed and not let you move a muscle until you are scheduled to go back to the doctor next week. This morning when you were getting dressed and I could see those bruises that look so much worse today than they did just last night, it took everything in me not to want to lock you away in some tower somewhere where nothing could ever hurt you again. The only thing that stopped me is knowing that doing something like that would hurt you just as worse in a different way.”

Jules burrowed more comfortably into Sam’s embrace, nestled perfectly at his side. With her cheek resting on his chest and the reassuring sound of his heart beating beneath her ear, there was a small part of her-- a part she would deny having if ever questioned -- that thought being locked away in a tower with just Sam and Sadie didn’t sound completely horrible. She was pretty sure as appealing as the idea sounded like it could be on the surface, the novelty of it would wear off pretty quick for her. Probably much quicker than it would Sam. “I appreciate your restraint. So, if we’re going to do the meat…”

“Not we, me.” Sam interrupted. “I think having everyone over is a great idea. I think it’ll be good for them as well as for you. However, it doesn’t change the fact that the doctor told you to get plenty of rest. And at the risk of being too overprotective, I’m going to make sure you do just what he ordered. Handling everything for a party isn’t a part of that.”

Sadie, lying on her back on the pallet, let out an excited squeal as she finally got a grasp on one of her brightly colored blocks. Her legs kicked out in excitement as if it was the greatest achievement in the world. Her glee of success got the better of her and she squeezed too tightly causing the block to shoot out of her hands. It fell harmless out of her reach. At first her face twisted up into a pout but before she could actually cry, she rolled over on her stomach and started crawling toward the escaped block. 

Both Jules and Sam chuckled at the antics of their daughter. In the months since Sadie had been born they’d debated over which parent she favored more. It was moments like this that Sam was one hundred percent sure that Sadie was Jules made over. Almost as if she were proving his point that mother and daughter were just alike, Jules raised off his chest just slightly so she could look him square in the eye.

“Sam, I get that I’m going to be limited in how much I can do for things tonight. But seriously, planning a party menu is too much for me? Care to explain that one to me?”

He looked at her for a few minutes and then grinned sheepishly as he shook his head. “Sorry, here you were extolling my perfectness just moments ago and then I go all caveman on you. You’re right, nothing wrong with you planning things. What did you have in mind?”

“I know burgers and hot dogs would probably be the easiest but that’s always the menu for the picnic. What about grilled chicken breasts? I bet I could even manage to sit at the table and mix together that marinade you like so much without overtaxing myself.”

Sam nodded, slightly bemused at how quickly she was thinking up this plan. It made him wonder how long she’d been thinking about this. He hoped it meant that some of the time she’d spent not sleeping during the night had been spent on happier thoughts like team parties. “Okay, so far I’m not hearing much for me to do.”

“Oh, there’ll still be plenty for you to do. If I remember correctly, I’m on strict Sam arrest so I somehow doubt you’re going to give me a two hour pass to go grocery shopping.” 

“You got that right.” Sam agreed immediately. 

“So that means you’ll be making a grocery store run in the near future. I’m also sure Ed promised to bring over the tables and chairs Sophie has for outside catering jobs and that you aren’t going to let me have any part of getting those set up either. So it looks like you’ll be plenty busy.” Then she chewed on her bottom lip. “You don’t mind do you? Maybe I should have thought about that a little more before I mentioned wanting to have everyone over. It’s not like…”

Once again, Sam was quick to interrupt her. “Jules, I already told you, I think it’s a great idea. I don’t mind having to do the hard stuff of getting ready, things like setting up tables and chairs or doing the cooking. Quit worrying about it.”

Jules noticed he didn’t add the shopping to the list of things he didn’t mind doing. She didn’t question him about it but it made her wonder. While doing the grocery shopping wasn’t his favorite activity, Sam usually didn’t mind it. But going to the grocery store meant he’d have to actually go somewhere without her. Something he’d seemed loathe to do since they’d been reunited. Again, she chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. 

“You know, maybe Sadie and I could go with you when you do the shopping. Give us a chance to get out of the house.”

Sam shook his head. “No, you shouldn’t be walking around that much and I know you‘d never agree to riding around in one of those electric carts. I’ll wait until Sadie goes down for her nap and then go. I think you promised me earlier that you would nap while she did. I can probably go, get everything we need, and get back before either of you wake up.”

Jules knew she wouldn’t get him to change her mind. As they continued to relax on the couch as Sadie played on her pallet, Jules couldn’t help but wonder if she was more worried about Sam’s reluctance to be away from them or her own uneasiness about him going.

\-- FP -- FP -- FP --

  
“She looks like she’s doing okay.”

Greg’s comment sounded casual as he leaned against the support beam of the patio awning. Sam glanced up from his grilling duties, his eyes instantly seeking out Jules. He smiled. His wife was stretched out in one of the lounge chairs animatedly talking to Wordy and Spike, undoubtedly recalling some embarrassing antics of years past at work. Her hands were in constant motion, as much telling the story as her words were. There was no sign of any of the stress, pain, and fear he’d seen building in her since she’d been rescued. 

“Yeah, looking at her now, you’d never suspect that she was pulled out of a collapsed building yesterday. Having you all over has been good for her.”

Greg nodded and took a long swallow from the can of soda in his hand. “So she looks like she’d doing great but how about really? I know she’s good at hiding her real feelings.”

Sam thought back to his return from the grocery store earlier that morning. The way Jules had been standing at the picture window, anxiously looking out as if she’d been watching for him. The way he’d had no choice but to drop the bags he was carrying as soon as he stepped inside because she’d practically launched herself into his arms the moment he’d crossed the threshold. The way he’d felt her body shaking for several minutes before she released him so that he could put the meat he’d bought into the refrigerator. Yeah, she looked like she’d fully recovered but he knew her fears were still fresh in her mind. He knew but he wasn’t ready to admit it to anyone else, not even someone who cared about Jules almost as much as he did. 

“She’s surprisingly following most of the doctor’s orders without any complaints. I haven’t even had to fight her on taking her pain pills. How about you? You and Marina both were looking pretty exhausted yesterday when you left the hospital.”

Greg nodded. “Yeah, it’s been hard on Marina. Between the pregnancy and the stress, I’m worried about her blood pressure but I think the worst is behind us now. This tonight is good for her as well. I’d offer to help you with the cooking but I’ve already seen you shoo Ed and Wordy away.”

Sam laughed and took a quick swig of the beer he‘d been nursing as he cooked. “That’s because they don’t help; they take over. It’s almost finished anyway. Just about another minute and we’ll be ready to eat.”

Greg nodded. He continued to stand there as Sam made a final turn of the chicken breasts. It was as if he was waiting for Sam to say something more. Sam wasn’t biting though. He knew, retired or not, that Sarge was good at profiling and he could almost feel his friend and mentor’s gaze boring into him like he was trying to get a read on him.

Sam tried not to shift uncomfortably even though he wanted to. Didn’t want to take a chance that somehow Greg would somehow see through him and know how Jules had reacted earlier. Or worse, how he had. Instead he used the long metal tongs to remove the cooked chicken from the grill to a large serving plate. 

Even though it was the last thing he wanted to do while under the Greg’s scrutiny, he couldn’t help but think back to the shopping trip. As he’d told Jules he would, he waited until Sadie was sleeping on her pallet for her morning nap and Jules was settled on the couch to do the same before leaving. As soon as he pulled out of the driveway, he was fighting the urge to pull right back in and forget the shopping trip completely, even if it meant ordering a dozen or more pizzas for the party instead of using the grill. By the time he’d gotten to the store, he’d resigned himself to the trip but was fighting an internal war about calling and checking on Jules and Sadie. He couldn’t shake the fear that something might happen to them while he wasn’t there, but at the same time, he knew calling would just wake them both up when they needed their sleep. The panic kept building inside him though as he’d selected his purchases as quickly as possible. It had taken every ounce of patience in him not to snap at the elderly woman in the checkout line in front of him who seemed to be paying for her purchases in cash -- cash that seemed to be all in small bills and taking a painstakingly long time to count out. By the time he’d entered the house, he’d needed the hug Jules gave him as much as she’d needed to give it.

Now he carried the platter of meat to the table that had been set up for the food. It wasn’t long before everyone was lining up to fill their plates. Jules reclaimed Sadie from Winnie who had confiscated the baby the moment she’d arrived. Seeing that his wife was getting the baby strapped into the high chair they’d moved outside, Sam used the opportunity to prepare a plate of all Jules’s favorites for her. Ordinarily she’d fuss that he was being overprotective in not wanting her to be on her feet long enough to stand in the line but by doing it while she was busy with the baby, she’d appreciate the gesture instead. 

Sure enough, she flashed him a grateful smile when he placed the plate in front of her. She opened a jar of baby food and alternated between feeding Sadie and taking bites of food for herself. The tables they’d borrowed from Sophie had been placed together so that everyone was sitting around one long table. As everyone ate, the only thing more plentiful than food was the laughter filling the backyard. 

It didn’t take long for Sadie to finish her jar of food. Marina asked if she could give the baby her bottle, claiming she needed the practice. Jules immediately agreed and, after giving a few directions, leaned back in her seat as she finished her own dinner. Sam’s arm was casually draped around her shoulders and as the meal and the laughter continued, he could feel all the tension leaving her body. He in turn relaxed as well. 

Pretty soon, the dinner was over and everyone was enjoying desert. As she dipped her spoon in her bowl of homemade ice cream, Jules kept her other hand on Sam’s upper thigh. She leaned her head against Sam’s arm; she was tired but it was a good kind of tired. She looked over to where Ed was sitting on the other side of the table.

“Ed, I know this is probably not the best time to ask, but I really need to know. Were those people really killed because someone wanted to keep everyone too busy to notice a bunch of armored car robberies?”

Sam’s arm tightened around her shoulders. He leaned down and kissed her head. “Jules, does it really matter?”

She nodded. “Yeah, yeah it does. I’m sure it matters to the families who lost someone. It matters to me. I know knowing why won’t change anything but I’ve got to understand why it happened. Ed?”

The older man nodded. “Yeah, Jules, from everything we’ve been able to gather Walter Logan used what was happening at the coffee shop as a distraction to get away with robbing the armored cars.”

Greg shook his head. “It just doesn’t make sense to me. I know greed can be a powerful motivator but Doug just didn’t strike me as the type.”

Sam frowned and gave a derisive snort. “We are talking about a guy who went into the Timmy’s with a gun and a bomb, right?”

Jules stiffened in his arms. “I really think Doug got in over his head. I believe him when he said he didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.”

“I agree with you, Jules.” Ed interjected. “I talk to him at length both yesterday and today, his story never wavered. Bartley was a pawn; he didn’t know anything about the snipers or the robberies. Logan used him, used his grief and his anger, to set everything up. Logan was looking for a way to tie up the city’s entire police force. His brother told him about this guy-- Doug -- that he worked with who was eaten up with grief over the loss of his wife and kids and upset that the police weren’t doing anything to the man responsible for their deaths. Logan approached him acting like a sympathetic friend, acted like he was all concerned and wanted to help. Bartley confided in Logan that some nights he just wanted to kill Saddler, wait until he came out of the coffee shop and just run him down with his car and leave him to die like Saddler had left his family. Logan convinced him that it would be too easy to kill Saddler; that it would be more fitting to take away what was important to him like Saddler had him. Logan came up with the plan to go in with the gun and the bomb. He figured it would keep everyone busy while he carried out his real plan. He convinced the others to set up as snipers in case Bartley got cold feet.”

Jules shuddered, and Sam’s arm immediately tightened around her. She chewed on her bottom lip and then looked at Ed. “So what’s going to happen to him?”

“Hopefully they are going to lock him up and throw away the key for the next twenty to thirty years.” Sam suggested, his tone bitter. 

Jules stood abruptly. “I should get Sadie ready for bed. She didn’t sleep well last night so I’m sure she’s probably sleepy.”

Marina relinquished the seven-month-old back to her mother. Jules cuddled her close to her chest and excused herself from the group. Once the door leading into the kitchen closed soundly, several pairs of eyes turned to Sam looking for an explanation. Greg sighed, looking at the ground instead of anyone else. 

“It was hard. Before the explosion, it was real easy to pick out the good guys from the bad guys. Doug was the one with the gun and the bomb. He was the threat. Once we were trapped in the safe room, things weren’t so clear. Suddenly Doug seemed less like a threat and more like a victim. It was easy to see his pain, maybe even feel it some. I know when it came down to it, I had way more compassion for Doug than I did Aaron Saddler. I think it’s probably the same for Jules, maybe even more so because Doug was so good with Sadie.”

Sam looked up to the window of the nursery. The light was on and he knew she was there. “I didn’t mean to upset her. I should go check on her.”

“Go, take care of her, make sure she gets some rest.” Spike urged him. “We’ll clean up down here and then we’ll get out of here.”

The others quickly echoed Spike’s statement. Sam shook his head. “No, don’t go. If Jules thinks you all left because of her she’ll just be more upset. I’ll go up, check on her, and then we’ll be back down once we get Sadie to sleep.”

He entered the house and lightly ran up the stairs to the nursery. He stood in the doorway much like he had early that morning and drank in the sight. Jules was sitting in the glider rocker. She’d made quick work changing Sadie into her sleeper and was now rocking her. He didn’t recognize the lullaby she was singing but he loved to listen to her as much as Sadie apparently did. 

He just stood in the doorway watching until her song ended and Sadie was asleep in her arms. Jules didn’t seem to be in a hurry to put Sadie down. Stepping into the nursery, Sam knelt down beside the glider. He brushed a light kiss to Sadie’s cheek and then looked up at Jules, brushing her hair away from her face with his fingers with the same delicacy. He sighed.

“I’m sorry if I seemed insensitive down there. It’s just hard for me to have any compassion for the man who almost cost me the woman I love and the baby we created together. For hours, more hours than I can count, I didn’t know whether the two of you were alive or dead and I can’t tell you how that made me feel. Regardless of the circumstances I just can’t easily forgive the man that was responsible for that.”

Jules looked at him; her eyes were red but no tears fell. She sniffled. “Yeah, I get that. What I don’t think you get is that Doug Brantley _did_ lose his wife and two kids. What you feared happened to me and Sadie for a few hours, he’s lived with for nine months. I’m not saying he was right to do what he did because he wasn’t. I’m pretty sure he realizes that and regrets what he did. If you can’t find compassion for him because of what could have happened to the two of us, is it any wonder he had a worse hatred for Aaron Saddler?”

Connect. Respect. Protect. He did it all the time on hot calls. Found a way to connect with subjects that he had nothing in common with. Respected that they had feelings that needed validating just as much as the next person. And ultimately, as much as was humanly possible, protected both the subject and any intended victims. It was his job and he was good at it. He just wasn’t sure he could do any of that in this case, even if he knew it was what was right or what Jules wanted of him. His emotions were still too raw. Jules looked him square in the eyes, pleading with him to understand. He sighed. If he, with all his training, had trouble forgiving, was it really so hard to imagine Doug having an even harder time after not only losing his family but having the person responsible get away with it?

“Okay, I get what you are saying. It’s not easy for me; goes against every instinct I have in me. I’ll try to be more understanding though. I’ll try to remember that while the two of you were trapped, he did some good things to help you and protect Sadie. It doesn’t mean I think he should get off Scott free though.”

“I know.” Jules practically whispered. “I don’t think he should either. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t expect to. It just really bothers me that Logan used this man’s grief, used him, to try to make a fast buck. It bothers me even more that because of Logan’s greed, I look like an eggplant from the waist down and our daughter could have died. It makes me sick.”

Sam took her in his arms, careful not to wake Sadie. He kissed her and then cupped her face in his hands. “I know, Sweetheart, really I do. But it’s over and the two of you are safe now. Logan isn’t going to get away with anything. And whether he’s in jail or whatever, Doug Brantley can get the counseling he needs. That way, once he’s out, he can have a chance to reclaim his life. Right?”

Jules sniffled. “Yeah.”

Sam smiled and sat back on his feet. “So, our friends are waiting downstairs. They were going to clean up and leave. I had a feeling you wouldn’t want that so I told them to stay and that we’d be down shortly. You ready to put her to bed and rejoin them?”

Jules nodded. “Yeah, sounds good. I’m glad you had them stay. It was a great evening and I would have hated for it to end on a sour note. Thanks. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was jumping your case.”

Sam smiled at her. “I think my case needed a little jumping. I was being insensitive. So you want me to move the baby monitor base into our room while you put her in the pack’n’play? That way we can take the receiver outside with us and hear her if she wakes up?”

Jules shook her head. “No, tonight she needs to sleep in her crib. I know you want her close; so do I. As much as I’d like to have her sleep in the room with us tonight, tomorrow night, maybe even a week of nights, it’s not what’s best for her. She didn’t sleep well last night because for the second night in a row, she wasn’t in her bed. So even if we’d prefer to keep her close, we got to let her sleep in here tonight and trust that she’s going to be fine just like she’s been every night since the first night she slept in here.”

Sam looked from the crib to the door, mentally calculating how hard it would be to get a couple of the guys up to the nursery to dismantle the crib and move it to the master bedroom. Slowly he nodded. “Yeah, okay, I guess you’re right. Will you sleep okay tonight though if she‘s in here? You need a good night’s sleep as well and you won’t get that if you are up every hour coming in here to check on her.”

Jules stood and carefully transferred Sadie to her crib. Covering her with a light blanket she gently caressed her cheek before turning on the mobile above the bed. She watched her daughter sleep for a moment before turning to Sam. “Yeah, I’ll sleep. I mean, we’ll have the monitor on if she needs us and I’ll have your arms around me. Maybe I’ll even sleep better knowing she’s sleeping well.”

Sam wasn’t sure she was as convinced of that as she sounded but he didn’t argue. He hugged her before leading her toward the door. While Jules made sure the nightlight was on so they wouldn’t have to turn on any brighter light during the night, Sam retrieved the baby monitor receiver from the master bedroom. Sam kept his arm around her shoulders as they made their way down the stairs and back outside. 

Jules settled back in the lounge chair she’d been reclining in before supper while Sam grabbed a beer and a wine cooler from the ice chest. Because of the pain killers she was taking, she’d so far avoided drinking anything alcoholic but Sam knew one small wine cooler wouldn’t hurt and might help her sleep better once they went to bed. He handed her the icy cold bottle and then sat down in the lounger with her. Nothing was said about the earlier conversation or about her red-rimmed eyes. Once more the banter was light. 

The sun started to set but the backyard was well lit. Now that Jules and Sam had returned and things didn’t seem as tense, no one seemed to be in a hurry to leave, although in their absence, the women had put away all the food and had mostly cleaned up everything. There would be nothing left that couldn’t wait until the next day when they did decide to leave.

Even after Izzy sleepily climbed into Ed’s lap, the stories and conversations continued. By now, Jules had finished her wine cooler and had set the empty bottle on the ground beside the lounger. She was lying on her left side using Sam mostly as a comfortable pillow. She was starting to get drowsy but was determined to fight it as long as she could. She wasn’t ready for the night to end.

For the moment, as it had most of the evening, the night felt natural. Everything was once more the way it should be. She could forget that Wordy’s diagnosis had forced a transfer, forget that Sarge had been forced to retire, forget that Sam now had his own team though she was glad he was permanently a part of her team along with Sadie. She could even just about imagine that Lew was still there sitting beside Spike, the two conspiring together some sort of plan to prank everyone. She smiled, feeling safe and surrounded by love. 

“Sam, it’s been a great evening but I think we’ve all overstayed our welcome.” Sophie announced quietly.

Sam shook his head. “No, no one has to go just yet. What’s the hurry?”

Spike snickered. “Sam, Sadie and Izzy aren’t the only ones sleeping soundly. I’m pretty sure I could draw a mustache on Jules’s upper lip right now with a Sharpie without her even knowing it. No way I’d do it because she’d kill me when she did wake up but I could do it. She’s completely zonked out.”

Sam glanced down. He’d noticed she’d gotten quiet but thought she’d just been listening to the different stories floating around. Sure enough, her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful and content, a small smile on her lips. He smiled as well and kissed the top of her head. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. She didn’t sleep any better last night than Sadie did. Thanks for coming, all of you. Tonight meant a lot to Jules and to me.”

“I think it did us all some good.” Ed assured him. “I know you’ve got shift tomorrow. Don’t worry about the tables and chairs, I’ll come by and pick them up at some point. Clark will help me, right, Son?” Clark nodded, even though he was pretty sure he didn’t really have a choice in the matter. 

“I’m taking tomorrow off,” Sam explained. “I’ll be here to help.”

Greg frowned. He’d heard the slight catch in Sam’s voice when he’d said he was taking the day off. Something was off. “Everything okay?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, Jules is just supposed to take it easy and we all know how stubborn she is. I just don’t want to give her any excuse to overdo things and I’d feel bad leaving everything on her. What’s one day off going to hurt? The team was already scheduled to be off shift yesterday and today so it’s not like I’ve been leaving the team in a lurch for days.”

“I could come by and check on her if you need to get back to work.” Shelley volunteered. 

Sam shook his head. “Thanks but I’ve already called Holleran. It’s all set.”

He didn’t want to admit that his reasoning for taking off had less to do with worrying about Jules doing too much and much more to do with worrying about what would happen if he left for the whole day. He’d barely been able to go to the grocery store and back without panicking about leaving Jules and Sadie alone, and Jules’s reaction when he’d come home had said she was pretty much the same way. He’d hadn’t even been gone an hour for that trip. How much worse would it be if he were to be gone for eight to ten hours? How effective could he be on a hot call if his mind and heart were still at home with his family? Better to take the day and not have to find out.

Everyone said their goodbyes and pretty soon he was alone in the backyard with Jules. Making sure the baby monitor was clipped to his shorts, he gathered Jules in his arms and carried her into the house and up the stairs. Laying her on the bed, he was surprised to see that she hadn’t stirred during the move. She must have been more tired than he’d realized. With an ease that came more from practice changing his sleeping daughter, Sam gently and quickly shed her clothes and dressed her in an oversized t-shirt that would be more comfortable for sleeping. He wasn’t worried about showers; they’d all had one just before getting ready for the party. After settling her under the covers and putting the baby monitor on the nightstand, Sam almost reluctantly left the bedroom. 

He went back downstairs and made sure the doors were locked, the lights were out, and that everything was secure there. Once back upstairs, he peeked in on Sadie. He lovingly replaced the blanket she’d kicked off in her sleep and stood over her crib for just a moment watching her. He still wanted to gather her up in his arms and carry her back down to the bedroom to sleep in the portable crib. He resisted the urge because he knew Jules was right. Sadie’s needs came before his wants. Satisfied that she was sleeping peacefully, he left the nursery and returned to the bedroom.

He undressed and slipped into bed next to Jules. Almost immediately she snuggled into his arms and he held her tightly. He kissed her and she responded even though it was clear that she was still mostly asleep. She sighed contently. 

“Love you, Sam.”

He could never tire of hearing those words. Not if they lived to be a hundred years old and he heard them several times a day, every day, until then. He kissed her again. “I love you too. Sleep well. I’ve got you.”


	19. Chapter 19

“Sam, who was on the phone this early in the morning?” Jules asked as she stepped out of the bathroom. She didn’t think she’d heard the phone ring but she knew Sam would have grabbed it up pretty quickly even if the sound wouldn’t carry to the nursery and wake the baby.

Sam looked up guiltily. He continued to look at the phone in his hand as he sat at the end of the bed. “No one. I was thinking about calling and taking another day.”

Jules raised an eyebrow as she crossed over to him and took the phone from his hand. She tossed it toward the pillows at the other end of the bed and sat down in Sam’s lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and shook her head. “Why?”

If he called in today, it would be the third day in a row that he’d not gone into work as scheduled. She hadn’t said anything either of the other two days; if anything, she’d been secretly glad that he had. She knew though, that it was time for him to go back to work, whether he or she wanted him to or not. She waited to see what answer he’d give her. 

He squirmed a little under her penetrating gaze. “Well, you might need me...”

“I won’t.” She cut him off before he could finish, her tone soft and reassuring.

“Jules, you’re hurt…”

“Compared to how I felt a couple of days ago, not really.” She interrupted him again. “Even that little dipstick test the doctor sent home so I could check for blood in my urine agrees. I’m on the mend and while I might not be up to any of Ed’s training drills just yet, there’s no reason I can’t take care of myself and Sadie while you are at work.”

Sam frowned. “Sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me.”

Jules cupped his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly before making him look at her. “Sam, I’m not trying to get rid of you. You know that. It’s not that I want you to go to work but we both know it’s what’s right. Your team needs you and I’m betting if you were honest with yourself, you need them too. Besides, you don’t want to use all your days up now or we won’t be able to take that vacation we’re planning to take before my maternity leave ends. Wouldn’t you rather use the time for something fun than just sitting around the house?”

Sam sighed, “Yeah, of course I do. I just worry that you’re going to overdo it because you are feeling better.”

Jules rested her head on his shoulder. “Is that really what’s going on here? I was hurt a hell of a lot worse both when I was shot and when that bio lab exploded and you didn’t take days off then. Sam, since I was released by the ER doctor, the only time you’ve been away from the house is that trip to the grocery store to pick up stuff for the party the other night. You’ve barely even let me or Sadie out of your sight any more than you’ve had to. Even when you do, you come checking on us like every ten minutes or so.”

Sam rubbed her upper back. “I didn’t realize I’d been that bad.”

“You haven’t heard me complain have you?” Jules reminded him. “Still, I know it’s not so much about making sure I don’t overdo things but about reassuring yourself that we’re okay.” She reached down to take his hand in hers. She placed his hand palm side down on her chest where he could feel her heart beating. “We are okay. I know you thought you’d lost us the other day and I can’t even begin to understand what that was like for you. The thing is you didn’t lose us; we’re right here and we’re okay. When you come home from work this evening, we’ll still be right here and we’ll still be okay.”

Leaving the hand that was over her heart in place, Sam brought his other hand up to her face, cupping her cheek and letting strands of her hair filter through his fingers. His eyes never left her face. “You make it sound so easy.”

She turned her head ever so slightly so that she could kiss the palm of his hand. “I’m glad it sounds easy. I know it’s going to be tough and I know you are going to worry and probably call me like a thousand times today to check on us. The thing is, the longer you keep putting off going back to work, the harder it’s going to be. I promise you, nothing is going to happen to either Sadie or me today while you are at work. If I’m wrong, then tonight, we’ll sit down and figure out how to add a tall turret to the house so you can lock both of us away for the foreseeable future.”

Sam couldn’t help but chuckle over the image that brought to mind. “Don’t think I won’t hold you to that.”

Jules grinned. “Noted. So, you’re going to work?”

It went against every instinct in him. The last time he went to work, he’d almost lost both Jules and Sadie and he’d felt pretty helpless to do anything to prevent it. Knowing there had been many more days that he’d gone to work without anything bad happening didn’t change that. However, he knew Jules was right. Furthermore, he knew Jules would give him a hard time if he didn’t. Reluctantly, he nodded. “Yeah, I’m going to work.”

Sounds of Sadie stirring and making noises came through the baby monitor. Jules kissed Sam again. “Why don’t you go get your daughter changed and dressed. Spend some cuddle time with her before you come downstairs. I’ll go get the coffee ready and pop a couple of Eggos in the toaster for you.”

He continued to hold her for just a moment more, enjoying the feel of her body next to his. Then he nodded and stood, pulling her up with him. “Yeah, that sounds good. We still have some of the blueberry drizzle ones?”

Jules nodded. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can handle that.” She kissed him again. “Just so you know, I love you and I love that you want to do everything possible to take care of both Sadie and me. Just also know that you do that by going to work as well. If you are out there keeping the peace then that makes us safer just as much as having you right here with us.”

Sam nodded. “I know. Doesn’t mean I’m still not going to call and check on the two of you while I’m gone. And just so _you_ know, I love you and Sadie more than anything and there’s nothing I take more seriously than taking care of the two of you.”

Jules’s body tingled with the warm flush that seemed to come over her every time Sam told her he loved her. She kissed him again. Part of her wanted to forget that he had to work, forget that Sadie was going to switch from happy babble to a full on cry if one of them didn’t show up soon. Part of her wanted to lead Sam back to the bed so they could show each other exactly how much they loved each other. After several kisses that were on the verge of getting heated, she stepped back. She nodded her head toward the door. “Okay, go snuggle your daughter and I’ll see you downstairs.”

Jules waited until he was out of the bedroom before sinking down to the bed once again. Her hands were shaking and she was glad Sam hadn’t noticed. She’d meant what she’d told Sam about him needing to go back to work but what she’d really wanted to do was encourage him to stay home. She couldn’t really even say why. She was too independent to think she needed to have someone protecting her. She’d been taking care of herself for too long for even marriage to change that. She didn’t need Sam hovering over her but she couldn’t deny that she wanted him to. Her efforts to convince him to return to work had been as much for herself as for him. 

She understood his fears about leaving them. He was worried that something would happen to them if he weren’t there to keep an eye on them. She’d had the same fear the other day when he’d gone to the grocery store. Not that something would happen to her and Sadie but that something would happen to him. She’d thought she was fine with him running the quick errand. Sadie was taking her nap on the pallet in the living room and she’d been stretched out on the couch to do the same. No sooner had she drifted off then that little voice in the back of her mind had warned that anything could happen to Sam while he was gone. 

She’d tried to dismiss the voice as being ridiculous. After all, he was just going to the grocery store, what could happen? Once started though, the voice wouldn’t be ignored. It reminded her that she just been meeting Greg for coffee and that that little trip had almost cost her not only her life but that of her daughter as well. After that, sleeping was out of the question. That one suggestion fed her fears quicker than a wildfire consumed a field of dry grass. 

She’d thought about calling Sam just to check on him but had decided that would just worry him more and make her look pathetic. Not that standing at the window anxiously watching for him to return and then practically launching herself at him as soon as he walked in the door looked much better. Afterward, once Sam’s calming presence had soothed the worst of her fears, she’d told herself that her reaction had just been a temporary byproduct of the buildup of emotions caused by the explosion itself and her lack of sleep. She hadn’t had to test that belief since then because Sam hadn’t strayed very far from her side. 

She shook her head as she drew herself back to the present. Snuggling his daughter or not, Sam would be downstairs soon with Sadie in tow. He might want to linger over dressing her but since the decision had been made that he would go to work, he wouldn’t risk running late and setting a bad example for the rest of his team. She needed to get her butt in gear and get downstairs. 

She went straight to the kitchen where she started the coffee. Once it was brewing, she opened the freezer and pulled out the box of Eggo waffles. If they had the time, they made a real breakfast; either omelets or pancakes or maybe even homemade waffles. When they were in a time crunch because one or both of them had to be at work, they went with something quick. 

The Eggos were just popping up in the toaster when Sam entered the kitchen carrying Sadie. He had a grin on his face as he strapped the infant into her high chair. “I think that tooth is really beginning to break through. It certainly feels sharper than it did just yesterday. She’s going to be ready for her first hamburger before we know it.”

Jules rolled her eyes as she placed his plate on the table before turning to fill his coffee mug. “I think we still have awhile before we have to start buying Happy Meals. Although your days of letting her chew on your finger might be coming to a close the first time she gets a really good hold on you.” She nodded toward his breakfast. “Go ahead, sit down and eat. You don’t want to run late.”

Before sitting down, Sam pulled Jules into his arms and kissed her. “Promise me you are going to take it easy.”

Jules smiled indulgently. “I promise. The most strenuous activity I have planned for today is folding the rest of the laundry we didn’t get to yesterday. And before you complain that I have no business lifting the laundry basket, don’t. The baskets are already in the living room next to the couch. I’ll fold them, leave them in the baskets, and let you carry them upstairs when you get home tonight. Although I hardly doubt a basket full of clean clothes weighs more than our daughter and I’ve been carrying her just fine.”

Sam’s smile was more sheepish than anything. “I’m pushing it, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, a little but I understand where you’re coming from so it’s okay. Sam, we’re going to be fine. Sadie and I are going to miss you as much as you miss us; we’ll, okay so I’ll, probably worry as much about you as you will us. So you’ve got to promise me to be careful out there. Do your job but do it safely. Don’t think about us so much that you let it distract you and put yourself or the rest of your team in danger.”

He kissed her again before sitting down to eat. “I promise. You going to eat?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’ll eat after I get Sadie fed. She’s eyeing your waffles with those big puppy eyes like she hasn’t eaten in years.”

Sam lingered over his food so that he finished about the same time as Jules gave Sadie the last bite from the jar of whatever concoction she’d chosen for Sadie’s breakfast. After letting Jules wipe the baby’s mouth with a damp wash cloth, he pulled Sadie from the high chair to cuddle her a moment more before leaving. He breathed in her sweet baby scent, wanting to carry that smell with him all day. He blew raspberries on her neck knowing she was as ticklish as her mother there. Sure enough Sadie squirmed in his arms and laughed out loud. He needed that sound as much as he needed her smell. Then he returned her to the high chair so he could say goodbye to Jules as well.

He kissed her tenderly and then buried his face in the crook of her neck. He breathed in her scent as well. While Sadie smelled of baby powder, Jules smelled of cucumber and melons from the body wash she used. She squirmed a little in his arms, partly because just from having him that close to her sensitive tickle spots and partly because she had a feeling he would purposefully hit her tickle spot as he had Sadie. When his lips touched her neck, she said his name with a stern warning in her voice. Instead of the raspberry, his tongue darted out licking the area sensually before placing a less than chaste kiss in the same spot. She sighed against him as he held her for several moments longer than he should. Finally he pulled away but rested his forehead on hers.

“I will be calling to check on the two of you.” The words came out sounding like both a warning and a promise.

“And I’ll be answering every time. We’ll be fine. I love you, Sam. Now get out of here before you’re late. I don’t think you want to explain to your team that you were late because you were making out with your wife.”

After a few more kisses, Sam finally left for work. Jules had a feeling his more affectionate than usual goodbye stemmed at least partly from the idea that the last time he’d left for work had been the day she’d met Greg for coffee and started this whole thing. They always made sure to leave with a warm and caring goodbye -- in their line of work, there was no guarantee of what could happen and they both knew the importance of no regrets. Still, the worry was usually for the one going to work not the one staying behind and the other day had changed that. 

She put a small handful of Cheerios on Sadie’s tray for the seven-month-old to munch on while she fixed her own Eggos. That kept the baby content while Jules ate her own breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen. Then she fixed a small bottle and carried it and Sadie to the living room. Once it was empty, she placed Sadie on her pallet to play while she started on folding the laundry. She made sure both the cordless phone and the new cell phone Spike had brought over to replace the one she lost to Doug’s gunshot were in easy reach because she knew it was only a matter of time before Sam called. 

An hour and a half later, after one phone call and two text messages from Sam, she was finished with one basket full of Sadie’s clothes, blankets, and towels. Before she started on the next basket, she decided to take a break and join Sadie on the floor for a little while. She loved playing with her daughter, never got tired of how sweet and innocent the baby was. 

So far the little voice that had tormented her when Sam had gone to the grocery store was staying silent. She wondered if it was because strange as it sounded, she felt he was safer at work. While they couldn’t foresee or protect against everything that could happen, for the most part, they did everything possible to ensure their safety. She didn’t, however, turn on the police scanner. She knew if she heard Team Three called out to a potentially dangerous hot call, she might not be able to keep that voice that threatened her peace of mind quiet. 

She’d barely gotten settled beside Sadie when the doorbell rang. Giving Sadie’s cheek a quick kiss, she called out a “be right there.” She had a feeling it would be one of the team, sent to check on her by a well-meaning Sam. She wouldn’t complain about it today; she knew it had been hard for Sam to go back to work. If roping their friends into playing babysitter helped him through the day and helped keep his mind focused on his job, then it was a small price to pay. 

She was surprised then when she opened the door to find that it wasn’t one of her teammates but a deliveryman. She frowned; she wasn’t expecting any deliveries. Her stomach did a flip-flop as she saw the rather large box on the dolly beside the man. Her breathing quickened as she remembered another “delivery man” with a similar box coming into the coffee shop just days earlier. Fortunately, this delivery man wasn’t wearing brown. 

“Mrs. Braddock?” The delivery man inquired looking at his clipboard. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. “I need you to sign here.”

Her hands were shaking as she took the electronic clipboard and signed. She almost wanted to tell him not bring it inside, not wanting to take a chance at hurting Sadie. She stepped aside though and allowed him entrance. It could be innocent and she’d feel foolish. Once the deliveryman had left, Jules carefully removed the letter that was attached to the outside of the box. She sank down to the floor as she started to read it. 

_Mrs. Braddock,_

_I know I probably shouldn’t be contacting you; my lawyer has certainly told me over and over again that it was a bad idea. Obviously I’m not listening to his advice and I’m trusting that he’s actually carrying out my instructions. If you are reading this, then I guess he did._

_I can’t apologize enough for everything I put you and your family through. I know I said it so many times while we were trapped but it really wasn’t my intention. It doesn’t make it any better and it doesn’t change anything that happened but it is the truth. My lawyer told me that you weren’t admitted to the hospital; I’m glad about that. I feel guilty enough about everything that happened as it is._

_My lawyer wants me to plead not guilty to the charges against me. He thinks I could probably avoid jail time by pleading diminished capacity or some legal term like that. Maybe he’s right but I’m not following his advice there either. He’s a good guy but I’m sure he’s probably wishing he had a different client -- one who would actually listen to him-- right about now. I am cooperating with the authorities in their case against Walter Logan; that might help me when it comes to my sentencing but it doesn’t really matter._

_I messed up. There’s no easy way to say that but it’s the truth. I was eaten up with grief and blinded by a need for revenge. Because of that, I let someone talk me into doing something I knew was wrong and I didn’t think twice about it. I didn’t know what else he had planned but I did know going in with a gun and bomb was wrong. Because of that, fourteen innocent people died. I might not have pulled the trigger but I’m just as responsible whether I meant for it to happen or not. I also made it possible for you to be hurt and for all of us to be trapped and possibly killed._

_I can’t change what happened, but I can try to at least offer to make amends. That brings me to the package that should have been delivered with this letter. It might not have seemed like I was paying attention to anything but my thirst for revenge in that coffee shop but I was. I noticed the stroller you had for the baby. It caught my attention because I bought a similar one for LeeAnn after Amberlyn was born. I don’t think it ever got the use yours looked like it had seen. I’m sure the explosion probably destroyed the stroller. Damn shame._

_The stroller I got for LeeAnn has been stored all this time in the garage. I asked my lawyer to find it, box it up, and send it to you. He didn’t like the idea. I don’t know, it’s like he thinks I’m trying to offer you a bribe or something. I don’t expect anything from you. I just want to in some way make up for what I’ve taken from you. It doesn’t seem like much but it’s the least I can do._

_As I left that safe room, for the first time in nine months, I was glad that LeeAnn and the kids weren’t there. I would hate for them to know the man I’d become. As I said, I can’t change what I did. So maybe I am hoping for something in return for giving you the stroller, I guess I’m hoping to make things up to them first and foremost, and maybe just a little to you and your daughter as well._

_From what I could tell, you are a great mother like LeeAnn was to my kids. Listening to you talk and from the brief conversation I had with him on the phone while I was holding all of you hostage, I’m thinking your husband is probably a better father than I ever was. I’m glad that my actions didn’t ruin your lives the way my life was ruined when I lost LeeAnn and the kids._

_Again, I’m sorry for every moment of fear and pain I caused you. I hope you will accept the stroller and use it. It’ll mean a lot to me knowing it is being put to good use by a loving family._

It was signed by Doug Brantley. A couple of tears slipped down Jules’s cheeks. She didn’t know what to think, not about the note or the gift. Part of her wanted to open the box immediately. She and Sadie had been no farther than their own yard since she’d been released from the emergency room. It’s the longest she’d stayed basically housebound since about six weeks after Sadie had been born. Almost daily if the weather cooperated, they would at least walk around the neighborhood, sometimes staying out for hours at a time. There was an equally big part of her that knew Doug’s lawyer had a point; the gift was probably inappropriate at best and shouldn’t be accepted, more for Doug’s sake than hers. 

The phone rang and Jules dropped the letter on top of the unopened box and moved back to the couch to answer it. She didn’t have to look at the Caller ID to know that it was Sam. 

_“Hey Sweetheart, I know, I’m probably pushing my luck on you being understanding about me calling. In my defense however, we’ve got a warrant we’ve got to serve in a few minutes and it’s probably going to take awhile. I know you want my head in the game for it so I thought I’d call now so I could concentrate on the call when it’s time.”_

Just the sound of his voice was enough to soothe her frazzled nerves. “Sam, don’t apologize. I told you I understand. Today you get a free pass on being overprotective. We’ll talk about limiting the number of calls you get tomorrow later.”

_“Jules, what’s wrong? You sound upset.”_

Damn, he knew her well. She couldn’t help but smile. “I’m fine. Really. Doug Brantley sent us a replacement stroller and a letter apologizing again for his part in everything that happened. It made me feel bad for him again.”

For a moment Sam didn’t say anything. She could practically hear the thoughts wanting to roll off his tongue. She knew he was still having trouble feeling magnanimous toward the man but after their conversation the night of the party, he really was trying to be more open. Finally she heard him sigh. “Babe, I don’t think we should accept it. Think about how it would look during his trial if it comes out that he’s buying us expensive baby stuff. The jury could see it as he was trying to buy our sympathy.”

“I know. His lawyer tried to talk him out of it. He didn’t buy us something new though. It was the stroller he’d bought for his own daughter. I don’t think he had any ulterior motive in mind. From what he said, he is planning on pleading guilty anyway. I haven’t opened it yet. We can talk about what we should do with it when you get home. I just didn’t want you worrying about me. I can’t help but feel a little sorry for him. He’s lost so much and I can’t even imagine going through what he went through.”

“I know you feel sorry for him. I also know you and Sarge had a stronger connection with him because of the time you all spent trapped together. Look, how about I do some checking after I get back from the warrant, talk to one of our union guys and ask him about any possible ramifications if we accept the stroller for Brantley or for us. Then we’ll go from there. Okay?”

Jules could almost feel his arms around her in a comforting hug. “Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks.”

“I guess I need to get off the phone. The team needs to go over the tactical plan for the warrant call. If you need me and can’t reach me, Ben’s on dispatch today.”

He’d told her that the first time he’d called but she knew he was just worried. “Yeah, well I think Sadie and I are going to take a nap here shortly and afterward I think we’re going to spend some quality time in the backyard and soak up some sun. I’ll keep both phones close though.”

“Wish I were there to help you with the sunscreen.” 

Jules grinned. The way he voiced lowered, she knew some of his team members were standing within earshot and he was trying not to be heard. He never failed to make her feel loved and desirable even when she’d been as big as a whale and unable to see her feet pregnant. “I’ll think of you when I apply it. I love you, Sam. Be careful out there.”

“I will. I love you too. Give Sadie a big kiss for me.”

Jules promised and after a moment more of goodbyes, they ended the call. She eased down onto the pallet with Sadie. She’d told Sam that she was about to put Sadie down for a nap and that really had been her intention. However, Sadie wasn’t showing no signs of being sleepy at all. Jules frowned. Now that she knew Sam was about to go out on a call, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to nap either. It was taking everything in her not to turn on the police scanner and follow the radio traffic. She handed Sadie one of her plush toys. 

“What do you think Sadie? I think a change of scenery would do us both some good, don’t you?”

She wasn’t going to open the box Doug had sent. Not until she and Sam had talked about it fully. The jogger stroller might have been her favorite but they also had a smaller umbrella stroller they used when they went places the jogger stroller would be too bulky for. She didn’t think Sam would call back until the call was over, but just in case she forwarded calls to the house phone to her cell. 

A quick walk around the neighborhood would be just the thing to make Sadie sleepy and keep her own mind off the call.

\-- FP -- FP -- FP --

  
“I’m surprised to see you.”

Sam nodded at the comment as he looked across the table to where Doug Brantley was sitting. He’d managed to put his thoughts and his emotions aside during the warrant call but as soon as the team had started back to the station, they were right back at the forefront of his mind. Tom had noticed his mood and asked him about it. When Sam told his teammate about the letter and package Jules had received, Tom had suggested that Sam pay Brantley a little visit. So instead of returning to the station right away, they‘d come here instead.

“I’m a little surprised to be here. Jules got your delivery today.”

Doug actually looked relieved. “I wasn’t sure my lawyer would actually send it. He kept telling me it was a bad idea. Maybe he’s right. For nine months I’ve held on to everything connected to my wife and children. Their clothes, their toys, but most of all I’ve held on to my memories, my anger and my hatred. It’s time it’s time I start letting go of everything but the memories.”

He seemed so sincere that Sam was starting to see why Jules felt sorry for him. The man sitting across from him was clearly a broken man. For a moment Sam looked at Doug and saw himself or how he would have been if things had turned out differently. If he’d lost Jules and Sadie in the explosion, would he have been this lost? Maybe even more so. He couldn’t imagine his life without either Jules nor Sadie, wasn’t sure how he’d lived before them. Try as he might though, he couldn’t imagine going into a public place full of innocent people with a gun and a bomb even if they had been ripped away. Any sympathy he started to feel for the man drained away. His hands closed into fists.

“Do you have any idea what you almost cost me? I didn’t want to think they were dead; I couldn’t bring myself to admit it could be possible but the fear was there. The fear is still there. I told you right before you agreed to let them go that my life wouldn’t be worth anything if I lost them. Now I know I didn’t. They are still alive and believe me I’m grateful for that. But do you know how hard it is to let them out of my sight? This is the first day I‘ve come back to work. I keep checking my phone worried that Jules or someone else is going to call and tell me something horrible has happened. It doesn‘t matter how many times I‘ve gone to work or someplace else and nothing bad happened, the fear is there. She‘s a cop; did you know that? She doesn’t back away from danger when it comes to the job. But this was supposed to be just a trip to a coffee shop to meet a friend. If I can’t trust that she’s going to be okay doing something so simple, how am I supposed to trust anything?”

He took a deep breath, trying to rein in his emotions. “I can’t so much as blink without seeing that building explode over and over again. At night when I try to sleep, my dreams turn to nightmares reliving every agonizing minute of wondering if they are alive or dead, and in my dreams, the ending isn’t always as good as it was in reality. I don’t want to let Jules or Sadie out of my sight for fear I’ll blink and find out they really are gone. I know I’ve got to get a grip and get over it. Sadie’s too young to understand but Jules does. Thankfully right now she really does understand and she’s not busting my chops for smothering her but I know it’s just a matter of time before it starts getting on her nerves.” 

He didn’t add that at night when he made love to his wife he was torn between the need to totally lose himself in the passion, to give in to the need to show he with his body exactly how much he loved and needed her until they both collapsed from exhaustion and the fear that if he wasn’t extremely gentle, if he didn’t treat her like the finest piece of china, he would only end up hurting her worse. Every time he looked at the bruises that mottled her legs and lower back, his own body physically hurt and he wanted to do anything to keep from causing her even a second of unnecessary pain. In the end, he allowed Jules to take the lead, set the pace, show him just what she needed and could handle. He didn’t mention it to Brantley because that wasn’t a conversation he was going to have with anyone. 

Doug hung his head. “I know. The night my wife and kids were killed, it’s ingrained in my mind like a bad movie on a continuous loop. The officer who showed up at my door told me they were gone and I wanted to punch him because I knew it had to be some sort of sick joke and nobody should tell such vicious lies to anyone. After the shock wore off and I realized that LeeAnn and the kids really weren’t coming home, I decided my life was over. I didn’t want to live in a world without them. I probably would have taken my life if friends and family hadn’t watched me like a hawk. Maybe it would have been better if they had let me kill myself. If I had, then those fourteen people wouldn’t have died and your wife, daughter, and co-worker wouldn’t have been in danger.”

Sam watched him carefully. Part of his job was recognizing a suicide risk and if necessary talking a potential victim down. Doug Brantley was currently showing all the signs of being a threat to himself. No matter how angry he might still be at the man, he couldn‘t allow him to travel down that path. “Do you think that’s what your wife and kids would want for you?”

Doug shook head. “No, but I don’t think they would want to see what I’ve become. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything stupid; I’ve done enough stupid things this week to last me a lifetime. Suicide would be taking the easy way out of this mess and I’m through taking the easy way. I owe it to your family and to the families of those who were killed to do everything I can to make amends. That’s why I sent the stroller. It doesn’t change anything but if it can bring one family I hurt a little happiness then it’s a start at least.”

It was getting harder and harder for Sam to hold on to his anger. He could see why Jules had compassion for the man, but it still wasn’t easy for him to be as forgiving. “Jules is planning to speak at your hearing and ask for the court’s compassion. She’d rather see you get help than just spend the next ten to twenty years sitting in a jail cell.”

“And you still want to cross that table and bust my lip or worse for endangering your family. Part of me would prefer it if you did. I don’t deserve anyone’s compassion. I agree I need the help. I should have gotten it from the start instead of allowing a need for revenge to grow. The fact that you can sit there talking to me with words rather than your fists shows you’re a better man than I am.”

Sam shook his head. “Not better. It is different. I’d like to think I wouldn’t have gone the route of revenge if they had seriously been hurt or worse but I can’t guarantee it. I at least can go home tonight and still hold Jules and Sadie. I can tell them how much I love them and need them. You can’t do that. I guess in a way I do feel sorry for you as well. Maybe I understand your reasons a little if not your actions.”

There wasn’t much that could be said after that so Sam said his goodbyes. He made his way out of the visiting area to where Tom was waiting for him. His teammate eyed him carefully. 

“You okay?”

Sam shrugged. “Is it possible to be pissed as hell, scared to death, relieved beyond measure, and still have a little compassion at the same time?”

“Yeah, I think it probably is. You gotta give it some time, Sam. It hasn’t even been a full week. Close calls like you and Jules had make you appreciate what you have even more, maybe even makes you worry a little more. Why don’t you give Jules a call and check on her. I bet she wants to hear from you as much as you want to talk to her.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. There was something in the way Tom said it that made him think the other man knew something he didn’t. Tom gave a half grin. “I called the barn while I was waiting. Ben told me Jules and Sadie dropped by the station earlier. Said she was dropping off a sandwich for you for lunch but Ben said it seemed more like she was waiting around for word on how the call was going. She left after we called in that we were patrolling for the next few hours.”

The doctor hadn’t forbidden Jules from driving but it still worried Sam that she was. He reached for his phone and hit the home number on his speed dial. It rang several times before going to voice mail. Remembering that she’d planned on spending time outside and thinking maybe she’d forgotten to take the house phone with her, he tried her cell phone as well. Again no answer. Now he was worried. She’d known he was going to check on her; she wouldn’t have forgotten both phones knowing it would scare him if he couldn’t get in touch with her. 

“No answer?” Tom asked, only sounding slightly concerned. Sam shook his head. “Then we’re still on patrol. Let’s just ‘patrol’ by your house so you can check on them. I’m sure they are fine but you’ll feel better knowing it for sure.”

Sam wasn’t sure anyone else on his team would understand the way Tom did. Maybe because Tom was the only other guy on the team who was married. He let Tom drive because he wasn’t sure he’d trust himself behind the wheel. The Patriot was in the driveway when Tom pulled in. The two men walked up to the house, trying not to look like they were about to storm the building. 

A quick look downstairs showed no sign of his family. He looked in the backyard but they weren’t there either. Leaving Tom in the living room, Sam raced up the stairs. The nursery was his first stop but it was also empty. Then he went to the master bedroom. Relief flooded through him. Both his girls were there, sprawled out on the bed. Jules had placed a protective barrier of pillows around so Sadie couldn’t crawl off the bed if she woke up first and used herself as the final barrier. 

Sadie was just waking up, slurping on her fingers. When she saw Sam leaning over her she grinned and kicked her feet. He scooped her up in his arms and cuddled her close to him in a protective hug. The baby offered him her fingers, which he kissed tenderly. Then, still holding her, he stretched out on the bed beside Jules and kissed her as well. 

At first Jules stiffened but then a slow smile filled her face as her eyes opened. “What are you doing home so early? Not that I’m complaining.”

“I called and didn’t get an answer so I thought I would just check. Sorry to wake you up. It’s not Sadie’s usual nap time, I didn’t even think about the two of you napping.”

Jules stretched. “I didn’t even hear the phone. I must have been more tired than I thought. We were later with our morning nap than usual. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay. I’m probably a little paranoid right now. Everything okay? I heard you came by the station.”

Jules flushed. “Yeah, I knew you probably weren’t back but I guess I needed to check on you as well. I tried to take Sadie for a walk just through the neighborhood and before we got down the street it just felt too weird. The last time we went walking we almost didn’t get to come home. I had to turn around and come back. Then I just felt silly for being so freaked out by a simple walk and knew if I stayed in the house I was going to just really work myself up. So I loaded Sadie in the car and we decided to pay you a visit. Even if we didn’t get to see you, it helped.”

He kissed her again. “I’m glad. I went to see Doug. I guess I can see why you feel sorry for him. I think we should keep the stroller. We talked about getting a new one anyway. You like taking those long walks with Sadie and I don’t think we should lose that. I don’t want you to lose that because of what happened.”

Jules chewed her bottom lip as she reached out to caress Sadie’s cheek and then trail her hand up and down Sam’s arm. “Yeah? You sure?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure. We’re not going to bounce back from this immediately just because we want to. But we’re going to be okay. We’ve got each other and we’re got too many friends who are going to do anything and everything to make sure of it.”

She smiled and her eyes brightened with unshed tears. “Yeah, I think you’re right. It’s going to take more than a few pieces of concrete falling on me for you to get rid of me.”

Sam glanced back at the door. He’d prefer to shed his uniform and just spend the rest of the day curled up on the bed with his family, but he knew he had to return to duty. He kissed Jules again. “How about when I get home tonight, we break out that stroller and take Sadie down to that little park for a little while before supper?”

“Sounds like a plan.”


	20. Chapter 20

She was being ridiculous. Jules recognized it about herself easily enough, even silently condemned and berated herself for it, but didn’t know how to fix it. She’d always been the one to rush in to any situation no matter how dangerous without hardly any consideration for her own safety. She’d faced down armed subjects with her own weapon holstered, stepped off solid ground into nothingness with only a safety strap to keep her from plummeting, watched timers on bombs slowly ticking down with sure confidence that her team --mostly Spike-- would defuse it before it could explode. She could face those things but couldn’t bring herself to cross the threshold of a simple coffee shop? Why was this so difficult?

The answer was right in front of her. Literally. She shifted position so she could kneel in front of the stroller to check on Sadie. The infant grinned at her and waved the plastic toy she’d been chewing on. Jules smiled back at her daughter and brushed her fingers against the baby’s soft cheek. She could justify putting herself in danger, people’s lives depended on her being able to do her job and to do it without worrying about the consequences to herself. It was harder to justify putting her daughter in any possibility of danger even if that chance of danger was so slight it might all be in her head.

It had been a solid month since the explosion that had almost cost her and Sadie their lives. A month in which she’d thought she’d recovered fully from the experience. The bruises that had practically covered her legs and lower bag had lost the worst of their sting after about a week and half. It had taken a little longer for them to run their course of color changes before most of them had faded. Now only the one on her lower back, the one she’d gotten from the piece of debris that had also bruised her kidney, remained but it too was on its last stage of healing. 

The emotional recovery had taken about as long to happen as the bruises to fade but she’d thought she’d gotten through that as well. Nightmares didn’t plague her sleep any more-- or at least not with any alarming regularity -- and she didn’t face going places with the same trepidation she’d had in the initial aftermath. Even Sam seemed to have gotten over the worst of his fears that had developed from thinking she’d died. He still would call and check on her while he was at work but it wasn’t as constant as it had been in the first week or so after the explosion. Given what had happened, Jules was proud of how well she and Sam had gotten their lives pretty much back as normal as they could. Or at least she’d thought they had.

Why couldn’t she bring herself to open the door of the Tim Horton’s and step inside? It wasn’t even like it was even the same one that had been blown up a month earlier. She didn’t know what was going to become of that property but she knew Aaron Saddler wouldn’t be in charge of any rebuilding. He was too busy having to work on his defense of the numerous crimes the prosecutor had leveled against him. He was in as much trouble or perhaps more as Doug Brantley. This particular Timmy’s wasn’t anywhere near the other one and didn’t pose any danger to her or Sadie. The only thing the two had in common was being in the same franchise. She was brought back once again to the idea that she was just being ridiculous. 

She straightened up and reached for the handle of the door. She’d go inside and meet Greg just like she’d done so many times before. She wasn’t going to let what happened stop her from enjoying her coffee mornings with her friend, especially not now that she didn’t get to see him as often as when they were on the same team. She tried to ignore the fact that her hand was shaking; she wasn’t going to be scared of a business. She wasn’t that kind of person.

Before she could change her mind, she pulled the door open and pushed the stroller inside. Greg looked up from his table and smiled at her. He stood and gave her a quick hug before leaning down to say hello to Sadie as well. Straightening up, he nodded toward the table he’d just left. “Go ahead and sit down. It’s my turn to buy.” 

Jules nodded and pushed the stroller over to the table he’d indicated. She wasted no time unfastening the straps that secured Sadie in the stroller and transferring the baby into her arms. She took several sniper breaths trying to calm herself down. _See,_ she told herself sternly, _nothing to freak out about. It’s just a coffee shop, no different from any of the other coffee shops you’ve been in a thousand times before. Get a grip on yourself._

A few minutes later, Greg returned to the table with his purchases. Seeing the box of Timbits instead of their usual at least slightly healthier breakfast sandwiches, Jules raised an eyebrow. Greg shrugged as he sat down across from her. “I thought we probably could both use the sugar rush. Maybe I should have suggested somewhere different this time.”

Jules shook her head as she took a tentative sip of her coffee. “No, double doubles are a tradition for us. I don’t want to let one incident change everything. I mean really, how many Tim Horton managers slash franchise owners could have someone wanting revenge against them? What are the odds?”

Her tone sounded confident and sure; she just wished she felt that way deep down. Greg nodded. “Yeah, I know. Didn’t stop me from standing outside the shop for a solid ten minutes working up the nerve to enter. It’s funny in a not so funny kind of way. I’ve gone back to places where I’ve been hurt before without batting an eye, but this time? I’m not sure what makes it different. I wasn’t even hurt and this isn’t even the same place.”

Jules nodded. She understood exactly what he was saying. Had this been anyone else, she might suspect he was just saying he’d had difficulty because he’d witnessed her hesitation before entering and was trying to make her feel better. But this was Greg and she knew him well enough to recognize the sincerity in his voice. “You however aren’t the same person. You had more to lose this time. So did I. I think it makes a big difference. This is the first time I’ve stepped foot in a Tim Horton’s since the explosion last month. Going through the drive thru didn’t bother me but walking through those doors, especially with Sadie with me, different story.”

It never crossed her mind to give up her love for the special brew completely. She never would have survived. Even while pregnant with Sadie, she hadn’t been able to cut coffee completely out of her diet. The hardest part of her pregnancy had been limiting herself to one double double a week instead of a daily intake. 

“How are you doing, Jules? Really doing?” Greg watched her carefully. These informal coffee meetings had been going on so long that they were both comfortable laying aside most of the pretenses they might show others and just be themselves. Two friends, not supervising officer and teammate. 

Jules broke off a small piece of a fruit flavored Timbit and offered it to Sadie. The sour lemon flavoring made her little face scrunch up but didn’t stop her from eating the piece of doughnut and reaching for more. Jules realized that Greg was watching her, waiting for him to answer in that patient “I’ll wait as long as I need to in order to get an answer” way of his. Jules sighed. “I’m okay. Really. I guess it just…I mean…it’s ridiculous.” She knew she was stumbling over her words before ending up with her earlier thought. She took a drink of her coffee and then popped a whole Timbit in her mouth.

“What’s ridiculous, Jules?” Greg probed gently.

She was grateful for the bite she had to chew and swallow followed by another drink of her coffee to wash it down before answering. When she couldn’t put off explaining any longer, she still didn’t quite meet his eyes. “It’s not like this is even the same place. I could see having trouble going there but I should be past this.”

“It might not be the same place but it’s the same activity. You and me meeting for our monthly coffee time; it doesn’t matter which Timmy’s we go to, it’s the same thing. This is the first time we’ve met for coffee since what happened. I really did think about suggesting we meet somewhere totally different this month or maybe even a totally different time cause I knew it would bring back memories, for me as well as you. It’s not ridiculous and it’s not some sign of weakness. Frankly, I’d be more surprised if you’d walked in that door like it was nothing. Don’t beat yourself up over this.”

Jules gave Sadie another bite of the lemon flavored Timbit. Again Sadie reacted to the sour taste but didn’t let it stop her from enjoying the bite. Again Jules sighed. “Yeah, well.” 

The silence between the two lingered for a moment as it was apparent Jules didn’t want to continue the current conversation. With half the Timbits and more than half of her coffee were gone, she looked back at Greg. “I haven’t really been keeping up with what’s going on with the case. The prosecutor and Doug’s defense attorney have both talked to me a couple of times but I’ve tried to keep my distance. It’s been hard on Sam. He knows I feel bad for Doug and in some ways he does too, but…”

“But his wife and child were in danger because of Doug’s actions and that’s something you just don’t get past. I understand; Marina isn’t quite as forgiving as I am.”

Jules nodded. “Sam supports me and understands that I want Doug to get help not just punishment but at the same time I don’t want to just keep bringing it up. I don’t think it’s good for either one of us.”

Greg nodded. “I haven’t kept up as much as I probably could. Ed’s kept me more up to date than anything. The last I heard, Logan has admitted that Doug had no idea what was going to happen. It looks like Doug might receive the lightest sentence possible given the charges, especially since he’s cooperating with authorities completely. He’s agreed to counseling both while in custody and once he’s out. Saddler however has been the same pompous ass he was while we were trapped. He hasn’t made any friends and from what I understand once he goes to trial and is found guilty, he’ll serve the maximum sentence and have to pay restitution. I think it is safe to say that the insurance money he gets from the destroyed coffee shop will probably not go into his bank account.”

Jules nodded. She didn’t want to feel happiness at someone else’s problems but she had a deep resentment for Saddler selfishly putting his own needs above Sadie’s. She’d be glad when the trials were over and she could fully put everything behind her. She shifted Sadie over to Greg’s lap and went for a refill of her coffee, getting a second cup for Greg as well. Once she was back to the table, she looked at him holding her daughter. He looked more relaxed with her than he had a month ago.

“So how’s Marina doing? I missed seeing her at the picnic a couple of weeks ago.” Jules opened Sadie’s diaper bag and put together a quick juice bottle for the baby. She handed it to her daughter.

Greg smiled at Sadie who playing with the bottle as much as drinking it. He’d almost skipped out on the team picnic himself. Marina had somehow managed to go through her first trimester without morning sickness but it was almost as if discovering she was pregnant had unleashed it full force. The day of the picnic had been one of the worst. So she’d opted to stay home and in bed rather than getting out in the heat and being miserable. She wouldn’t let him stay home however. “She’s doing better. The doctor was able to give her something to help with the morning sickness so that’s eased some. You should be glad you missed out on that joy with Sadie.”

Jules snorted. “Who says I missed out on it? For several months almost every night at straight up midnight I was suffering. However, I know I was blessed not to have it any worse than I actually did. Ginger ale and saltines are a pregnant woman’s best friends, just sayin’.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Apparently Marina thinks chili cheese dogs with extra onions are also her best friends. I’ve lost count of the number of times in the last week she’s sent me out for them. Last night she woke me up at one thirty in the morning craving one. Do you know how hard it is to find a place opened at that time of night that serves them? Still, I’ve always heard that when a woman craves something during pregnancy it’s because the baby needs something that’s in whatever is being craved. So out I went. Then I get back and she’s sound asleep. I think it’s going to be a long four more months.”

“I did that to Sam a few times. Except my craving for some reason was lemon sorbet. I don’t know why because I usually can’t stand it. And it couldn’t be just any lemon sorbet but it had to be freshly made from that little place near the station. And trust me when I tell you they _aren’t_ open midnight and later. I think it’s why Sadie loves anything lemon flavored now.”

Sadie grinned at her name being mentioned as she pulled the nipple of the bottle out of her mouth. She had enough of a couple of teeth showing now that the nipple made a sound when it scrapped against them. It was her newest trick and Jules had to constantly watch to make sure she wasn’t pulling the nipple loose with the activity. Jules’s heart swelled with love looking at her daughter. 

“I know the morning sickness and the cravings aren’t the fun part of pregnancy for Marina or for you. The next four months might be long but at the end of it, you’ll be holding your baby and none of the rest will matter.” Jules assured him. She knew he’d been through it all with Dean but felt like he needed the reminder. 

Greg nodded. “Yeah, somehow after everything that happened, I lost a lot of my fear about being a parent again and gained a whole new appreciation for the miracle of life.”

Jules thought about how she and Sam had changed things in the past month. She would have said without any conceit before the explosion that she and Sam were both loving and involved parents and were totally invested in their daughter. After the explosion, however, that had only increased. Neither took time for granted. Every moment they were able to spend together and with Sadie was enjoyed for all it was worth. Whether it was leisurely strolls to the park after Sam got off shift, the two of them lying on the floor beside Sadie as she played on her pallet, or long family soaks in the tub or shower, they enjoyed just being together as much as possible. She hoped that would continue even after she returned to work in a couple of months, though she knew their schedules would be harder to juggle. 

“I guess there’s always something good to come out of bad things.” Jules admitted.

Greg agreed and then added. “And being able to find the good rather than dwell on the negative is one of the best ways of putting it behind you. I’m not worried about you; not only are you strong enough to get through this but you’ve got Sam, Sadie, and the rest of us in your corner as well. It might not happen as quickly as you want but pretty soon you’ll be opening the door to this place without a second thought. We both will.”

The two finished the Timbits and their coffee while engaging in just idle conversation. When they were finished, Jules took Sadie back from Greg and secured her in the stroller. In the month since the new-to-her jogging stroller had been delivered, she probably hadn’t logged quite as many miles with it as the one that had been destroyed in the explosion but she was well on her way to making up for lost time. 

Greg walked out with her and gave her a warm hug before saying goodbye. As Jules turned toward home, she wasn’t surprised to see her Jeep Patriot parallel parked just down the street. Nor was she surprised to see Sam leaning against the hood. She smiled at him. When she’d left that morning to meet Greg for their monthly coffee date, Sam had still been sound asleep. He’d worked overtime the night before and hadn’t gotten home until after three so Jules felt he’d deserved the chance to sleep in.

As she approached him, he pulled her in for a hug and kiss. “I hope you don’t mind. I woke up lonely and thought I’d meet the two of you when you were finished.”

Jules rested her head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart beneath her ear. There was a time not so long ago that Sam showing up like this would have rubbed her the wrong way, would have made her think he didn’t trust her to take care of herself and that he was checking up on her. But that time was a month ago. Her perspective had changed. It wasn’t that Sam thought she needed protecting but that he just wanted to spend as much time with her as possible to make up for the times that it wasn’t.

“You didn’t have to wait out here. You could have come in and joined us.”

Sam shook his head. “No, I couldn’t. Coffee time is your special time with the Boss. I don’t want to intrude on that, even if the two of you wouldn’t mind. I’ve only been out here a few minutes, no big deal.”

Sadie let out a cranky wail, either protesting the fact that the stroller was not in motion or that her father hadn’t acknowledged her. Sam grinned and leaned down to release Sadie from the confines of the stroller. He picked her up and hugged her tightly, kissing her sensitive neck until she giggled. 

Pretty sure that she wasn’t going to be walking home with Sadie this time, Jules moved the now empty stroller to the back of the Patriot where she loaded it in the cargo space. Carrying the diaper bag with her, she returned to the sidewalk where Sam was standing with Sadie. “So, you’ve got the rest of the day off; any idea how you want to spend it?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I thought we could just take a drive; we haven’t done that in a while. Just drive where the car takes us and stop when we feel like it. Sadie naps just as well in the car as she does at home so it’s not like we’d be disrupting her routine terribly. What do you think?”

Jules grinned. “I think that sounds like the perfect day. You want to drive or do you want me to?”

It was a familiar and lighthearted battle they were accustomed to. They both had strong, controlling personalities that really came out when it came to who did the driving. Neither liked to surrender that control of being behind the wheel. The main time it hadn’t been a big question when they went somewhere had been during her pregnancy when her growing belly and shorter legs had made it difficult for her to fit behind the steering wheel. 

“I think we can make this fair. It was my idea so I’ll drive going and when we decide to turn around and come home, we’ll switch and you can drive back.” Sam offered. 

Jules nodded. “Sounds fair. Since you’re holding Sadie, you can wrestle her into her car seat now that she thinks she’s been freed.”

Sam gave Sadie a little bounce making her giggle again. He loved that almost anything he could do to her made her react that way. “You aren’t going to give Daddy a hard time, are you? You like going for a ride, don’t you?”

Jules snorted. “Yeah, she loves going for a ride once the car is in motion. The actual act of getting strapped in to the torture device we call a car seat, not so much. I’ll let her turn those puppy dog eyes on you this time.” 

Sam opened the back door to the Patriot from the passenger side and settled Sadie in her car seat. Almost immediately, Sadie’s lower lip poked out and she reached for Sam as if begging for him to take her back in his arms. The pouty lip never failed to tug at his heart strings but he’d gotten better at resisting her charms. He would still have a long way to go if he was to survive that face when she was old enough to know what it did to him. He gave her a quick kiss and then offered her one of her toys to appease her until the car was in motion. 

Once more outside the car, he also gave Jules a kiss. “Ready? I don’t think the toy will hold her long if the car is not in motion.”

Jules nodded and slipped into the front passenger side of the vehicle. As she fastened her seat belt Sam ran around to the driver’s side and got in. After checking that it was clear to do so, he merged back into traffic. Now that the car was in motion, Sadie forgot to be upset and happily bopped at the toys attached to her car seat. Sam reached over and took Jules’s hand in his and gave it a slight squeeze. They rode like that in companionable silence for about twenty minutes. It was about that time that Sam looked in the rearview mirror to check on Sadie who’d also gotten suspiciously quiet. He grinned.

“And she’s out like a light. I’ve never understood how she can sleep like that.”

Jules twisted in her seat so she could look at her. She fished a light blanket from the diaper bag and covered Sadie’s bare legs with it so the air conditioning of the car wouldn’t make her too cool. “I’m glad she went down so easy. I let her have part of a Timbit while we were eating and I wasn’t sure how she’d react to the sugar. I was a little worried she’d be bouncing off the walls.”

Sam glanced at her briefly before returning his attention to the road. “You gave her a Timbit? You? Aren’t you the one who fusses when I even hint about giving her a taste of ice cream or something chocolate?”

Jules frowned. “That’s different. I worry about the milk in ice cream at her age and chocolate? You have seen how addicted I am to it, right? Do you really want our daughter to discover that little obsession at her age? There’ll be time enough for that when she’s over a year, maybe even when she’s two. I at least went with a fruit flavored one.” 

Sam tried to hide his continued grin. “Right sure. That’s totally different.” Then he changed the subject. “So, I know I suggested we just drive where the road takes us but is there someplace in particular you’d like to go?”

Jules shook her head. “I kind of like the idea of just roaming for awhile.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” He lifted her hand that was encased in his and gave it a quick kiss. Again a comfortable silence filled the vehicle. Traffic was light as they got away from the downtown area. When he came up behind a semi, he changed lanes not wanting to stay behind it for long. Almost immediately he felt a slight change in Jules. It wasn’t like she’d tensed up or anything but more like he could feel the melancholy. He gave her hand another squeeze. “Hey, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours? I think you just went further away than the car can take us. We’re on this journey together, remember?”

She nodded, and then looked over at him. “Seeing that truck just made me start thinking of things. I’m sorry.”

“No apologies necessary. What kind of things? Remembering the accident?”

She shrugged slightly. She didn’t really remember much about the actual accident last Thanksgiving at all because of the concussion but it did play into things. “I guess I was thinking about the close calls I’ve had the last five years. So many times I could have died and didn’t. I almost feel like a cat with nine lives. Can’t help but wonder how many I have left.”

Sam didn’t like those turns of thought she was taking. Didn’t want to think about living a day without her. “Hopefully as many as it takes so that you are at least 120 when you finally take your last breath.”

Jules rolled her eyes at the exaggeration. “120 huh? Not sure that’s going to happen but it would be worth it so long as you are still right there with me every step of the way.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Sam promised. “Seriously, Jules, you’ve had some close calls; more than I’ve thought my heart could take a few times. But you live your life unafraid of the consequences and I think that’s one of the reasons I love you so much. I don’t want that to change.”

Jules smirked. “I’m going to remind you of that the next time you try to wrap me in bubble wrap. I’m not going to change who I am; I don’t think I could if I wanted to. Still, I don’t want Sadie to grow up without me. I know what that’s like and I want to be there for her. When she gets her first boyfriend, when she gets married, when she has her first child, all that, I want to be there to celebrate with her and enjoy it.”

Sam squeezed her hand again. “You will be. Although I’m not sure I’m comfortable thinking about her dating any time in the next three decades at least.”

Jules shook her head. “I give you maybe one and a half before it becomes a reality. Seriously though? What scares me more than something happening to me is how many times her life has been threatened already and she’s only eight months. I think back to those days after the accident when we weren’t sure if she was going to be okay and I think about what could have happened in the explosion last month and it terrifies me all over again. I don’t think I could handle losing her.”

She shuddered hard and Sam wished he could pull over so he could take her in his arms. He thought back to those hours where he’d had only his hope that they were still alive to cling to. Those hours that were still the stuff of his nightmares at times. He also thought about his parents in the weeks and months and even years that followed his sister’s death. He understood their grief a little more now even though he hadn’t actually lost Sadie. “We can’t wrap her in bubble wrap either. Trust me, I’ve tried to figure out a way. Yeah, I hate that she’s had near misses as much as I hate that you have but I know we do everything possible to protect and keep her safe. In the end, that’s got to be enough.”

Jules sighed. “It’s funny; you and I read all those baby books while I was pregnant. I knew what to expect when I went into labor, when she had colic, and when she started teething. I think I know what to expect when she starts pulling up and walking, when she’s ready to potty train, and all that. I don’t remember reading anything that prepared me for all the fears that go with motherhood.”

“That’s probably because none of those writers had solutions to offer.” Sam suggested. After another moment of silence, he continued. “I gotta tell you, Jules, when I didn’t know if the two of you were okay, I can’t imagine any worse feeling. Well, yeah I can; if I’d found out that either of you hadn’t survived, that probably would have been worse. As it was, I felt like my entire world, my every reason for living, had been ripped away. It wasn’t until I had Sadie in my arms again and could at least touch you and kiss you that I felt like I could live again.”

Now it was Jules who squeezed his hand. It was sometimes easy for her to forget that he’d had his own hell to live through while she’d been buried in that rubble. Knowing how hard it had been on him was the main reason she hadn’t protested his need to check on her and Sadie a thousand times a day in the immediate aftermath of the explosion. “What about now? How’s your world looking?”

For a moment Sam didn’t answer and she could tell he was thinking through his answer. Finally he glanced over at her. “Right now? I’d say my world is pretty…” he glanced in the rearview mirror again to make sure Sadie was still asleep and then lowered his voice so there was no way it would carry to the back seat. “…damn near perfect.”

A warmth that had nothing to do with the sun streaming through the car’s windows washed over her at his words. She knew she was fortunate. Not only because she’d survived several near misses over the past few years but because of the life she’d been given. She’d never really dreamed that she would ever be this happy to be both a wife and mother; had almost given up the idea that it was even possible for her. But there she was, with a husband she loved with every breath in her body and a daughter who was such a wonderful blend of the two of them. Perfection couldn’t be any better than what she had.

Now she raised their joined hands so that the back of his was against her cheek. Suddenly the nightmare of a month ago didn’t seem to matter as much. Not as long as they were together. She closed her eyes, savoring the moment. When she opened them again, her eyes were bright with unshed tears of happiness. 

“I couldn’t agree more.”

The End   



End file.
